Good wishes aren't always good wishes

[Princess Céline]

Granted, they are unfixable.

I wish Peach's down Smash from Brawl was as effective as the one in Melee.

 

[Polymorph]

Granted, the attack in Melee becomes as ineffective as the one in Brawl so they're both as effective.

I wish I didn't have a lisp from this goddang expander in my mouth.

 

[Noct]

Granted, you now have a stutter instead.

I wish for the motivation to finish all my WIPs.

 

[J-Yoshi64]

Granted. You just don't have the time.

I wish my university's wifi was more reliable.

 

[Princess Céline]

Granted, the IP adresses don't work properly.

I wish 3D puzzles were more challenging.

 

[Polymorph]

Granted, 2D puzzles become way too easy.

I wish for a Dr. Pepper.

 

[Princess Céline]

Granted, but why take that over Coca Cola?

I wish the Monster tires in Mario Kart 8 didn't suck.

 

[Polymorph]

Granted, all the other tires in MK8 suck.

I wish I could be a game show host.

 

[J-Yoshi64]

Granted. All your contestants treat you like dirt.

I wish I knew how to make artwork in the style of official 3D Mario artwork

 

[Princess Céline]

Granted, it is very difficult to learn.

I wish the Roller tires in Mario Kart 8 were colored black.

 

[Polymorph]

Granted, everyone criticizes Nintendo for being racist and they reverse the coloration to what it was before.

I wish my wishes would be granted.

 

[Roserade]

Granted, but that was your only wish.

I wish Wart would return in the next Mario game

 

[J-Yoshi64]

Granted. His appearance is drastically changed and no one likes his new look.

I wish they'd replace the feet for the chairs in the frozen yogurt place on campus, so they don't screech against the linoleum floor.

 

[Polymorph]

Granted, now everyone's shoes shriek against the floor.

I wish I could shapeshift.

 

[Roserade]

Granted, you can only shapeshift into a fly.

I wish I had a pet Tepig.

 

[Princess Céline]

The thing is, you are a grass queen.

I wish Omega stages in Smash 4 were modeled after Battlefield.

 

[Xiahou Dun]

Granted. They're all extremely huge stages to the point you'd think you're playing in Tiny Smash if it weren't for the voice effects.

I wish Wario sucked in every game he appears in.

 

[Polymorph]

Granted, so does Mario now.

I wish I could shapeshift into anything. There, loopholes negated.

 

[J-Yoshi64]

Granted, so does Mario now.

I wish I could shapeshift into anything. There, loopholes negated.

Granted, but only on February 29th.

I wish for comments on my deviations

 

[Fawfulthegreat64]

Granted, you get mindless trolling/hate comments and spam.

I wish I knew everything about Super Paper Mario's code and hacking it.

 

[Roserade]

Granted, but messing with the code awakens the a soul of an angry gamer or some Creepypasta bullshit

I wish Bowser always wore a suit like in Odyssey

 

[Fawfulthegreat64]

Granted, but he never has dialogue again.

I wish I could eat as much unhealthy food as I like without any health consequences.

 

[J-Yoshi64]

Granted, it all tastes horrible.

I wish I had gone to bed an hour ago.

 

[Roserade]

Granted, but had you gone to bed, you wouldn't have been able to make the wish, thus enciting a paradox and blowing up the universe.

I wish there was a Poochy emoji

 

[Princess Céline]

Granted, there is already one:

I wish Paraceratherium didn't go extinct.