why do you hate geometric shapes so much
what did geometry do to you to deserve this much ire
what did geometry do to you to deserve this much ire
Mario versus FanFiction (lotsa images warning)
- Thread starter Lin Beifong
- Start date
- Thread starter
- #52
All right! We are officially done with the prologue! That means this project has officially lasted longer than my last LP! Wow!
I hope you're all ready for some Actual Gameplay!
Super Mario has arrived! Ready your briefs and panties-a, bitches!
Yeah, right. I wonder if one of these days whatever magical door I'm using at the time is just gonna drop me right next to the macguffin, and my helper character will gasp in shock like "ASSDHFDGFKDGGD IT'S RIGHT THERE, WHAT THE FUNGUS???"
Actually, he didn't tell us to do that. We went right past him, remember?
"Oh, right. Sorry, I must have imagined that then."
Hmm... that seems like a fun thing to have, actually.
TELL ME ALL YOU KNOW AND LOVE ABOUT SUPER MARIO!
No! That is not what I want! Tell me about Super Mario!
"Do I really have to?"
Yes, dingbat!
"Super Mario is the hero of the Light Prognosticus. He is a really self-centered and vain little creature and enduring his little episodes can get really taxing really fast."
>:I
GREAT HOGGLEDY BOGGLEDY!!! What manner of horrifying new creature is THAT???
Ah, that's good to know.
Tippi, you can't say that!!! That's really insensitive, geez!
Why did I get stuck with a judgmental butterfly?
It's ok, little Goomba friend! Mario will destroy you like he destroys every enemy. Ain't nobody gonna say Super Mario discriminates!
I say, something about that ? Block seems familiar...
Sonuva... Come on guys, there's charming call-backs, and then there's just whacking someone in the teeth with a nostalgia sledgehammer. Next you tell me you put a Mushroom into one of thos--
Why am I not surprised?
Well, at least this means I will have a health item to fall back on if I take damage late--
Wow, I instantly consumed the mushroom on touch...
My addiction has gotten a lot worse since the last game.
Luckily, the nostalgia wank does not permeate the entire area. It's not just a giant remake of 1-1, this inaccessible door thing is new.
This piggy thing is also new. Tippi, please tell me what its beef is.
...well, pork I guess.
Luckily, Tippy is cutting back on the casual racism this time.
Let's check what's down this Pip-- AAAAARGHBL!!! WHAT IS GOING ON??? MY BODY!!! MY--- OH MY GOD!!!
MY ENTIRE BEING IS RIPPED ASUNDER!!! THIS AGONY, UNFATHOMABLE, LIMITLESS AGONY!!!
I AM BEING FRACTURED INTO MY MOST BASIC OF COMPONENTS!!! THE PAIN IS INDESCRIBABLE, AND THERE IS A PIECE OF MY FOOT IN MY FACE!!!
Blorghphbbbllll!!! It's on my face!!! Get it off! Get it off!!! AND THEN GET IT BACK ON MY BODY IN THE CORRECT PLACE AAAAA!!!
Well, that sure was something just now. Let's hope this treasure was worth it.
Oh... great.
Real talk for a sec' though: These are pretty much your normal mushrooms for the game. They can't just be actual mushrooms because they decided to make the proper mushrooms auto-use on contact.
Right, let's get out of here already.
GOD FRAKKING WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS AAAA--
Ok, out again, and it looks like some complete douchebag has built their house in the middle of my platforming level.
I'm gonna give them a piece of my mind!
- Thread starter
- #53
Chiaki Nanami said:
Well, as he explained, Mario got shipwrecked on Shape World for several months. He had nothing to eat but equilateral triangles the entire time, so the whole experience has given him somewhat of an aversion to geometry.
- Thread starter
- #55
Whoever's in here, get your stinkin' house offa the roa--
Oh. Crap. No one's home.
Yeah, me. Don't even think about feeling me up. I haven't forgotten that you used to hang out with Merlon.
Well, that's convenient.
I feel like I should have something to say about this, but it's literally just an arbitrarily hidden door.
