Mushroom Kingdom Smackdown

Shmaluigi

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GO READ THE NEW ISSUE AND LOOK AT ALL THE STUFF IT'S REALLY GOOD AND WE PUT A LOT OF EFFORT INTO IT

What? You want to vote for Smackdown?

Well, sure, I guess I can let you do that.

Input for Issue 184 is now open until July 2nd! We've done Wario and Yoshi as themes before, so I think it's about time we did a Donkey Kong theme! Let's keep the summer vibes going. All characters from the Donkey Kong franchise are eligible.

Votes will come later, I don't have the energy to come up with anything right now lol
 

Shmaluigi

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Hey I'm doing this the day after the issue instead of a week later, what a novel concept! Here's your voting options this month.

H-h-here we go!
  • Funky Kong - NEW FUNKY MODE! If any of the Kongs scream summer, it's this dude with his funky attitude and bodacious surfing skills. He may not be riding the waves, but there's a good chance someone's getting smacked in the head with that surfboard. If you'd like to see Funky Kong in the next match, react with Wow (😮).
  • Kreepy Krow - Not quite as cool as a ghost pirate shark, but a ghost pirate crow will do just fine. With a flock of ghostly Mini-Neckies at his disposal, he's one tough cookie. Yarr! If you'd like to see Kreepy Krow in the next match, react with Thinking (🤔).
  • Toy Monster - It's a fighter that might make you think we're crossing over with To Infinity and Beyond this month but I assure you this monstrosity is a Donkey Kong original. This massive amalgamation of playthings will more than likely be toying with its opponent. If you'd like to see Toy Monster in the next match, react with Angry (😠).
 

Hooded Pitohui

The Bird with Batrachotoxin!
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Hooded Pitohui
*A letter falls from the sky, dropped off by a passing mail carrier.*


Dear Greasy Drawer,

How's it been? You book another one of those fighters yet? Hah! Who're kidding? You don't need any new talent now that you've got that Delfinian Yoshi!

Me? With my cut from last month, I've taken a cruise down south. Juicy Jungle. Yeah, the kiddos love it. I'm not turning my pockets inside out to buy them popsicl ● es... No sirree... Le ● tting every hard-earne ● d penny... slip out ● ● of my fingers... for some ● ungrateful little- ● ● ● ●

Oh, woah now, where am I going with this? Listen, Waluigi Time, my cracked bowl, ignore the holes I just put in this paper. Even on vacation, your pal Pitoki is looking out for you! Don't reach for that shredder! 'Ey, have I ever failed to deliver? I didn't think so.

I met a guy down here looking for a paying gig. They call him Charlie. There should be a picture somewhere in the envelope, unless those lousy Parakoops lost it. When're they wise up and hire Lakitus instead?

Viking_Art5_-_Donkey_Kong_Country_Tropical_Freeze.png

Yeah, that's right. Charlie. Even has a ring name. Chum Chucker. Chum Chucker Charlie. This guy's big. I hear he can take three tackles from a big gorilla before he goes down. All that blubber on him? He's a sure-thing defensive powerhouse if anyone tries to come right at him! I don't know about you, Waluigi Time, kingmaker, but those tusks look pretty sca-aaaary to me. And those fish! He throws those things! Between you and me, I think I can see why he's not moving product. These fish don't keep well in the heat. You can smell him from a mile away. But, hey, that just means they'll be better at keeping his opponent away? When I'm right, I'm right, and you know I'm right!

And this stays between us, capisce? But Charlie here's had it rough. The whole juicing factory here shut down. It's bad. It's real bad. Something something politics, Snowmad empire collapse, I wasn't really paying attention, but Charlie's been out of work for a year now. They've got pigs making pops now! Can you believe it? Pigs! Charlie's stuck with a load of fish he can't move, the ol' husband moved on to greener pastures, and the chum chucking just isn't the chum-chumerrie chum-making time it used to be.

Now, you might not know how much you mean to the little guys, on account of you being a big shot and all, but you're a life-changing pal, my sweet grubbery mascot maker. You picked your pal Pitoki off the ground when the agency sent me packing with the pink sheet. I was on the verge of being out on the streets, and now I'm living the life on a cruise down south. There's one man who can give Charlie a second chance, and it's you. I gave him your address. Expect a letter soon from him.

