Mario versus FanFiction (lotsa images warning)

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Yes, but a whole bunch of deadly traps are! Care to explain that?

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No, see here! You seem to be pretty nonchalant about that whole trap thing! I'd really like an explanation, but the game assumes I'm an idiot, so it won't let me actually confront you about this obvious attempt on my life.

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Check again, you say? In the room that was clearly designed to kill me?

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Well gosh, that sounds like a super great idea to me, derr her her!

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Oh no! The trap that was previously here and tried to kill me after I hit this button is still here and it's trying to kill me again after I hit the button!

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Luckily though, whoever designed this trap was just as stupid as the script that lead us here. So by flipping to 3D, it turns out this contraption is entirely half-assed. Literally.

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So, we jump on top of it and use it as a clunky elevator.

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Fun fact: in 3D space, parts of these brown platforms are further in the back, while other parts are closer to the front.

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Meanwhile, the spike trap elevator only covers the front half of the room.

This means, if you flip to 3D and the game decides to put you in the back of the room, and too far away from any platforms, you risk falling all the way down to the bottom again. When that happens, you have to press the button again, wait for the spike trap to descend, and then slowly ride it back up again.

Again, the player's time is a resource spent with wild abandon by whoever came up with this chapter. It's ok though. Those idiots are gonna keep playing anyway, right?

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Time to unchain this thing.

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"Gnaw had enough of brick lady's dumbass scheme!"

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"Gnaw eat brick lady now!"

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"OM NOM NOM!!!"

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Suddenly he's a "savage thing", huh? You called him good earlier. Make up your mind, Tippi.

And on that note: The player knows why he went after Mimi. The game itself made no effort to hide her identity. Why is this suddenly presented as a mystery? She's the villain, you already told us.

Stop assuming we are idiots already! Most players are capable of using their brains, game, so give us a chance to actually do it!

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You're pretty wiry, Tippi. You don't look like there's much meat to you. I wouldn't eat you, and I love eating things.

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Just like there wasn't much to this level. We went into a house, half-heartedly searched a couple rooms, and set a dog free.

Nothing really happened, and nothing was accomplished.



I'm sorry for being even more bitter and spiteful than usual, but this chapter is particularly infuriating to me. Up next is what's arguably the worst level in the game, and I am not sure how exactly to cover it yet. I'll have to think of something.
 
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Welcome to the infamous chapter 2-3 of Super Paper Mario. Center piece of this level is this vase situated on a ?-Block.

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Examining it reveals that it's a cheap piece of shit. It goes without saying that hitting the block will break the vase, so you'd have to be some kind of idiot to fall for this setup, right?

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But as we have already established multiple times, this game fully believes you ARE an idiot, and thus breaking the vase is your only option. You cannot make any progress without breaking it. There is no end of level block. You HAVE to break it so the game can play out whatever shitty scenario it has cooked up for you to endure.

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Why are you still here?

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I really couldn't give less of a shit. Let's, for a moment, ignore that I already know you are the villain because this plotline flows like something written by a monkey repeatedly sitting down on a typewriter. You are a maid. A servant. Someone in your position does not have the authority to address guests of the house in this manner. If you want me to believe your disguise, you have to act your part accordingly.

This is impersonation 101, and you're botching it. Go back to shapeshifter school and come back when you've learned to not utterly fail at the ONE job that you have!

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May I see the receipt? Because my magical all-knowing butterfly just told me it's a cheap piece of shit. If I went out of my way to acquire this information, I should have the option of calling you out on your obvious bullshit.

Also, Rubees? What, are we ripping off Zelda now?

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Yeah, I don't cut grass while wearing a skirt.

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Everyone uses coins in this game. Including vendors in completely different dimensions. Honestly, if there's one currency that qualifies as universal in this twisted realm of poorly thought-out nonsense, it's fucking coins.

Why can you not tell her this??

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I am Super Fucking Mario. Do you know what I do to bricks like you? I smash them!

Under reasonable circumstances I would not have to put up with this garbage. If I couldn't outright break her in half for trying to kill me earlier, I could just walk away and ignore her. What's she gonna do about it? She can't do anything to me without breaking her shoddy cover story.

But no. You have to play along. The game doesn't see you as a player, it sees you as a gerbil in a wheel. When they want you to run, you run. Keep that mentality in mind.

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And there we have the framework for this chapter: You working off a debt. There are honestly so many parts about this that just don't make any sense. From Mimi using a seemingly made-up currency to trap you in a contract, to her disguise being shit, to me knowing it is a disguise because the game told me, to Tippi not using the information available to her when I need her to, to me agreeing to all of this for no apparent reason other than "the plot wouldn't work otherwise"...

Nothing about this setup is fun. You know the villain, you know everything that is wrong, and you cannot do anything about it anyway. It all just leaves you frustrated because you're powerless against the game's bullshit.
 
Uh don't worry about being bitter, you being more bitter is when this thing is at its most hilarious.
 
On a side note, Gnips look cuter in the Super Mario-Kun

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Seriously, most of the Super Mario-Kun Super Paper Mario character designs look so much better than the official ones.
 
Annnnd I forgot another thing. I think in the Super Mario-Kun, they skipped the part where Mimi was supposed to be a maid and went straight for the disguise as Merlee. So in the Super Mario-Kun, they actually played the disguise card correctly, at least in Mario's POV (readers knew she tied Merlee up because it happens meanwhile)