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Re: A great story

Vanillite said:
Into n00b mode!

O MAH GAWD U ALMST DIHD IHN ELEMNTREH SCHOL????????? U MUST BEE AWSUM!!!!!!!!

Exit n00b mode.
Click to expand...

And you call me a bad writer??? :)


8=Authors birthday!

STOKAL
based on a true story

Part 19
by Nintendoobsessed

The wind power picked up. Said Klaskel. It spun around me, exploding the head of the men around me. The brains formed together. A man had been wearing a cloak. The wind took it with 2 limbless arms, it created a monster. Sarah gasped.

Stylop enterd the lone cafetiara-incept for headless policemen. My sensors tell me Commander Computer is heading for the 2nd floor. He walked down the hallway to the gym.

Cant we just stay down there? Cried Ryan. We...have...to...get...urk!...out...of here. Said Mario. At the current moment, they were climbing up the wall with a grappling hook made out of many things. Finnaly, he pushed Ryan up to the office, then he climbed out. We better get out of here soon. They headed for the gym. They saw Susie. A girl! HEY! Called Mario. Susie thought it was a robot. she ran to the 2nd floor of the gym. After her! Yelled Mario as he ran after her.

Come. Said Mother Brain. They came to the 2nd floor. Now...you let the CRYSTAL ONE ESCAPE? I didnt mean to Mother Brain! Please! That Stokal you let escape contained so much life! Im really sorry Mother Brain! I had been listening to the whole thing. A life container? We barely have any Stokals left! And they are for the Ulti-borgs process! And we still cant find the g- Susie barged in just at the wrong moment. A ESCAPED, UNCULTRIZED 2ND GRADE GIRL? THATS IT! She struck Commander Computer in the face. She left, just in time for Mario, and Ryan to show up. The door shut. I will have to kill all of you to relieve status. His fist smashed into the ground rumbling the room, everyone falling. Commander Computer roared. Stylop jumped threw the open window, falling flat on his face. Muffled swear words came from Stylop. Ryan! YOU! Said Commander Computer. YOU HAVE ESCAPED! This SHOWDOWN STARTS NOWWWWW!

Next Time: The showdown of Commander Computer starts NOWWW! Part 20

To be continued...
 
Re: A great story

Nintendoobsessed said:
Come. Said Mother Brain. They came to the 2nd floor. Now...you let the CRYSTAL ONE ESCAPE? I didnt mean to Mother Brain! Please! That Stokal you let escape contained so much life! Im really sorry Mother Brain! I had been listening to the whole thing. A life container? We barely have any Stokals left! And they are for the Ulti-borgs process! And we still cant find the g- Susie barged in just at the wrong moment. A ESCAPED, UNCULTRIZED 2ND GRADE GIRL? THATS IT! She struck Commander Computer in the face. She left, just in time for Mario, and Ryan to show up. The door shut. I will have to kill all of you to relieve status. His fist smashed into the ground rumbling the room, everyone falling. Commander Computer roared. Stylop jumped threw the open window, falling flat on his face. Muffled swear words came from Stylop. Ryan! YOU! Said Commander Computer. YOU HAVE ESCAPED! This SHOWDOWN STARTS NOWWWWW!
Click to expand...
So uhhh

Is one person saying the whole thing? Because the way it's put, I really can't tell.
 
Re: A great story

Nintendoobsessed said:
Vanillite said:
Into n00b mode!

O MAH GAWD U ALMST DIHD IHN ELEMNTREH SCHOL????????? U MUST BEE AWSUM!!!!!!!!

Exit n00b mode.
Click to expand...

And you call me a bad writer??? :)
Click to expand...
You know what sarcasm means, right?
 
Re: A great story

SuperMario25 said:
He doesnt get it.
Click to expand...

Why do you keep saying that when you cant even understand my storie?


20th part!

STOKAL
based on a true story.

Part 20
by Nintendoobsessed

Commander Computer had changed. Susie gasped and backed up into the roaring Stylop. His head flew up, knocking Susie out. WHAT THE *ELL IS GOING ON? Commander Blasted a rocket punch. I quickly shifted to the floor aiming Sparks at Commanders leg. IF I CANT KILL YOU... He swung his spiked arm around in Marios Stomach. Blood exploded, he swung his arm back around. I jumped at Commanders face with Sparks. He shrecked, and fell backwards, and sparks exploded out. I turned to Mario. He was dying. Ack...I...have...to tell you something. Mother Brain... I think... generator... worse... Klamkel...-CRASH! Commander grabbed me. You monster! You will pay!

