Our intros sucks

Glowsquid

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They really do, and they haven't gotten much better since the above picture was made. In this post, I'm focusing on game pages because that's what my mind is on, but recurring characters page are also lackluster and I'll get to them eventually. It's not a standardised kind of suck however. Some are big unappealing boxes crammed with a succession of factoid without care to make them flow well or consideration that the information presented even makes sense to be in the lead...

Donkey Kong Barrel Blast (known as Donkey Kong Jet Race in Europe and Australia) is a racing game in the Donkey Kong franchise. It was released for the Wii in mid-late 2007 in Japan and North America and early 2008 in Europe and Australia. The game was developed by Paon, who previously developed DK: King of Swing and its sequel DK: Jungle Climber. Some game modes present in the game are Jungle Grand Prix, Time Trial, Candy's Challenges and Cranky's Flight School. The game incorporates Miis as indicators for records in Time Trial and Candy's Challenges mode.
Why is Mii support such an important feature that it needs to be mentioned in the first paragraph? And namedropping the mode as is doesn't work for the lead because the reader doesn't have the context of what the modes are. A more generic but informative statement like "The game features a variety of modes like time trial, challenges, and tutorials..." would work much better.

Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze is a side-scrolling 2.5D platform game developed by Retro Studios and Monster Games for the Wii U. It is the fifth game in the Donkey Kong Country series and a successor to Donkey Kong Country Returns. It follows the adventure of Donkey, Diddy, Dixie, and Cranky Kong as they are flung from their homeland and attempt to come back and retrieve it from the Snowmads, an organization of Viking-like seafarers. They appear as antropomorphic, (sub)polar animals ranging from penguins and walruses to owls and hares.

The game was originally slated for release during November 2013 before being pushed back to December 6; it was later pushed back again to February 2014.[7] It can be purchased at retail stores, or digitally from the Nintendo eShop, with the digital version requiring 11300 MB (approx. 11.3 GB) of memory to be installed. Standard set Wii U consoles do not have enough internal memory to have this game downloaded on them without an external storage device, but deluxe set Wii U consoles do.
This one is fine. Mostly. It could stand to be exapnded and the existing writing tightened , but it flows well enough. But that last paragraph stand to be excised. Why is more than half of the lead about the game's file size and the Wii U's data storage options?

Others are just spartan.

Super Mario 3D World is a 3D platformer action game for the Wii U. It is a follow-up game of the Nintendo 3DS installment Super Mario 3D Land, the fifteenth title in the Super Mario series, the sixth original 3D Mario title, the seventh 3D Mario title overall, and the fifth 3D Mario title on a home console after Super Mario Galaxy 2.
This is all you can write about Super Mario 3D World!? Seriously? (This is a featured article btw)

And then some are on a whole 'nother level of suckitude.

Super Mario Bros. 2 (known as Super Mario USA in Japan) is, outside Japan, the second game in the Super Mario series. It originally was for the Nintendo Entertainment System, but was subsequently ported to many other systems. The game was originally released in North America on October 9, 1988, in Europe on April 28, 1989, and in Oceania on May 1989. As a result of Japan already having a Super Mario Bros. 2 (known outside of Japan as Super Mario Bros: The Lost Levels), the game did not make its debut in the country until after the release of Super Mario World, on July 14, 1992 (making it Japan's fifth installment of the series), under the title Super Mario USA. Super Mario Bros. 2 was re-released the first time on the Wii's Virtual Console in Europe and Oceania on May 25, 2007, North America on July 2, 2007, and in Japan on August 10, 2007. The game was later re-released on the Nintendo 3DS's Virtual Console in Japan on November 28, 2012, North America on July 11, 2013, Europe on August 7, 2013, and in Oceania on August 8, 2013, and even later was re-released a third time on the Wii U's Virtual Console in North America, Europe, and Oceania on May 16, 2013, and in Japan on March 19, 2014. Everyone can play as Mario, Luigi, Toad or Princess Toadstool.

