Dear Waluigi Time

Dear Waluigi Time,
Sometimes I don't have the time to always answer people's questions with the nuance and thought that I believe they deserve, and I end up with an enormous pile of questions that will never be answered. What do you like to do to cope with occasions when you get too many questions piling up?
-An Ask Thread procrastinator
 
Ahoy, Waluigi Time!

Last year, I was sailin' the seas when a storm rolled in an' caused me ta get hurled o'er the side o' me ship, after which I was eaten alive by a Cheep Chomp an' woke up in The Overthere. What can I do ta prevent such a thing from 'appenin' again?

- ClawgripFan9001
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

It's these two kids, mon! I was summoned to their house one day to claim the soul of their pet, but they wouldn't give it up! So, we had a little game of limbo, in which I am the undefeated champion, but they won and now I'm their friend for all eternity! They use me for their own advantages and refuse to let me leave! Do you have any ideas for a powerful being such as I to pass the time without goin' insane?

-The Grim Reaper 💀
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

A man down an alley sold me a copy of A Link to the Past last weekend. He assured it was perfectly normal, so of course I believed him, but since putting it in and playing it my life has become increasingly weirder, almost like I'm in a creepypasta. Yesterday, Link gained hyper realistics eyes that started bleeding, and then proceeded to climb out of the TV. Since then, he's just kind of been wandering around my house, stating oddly mundane things like "Gee, it sure is boring around here" and "I wonder what's for dinner?". Last night I found that he watched me while I sleep, he stayed in the same position all night and nothing had changed once I woke (I honestly just wish he had disappeared while I was asleep). I'm seeking advice on what I should do with him now. Should I leave him alone until he's gone? Try to befriend him? Or do you think he's some kind of demon that I need to remove?

Sincerely, a creepypasta protagonist.
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

How do I get my girlfriend to like Halloween? She's totally scared of everything relating to it. I gave her several costume ideas so we can go trick or treating, but she doesn't want to do it. What's a costume she would like that isn't scary?

Yours truly, Zerris.
 
dear waluigi time,
once every year, i get visited by creatures of the night, who are asking for their yearly sustenance. however, upon closer inspection, i realise they are actually LYING CHILDREN and have to drive them away before they steal my candy. how do i stop this from happening?
-a troubled homeowner
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

My boyfriend always puts super spicy things on everything we eat. Just last night, we were eating some microwave burritos, and he put something called "Lavalava Volcano Sauce" on it. I don't have the heart to tell him it weirds me out, what's a good way to tell my boyfriend that his hot sauce habit is odd?

-Cayde
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

Let's say that, hypothetically, I needed to distract the New Wikisburg City Council for an entire Saturday evening for reasons that may or may not be related to an massive, elaborate celebration that would violate multiple city ordinances. How might I go about distracting the council's members and keep them from noticing an unmissable party?
 
Hey there, Waluigi Time. It's me, your mean, lean, and green rival, Nitros Oxide! I've been meaning to ask you something for a few months now, and with an issue so special, I couldn't pass up the opportunity. I'm working at a Car Wash with N. Trance, Zem, and Zam, and I'm making lots of new friends, but it feels like my title of Fastest Racer in the Galaxy is becoming an artifact. It says absolutely nothing about me as an alien, and I think I should abandon it somewhere down the line.

The question is though, Should I get a new title, or will I be fine without one? A lot of people outside Mushroom City and Earth don't really know my identity beyond the one who tried turning the planet into a parking lot, and I don't want to be remembered for doing that anymore! Working for the Car Wash and saving the world is a good start, but I know I can do better. So your assistance will be greatly appreciated, Waluigi Time.

- Flying into your heart at lightning-fast speed ~☆, N. Oxide.
 
Hello Waluigi Time, long time Bubble Dragon, first time asker!
I was wondering if you could tell me where Toadette is, I heard something about her slime form abilities being upgraded and I was wondering what that actually meant. Thanks!
- Bubblun
 
Dear Waluigi Time™,

Recently, a Wubba somehow invaded my house and I am now taking care of it, but recently, he's been looking sick, what should I do about it.

Sincerely, a Wubba enthusiast
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

Recently, I have been studying the strange effects of Wonder Flowers on various everyday objects. Upon testing on a mushroom, it suddenly duplicated hundreds of times and each new head became a Goomba. Now my lab is overrun with Goombas, and my varying pipes that used to give test subjects spew Goombas every few seconds. What should I do, as I have a few power-ups on hand?

Sincerely,
A Wonderologist

P.S., My Venus Flytraps have become Piranha Plants, too. They're threatening to eat my dog. He and I are currently hiding in the bedroom connected to the lab for overnighters. We are scared as the Goombas are combining and trying to break down the doors. Where's a Wonder Seed when you need it?
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

It's me, WARIO! I eat garlic for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, because it makes me STRONG. However, everybody says it just makes me STINK! Is there anything I could eat to make me smell better, while still keeping my handsome, muscular form?

Yours truly, WARIO
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

do you, by any chance, know how alternate dimensions work? Or maybe just have a way to GET ME OUT OF HERE

THE MUSHROOMS CAN WALK AND TALK AND I ALMOST GOT EATEN BY A GIANT VENUS FLYTRAP AAAH

from a random Canadian girl stuck in a strange world
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

Your rent is due. Pay up or you will be forced out of your home and brought to Booster's guest room.

Hurry along now,
The Landlord Snifster#3

[P.S., it stinks of B.O. in there, so I suggest paying the rent of $1000 Wah Bucks]
 
Chuckles17 said:
Dear Waluigi Time

run.
Click to expand...
Unfortunately, I'm just going to have to reject this one outright because there's not really anything interesting I can do with it.

As a general reminder to anyone interested in submitting, this section is meant to be an advice column. The best way to ensure that your submission eventually gets featured is to, well, ask for advice! Submissions that are more questions of fact or not questions at all may end up being rejected if I can't think of a good way to spin it that fits within the scope.
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

Do you have any advice on how me and my boyfriend can find the perfect cat? We've been thinking of adopting one or two from our local shelter, so your advice would be really helpful to us!

-Cayde
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

After 7 years, I finally woke up. I still feel quite tired, so can you think of some ways to increase my energy?

Sincerely, Siivagunner
 
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Ahoy there, Waluigi Time!

I be goin' on an adventure soon, an' I be plannin' on bringin' a weapon with me. What weapons do ye recommend ta a pirate like me?

- ClawgripFan9001
 
Dear Waluigi Time,

I'm the principal of a prestigious private school. We serve your food products for every meal! It has had a great effect on our students that I'm more than satisfied with. Big big big fan, super duper high school level fan. Anyway, like, I totally need your help. Recently our students have been hanging out, lounging, and discussing topics in their free time at school. They've recently grown very optimistic worldviews despite the dreadful scenario "we're" currently facing. This is quite bad you see, it's distracting them from their current "assignment". What I need is a motive for them to participate in the "assignment" but I just can't think of one.

Hypothetically, say you're trapped in a place and you have to "get rid of" someone and get away with it to get out. The place you're in is fine, it has everything you need to live, but you're completely cut off from the outside world. You're trapped with like I dunno, 14 other people, you think you don't know them, they're all a bunch of annoying eccentric weirdos that are in the same scenario as you. What do you think would really compel someone to "eliminate" someone even if it meant doing what they think is a "horrible" thing?

Just some crazy hypothetical puhuhu.

- Very sincerely, Jin Kirigiri, is that how you spell that guy's name?
 
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