Control a Mario

Sir Pentious

I have a problem
Pronouns
He/him
MarioWiki
InsaneBlathers
Congratulations! You are the proud owner of a new MicroMario™!
These automated dolls can listen to and carry out any command! Unfortunately, there was a programming malfunction and they are all faulty.
First, explain how the command the person above you gave failed, starting with "Mario tried, but...".
Next, give your Mario a command, starting with "Mario attempts to..."
They can even interact with other MicroMushroom™ brand toys, such as MicroLuigi™ and MicroToad™!

Here's my command:
Mario attempts to kill a goomba.
 
Mario tried, but his speed was changed to 1 millimeter per hour and he could not make it in time to buy the game.

Mario attempts to run faster than Sonic the Hedgehog.
Mario tried, but the devs discovered he was using speed hacks.

Luigi attempts to play Blackjack at the Devil's Casino.
 
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