Super Mario Bros. 2 came about after Nintendo of America deemed Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels too difficult for Western audiences and too similar to the first game, which led Nintendo to redevelop the Famicom Disk System game Yume Kōjō: Doki Doki Panic into a Super Mario Bros. game for the international release. After its release, the game became a commercial success, and eventually the game became well received enough that it was also released in Japan. After performing well both critically and commercially, Super Mario Bros. 2 has been considered a classic Super Mario Bros. game around the world (including in Japan), and has since been re-released as one of the Mario games featured in Super Mario All-Stars, and as well as having its own enhanced port in Super Mario Advance.
On a skim reading, this intro seems fine. It mentions the release data of the game, its status as a spriteswap of Doki Doki Panic, the player characters, and so on. But it's seriously mediocre. Obviously including the release date of atleast the original version is mandatory, but you don't need to list the exact release date of every version of the game in every regions. That's what the infobox is for! The intro doesn't even allude to the game's considerably different gameplay mechanics. The statement that "Nintendo of America deemed Super Mario Bros.: The Lost Levels too difficult for Western audiences and too similar to the first game," is unsourced. "Super Mario Bros. 2 has been considered a classic Super Mario Bros. game around the world (including in Japan)," is a clunky statement (rather than waffling about SMB2 being a classic Mario game, it could take about its concrete impact on the series like the recurring characters and concept it introduced) and the "including Japan" parenthetical part is both unsubstantiated and unnecessary. Et cetera.

This is for a featured article. As of this writing, SMB2 is the featured article on rotation so this is new reader's first taste of the wiki when they reach the main page. We could do so much better.

I don't fancy myself as a master writer, and I don't want my post here to be taken as an immuable guideline of every intro should rigidly adhere to. But generally, I think there's a formula that works well for introducing a subject like a work of media.


-A [Thing is a [thing] released for the [thing] released in [year], along with mentions of the developer and any notable creative talent involved in the project.

-Where the game stands in its series.

-An one sentence summary of the premise and plot.

-Listing remakes, rereleases and derived media.

-Any notable gameplay additions or input gimmick (WarioWare's twisted tilt sensor, Donkey Konga's bongos)

-A brief mention of the media,s reception and legacy if it's notable for either extremes (Not introducing Donkey Kong Country without mentioning the game's sale success and it single-handely driving the adoption of pre-rendered graphics would be a faux pas, for example).

Good introductions are vital. To quote TV Trope's page on the stock phrase "I suck at summaries"

To say that a summary is important to a work of fiction is an understatement. The summary is almost certainly the first thing your prospective reader will see; it is where they go to know what the story's about and to get some idea whether they will want to read it or not. You are essentially making a pitch for their time (and money, if you're writing professionally), so your summary is a vital way of letting them know that spending it on your work won't be a waste. So making the first thing that your reader sees a statement declaring that you are essentially no good at an essential part of writing is a bit like introducing yourself to a prospective partner at a blind-date by saying that you're terrible at introducing yourself and then proceeding to list all your worst features — ill-advised.

Most online works described in this fashion, needless to say, aren't very good. Furthermore, such stories usually die long before they are completed, due to the author giving up from lack of feedback... Neither is surprising: if the author lacks the skill and dedication to write a proper summary, why should the story itself fare any better?
A wiki ostensibly synthetizes a large amount of information in a way that's ideally accurate, interesting, and concise. A lead is a microcosm of that. If it can't do that from the get-go, it's a problem.

But enough bellyaching for me.What do you think Super Mario Wiki community?
 

Alex95

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I'm thinking about rewriting the major character pages at some point anyway, like how I did with Luigi some time ago. Wario and Yoshi are tagged with rewrite, though Mario's could just use some expansion in places. Using 3D World as the example, the sections on Mario's page should be about Mario, not the game.
 

Ray Trace

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Writing intros has always been one of the most difficult parts of article writing, as with any form of writing, so I'm not surprised that our intros aren't the best quality, as sometimes even I struggle to come up with a good one.

