Corruption - Restarting in the not-so-near future. Sign-ups welcome.

Re: Corruption

Action/Disaster was the genre I was going for, but neither of those have really started up too much yet.

Part 11 has been released!
 
Re: Corruption

Excellent as always.
Also, you did a very good job portraying my voice. I read it, and I was like,"uh-huh, that's me".
Bravo!
 
Re: Corruption

I think the fight was a bit rushed, but the fight wasn't the main focus, so I like the chapter, it is a good chapter.
 
Re: Corruption

Oh, I see...an eye for an eye. Well...eyes for legs in this situation.

I blind you in my story, and you cripple me in your story? Bit harsh don't you think?
 
Re: Corruption

Not really, you can move around and see. I can't see where I'm going.
 
Re: Corruption

Haven't really decided yet...you'll show up, I'm sure. If not in this story, then the sequel.

Yes, IDK if I've said it before but ZOMGTHEREWILLBEASEQUEL. More information will be revealed when we reach about Part 20.
 
Re: Corruption

MCD said:
Haven't really decided yet...you'll show up, I'm sure. If not in this story, then the sequel.

Yes, IDK if I've said it before but ZOMGTHEREWILLBEASEQUEL. More information will be revealed when we reach about Part 20.
Click to expand...

What will happen to me next? Will I lose my arms? Will I be struck blind, deaf, and dumb? :P
 
Re: Corruption

Thanks for the ideas, but I'm okay for now.
 
Re: Corruption

As always, my criticism remains the same.

Your plot? Great. I love this story.

But your dialogue, well...still needs work. The exchange about moobs and mooks was funny, though. Kudos for that.

EDIT: 200TH POST, BITCH
 
Re: Corruption

Hehe, thanks. Hopefully the dialogue is better in Part 13. I also put two very sneaky references into this chapter to other media. Kudos if you can find them.

Fi said:
Detective Dick Gumshoe said:
Fi said:
and dumb? :P
Click to expand...
But you already are.
Click to expand...

Dumb I'm talking about is where you cannot speak.
Click to expand...

I think Detective Gumshoe was making a joke, pal.
 
Re: Corruption

I didn't notice any real errors this time around, and I enjoyed the humor you incorporated this time around- "we expected the true murderer to jump out, yell "Surprise!" and spray us with silly string" really stuck out. In a good way. Also, paraphrased that a little.

But yeah, great job.
 
Re: Corruption

I sort of forgot how this story went, but for now it's time for a review:

The chapter is rather great if a metaphoric noire film is placed over. The unfolding of the plot is obvious, but in a good way.

6.8/7

(How would you like your rating, out of 5, 10, or any other reasonable number?)
 
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