I guess they put it here to make it seem like Tippi is doing things.
So who's this clown then?
I'm not sure you should insult anyone's facial hair, pal.
Yours looks like a can of whipped cream exploded in your face, and then someone pixellated it.
Seriously, screw this guy.
"Pungent sewer odor..."
Yes, I'm from your ancestor's shitty fanfic alright.
...Ok, I admit that was a pretty decent setup for a joke. Well played, game.
Well, begrudgingly...
"Well, actually he didn't, it's just my headcanon that he did, so let's pretend it's what happened."
Oh my god, no! I do NOT want to know about Merlon's full body anything OR your hairy magnificience for that matter!
On that note, I find it rather worrying how I can't see what your hands are doing under that cloud/foam/whatever.
Well, that's at least something.
Screw this guy.
Yeah, Tippi's got the right idea. What is it with modern Nintendo games and putting obstinate, unlikable NPCs in your way that you just have to put up with?
...I don't like those ellipses in front of "expenditures".
...............
Actually, good point. And for that matter: Why should the hero bother to suffer through hours and hours of tedious macguffin hunting to save a bunch of ingrates who are nothing but unpleasant, rude, and insulting, and will do nothing to ever compensate him for his troubles?
I hear you, Mr. Bestovius. Loud and clear.
And you know, while we are on that tangent: You do not need to teach me your flip ability.
In fact, let ME teach YOU my own flip ability!
Have fun dying in the ensuing void apocalypse, you hairy piece of crap!
Super Mario out!
And thus I learned this incredible new ability.
About time, really.
So essentially, do what I have been doing naturally in the first two games, except packaged as an ability this time.
A is for apple.
Why does everyone I know have such problems with vowels?
Huh. That's... mildly disconcerting.
Ok, let's see what all the fuzz is about really.
So, press A to switch to the proper Paper Mario control scheme.
To be frank with you: This ability is pretty stupid. Not only were you able to walk around in three dimensions in the previous games BY DEFAULT, the only character who can use this ability is Mario. So once we get more playable characters to switch to, if you ever want to switch to 3D mode, you will have to switch back to Mario.
In a game where flipping between 2D and 3D is pretty damn integral to the gameplay, that is a pretty idiotic design choice. Like, imagine if in TTYD, you could only jump if you had Goombella out. Why do this? Just give everyone the ability to flip and then have Mario have a separate special ability instead.
Oh, and the part about taking damage if you stay in 3D space for too long?
That was not a joke. That really happens.
Remember when you were playing PM or TTYD and you were constantly taking damage because you were moving in 3D space? Yeah, me neither.
Please excuse me while I curl up and cry myself to sleep.
DragonFreak
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly!
Wow you managed to sum up half the reasons why I don't like the game in one post!
- Thread starter
- #59
A'ight, let's put our new nonsensical ability to the test.
There's some coins behind these grassy stairs, and I can see some ? Blocks in the distance.
So I run up to them and... great, I can't actually get them yet because my dumbass 3D gauge is about to run out.
Ughhhh... Flip.
Another annoying feature of this flipping mechanic is that the gauge does not instantly refill after you flip back to 2D. You have to wait for it to slowly recharge, which, in this case here, means I have to stand around doing nothing.
Some riveting gameplay, huh?
So then I hit the middle block and this pops out. Actually, you can't see what popped out because the items rotate instead of facing the camera like normal sprites would, and I keep getting unlucky with the screenshots.
Just imagine that a pile of decapitated Mario heads came out of that block. You know, nothing too much out of the ordinary.
These are Pal Pills. They are like an army of mini-mes that stand around me in a circle, which is pretty nifty.
You know, there's exactly eight, so I could theoretically send seven of these off to find the remaining macguffins, and then lie down and have the remaining one feed me honey shrooms.
Turns out that turning out of 2D and into 3D is also how you reach that inaccessible door, which I guess now is just a regular door.
Yeah, none of this really makes any sense from a mathematical OR logical standpoint.
We have a new old enemy.
Oh boy, like back in the old platforming days. Don't mind if I do!