Oh, and, Waluigi Time, pal, buddy, my floating flake, don't write back. The postage from here is ridiculous. A second letter to you? Do I look made of money?

Your favorite booking agent,

Honio Pitoki

 

Flygon64

Flygon "I'll figure this out later" 64
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Flygon64
Hoo ha! Time to play "People Swanky can Beat"

Could I beat up Toy Monster?
A.Yes.
B.Yes.
C.Yes.
D.Yes.
Correct!
Could I kick that Krow's derrière?
A.Yes.
B.Yes.
C.Yes.
D.Yes.
Yep!
Can I totally mop the floor with that stupid Funky Kong?
A. Bring.
B. It.
C. On.
D. Dweeb.
Uh-huh uh-huh.


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Sup kids, I'm Swanky Kong. People love to play my games, you know it's true! I even like to play'em too! You could call me a connoisseur of all sorts of entertainment.
That's why I'm joining the wrestling scene!
Now I ain't a fighter but you better know I'm better than the best of the best.
I got five rings and I'm looking to get another baby!
 

Yoshi the SSM

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So, you want a Donkey Kong character? No. I can see it. You want a Donkey Kong character that is from an amusement park. Behold. I bring you King Zing.

He is the boss of Krazy Kremland, but this place is also called Kremland Amusement Park. Perfect for Team Amusement Parks.

In terms of abilities, he can fly so it will be hard to beat him if you can't fly. He can also shoot of stingers. If you want more about him, be sure to check out King Zing.

By the way, I have an idea for beaches as well, but since I am not supporting Team Beaches, I will just give you this just in case. I mean, the area where it is from is called Beach. I am talking about Squiddicus. That is all I will say. But I am more supportive for an Amusement Part for Team Amusement Parks.
 

Brawl Stars

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Magolor04726
Donkey Kong, eh? Alright, it's rather obligatory that I nominate Colonel Plu- What? What do you mean I already did that? Well, who cares! I'm doing it agai-
Oh. He's still in the hospital after Robot Monster Troopa absolutely obliterated him.

Oooooookay, in keeping with the summer vibe, I will be nominating the Scurvy Crew, also known as the Pinchin' Pirates!

Now I know what you're thinking. "Mags, aren't you a little bit biased towards this game?" And the answer would be YES, absolutely. Although if you aren't thinking that, you might be wondering, "They're crabs. What can they do?" Well, I'm glad you asked!
You see, most of their crustacean comrades would crack under the pressure of facing off against simians as strong as the Kongs. But not these guys. They're clearly sturdier than their counterparts. Plus, when things get tough, they join forces and become an unstoppable tower of terror! Additionally, they each have their own natural defenses, namely hooks and forks and swords galore (Wait, those aren't exactly natural, are they?). And if all that doesn't convince you, let's not forget that these guys are pirates. That instantly adds two things to their arsenal: fierce fighting skills and a ship. A massive pirate ship! Imagine the destruction, even if it was only used for some sort of battle entrance!
Pinchin' Pirates art.jpg


And I'm going to drop a second nomination. This guy:
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I mean, come on. It's Donkey Kong themed. You gotta have SOME sort of DK Crew rep! I don't think I need to go over his kit, so I'll just point you to five Super Smash Bros. games, the Donkey Kong series, and Punch Out!!.

And one last quick nominee, Mole Miner Max and the Mole Miners on the Mole Train. I've already gone over what makes them interesting, so do what you will with that.

Whether or not any of these get in, I'm looking forward to this next bout!
 

Shmaluigi

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Ha! Is that the best you can come up with? You're really scraping the bottom of the barrel for nominations here! Why, I could take on all of those whippersnappers by myself with one hand tied behind my back and still come out on top!

You know, back in my day, we had REAL fighters, none of this nonsense you all came up with! King Zing? Chum Chucker Charlie? SWANKY KONG? HA! And what's with all those votes for that obnoxious Funky Kong? You kids think that just because someone shows up in a game with fancy graphics they'd make for an entertaining fight! Where's the love for cement tub? Now that's a foe that'll give you a hard time! Tripped up that old Mario many times, it did! Heh heh!


Okay Cranky, thank you for that commentary, uh, generously provided without even being asked. Anyway, if you haven't stopped reading yet, input on Issue 184 is officially closed! Be sure to read the issue to find out who got in.
 
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