Mario versus FanFiction (lotsa images warning)

Lin Beifong

Iron Chief
Chat Administrator
Core 'Shroom Staff
Retired Wiki Staff
This is gonna be a disaster.

Since Mario is our main character and silent protagonist of this playthrough, most of it will be narrated from his perspective, the sole exception being the first entry, which is from Peach's. The text outside the screencaps illustrates his internal monologues, mumblings under his breath, and snide comments at other characters. This extends to scenes where he is not actually present... somehow. It's best not to think about it.

I am characterizing Mario as a video game veteran, and thus his comments will occasionally be meta and discuss game tropes and such. He is also easily irritable and does not take kindly to being annoyed on purpose or having his time wasted.

Mario's narration will be plain text, with no quotation marks

"Princess Peach talks in pink"

"Bowser talks in orange"

"Luigi talks in green"

"Quotation marks and plain text means any other character is talking"



MvsFF_0_1_01.png


Right-on. This means you'll have to read this thread sideways too, so rotate your monitors, folks.

MvsFF_0_1_04.png


"It was mysterious mainly because nobody could read the dang stories. How do you read a book that's just a bunch of lines? Nobody knows."

MvsFF_0_1_05.png


"But when they got their hands on the book, they found you could see through it because it was empty. People couldn't tell if that was because their futures were empty, or they just got ripped off."

MvsFF_0_1_06.png


MvsFF_0_1_07.png


Ohhhh... so it's one of Hermaeus Mora's books then? That's neat, I could use a few more perks.

MvsFF_0_1_08.png


Because that always works so well in video games.

800px-MvsFF_0_1_09.png


Evil book --> Love? Makes sense.

MvsFF_0_1_11.png


Oh my god, I didn't know they meant "love" that literally. Abort mission! Abort!

MvsFF_0_1_12.png


Oh wait, false alarm. I'm just the Princess and I was practicing the alphabet. Vowels always give me trouble.

MvsFF_0_1_14.png


Eyelids... so heavy.

MvsFF_0_1_15.png


Eh? Who is this dumbass here?

MvsFF_0_1_16.png


And why is THIS dumbass here???

MvsFF_0_1_17.png


And why am I wearing a wedding dress????? Did you fucks seriously change my clothes while I was unconscious?!? Are you for real?!? And here I thought TEC wanting me to take my clothes off every five seconds was creepy.

MvsFF_0_1_18.png


What is even going on here? I heard of in medias res, but this is kind of a bit TOO weird to dump on someone all at once.

MvsFF_0_1_19.png


"You're not wearing any pants, dude!"

MvsFF_0_1_20.png


"I know, and it's AWESOME!"

MvsFF_0_1_21.png


"Like, you literally do because you're the king, but also we're celebrating for you!"

MvsFF_0_1_23.png


Ok, dope. Preparations for what, though?

MvsFF_0_1_24.png


Is that the title of this story? "Then It Shall Be Begun", by Count Bleck? I thought it was called Super Paper Mario, but maybe I missed a memo.

MvsFF_0_1_25.png


MvsFF_0_1_26.png


Wait, back up.

MvsFF_0_1_27.png


No really, hold on for a sec'.

MvsFF_0_1_28.png


MvsFF_0_1_29.png


Ok, I think I've had enough of this nonsense!

MvsFF_0_1_30.png


MvsFF_0_1_31.png


Oh my god, he's a shipper! Now it all makes sense, I got sucked into someone's weird fanfic.

MvsFF_0_1_32.png


"Because that's my OTP, you silly Princess!"

MvsFF_0_1_33.png


I smell a sitcom. I guess Toadsworth can be the cranky old man who lives in our basement.

MvsFF_0_1_34.png


"Oh no she didn't!"

KABOOM!

MvsFF_0_1_35.png


MvsFF_0_1_36.png


"Also, I'm not sure you have any right to insult someone elses fashion sense, Ms. Pastel-Pink."

MvsFF_0_1_37.png


MvsFF_0_1_38.png


Must... resist... being... shipped...

MvsFF_0_1_39.png


Super-hypnosis? What, was the regular kind too vanilla for you?

MvsFF_0_1_40.png


There are those pesky vowels again.

MvsFF_0_1_41.png


I think I resisted a bit too hard there. Those words came out red.

MvsFF_0_1_42.png


MvsFF_0_1_43.png


"Ahem, excuse me!"

MvsFF_0_1_44.png


"I have you know that the bond of matrimony is a legally binding contract. And by law it is dictated that, by making someone agree to the terms of a contract by force, the agreement is not binding, and said contract becomes null and void!