...except my Pal Pills instantly destroyed the shell before I could kick it anywhere.
You know, you can't give people this power-up and then forget to factor it in when you're trying to introduce shell-kicking.
That's just neglectful design. Mario is sad now.
I found a trading card behind a pipe, but it wasn't even holographic.
WAITING FOR THE METER TO RECHARGE IS SO FUN!
Oh yeah, remember when I gave the game credit for not ripping off the entirety of 1-1? Nevermind, actually!
Remember how in the original Paper Mario, chapter 1 had a theme that sort of evoked the feel of a usual SMB level, with grassy plains and a fortress at the end, and it did all of that without copying any level layouts?
This is not that.
Will this flower finally give me the power to burn everything and everyone that pisses me off to the ground? I might even backtrack to Bestovius if it does, that mustache looked mighty flammable.
No, it just makes a bunch of coins fall from the sky.
I am slightly disappointed, but will give this a pass because Mario is all about the shiny stuff.
Welp, end of the line. Looks like there's a giant pit in the way.
...except a quick flip reveals that the hills in the background are forming a nice floor butt for us to walk on.
It would seem that a Goomba has somehow become trapped in 3D space. As we will soon find out, people cannot comprehend 3D space and going there freaks them out.
...Yes, Mario is clairvoyant and knows that in advance. It's one of the perks of being super.
This is a mercy kill. Rest in peace, little mushroom buddy.
This... what was their name again? Oinkleboink? Piggyjig? Porkadork? Whatever, it looks kinda purple. Maybe it's not feeling well?
Oh, it's one of those "It's a recolor, that means it's stronger" kind of deals. Gotcha.
This is a precarious situation! Maybe we could flip to 3D and sneak AROUND it. You know, strategy!
Except the camera isn't really feeling up to it, it seems.
Great view.
Fuck strategy.
And another one of those free-standing doors.
- Thread starter
- #60
Onwards, to more adventure!
I found a Slinkydink, but Tippi insists on calling it something lame to piss me off.
She's trying really hard to be the dom in whatever relationship it is we're having. But there is no dom when dealing with Super Mario. He is the dommest there is.
(Note to self: Remember to strike the last sentence. I realized it actually sounds like "the dumbest there is")
This is not how you use a slinky properly, but I am kind of in a hurry here.
This sign tells me about how to use springs.
But you don't even need the spring because flipping reveals the hill in the way doesn't actually exist properly.
Great way to show me how useful springs are.
This Piggyjig is walking on top of some blocks. I know exactly what to do.
Booyah, motherfungus!
So here we have exactly the same situation as before, except no spring this time because the game is probably ashamed of how useless the last one turned out to be.
Flipping reveals... A whole horde of pig things. Mario's feeling very mass-murderous all of a sudden.
Bwahahaha!!!
The game rewards me for my poor impulse control with a level up.
A-ha! Another Koopa, and this time I have no Pal Pills with me. I believe what comes next is clear.
Boing!
And off with ya! Go and KILL!!
Yes!
Right in the dinkle!
Wait! WAIT! I DIDN'T THINK THIS THROUGH!!!
Goddamn Koopas.
Painful internal bruising aside, if I recall correctly, the flagpole is at the end of these stairs.
...THIS IS NOT THE FLAGPOLE!
Speaking of other Marios who could take on this quest in Paper's place, Scottish Mario would make an excellent rival for O'Chunks.
THIS SUMMER, ONE NIGHT ONLY, WHATEVER MOVIE TRAILER-TYPE STUFF THEY SAY FOR THESE KINDS OF FIGHTS, THE GRUDGE MATCH OF THE CENTURY, GET CHUNKED OR GET FUCHED
THIS SUMMER, ONE NIGHT ONLY, WHATEVER MOVIE TRAILER-TYPE STUFF THEY SAY FOR THESE KINDS OF FIGHTS, THE GRUDGE MATCH OF THE CENTURY, GET CHUNKED OR GET FUCHED
ITT: Edo has no idea what projections are and what topology is.Dr. Alphys said:
Turns out that turning out of 2D and into 3D is also how you reach that inaccessible door, which I guess now is just a regular door.