The monster or Mother Brain. I was immediatly her servant. She took me and we headed for a port. A NAVY port. She hid me outside, and told me I wasent powerful enough. When she came out, a navy man was with her, said Klaskel.

Sparks flew into his face. He screamed. I ran to Susie. Commanders head exploded. Mario watched. Nerver thought I'd see Commander Computers death. Stylop, ran to the headless computers body, now on the ground. Wahhhh! Mario was dead, so was Commander Computer. The head had ripped open a gate.

Klamkel sighed. At least Stylop wasent there to swear at him. Mother Brain barged in. Hello, Mother Brain he said. At the moment, Commander Computer is eliminating those children. Said Mother Brain. Im done. Now what. Said Klamkel. Back to your rooom Klaskel! A door opened. Klamkel enterd it.

I carried Susie down the steps. The skinless Ryan followed telling me about what he had seen. I told him what I knew. We have to go back to the labs he said. To face and encounter the nightmare.

Next Time: A important discovery... Part 21.

To be continued...
 
Re: A great story

Nintendoobsessed said:
SuperMario25 said:
He doesnt get it.
Click to expand...

Why do you keep saying that when you cant even understand my storie?
Click to expand...
So you admit that your story is unreadable yet you don't bother changing it.
Obviously a troll,
 
Re: A great story

Yoshiwalker said:
So uhhh

Is one person saying the whole thing? Because the way it's put, I really can't tell.
Click to expand...
HEY HEY WRITER PERSON READ THIS
Nabber Simpson said:
Nintendoobsessed said:
SuperMario25 said:
He doesnt get it.
Click to expand...

Why do you keep saying that when you cant even understand my storie?
Click to expand...
So you admit that your story is unreadable yet you don't bother changing it.
Obviously a troll,
Click to expand...
I think that making a poorly written story doesn't exactly qualify as being a troll.......

....
 
Re: A great story

Yoshiwalker said:
Yoshiwalker said:
So uhhh

Is one person saying the whole thing? Because the way it's put, I really can't tell.
Click to expand...
HEY HEY WRITER PERSON READ THIS
Nabber Simpson said:
Nintendoobsessed said:
SuperMario25 said:
He doesnt get it.
Click to expand...

Why do you keep saying that when you cant even understand my storie?
Click to expand...
So you admit that your story is unreadable yet you don't bother changing it.
Obviously a troll,
Click to expand...
I think that making a poorly written story doesn't exactly qualify as being a troll.......

....
Click to expand...
But if he does it on purpose...
 
Re: A great story

Critisicm time.

1. Did grammar fall off a cliff?

2. You dont put aposterepes and periods Also yor spelling is wired.

3. Cliched plot.

4. 0% true.

5. Underdeveloped characters.

6. No quotation marks Klaskel said.

7. Cliched plot.

8. You act like everyone loves you and your story.

9. Weird. REALLY.

10. cliched pl-*shot*

11. Terrible grammar.

12. cl-*shot x5*

-9999999999999999/10
 
Re: A great story

Vanillite said:
Critisicm time.

1. Did grammar fall off a cliff?

2. You dont put aposterepes and periods Also yor spelling is wired.

3. Cliched plot.

4. 0% true.

5. Underdeveloped characters.

6. No quotation marks Klaskel said.

7. Cliched plot.

8. You act like everyone loves you and your story.

9. Weird. REALLY.

10. cliched pl-*shot*

11. Terrible grammar.

12. cl-*shot x5*

-9999999999999999/10
Click to expand...

1. Shut up

2. I already said it's hard to remember them!

3. Find one story like mine

4. You dont know that.

5. Ask me any questions about the characters you want.

6. See 2

7. see 3

8. They are just bullies, ignore them.

9. Marios weird.

10. Shot?

11. Your the same.

12. ???


STOKAL
based on a true story.

Part 21
by Nintendoobsessed

Dr. Klamkel looked around his room, looking for any useful devices. He was going to travel back in time to stop Mother Brains birth. She was getting stronger.

We sped down the hallway. And into the Computer room. We had decided to leave Stylop alone beacause (obviously) his bark was much worse then his bite. Ryan decided to split up. He would check the room to the left, and I would check the computer.

The man roared at him, knocking over the other, who fell on the rocket button.

More people attacked. We had to escape into the mountains. We hurried back to the village. She captured Klamkel. We lived in a mountain cave, eating foxs.