Anyway, when writing game articles, I usually write the genre of the game in the intro of the article (many articles don't do that, they just say, fifth installment of the Mario Kart series or whatever, and never actually mention it's a racing game, forcing potential new people -there's always going to be new people- to click a link on what the Mario Kart series is about...less popular series benefit far more than ), as I think it's also a great, small sentence to give people the general idea of what the game is like.

I don't know if the game articles I had a heavy hand in are any good with their intros. I had been following some standard I set up since...I forgot.

Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time
Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island
Mario Party: Star Rush
Mario Sports Superstars
Mario Kart 8
Mario Party 5
Mario Party 6
Mario Party 7
WarioWare: Touched!




I just realized this, but I really hate it when enemy articles say something along these lines.


Derp-a-doodle is a creature that first appeared in the Nintendo 10DS game....
There's no need to mention what adjective system this thing appeared in, as it's not notable to the character at all, and it clutters the sentence.
 

Time Turner

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I just realized this, but I really hate it when enemy articles say something along these lines.


Derp-a-doodle is a creature that first appeared in the Nintendo 10DS game....
There's no need to mention what adjective system this thing appeared in, as it's not notable to the character at all, and it clutters the sentence.
Oh, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who doesn't like that. It's clunky and irrelevant to the subject at hand. I've already made a point of removing it whenever I've seen it.

On topic, do you have an example of an article with a gold standard intro, something that could easily be used as a model for other articles?
 

Glowsquid

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For game pages, I think Super Mario Bros. is good. It explains the what when where, gives the reader an idea of its legs and reception and doesn't get bogged down in unncessary details.

Super Mario Bros. is a video game released for the Family Computer and Nintendo Entertainment System in 1985. It shifted the gameplay away from its single-screen arcade predecessor, Mario Bros., and instead featured side-scrolling platformer levels. While not the first game of the Mario franchise, Super Mario Bros. is the most iconic, and introduced various series staples, from power-ups, to classic enemies like Goombas, to the basic premise of rescuing Princess Toadstool from King Koopa. As well as kicking off an entire series of Super Mario platformer games, the wild success of Super Mario Bros. popularized the genre as a whole, helped revive the gaming industry after the 1983 video game crash, and was largely responsible for the initial success of the NES, with which it was bundled a launch title. Until it was eventually surpassed by Wii Sports, Super Mario Bros. was the best selling video game of all time for nearly three decades, with over 40 million copies sold worldwide.
For character pages, Bowser's:

Bowser, sometimes known as King Koopa (Japanese: 大魔王クッパ, Daimaō Kuppa, which translates into "Great Demon King Koopa" or "Great Sorcerer King Koopa", the latter being used in the manual of Super Mario Bros.[1]), is a major character and the main antagonist of Nintendo's Mario franchise. He is the leader and most powerful of the Koopas, a race of evil turtle-like creatures, and has been the archenemy of Mario ever since his debut in Super Mario Bros. He has repeatedly kidnapped or attempted to kidnap Princess Peach with the ultimate goal of defeating Mario and taking over the Mushroom Kingdom, though he has also attempted to conquer various other realms and even the entire universe. Despite his villainous nature, he has occasionally helped Mario and other heroes against common threats and participates with them in their numerous sporting events in spin-off games.
 

Shoko

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My favourite is Dr. Stein's.


Mad Scienstein[1], originally known in Japan as Arewo Shitain-hakase[2] (meaning "Dr. Arewo Shitain"), and sometimes referred to simply as doc[3], is a recurring supporting character who appears throughout numerous Nintendo games. He has filled a multitude of different roles and professions; including a scientist, researcher, robotics engineer and archaeologist. Mad Scienstein is a comical, elderly man with a large head, glasses, a mustache, and a beard. Despite being around 90 years of age,[4] he demonstrates strong sexual interests.[5]

Mad Scienstein first appeared in the Japan-exclusive game Kaeru no Tame ni Kane wa Naru under the name of Arewo Shitain-hakase, where he acts as a researcher who provides assistance to the player in providing useful items. After an absence, he reappears in Wario Land 3, being referred to as Mad Scienstein. Here, he supports the game's antagonist Rudy the Clown, and creates potions which have an effect on Wario and the gameplay. He fills a similar role in Dr. Mario 64, where he assists Rudy the Clown in stealing Megavitamins, and the player must pursue him throughout the game. He has most recently appeared as an archaeologist, known again as Arewo Shitain-hakase, conducting research within the Golden Pyramid in Wario Land 4.
 

