Glowsquid post statements from wikis that amuses him

[Glowsquid]

That looks like Uncyclopedia but even more unfunny.

 

[Magikrazy]

http://turtlepedia.wikia.com/wiki/Raphael_(1987_TV_series)

I'm sorry, but since when is "cool but rude" an occupation?

 

[Lumastar]

I don't know if this is worthy for the thread, but hey there's some really weird shit on this site.

This is the current featured article.

I might try to do this now as well. I'll start off pretty mild.

Spoiler: For that surprisingly decent new SpongeBob episode.

http://spongebob.wikia.com/wiki/Tutor_Sauce

The episode begins with a perfectly normal day at the Krusty Krab. The customers however are praising the Krabby Patties which makes Mr. Krabs think they payed extra but they didn't. Mr. Krabs finds tears in a Patty, Patties without buns and Patties with only buns and no meat inside. Mr. Krabs asks why with Squidward saying that SpongeBob failed his boating exam and that's why he is crying. Mr. Krabs goes to the kitchen to check. SpongeBob tells everything that happened so Mr. Krabs offers to give him lessons for more money and shorter time. Apparently he taught Pearl how to drive to make SpongeBob comfortable.

To start with the first attempt they get in a boat outside the Krusty Krab but SpongeBob reverses instead of going forwards causing them to crash. Mr. Krabs says it's a simple mistake.

Attempt 2 in which Mr. Krabs takes SpongeBob to a massive parking lot to practise on but SpongeBob reverses again and crashes into the doors of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs tells SpongeBob to drive foward slowly but ends up pulling the whole Krusty Krab wall off. Mr. Krab checks the damage and totals up the cost in a upset manner. Mr. Krabs thinks for a moment then get's an idea.


Attempt 3 where Mr. Krabs thinks that if SpongeBob is by his house he will be more comfortable. His vocabulary even puts him to sleep only for SpongeBob to be woken up. Even SpongeBob can't even drive to Patrick's house without crashing into the rock. Mr. Krabs ends up flying into the Krusty Krab.

Attempt 4 and this time Mr. Krabs will give a signal but as soon as he says the words "Put her into gear" he crashes into the Krusty Krab yet again.

Attempt 5 and Mr. Krabs is already exhausted but before they start SpongeBob gives in which gives Mr. Krabs an idea. In order to get the hang of it they practise on a simulator arcade machine. SpongeBob thinks he has mastered it but yet again he manages to somehow destroy the Krusty Krab (This time it's the roof in which he falls in).

Attempt 6 and SpongeBob manages to crash into the Krusty Krab sign knocking it over.

Attempt 7 and it starts off smoothly but yet SpongeBob slides up some kind of metal ramp and hitting the sign. The sign bounces them back into the roof destroying the Krusty Krab yet again.

Attempt 8 and they manage to go into the roof and out through the doors of the Krusty Krab. Then they appear out of nowhere destroying the Krusty Krab yet again.....

Attempt 9 and this time they crash into a sign. As they keep on driving lots of Bikini Bottomites are swerving in and out so they can avoid SpongeBob's reckless driving. They spin out of control almost about to crash into the Krusty Krab but strangely they don't however the Bikini Bottomites do causing the Krusty Krab to be once again destroyed (This time it's compeltely destoryed).

Scene trasitions to Mr. Krabs really unhappy. He is holding the bill as SpongeBob crashes into the Krusty Krab for the ninth time. The repair man enters again to write more zeros onto the bill.

Scene transitions again as SpongeBob apologieses. Mr. Krabs says he is doing it all wrong and thinks that SpongeBob does well when there is a lot of damage potential so he takes SpongeBob to the most dangerous road in Bikini Bottom. The double roundabout. SpongeBob is so nervous he doesn't want to do it. So Mr. Krabs literally proves that even Gary The Snail could do it so he actually lets Gary drive the boat through the roundabout. A few seconds past and he made it with flying colours. Now it's SpongeBob's turn. He is just about to take the wheel when the Police shows up. Apparently it's againast the law to let a snail or any other animals drive a boat especially in dangerous places. But Mr. Krabs only makes it worse after he claims he taught Pearl to drive without permission or a license. Mr. Krabs thinks he is getting a ticket but actually he is sentenced to be taught at Mrs. Puffs Boating School. Oh well at least everyone welcomes him warmly.

I'm sure there's other good stuff on there, but I'm too lazy. Feel free to do some research yourself though.

 

[Glowsquid]

http://hatch.kookscience.com/wiki/Francis_E._Dec#Mental_health

Francis E. Dec produced and self-published a series of flyers containing rant-like essays with a paranoid outlook, all of which contained a number of recurring themes and claims of a more or less delusional or paranormal nature.

Recurring themes and phrases[28] in Dec's rants include: an entity referred to by Dec as the "World Wide Communist Gangster Computer God", its "Frankenstein Earphone Radio" and "Eyesight Television" (often preceded by "Frankenstein" as well), along with allegations of political chicanery on the part of Presidents and Vice Presidents throughout U.S. history. For example Dec alleged that Lyndon Johnson lured John F. Kennedy to Dallas in order to have him killed and that Teddy Roosevelt did the same to William McKinley by luring him to New York. Dec also incorporated into his rants one Frank Gulotta, ex-District Attorney of Nassau County, who once acted as prosecution in a trial which would eventually come to result in Dec's conviction and disbarment as a lawyer (see Professional life section), as well as the Judge (one William Sullivan) who presided over the court case in question.

The opening paragraph warns[28] that people are implanted with "Frankenstein radio controls" that constantly brainwash them, while "Brain Bank Cities" on the far side of the Moon are housing their "Brain Bank brain" which is their other real brain:

 

[Magikrazy]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_The_Fresh_Prince_of_Bel-Air_characters#Carlton_Banks

Is it really necessary to list their nicknames?

Will Smith
Nickname by Geoffrey: Master William

Especially since most of Geoffrey's nicknames for the other characters is just "Master [X]".

 

[Xiahou Dun]

And I thought some of the excessive conditions that helps a character qualify for "uniqueness" were ridiculous enough in MarioWiki.

 

[Magikrazy]

Luigi is the only plumber in the Marioverse whose name begins with an even-numbered letter.

 

[Magikrazy]

Nixon and Agnew are sitting together in front of the T.V. in their pajamas, and a sergeant comes in and gives them the T.V. remote. Nixon awards him a purple heart, shoots him, and drops him down a trap-door.

This just makes me laugh

 

[Xiahou Dun]

+1

Sounds like something from this thread.

 

[GBA]

[size=larger]No one'll help u if sad![/size]

the moral of the story is that no one'll help u if sad

i laughed much harder at this then i should've

how long has that been there???