So really, your plan is stupid, this wedding is invalid, and you wasted everyone's time, including your own."

MvsFF_0_1_45.png


MvsFF_0_1_46.png


MvsFF_0_1_47.png


MvsFF_0_1_48.png


MvsFF_0_1_49.png
 
MvsFF_0_2_01.png


MvsFF_0_2_02.png


MvsFF_0_2_03.png


Meanwhile, in another sitcom.

MvsFF_0_2_04.png


"By the way Mario, why do we keep our toothbrushes in the living room?"

It's because we have no bathroom, Luigi.

"Oh..."

MvsFF_0_2_05.png


And here I thought this peace is what all true plumbers strive for.

MvsFF_0_2_06.png


KERBLOOEY!

"Oh damn, I should have kept my mouth shut!"

MvsFF_0_2_07.png


We never know if it's always the same guy or a different one each time. We just call all of them "Toad" cause we can't keep the buggers apart.

MvsFF_0_2_08.png


Did you inhale your own spores again?

MvsFF_0_2_09.png


The sad thing is that this is the third time this week, and it's only Tuesday.

MvsFF_0_2_10.png


They call Luigi the more articulate of us two. Sometimes I wonder why.

MvsFF_0_2_11.png


MvsFF_0_2_12.png


MvsFF_0_2_13.png


MvsFF_0_2_14.png


MvsFF_0_2_15.png


Omitted from the game: The trek through the eight different worlds to get to Bowser's castle.

MvsFF_0_2_16.png


MvsFF_0_2_17.png


"...

Welp, time to loot the place!"
 
Chiaki Nanami said:
I like the part where Mario slaps Luigi because that totally happens in the game.
I like the part where a Toad says "ass" in what's presumably a church-like place so that the wedding can seem more valid.
Dr. Alphys said:
"It's because we have no bathroom, Luigi."
I was reading in vaguely Martinet-esque voices until this line, which I heard as Vinny's Captain Lou/Walker Boone impression and that just made it so much more hilarious. Also it's funny when you think about what this says about their skill as plumbers.

Lastly, I'm not sure how relevant or welcome this comment is (and I'm sorry if it fits neither criteria), but I recall Walkazo's userpage saying this was one of her four favorite Mario games.
 
MvsFF_0_3_01.png


Meanwhile, back in Kansas.

MvsFF_0_3_02.png


"Yes, especially the Goombas over there!"

MvsFF_0_3_03.png


"...Again!"

MvsFF_0_3_04.png


"...Maybe!"

MvsFF_0_3_05.png


"...But probably not!"

By the way, have you noticed Bowser likes saying awesome a lot? Like, not counting the part where I put words in his mouth, he's said it three times by now, and this is still just the intro.

MvsFF_0_3_06.png


"Don't mind me and my shaggy eyebrows though. This is thoughtful neglect."

MvsFF_0_3_07.png


Wait, Bowser remembered Luigi's name. Huh. Weird.

MvsFF_0_3_08.png


Oh, same way as usual. Went through some jumping challenges, hospitalized your kids, you know.

"Wait, they aren't my kids anymore."

Oh... Wow... And here I thought I was the cruel one.

MvsFF_0_3_09.png


Yeah, didn't even have to take Star Road for the back door this time.

MvsFF_0_3_10.png


Little does he know he left it open himself when he went to go get milk.

MvsFF_0_3_11.png


Uhm... Luigi?

MvsFF_0_3_12.png


Yeah, now I KNOW this is fanfiction! Luigi is not that bold or brave.

Did you write this, Luigi?

MvsFF_0_3_13.png


"Actually, since you're already here, we can just hurry this up and skip to the part where you beat my sorry ass like you pretty much always do. Come to think of it, let me bend over so it won't take that lo--"

MvsFF_0_3_14.png


Ah goddamnit, there goes all hope of this being a one-evening-done-deal!

MvsFF_0_3_15.png


"Blorghphbbbllll!!! It's on my face!!! Get it off! Get it off!!!"

MvsFF_0_3_16.png


Uhm... Gesundheit?

Also, I guess Luigi fell asleep. Probably practicing for his role in Dream Team.

MvsFF_0_3_17.png


Wait, by who?

MvsFF_0_3_18.png


Yeah, pretty much.

Don't worry, Bowser. I think this is just some fruitcake who likes to write himself into stories as the ultimate villain or something.