Striker Mario Boogaloo

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Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Super Smash Bros. Brawl is a fighting / beat 'em up game for the Wii. This is the third installment in the Super Smash Bros. series and the follow-up to Super Smash Bros. Melee for the Nintendo GameCube. It was designed by Masahiro Sakurai, who also made the preceding Super Smash Bros. games, and developed by a team that was specifically created for it. The game uses a game engine called Havok that mainly focuses on the game physics, which was provided by an Irish company of the same name.[2] After a planned release date of December 3, 2007 in North America, all regions had their release dates pushed back. It was then slated for release on February 10, 2008 in North America, and January 24, 2008 for Japan. However, on January 15, 2008, it was then delayed to January 31, 2008 for Japan[3] and March 9, 2008 for North America.[4] It was released in Oceania on June 26, 2008 and in Europe on June 27, 2008[5].

The Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection ceased on May 20th, 2014, making it no longer possible to play this game online.[6]
Blah blah blah, release dates blah. Blah blah blah, featured article blah.

Super Smash Bros. Melee
Super Smash Bros. Melee (known in Japan as Great Melee Smash Bros. Deluxe) is a fighting game for the Nintendo GameCube. This is the second installment in the Super Smash Bros. series and is the follow-up to Super Smash Bros. for the Nintendo 64. Various characters from Nintendo's popular franchises battle on different stages, also taken from the Nintendo franchises. Many major characters of the Mario franchise make an appearance. The game's major focus is the multiplayer mode, while still offering a number of single-player modes.
A lil' better. Still, I think it can mention the stylistic change and its general expansion. "Offering a number of single-player modes" needs to be way more specific and probably mentioned that Meele vastly expanded on Smash 64's paltry single-player (event matches, all-star, multi-man melee, home-run contest) and also adding new important gameplay mechanics especially side-special but also air dodging, sidestepping, charging Smash attacks, and also doubling the character roster, increasing the item selection, more stages, more multiplayer options. It also introduces new important multiplayer modes including Coin and Special Melee. Who can forget the timeless classic, Single-Button Mode!? There is also a collection mechanic introduced, the trophies. This intro doesn't cut it.
 

Ray Trace

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A lil' bump here but I've done much work to rewrite pretty much most of the cited bad examples of intros in this thread, which includes Super Mario 3D World and Donkey Kong: Barrel Blast, but also some extra work with Mario Kart DS, Mario Kart: Double Dash!!, Mario Superstar Baseball, and Mario Strikers Charged. I think I got the hang of writing intros for articles now. I haven't done Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Super Smash Bros. Melee yet but I will get around to them.

I've come across some more video game intros that desperately need a rewrite/expansion

*Paper Mario: Color Splash (it is only two sentences long)
*Super Mario Odyssey (it is only three sentences long and it's extremely jarring)
*Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle (same with Paper Mario: Color Splash, only two sentences long)

As for currently featured articles...