Ryan opened the door. A chair was there. Looking around, he figured out it was a torture room. A computer lay at the back. He caustioaly turned it on. All the discoveries of the skinner robot, and what Mario said was told. And then, a room appeard with a chair. A ruby sat on the chair.

The door opened. Mother Brain grabbed the last of the Stokals. I dont care if that stupid Ulti-borg needs these! She said. She devoured them. A old computer crawled by. Mother Brain turned to it. Raising her front finger, she said: Collect the Colosus. It disspeard, and coming back. Hypnotic powers.

Ryan turned back, and knocked into a door he hadent seen. He opened it. Meanwhile, the face appeard. Insied the door was a... MOTORCYCLE? The face started talking. What are you here for? My Stokal? What? Asked ryan. He realized this must be the face I talked about. Its my Stokal. it said.

Next Time: The secret of the ruby! ... REVEALED. Part 22

TO BE CONTINUED...
 
Re: A great story

Nintendoobsessed said:
Vanillite said:
Critisicm time.

1. Did grammar fall off a cliff?

2. You dont put aposterepes and periods Also yor spelling is wired.

3. Cliched plot.

4. 0% true.

5. Underdeveloped characters.

6. No quotation marks Klaskel said.

7. Cliched plot.

8. You act like everyone loves you and your story.

9. Weird. REALLY.

10. cliched pl-*shot*

11. Terrible grammar.

12. cl-*shot x5*

-9999999999999999/10
Click to expand...

1. Shut up

2. I already said it's hard to remember them!

3. Find one story like mine

4. You dont know that.

5. Ask me any questions about the characters you want.

6. See 2

7. see 3

8. They are just bullies, ignore them.

9. Marios weird.

10. Shot?

11. Your the same.

12. ???
Click to expand...
1. No.

2. "How are they hard to remember? I don't think they're that hard to remember!"

3. I wouldn't try.

4. Everybody does.

5. Why would I do that?

6. See 2.

7. See 3.

8. BULLIES? They're not "bullies".

9. What?

10. You fail.

11. No.

12. See 10.
 
Re: A great story

I think the stories are great! It would be better with quotation marks for talking like "Stokal screamed into her face." said Mario.
 
Re: A great story

OJ said:
I think the stories are great! It would be better with quotation marks for talking like "Stokal screamed into her face." said Mario.
Click to expand...
...
Better? I won't call anything a proper story until it's written with proper grammar.
 
Re: A great story

OJ said:
I think the stories are great! It would be better with quotation marks for talking like "Stokal screamed into her face." said Mario.
Click to expand...

Stokal isnt a character. Its a thing.


STOKAL
based on a true story.

Part 22
by Nintendoobsessed

Stokals. energys of life? Ryan had guessed correctly. The ruby...had been a Stokal the whole time. I called to Ryan. He left the face. I had found a hidden crontolment to the arm. It was what had gotten me into the computer maze. I made it grab Ryans shirt. It got him in the maze. Susie was awake. I got in with her crontroling. She climbed up the crontrol hand.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM! The Second man roared. The bomb had no effect. It didnt work.

Mother brain was always talking with the navy man or Mario? Yes, and Klamkel. She liked to talk about the "MCP" and the "generator". Then, we left , and in summer, created a system. To take over the kids, and harnness thier power. And most important: Find the generator.

Me and Ryan continued to walk. Susie layed on my back. It wasent as scary as the last time though. Every once and a while, a robot would attack. It was no match for the Sparks. Ryan had found a sharp piece of machianery for a weapon.

We are leaving. NOW. But-said Sarah. I can sense that my master is building a time machine. Said Klaskel. He tuched his back into a jet pack. He blasted through the roof, carrying Sarah with him. He blasted through into the MCP room, and smashed through the metal trough. Come. Said Klaskel. They hurried to a metal door.

Me and Ryan hurried through a door. The skinner robot stopped us. Uncultrivzied? UNACCEPTABLE!

Next Time: Skinner-robot BATTLE! Part 23...

To be continued...
 
Re: A great story

SO I was thinkin yor storie is increidble. This is me wehn I read it ooooohhh myy god this guy has talent I was saying. he can rite a story and everything and make people think he is horible but in fact is reely doing this on porpose. i mean really, forgetting qotashun marks? You are inspiring I should try to rite a story as good as yours.
 
Re: A great story

:rolleyes:

Criticism time:

Nintendoobsessed said:
energys
crontolment
crontroling
wasent
machianery
Click to expand...
1. Simple grammar mistake. Wonderful
2. Uhh...what?
3. See 2
4. See 1
5. See 2
 
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