MvsFF_0_3_19.png


I like how everyone's looking at this guy like "Ughh... *sigh*".

MvsFF_0_3_20.png


Writing your name in red's not gonna make it sound any more intimidating, pal.

MvsFF_0_3_21.png


Look out guys, he's also the chosen one.

MvsFF_0_3_22.png


Ok, you love saying your own name. I think we get it.

MvsFF_0_3_23.png


See, even Bowser's already sick of this guy's shit.

If BOWSER catches on to your shenanigans, you KNOW you're not subtle.

MvsFF_0_3_24.png


"Like, Wheel of Fortune starts in half an hour and we usually watch that together! We like to guess the words and I always beat her because she messes up the vowels!"

"I do nut!"

"Shush, dear."

MvsFF_0_3_25.png


"The prophecies that I am the chosen one of, and also I have all the powers of Superman and I piss lightning."

MvsFF_0_3_26.png


Stop talking in fanfic titles, man!

MvsFF_0_3_27.png


"Count Bleck will not stop! Die, hater!"

MvsFF_0_3_28.png


Blorghphbbbllll!!! It's on my face!!! Get it off! Get it off!!!

MvsFF_0_3_29.png


This is the part where the crappy self-insert villain beats the main character effortlessly and without any struggle whatsoever. Seems legit.

MvsFF_0_3_30.png


Not so sure about who deserves it, honestly.

MvsFF_0_3_31.png


I swear, if I wasn't passed out on the floor...

MvsFF_0_3_32.png


Wait, what? You can't do that! That's against the rules! Hey! Heyyy!!!!

MvsFF_0_3_33.png


"Go Go Gadget Vacuum Cape!"

MvsFF_0_3_34.png


"This suuuuuuucks!"

MvsFF_0_3_35.png


"No, really, it does!"

MvsFF_0_3_36.png


"Burp!"

MvsFF_0_3_37.png


MvsFF_0_3_38.png


Dude, word of advice: You really shouldn't base your whole existence around something written in some dusty tome. Live your own life, y'know? Make friends, have some fun, play nice. Be a good guy.

MvsFF_0_3_39.png


And so Mario's day ends like it usually does: Passed out, totally wasted, face-down on the floor in someone elses house.
 
can confirm, i live, like, right next to a lava pool and a castle. the residents sometimes shoot cannonballs out of it so thankfully they haven't aimed at us yet.

also, good thread
 
Dr. Alphys said:
MvsFF_0_3_39.png


And so Mario's day ends like it usually does: Passed out, totally wasted, face-down on the floor in someone elses house.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPxJAx7ysVA
 
Well-Balanced Breakfast said:
can confirm, i live, like, right next to a lava pool and a castle. the residents sometimes shoot cannonballs out of it so thankfully they haven't aimed at us yet.
Do you bribe them or something to prevent them from firing cannonballs at you? I feel like this is important in understanding the Deeper Lore™ of this Fan Fiction.
 
Chiaki Nanami said:
Well-Balanced Breakfast said:
can confirm, i live, like, right next to a lava pool and a castle. the residents sometimes shoot cannonballs out of it so thankfully they haven't aimed at us yet.
Do you bribe them or something to prevent them from firing cannonballs at you? I feel like this is important in understanding the Deeper Lore™ of this Fan Fiction.
i make sure the dog doesn't shit in their yard. not like that's a very hard thing to do since it's mostly just lava and the dog is smart enough to know that lava = hurt.
 
Chiaki Nanami said:
Deeper Lore™

You have no idea just how deep this lore really is, man. You'd need to go like, two pits of 100 trials deep just to be anywhere near deep enough to how deep this lore is.

LN1 said:
This makes up for no train wreck continuation.

Very sorry about that. Shortly after the break I got hospitalized and a bunch of shit happened, so I guess I forgot about it.

I tried to start it back up some time last year, but it's been unreasonably troublesome just getting and editing the screenshots, so I just kind of gave up.
 
Dr. Alphys said:
LN1 said:
This makes up for no train wreck continuation.

Very sorry about that. Shortly after the break I got hospitalized and a bunch of shit happened, so I guess I forgot about it.

I tried to start it back up some time last year, but it's been unreasonably troublesome just getting and editing the screenshots, so I just kind of gave up.
Damn, that sucks. Sorry.
 
SiFi said:
I was reading in vaguely Martinet-esque voices until this line, which I heard as Vinny's Captain Lou/Walker Boone impression and that just made it so much more hilarious.

okay cool so i wasn't the only one
 
Back