*Super Smash Bros. (it is only four sentences long and especially bad for a game that has a profound legacy with Nintendo, creating the smash hit series Super Smash Bros.)
*Super Mario Bros. Deluxe (it's okay, but it doesn't really talk about what the game is about aside from the part about receiving critical acclaim, which should be the last thing readers read in the intro, not the part that is the only thing that describes the game to them)
*WarioWare, Inc.: Mega Microgame$! (it's all right for the most part but I feel like an expansion here and there can benefit it)
*Mario Super Sluggers (needs some tweaks here and there, could use some expansion, and that citation needed tag is awful but it's okay for the most part)
*Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest (this article doesn't really summarize the game up, most of the intro talks about the differences between it and its enhanced port/remake/whatever. The only summary of this game itself is a brief one-sentence description of the plot, it doesn't really talk about what the game does differently than the first Donkey Kong Country).
*Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble! (it has the same problems as Donkey Kong Country 2's article)
*Mario Sports Mix (could use an expansion, I feel, it's a little bit bare)
*Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door (this intro could use expansion, it has a lot of mechanics that has improved from the original Paper Mario that has a space in the intro for sure, most of this intro just talks about the story of the game and next to nothing about any new features, such as audience, partner health, etc)
*Yoshi's Island DS (the intro never calls this game a 2D platformer and automatically assumes the reader knows what genre Yoshi's Island games are in and how exactly they play like. The sentences don't flow that well either when it is explaining new mechanics, such as what "new babies" means. I also don't like the article says "fewer levels" in the intro it just sounds wrong. The intro isn't that good overall.)
*Mario Party DS (I write a lot of Mario Party intros and I can already tell what needs to be done. Just compare this one to my other Mario Party articles and you can see problems with it. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it doesn't talk about the gameplay, the story mode, the collections, and the part that does detail mechanics unique to it need to be far more fleshed out than a simple phrase listing the features unique to the Nintendo DS)
*Mario Party 9 (same problems with Mario Party DS, basically. It's bare and it doesn't even say what the new mechanic is, an essential feature of this article)
*WarioWare: Smooth Moves (the intro should still explain what the WarioWare series about, it automatically assumes readers know what "microgames" are from the getgo. Also, I think the motion control bit could use some expansion, and I think Miis being a pretty persistent part of this game should also be mentioned, as early Wii Mario games liked using them because they were a new feature).
*Mario Tennis Open (needs an expansion, it's a little bit too barren for my tastes)
*WarioWare: Twisted! (could explain what its gameplay actually is in the intro)
*WarioWare: Touched! (heh I wrote this-anyway this could explain what "microgames" are but I can't really criticize my own writing)

Aaaaaaaaaaaand I think that's it. If you want me to go into more detail in my criticisms (such as "needing expansion" criticisms) for any of these articles' intros, I will happily elaborate.
 

Koopa con Carne

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I would like some peer review on a couple of intros that I have touched up or written entirely. Specifically, I'm looking for feedback on how my additions were integrated with already existing information.

Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze - I have rewritten this one since the OP called attention to it, making sure to mention the gameplay as well as the plot.
Mario vs. Donkey Kong: Mini-Land Mayhem! - I think most of it was written by me.
Yoshi's New Island - I take credit for the part describing the plot, and I fear it might take a little too much space. I also added info about returning stuff in the paragraph that follows.
Super Mario Maker - if I remember correctly, this one didn't even mention the gameplay before I took over it.
Mario Tennis Aces - this one was more of an unspoken collaboration with another user. I don't remember exactly which parts I wrote, other than the short bit about how the game received updates.

If I were to reflect on my writing, I would say it's mostly good, but may contain some phrasing quirks that make it sound strange here and there. As some of my IRL peers have said, this may be a result of English not being my first language. I'm continuously looking to improve my writing and I feel like I need some guidance.
 
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Ray Trace

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I think you did a pretty fine job with the intros, I wouldn't criticize them all that much (I was the one who wrote most of the intro for Yoshi's New Island btw). As for Super Mario Maker, I think some of the paragraphs can be merged or expanded, such as the second being merged with the first and the Miiverse paragraph should have talked about its integration with the service and then talk of the termination.

For Donkey Kong: Tropical Freeze, I think you should mention how Dixie and Cranky Kong have been added as playable characters and made some more comparisons to the first game as a direct sequel to the first, if there are anything notable to be talked about.
 

Ray Trace

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Lol, Dixie is the current featured article and her intro is pretty bad, it really needs expansion.
 

Koopa con Carne

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Thank you for the feedback.

As for Dixie's intro, I took it upon myself to expand it. Here's a relatively quick draft; what do you guys think?

