- Thread starter
- #126
Back in Blipside.
Uhm, yeah, actually... How about no?
Instead of doing this awful and lame thing, let's head back into chapter 1 and check if we missed anything! Yaaay!
"But..."
No Tippi, we're doing what I said! Merlon can eat my...yyyy...iiiii'm not going to finish that sentence.
Geez! Capture their SOUL? That's a bit morbid. Like, this item exists to rip away the immortal aspect of one's self, forever deny them the chance to move on to the afterlife, and ban them into a trading card where they will be alone and unable to communicate for all eternity.
Like, they could have just said "This item creates an imprint of whoever you throw it at" or something, but no. They went with "It rips the soul out of people" instead.
I'm still supposed to be the hero, right?
Speaking of horrible soul containers, there's one wayyy up there. Can't reach it, though. Tippi, do you think you could fly up there and get it for me?
"I could, but I'm not going to."
What? Why not???
"Because, Mario, I really don't think you're appreciating me enough, so I'm not just going to do everything you want me to do."
Ugh...
Well, since this item exists and I have it, it was probably predetermined that I would find it, and it's most likely also part of the prophecy that I eventually use it. So I might as well eat that Koopa Troopa's soul over there.
Isn't it great how predestination absolves you of any responsibility for your actions? On the other hand it also devalues all the good things you're doing, since you were supposed to do them anyway, so nobody really thanks YOU for it. What a fun concept.
Mario casts SOUL TRAP!
Uh oh! Looks like my conjuration/mysticism skill isn't high enough. Guess I'll have to train to become a better sorcerer before I can go and enslave the souls of my hapless fellow mortals.
But before I do that, I found this burly leaf. Remember kids: Eating spinach is good for your muscles.
...Wait, I thought we ditched that Popeye thing.
That's good, because spinach is kinda gross.
Eughh... Speaking of gross...
Gross!
All this talk of gross vegetables made me crave some bacon, so I'm attacking this pig.
W-what the...???
Wh-what was that???
Wh-who... Who's there???
I suddenly remembered I was going to practice sorcery, so to distract myself from the pants-crappingly terrifying... WHATEVER just happened, I decided to ice these fools here.
This area strikes me as a good grinding spot for early levels. Just bring a bunch of attack items and unleash them on these guys.
Yeah, just doing this once made me reach the next level.
Since I am in the middle of practicing black magic, I might as well summon an undead attack minion.
Well, it's staying behind me. That means it's smarter than the other zombie mushroom I encountered, because it knows it's not a good idea to stand in front of Super Mario when you're a mushroom.
Also, when it senses an enemy, it lunges forward and... Oh my... Oh holy... that's just really... Wow, good thing slinkies don't have blood, or this would have been pretty gruesome...
Uhm... Yeah, never doing that again.
I got a complaint earlier for not tattling all the enemies I came across. Well, I'm only really commenting on the things I find interesting or funny, but oh well, here you go I guess.
Also, how am I getting feedback on my performance anyway? Is... is someone watching this? Hello? Am I in some sort of perverted Truman show?
Yeah, I never got why they don't come up when you're touching the pipe. Like, maybe they feel you transmitting your body heat into the pipe and they like that? Who knows.
Well, if you want warmth, I got some for you. Fire Burst, bitch!
Next up we have this guy. Looks like he can fly. Good for him.
Why would I want to remove his wings? The guy's not really doing anything to me. Why not just let him have fun?
The way you seem to enjoy saying these things is slightly unsettling, Tippi.
Ah, yes. The Tromp is set in its path and does not care who it rolls over to get to where it wants to be.
By the way, this slope ends in a bottomless pit. So really, this area is just a giant metaphor. If you just walk all over everyone in your life like a douchebag and have no consideration for anything but yourself, eventually, you're going to take the fall for it, and no one will be left to give a shit.
You know that because you saw me do it. That's cheating, Tippi.
Oh. Luigi... I wonder how he's doing?
Yeah, it is kind of worrying. Thanks for caring thou--
HA HA HA! That's so funny! You prick!
You know what? Maybe that kid was right. Maybe I WILL come back here once my journey is over. To burn this entire place to the ground, and salt the earth where it stood!
Also, I am now powerful enough to hurt Clefts. I wonder what that explosion nonsense was about then. Don't really need it.
You know, with all these filled soul cards lying here and there, I wonder if there's some sort of crazed warlock running around ripping souls out of people's bodys. Maybe I should be fighting that guy instead of some asshole in a cape.
These things are still the devil, by the way.
"Hello Mario, this is god. Thank you for eradicating that hellspawn. Here, have a level up!"
Thanks, ma'am.
Yeah, I could have guessed that, really.
"Makes you feel so much better by comparison, doesn't it?"
...goddamnit, Tippi.