Yeah, none of this really makes any sense from a mathematical OR logical standpoint.
- Thread starter
- #63
Onwards, to mor-- I already used that line last part.
Looks like there's a bunch of Piranha Plants coming up.
WHAT!?! NO! BULLSHIT! PIRANHA PLANTS DON'T DO THAT!
You can't pretend to be Super Mario Bros. for the whole level by ripping off the entire layout of 1-1 and then suddenly change the rules like that. Piranha Plants have a very specific way they work, you can't emulate just part of that, you have to bring the whole package. Do it right, or do something else entirely.
Like, I nitpick a lot, but that legitimately pissed me off when it happened.
There better be something sweet in that block that makes up for all that grief.
Oh?
Here we gooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOO!!!
If Super Paper Mario does one thing right: It knows how to give someone a Star. This is pretty much genuinely awesome.
It's-a me!
The omega!
The juggernaut walks among you! Where he goes, death follows! Throw yourselves on the ground and pray, all you who stand in his path, for your end has come! You will not survive this day!
And again my bloodlust is rewarded. It seems that every time I go on a murderous rampage, I am given a level up.
Game Theory claims I am a sociopath, but can you really blame me for the deaths I cause if this is how our world works?
Welp, guess my star power had to run out eventually.
Coming down from star power is always a very unpleasant experience. You tend to have hallucinations of yourself flying every which way and dying.
This guy is the sole survivor of my star-fueled killing spree. Lucky, guess you'll get to live on, huh?
Yeah, right. Super Mario, bitch.
This is the end of the level. It's not a flagpole, but I guess a star in a box is acceptable too.
...doesn't quite feel that nice to grab though.
Also, this is a blatant lie. This isn't the end of chapter 1. It's merely the end of 1-1. I guess "End of Section" didn't sound catchy enough.
Anyway, see y'all in 1-2.
- Thread starter
- #64
Chiaki Nanami said:
I know enough about it to know I don't need a magical ability to walk a couple steps to the side if a very thin object is currently blocking my path.
If your universe is R2 then you do need something to enter R3.Dr. Alphys said:
- Thread starter
- #66
The Paper Mario universe has always been R³ to begin with though, so nop, not really.
2257 said:
makes more sense than the time travel in pit
2257 said:
well at least other games arent that blatantly illogical (for example chrono trigger at least kind of makes sense in its mechanics)
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This thread is golden. :fancy: The Smartass Toad, Mario slapping Luigi, Mario flipping off the beard guy thing, the Merlumina fanfiction thing, and Mario's head on top of Sailor Moon are some of the best parts, heh. Also, some of these "jokes", oh man, they're around Super Show! levels of bad. "Soap" instead of "hope"? Really?
Is there even anything up that hill? Much less something useful? Otherwise, why bother showing a spring and including a sign next to it if you can just skip the thing?Dr. Alphys said:
This sign tells me about how to use springs.
But you don't even need the spring because flipping reveals the hill in the way doesn't actually exist properly.
Great way to show me how useful springs are.
If they weren't pandering so hard to nostalgia rather than being consistent in Paper Mario, they'd make the Shroom Shake (which appeared only in Soup Paypal Mayro) be the instant consumable and have the Mushroom be the item you keep.Dr. Alphys said:
- Thread starter
- #71
Sounds footastic tbh.
Here's an idea, Tippi. Why don't you use your previously established teleport rectangle powers to put us closer to the damn thing?
"Oh, uhm... uh... well... my batteries are... low?"
That's no problem, we can backtrack right now to the place in Flipside, where they recharge those.
"No! No... it's... the will of the Force that we proceed!"
Roger that! One flip, coming up!
Well that was a waste of time.
Didn't really do much for the environmental design either.
I kinda dig the pattern on these pillars. It's kind of weird for stone to have an elaborate pattern like that, but there's stranger things in nature, so eh.
Actually, I really shouldn't question it. There's nonsensical math equasions in the sky.
