Corruption - Restarting in the not-so-near future. Sign-ups welcome.

Re: Corruption

Alright, now I'm finding more problems.

First of all, it's uncomfortable as hell to read.

"I think that's pretty arrogant, putting their name in the corner, especially for something this small." Neu said.
I said, "I think it's rather useful."
"What? It doesn't tell us anything!" Ralphfan shouted.

Everything's cluttered. Instead of that, do this:

"I think that's pretty arrogant, putting their name in the corner, especially for something this small." Neu said.

I said, "I think it's rather useful."

"What? It doesn't tell us anything!" Ralphfan shouted.

It also makes your chapter look longer.

"Also," Tabuu said, "Whenever you're having somebody talk like this, the 'said' doesn't need to be capitalized."

Good chapter, though. The Bin Collection had me rolling in the aisles.

I like how every chapter progresses the plot in some way.

And fuck you for leaving me hangi
 
Re: Corruption

Maybe that's the reason why I find this story a bit of a drag.

Review:

The humor in the the first and second scene gave it a good look, and the last is excellent. Since I read McYoshi, now I remember what happened in the beginning of the book.

6.8/7
 
Re: Corruption

Don't Fear said:
Alright, now I'm finding more problems.
Click to expand...

Because going lame wasn't the point of realization

It's a really good story. I just feel like some stuff is under-noted, like there should be more to a certain section. Other than that, you're doing awesome, with really detail and a strong plot.
 
Re: Corruption

BMB's just mad because MCD crippled him or whatever he did.

Great story by the way. I've read and enjoyed every chapter.
 
Re: Corruption

http://userpedia.adriels.com/wiki/Corruption/Part_15

Part 15's out now. I think I've made it a bit easier to read.
 
Re: Corruption

I'm a bit too busy to read it at the moment, but I took a glance and I liked how you spaced everything- it looks just fine now. I'll give an actual review on everything else in a few days or so.
 
Re: Corruption

Part 15: No really who was that last guy in the transceiver?

EDIT: You know what will be cool, if this story was treated like the CSI shows. Before anybody say it is, I respond with that the story is a bit more like NCIS.