'''Dixie Kong''' is one of the main protagonists in the ''[[Donkey Kong (franchise)|Donkey Kong]]'' games, her first appearance being ''[[Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest]]''. She is a young monkey clad in a pink outfit consisting of a beret and a tied crop tope. One of her prominent features is a long blonde ponytail which she uses in the '' [[Donkey Kong Country (series)|Donkey Kong Country]] '' games to attack, hold onto objects such as hooks, and hover in the air by spinning it like a rotor, a move called the [[Helicopter Spin]]. A member of the [[Kong]] family, she is [[Diddy Kong]]'s girlfriend, [[Tiny Kong]]'s older sister, and the cousin of both [[Chunky Kong]] and [[Kiddy Kong]]. Dixie Kong displays a sanguine and energetic personality, often expressed in cheerful vocalizations and acrobatic mannerisms. Outside of the ''Donkey Kong'' franchise, she has made appearances in various ''Mario'' sports games and ''[[Mario Kart Tour]] '' as a playable character.
I need to find a way to integrate her role in the DKC games (fighting Kremlings, saving Donkey Kong etc.) and her partnership with the Kongs in her adventures while maintaining it a separate point from the bit that talks about the Kong family. Also, I distinctly brought up MKT because Nintendo themselves made a big deal out of it when she was added in the game.
 

Ray Trace

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It's so much better than what we have, as it talks about her signature pony tail and all of the abilities associated with it. I'd implement it right away.
 

Glowsquid

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Generally, I don't think physical descriptions work for leads on character pages. Mentioning key features (like um, Dixie's ponytail) and elaborating on why they're special, especially if they're relevant to the gameplay, yes but stuff like

she is a young monkey clad in a pink outfit consisting of a beret and a tied crop tope
just reads kind of awkwardly in an introductory paragraph, especially when those are always positioned next to a picture of the character. I think something among the lines "Dixie Kong is a female monkey who is one of the major protagonist of the Donkey Kong Country. Dixie's trademark is her ponytail, which inexplicable allows her to grab barrel and help people who aren't very good at platforming games survive Donkey Kong Country 2" would work better.
 

Koopa con Carne

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this gooder? i highlighted the changes from the previous draft presented here.

'''Dixie Kong''' is a young monkey and one of the main protagonists in the ''Donkey Kong'' games. One of her prominent features is a long blonde ponytail which she uses in the ''Donkey Kong Country'' games to attack, hold onto objects such as hooks, and hover in the air by spinning it like a rotor, a move called the Helicopter Spin. A member of the Kong family, she is Diddy Kong's girlfriend, Tiny Kong's older sister, and the cousin of both Chunky Kong and Kiddy Kong; she has partnered with several members on a number of adventures to rescue their kin or reclaim Donkey Kong Island from antagonistic forces, such as Kremlings and Snowmads. ''Donkey Kong Country 3: Dixie Kong's Double Trouble!'' and ''Donkey Kong Land III'' feature Dixie Kong and Kiddy Kong in starring roles. Outside of the ''Donkey Kong'' franchise, she has made appearances in various ''Mario'' sports games and ''Mario Kart Tour '' as a playable character. Dixie Kong is generally depicted in a pink outfit consisting of a beret and a tied crop top, and in many of her earlier appearances she also wore pink knee pads. She displays a sanguine and energetic personality, often expressed in cheerful vocalizations and acrobatic mannerisms.
 
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Glowsquid

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It's better, for sure, but I think it can stand to be trimmed. I'm not sure there's One True Accepted Standard for writing intros for fictional characters on pop culture wikis and I don't think anyone consider me an authoritative source for that but I don't think you need to mention *everything* about a character's background for the lead, and the generic often reads better than the specific.

