Favorite TV Quotes

"I know how much you love animals, so I organized a surprise cockfight!"

-Peter Griffin
 
"It's a rock. A big rock. I ought to tell my friends... they don't have a rock this big."

--Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
 
Kanassan: "This is the future, Bardock. This is what you killed my people for, isn't it?"

Bardock: "My son...?"

Kanassan: "Yes, your son... He is growing up to be a powerful warrior, JUST like his father was..."

Bardock: "'Was'"?

Kanassan: "At this time, you are long since dead. You blew up with your planet."

Bardock: "NO! FRIEZA!"

Kanassan: "Take heart, Bardock... A savior has been born! One who has the power to protect the innocent from people like Frieza...AND you! HAHAHAHAHAHA..."

~A scene from Dragon Ball Z: The Father of Goku
 
Gay guy: "If you go into a gay bar without pants on, you're just asking for it."
Cleveland: "CARTOON BEARS NEVER WEAR PANTS!"
 
I love Everybody Hates Chris.

<3
 
"Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabeetus. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. Last week, we ran out of vanilla ice cream, so I hit my wife. Then I found out my wife's been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

-Wilford Brimley, Family Guy
 
You call yourself a writer?
This is the worst story I've ever read.
I just wasted 20 minutes of my life.
Do you know how many trees died for you to write this?
You're destroying the ozone layer.
People are going to get cancer.
 
"YOU'RE A RABID ANTI-DENTITE" - Kramer, Seinfeld

""Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp. People should plunk down two-thousand dollars to live like him for a week. Do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors, and have sex without dating. That's a fantasy camp!" - George, Seinfeld

"I gotta get on that Internet. I'm late on everything." - Jerry, Seinfeld

"I wanted to talk to you about Dr. Whatley. I have a suspicion that he's converted to Judaism purely for the jokes."
"And this offends you as a Jewish person?"
"No, it offends me as a comedian." - Jerry and Father Curtis, Seinfeld

"That's Dr. Abbott, DDS. Tim Whatley was one of my students, and if this wasn't my son's wedding day I'd knock your teeth out, you anti-dentite bastard." - Dr. Abbott, Seinfeld

"No soup for you!" - The Soup Nazi, Seinfeld
 
Ugo, I love that episode.

Lois (as Leia, to Han): I love you.
Peter (as Han, about to be frozen in carbonite): Fuck off.
 
Raditz: "Excuse me for dropping by. I was looking for a man named 'Kakarot', and I thought YOU were him."

Piccolo: "You're excused, but maybe you need glasses on BOTH of your eyes."

~Dragon Ball Z scene (Ocean dub)
 
My name is Dwight Schrute.
My father's name is Dwight Schrute.
His father's name was Dwight Schrute.
His father? Dwide Schrude. Amish.

-Dwight
 
Piccolo: "When it comes to being a nuisance, Goku excels. No one is more troublesome than he. Perhaps your savior would've had a little glimmer of hope...hadn't he been so lazy during his training! Your friends think you have skill, but we both know the truth. Three years ago, you were just a little boy who got lucky, but three years is a long time, and I've grown stronger!"

Goku: "You're not the only one."

Piccolo: "HAHAHAHAHA... Keep up the brave fascade! Once I've dispatched you from this world, it, and ALL of your friends will be mine! And there's NOTHING you can do about it! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The intermission is over! COME! It is time I've fulfilled my destiny!"

~Dragon Ball scene

Piccolo: "You should feel honored."

Goku: "Why is that?"

Piccolo: "Because I am your executioner!"

~Another Dragon Ball scene

"Aww, don't look so sad, Goku. You won't have to say goodbye to your friends. I'll send THEM to oblivion to MEET you! HAHAHAHAHAHA..."

~Piccolo, Dragon Ball

"HA! Intermission is for weaklings."

~Same as above.

"LOOK into the eyes of your KILLER!!"

~Same.
 
Stewie: "There's no way she could ever fail. Like famous duelist Sir Henry Giant-Hole-In-The-Torso Wickenshire."
 
"It's hard to rob a gun store, man, they got guns!"

--Malvo, Everybody Hates Chris
 
Lisa: "Grandpa, how come you never told us we had a black ancestor?"

Grandpa: "Well, people in my time were a little...what's the word...um...?"

Lisa: "Racist?"

Grandpa: "Yeah, that's it!"
 
"If you smell smoke, and you think the house is going to catch fire, get your brother and your sister and get out of here. If you smell gas, and you think the house is going to blow up, get your brother and your sister and get out of here. If you smell smoke, and your brother catches on fire, get your sister and get out of here."
 
Sheep Man said:
"If you smell smoke, and you think the house is going to catch fire, get your brother and your sister and get out of here. If you smell gas, and you think the house is going to blow up, get your brother and your sister and get out of here. If you smell smoke, and your brother catches on fire, get your sister and get out of here."
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Everybody Hates Chris is such an epic show
 
This thread should go beyond quotes said on television. I have a lot of favorite comic quotes, from Calvin and Hobbes to The Simpsons Comics.



"I FOUND A CARROT!"

- Cheese (I don't feel like typing the name of the show now...)
 
Robotnik: "It looks like your stupidity has FINALLY paid off..."

Scratch: "I'm stupider than he is!"

Grounder: "No, you're not! I am!"

~A scene from Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog
 
Bass said:
Robotnik: "It looks like your stupidity has FINALLY paid off..."

Scratch: "I'm stupider than he is!"

Grounder: "No, you're not! I am!"

~A scene from Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog
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That reminds me of a scene in the episode "Robotnik's Rival"

Scratch: D.U.F.U.S.! Well I'll be a monkey's uncle!

D.U.F.U.S.: (Totally deadpan) You are incapable of that. I, on the other hand... (Transforms into a middle aged monkey)
 
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