Saying a LOT of Things as Cranky Kong - now accepting scripts


Me and my pencil

"You see, kids, back in my day, on the good ol' NES with 8-bit hardware, there was this guy. Goes by Jumpman. I'm tellin' ya, he was perhaps the wiliest piece of- what the?
(Suddenly, DK interrupts by breaking Cranky's back)
Why, you whippersnapper! (grumbles) Eat this!

(explosion into)

In a coconut shell, post some words below and I might read them in a Cranky Kong imitation for YouTube (I'll be making this post into an announcement video so a sample of the imitation can be heard). You can have me say virtually anything as Cranky. Want to rewrite dialogue for the intro? Go ahead! Want him to review Waluigi Time cereal? Sure thing! Want him to recite a meme? Just say the word. (And there's no limit to the amount of suggestions you can make!)
One brief note, I will be picking and choosing posts, so not every one of them will make it into the video. Additionally, you're more than welcome to include whatever you want in the post, but I'll be swapping any swear words that pop up for something cleaner (that's not the kinda stuff I'll be putting on my channel lol).
So post away, whippersnappers!
"Oh, so now I have to talk a lot into a micro-whatsit? I expect PLENTY of banana coins for this, sonny!"
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"We can't bust Kremlings like we used to. But we have our ways. One trick is to tell stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I caught the ferry to Isle Delfino. I needed a new heel for my shoe. So I decided to go to Dolphin Island, which is what they called Isle Delfino in those days. So I tied an banana to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry it cost 5 coins, and in those days, coins had pictures of Zingers on 'em. "Gimme five Zings for a Gnawty," you'd say. Now where were we... oh yeah. The important thing was that I had a banana on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have any yellow bananas, because of the Great Ape War. The only thing you could get was those big green ones…"
"So, Donkey Kong… You come to your wise and powerful grandfather for some much needed advice, eh? Put down that banana, sonny! I'll give you some advice you'll never forget. Listen good, grandson! I'm not saying it more than once, no matter how much ya beg!

Donkey Kong, as big and strong as you are, you lack intelligence. You couldn't tell a coconut tree from a hole in the ground. Here's my advice: go to the Kongo Jungle library and pick up Cranky Kong's Bananas for the Soul! It was written by yours truly and may include some useful knowledge for you, grandson. Once you read my book, I want a ten page book report due Monday before nighttime! Understand? Now, go! I gotta take a nap!"
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Already got some good comments!