Good to see that nothing is making any spacial sense still, though.
What's this dealio then? So far the game has taught me that rectangles = good, so in I go.
Whoa, nelly!!!
What just...
Ok, I'm here now.
I feel like that thing broke like a million of Mushroom Kingdom safety regulations. I'll have to come back later and get this whole place shut down.
For those of you who don't know, Mushroom Kingdom safety regulations is pretty much: "If it doesn't involve jumping, it's probably not safe".
This blatant disrespect of my home customs has made me so angry, I need something to vent my frustration.
This switch seems like a suitable receptacle for my pent-up aggression.
You know, I'm starting to believe the creators of this game have signed some sort of advertising deal with etch-a-sketch.
That would also explain the overabundance of straight lines, sharp edges, and rectangles.
Climbing some more again, but it involves jumping, so I am content.
More of these things. Whoever runs this place is gonna have lawsuits up the ass once I get back home.
Well, at least they're safe enough to not slice me in half for being partially outside the rectangle, so I give them that.
Another door?
Hello, door!
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Perfect Super Mario Sunshine reference.
But... what is that transparent thing? It looks like a poorly drawn... thing.
But... what is that transparent thing? It looks like a poorly drawn... thing.
- Thread starter
- #73
What transparent thing?
- Thread starter
- #74
We continue our leisurely stroll through the mountai--
Well, that didn't last long.
Ok, this was fun. I hope you will all join Mario on his next adventure through some other game.
- Thread starter
- #75
No, but seriously...
You just flip and it reveals some ? Blocks you can stand on.
You know, those blocks have always been cubes even in the previous Paper Marios, so you should really be able to see them from all sides.
Let's just pretend their sides are painted to look like the background. That's funnier.
But oh no! It would appear we have become trapped in a situation, dear me.
Looks like we're gonna be turned into mashed potatoes!
Except you can just flip, which literally flips off the level design and lets you bypass everything.
We reach another door. This one doesn't look very safe. Looks like I'm just gonna fall into the void behind it once I step through it.
But luckily, more of the level writes itself into existence as we move on.
Looks like there's another house. But the person who lives here at least had the sense to build it into the background instead of in my way.
It looks like we will have to go deal with Red before we can move on. Hopefully my Tippi will be able to overcome his nasty Pikachu.
In the distance I can see some sort of town.
Well, more like an ugly rectangular expanse with houses painted on the sides, but you've just sorta come to expect that kind of thing by now.
Time to mangle ourselves again by going through this Warp Pipe.
You know, by doing this and moving to the background layer, I have transposed myself on the Z-axis. Good thing the game didn't notice though, so I got away without taking damage.
Inside the house, we find a stream of sweatdrops being continuously generated above the bed. I heard of bedwetting, but this is ridiculous.
But by flipping we find out it is just a very handsome fella trapped in 3D space.
I immediately get in his face and measure who has the bigger mustache. 's just something I do.
Yes. I can also feel your facial hair brush me as you speak.
Ok, this here makes no sense. This guy has been trapped in 3D space for SEVERAL DAYS. How are you not dead? When I enter 3D space I can't go 30 seconds without the hand of god whacking me in the face and draining my HP. You should have been a skeleton after your first hour.
I think this is also something that should be addressed: These worlds are not 2D and I am using a magical ability to turn them 3D. They are ALWAYS 3D, and people can move in 3D by doing things as casual as getting out of bed differently. So things like climbable ledges having no material presence in 3D space and just being painted onto the background does. not. make. sense.
Nothing makes sense.
Also, why can nobody hear you when you're standing sideways?
Maybe people just really dislike this guy and were actively ignoring him.
To be honest, the thought of a hairy, middle-aged man spontaneously popping into existence right in front of you is kind of disconcerting.
You're oddly chipper about that whole thing.
I see where this is going. You just want an excuse to touch the Mario, you sly devil you. Well, I'm just gonna go ahead and allow it this time, because I like your fashion sense.
Mario saves the day by doing nothing particularly noteworthy.