But anyway, after all this tedious work, we finally get to face off against Mimi!
...
Psych! Ha ha ha, you thought the bullshit was over, didn't you? Well, if you did, you weren't paying attention, because when did this chapter ever get straight to the point?
We obviously didn't have the obligatory "who is the fake" stand-off that ensues every time a doppelgänger is out and about.
You know, I don't particular care for either of you two shitheads. I could just cut down both of you and solve the problem that way.
Also, remember how Mimi said she wasn't going to fool around anymore, and that she's going straight for just killing us this time? In light of that, you have to wonder what the hell the point of this shit is.
She's an invincible spider right now. Why bother with this?
The answer is that the writers cooked up another "hilarious" dialogue, and we're going to watch and like it, dangnabbit!
"Faker? I think YOU'RE the fake piece of furniture around here! You're comparing yourself to me? Ha! You're not even good enough to be m""I'll make you eat those words!"
Here we have more of the game's quality writing. I am glad that the developers decided lines like these should be part of my day today. It makes me feel so respected.
Here's the thing: Scenes like these can work. Having two character bicker at each other like an old couple is usually annoying, but you can pull it off if the characters doing the bickering are funny and/or interesting, and the writing is good.
Neither of those things are given here, so the scene just comes of as... cringe-worthy.
I mean, I really don't give a toot about Merlee, and Mimi has done her utmost to make me despise her, so subjecting me to more dialogue between these two is just cruel.
Anyway, suddenly this is a game show.
We're kind of occupying a public bathroom by having this event, which strikes me as somewhat unnecessary and inhumane. I just hope nobody's going to be in desperate need of the facilities while this is going on.
In any case: The goal of this game is to find out who is the real Merlee by asking questions.
That "disastrous results" line is my cue.
Remember how, in
Paper Mario, Peach did that quiz where she won the Sneaky Parasol? If you did well in that quiz, you got a Jammin' Jelly as a reward.
Remember how, in
The Thousand-Year Door, if you screwed up the two Thwomp quizzes, you'd be punished by having to fight an optional battle?
Do you know what you get if you pick the correct Merlee here?
Absolutely nothing!
Do you know what happens if you pick the wrong one?
Absolutely fucking nothing!
This entire show
HAS NO PURPOSE WHATSOEVER!
You can find a list of all questions and the answers the contestants give
here. I'm not going to put up with this crap anymore, so my first and only question is:
Can I skip all these fucking questions?
"Are you sure? I mean, don't you need to--"
No, I got this.
"Well... ok."
The suspense is killing me.
...well, the lack of it.
Anyway, fuck the questions. The way you really identify Merlee is by watching which one is circled by a fly.
Because you see, the real Merlee smells like shit... and she's been inside a toilet for a while too.
Anyway, I've made my choice.
"Are you sure it's--"
Yes, I am confident it is the correct one!
Ah, rats! I thought I had it!
Thinking that I am "fate's tool" is the reason why I don't take too kindly to you and your Ancients ilk, so yes: You are a fool!
Now piss off, I'm gonna bust me a brick!
Next time, stay in your spider form so I don't have to sit through your transformation animation twice!