BASICALLY, I think an intro should explain who the character is and what is special about them from. For Dixie, that'd be

>is funny monkey
>wears pink (but we have the infobox image for that)
>uses her hair to do funny monkey things
>stars in multiple platforming games (the "multiple" part is the important bit, not what games she's in)
>is diddy's pink monkey gf

I don't feel mentiong her family tree, for instance, is important. It's not really something that's relevant to the storyline of the games she's appear in or define her character from an out-of-universe POV. Mentioning she's Diddy gf, however would be, because that is explicitely her motivation in DKC2 and DKC3 (as thin as their storylines are) and subsequent games draw attention to that fact. The intro for the wiki's Mario page doesn't mention he's Luigi brother, and that's fine (but the lead for Luigi's does mention Luigi is Mario's brother - because being Mario's brother defines Luigi, see what I mean?) . So if I'd have written the intro it would be more like:

'''Dixie Kong''' is a female monkey and one of the main protagonists of the ''Donkey Kong'' games. A member of the [[Kong]] clan, Dixie's trademark ponytail allows her to attack, hold onto objects such as hooks, and hover in the air by spinning it like a rotor, a move called the Helicopter Spin. Introduced as [[Diddy Kong]]'s strong-willed girlfriend, she has starred in multiple installments of the ''Donkey Kong Country'' series as a player character and, outside of the ''Donkey Kong Franchise'', has been playable in various ''Mario'' sports games and ''Mario Kart Tour ''. She displays a sanguine and energetic personality, often expressed in cheerful vocalizations and acrobatic mannerisms.
 
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Striker Mario Boogaloo

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You probably can remove the "is a female monkey". You should just say "Dixie is one of the main protagonists of the Kondey Kong games. She [complete sentence]. Her pony tail [complete sentence]." Let context clues determine this rather than be explicit.
 

Doomhiker

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You probably can remove the "is a female monkey". You should just say "Dixie is one of the main protagonists of the Kondey Kong games. She [complete sentence]. Her pony tail [complete sentence]." Let context clues determine this rather than be explicit.
That would be like if the Diddy Kong page said "is a male monkey" or if Peach's page said "is a female human". It's kind of silly and redundant, especially given that gender isn't a big part of her character.
 

Ray Trace

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Giving this the good ol' bump because I simply had to comment on this

1606701985935.png


Like, wow this is bad. There's so much notable stuff you can talk about what new stuff Mario Kart 64 did, the graphics really aren't the only thing it has going for it, even if it is very major. For example, it was this game that introduced Mini Turbos, the dreaded Spiny Shell, and made Bowser's Castle the preceding track to Rainbow Road.

1606702195080.png


So, I fixed it. Some phrasing might be a bit off (like the "real walls" bit, but the walls are polygonal rather than a texture ID thing that the Mode 7 graphics did in Super Mario Kart) but I think this is a good example of how intros can evolve from being three sentences long to something more beefy, substantial, and representative of what the game does.
 

Koopa con Carne

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Builder Mario

Builder Mario is the identity Mario assumes in Super Mario Maker to reflect the game's level-building mechanic. The Builder outfit itself later appears in games like Super Smash Bros. Ultimate and the Mario Kart series where it serves as a cosmetic variant of Mario and other characters, while Super Mario Maker 2 introduces it as a powered-up form of Mario as well as Luigi, Toad and Toadette.
This intro is missing something. It feels like it cuts too quickly from talking about the subject’s debut to its other appearances. The truth is, there isn’t much to summarize about Builder Mario beyond, “he appears in Mario Maker promos because the game is building-based, and then there are other characters who wear this outfit, and also it’s a power-up in Mario Maker 2”.

Any ideas?
 

Ray Trace

Friendly, outdoorsy, and subject to torture.
Wiki Administrator
Poll Committee
Pronouns
He/him
MarioWiki
Ray Trace
Probably talk about his design for a bit?
 

Plankton

Dr. Peter Lankton
Pronouns
He/him
MarioWiki
MightyMario
Maybe something along the lines of: “Builder Mario’s outfit consists of red overalls and a yellow shirt, he also wears a hardhat and utility belt.”
 

Koopa con Carne

Owns 3 versions of the same game 💊💊💊
MarioWiki
Koopa con Carne
I did think of doing what you guys suggest, but if the above discussion on Dixie’s lead paragraph is anything to go by, physical descriptions often become redundant when the subject is already shown in the infobox, unless they hold some key gameplay feature.
 
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