Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Sprites and explanations too).

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Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
So basically, as the name suggests, I have come up with a Paper Mario idea, that I'll be sharing with you guys, for just fun. I'll put every of the 16 chapters' plots behind spoiler tags and then you can go reading.

I'll be posting sprites of characters like partners or major bosses, or highlitghed things. So I'll go through the chapters and the main characters, including the huge amount of partners. Again, this is not serious stuff, I'm just doing it for fun, so let's get started.

Partners:


This is Goombeddy, he is the very first partner in the game obtained in the prologue, while Mario and Luigi are trying to get their hammers back.
He teaches them the battling system in the first fight of the game. Goombeddy's ability is to tattle enemies in battle, tell you more information about a random location, or also look up characters' backstories. He can also teach you battle strategies if you use his inbattle "Teach" ability. Finally, he can also look up recipes that you haven't made yet, from his tablet. Goombeddy himself as a person is a loyal and joker friend, but he gets angry when he is annoyed and begins teaching his tormenter(s) 'a lesson'.

Here is Kooplea, a Koopa Troopa girl who used to live happily with her father and grandfather, until something happened. She used to have a boyfriend, but it was them discovered that he was in fact a wanted criminal. Her father had no choice other than reporting him and revela his location to the police, leaving Kooplea in despair, now that her boyfriend’s gone. Her Shell Toss ability allows her to retrieve far away items and hit out-of-reach switches. Despite the hate she shows in front of her father, she still loves him, but doesn’t know how to express her feelings. She is however not shy to talk about her problems, and is pretty kind-hearted in general. There is no better friend that will cheer you up than this girl right there.

Penny's the happy bink secretary of the king of the Kingdom of Hondon. She kept her job from when Honster was still the ruler. Her somehow stubborn attitude didn't help much to stand against Honster, which is also pretty much why she didn't know what happened to him after he disappeared entrapped in a jar by his people.. Her ability is to hold on to Mario and can make him glide over large gaps. She is a helpful person always trying to do her job the best she can. But she however mostly messes up, something she wants to confront. However, she is praised by her friends and even though her clumsiness is something to definitely not trigger at big moments, she is more a "cute secretary" type.

Lancebob is King Bobthur's best knight, and apparently his favorite. He is also the trustiest of all of them. He has the Bomb ability: whenever (insert button) is pressed, Mario will Lancebob in front of him, as the Bob-omb starts walking a few steps and explode. This can be used to blow up craked walls or rocks, or activate a switch that triggers a specific event for a limited time. Lancebob would never disobey to orders given to him by his allies and never fails people. His problem is, however, sometimes, if he believes his mission is failed, he becomes extremely annoying and becomes very sad, but calms down when he finds a way out of the situation.

Lucifer's a beautiful Puzzeele girl that is always cautious. This cautiousness was spawned by the fact that she had been kidnapped by the circus manager Giggles to power his circus, but taking away half of her childhood. After such a tragedy, she does not even remember her father, Sataneel, and family, the Puzzeele people, to which she is a princess. Her overworld ability is to produce electricity, able to power on machines and glow in the dark. Her electric barriers even shield Mario from incoming projectiles. Since the moment she sees her own beauty, she tends to overestimate herself and look at other people from above. However, when she is surrounded by nice people, she turns into the sweetest softy there exists, and will act as a very caring friend, which is why the people who know her love her.

Here's Rockbert, a rocky that left Dreamland to come and study the dried-out valley's skellobits' culture. He was unfortunately accused from being the monster that terrorized the village, and then he freaked out "a little". His ability on the map is to let Mario climb on him, allowing him to jump to high platforms he normally can't reach. He is always forgiving to others, even if he is put in serious danger. In cases he IS in serious danger, he starts to panic and shows his more cowardly side. However, he’s the nicest guy to ever exist and likes to make sacrifices for the team, and he’s cute in that regard. He's made of rock, but his heart is as soft as a marshmallow (not literally).

Ying, better known as Nina by the inhabitants of Boned city, is a Ninji thief that is considered a hero for the citizens, but a disrespectful outlaw by the Broman Empire. She feels compassion to poors, and knowing what it is like to be poor since she was "raised" by a non caring mother, she always finds motivation in theft and gives out her loot to the other people. She was Yang's sister and loved him so much, but one dumb action of hers cost her her brother's trust, until Mario beat him. Her Ninja skills allow her to turn herself and you invisible, allowing you to go places unseen and go through walls. In return however, you can't move in this state. She is sensitive and over reactive on the current situation, but is however silent and doesn’t talk much, and when she does talk she talks in kind of a southern accent. She’s pretty... thoughtful... a head in the clouds.

Stayzee is a very ambitious Crazee Dayzee that is a famous singer at Jazzafrazz town, but she also wants to get noticed over the world. Her voice allows you to break glass and activate sound switches, as well as solving other puzzles. Her attitude is sometimes unacceptable as she tries to reach her goal, also sometimes unbearable. It's not her intent though... or at least that's what she says. She can be annoying at times, telling stories about herself that are unnecessarily and ridiculously long, but it only seems to affect Goombeddy...

Bootrus is a very determined Ascitizen who works at the Skygurrat. He never disappoints anyone! A perfect sidekick to have on your party, but no one’s exactly perfect, even for an Ascitizen... Bootrus' excellence comes with a character flaw, as he always jumps to conclusions without any formal proof due to him being nervous about not doing his job the way it is intended. He was alive when the religion that implied the belief of the a Skygurrat was just being born. His sharp glances literally are sharp and cut through paper. And his bow even allows him to shoot at things too far out of reach with great accuracy. In battle, he is the most skilled at ranged attacks. The fact that he jumps to conclusions so early may indicate he’s dumb, as sometimes he’s right, but sometimes, he’s not, or just lucky. Some speculate he’s smart and sees it coming though. Sometimes, he just prefers to rely on luck rather than reason. But he is pretty reasonable in general and if he notices he’s done worng, he immediately tries to rectify himself.

That is Luna, a sassy but nice Luma. Just like the majority of all other Lumas, Rosalina is her mother, and lives happily alongside her, but her innocence of a child abruptly got to an end when she discovered what crimes and slaughtering were people able to commit, haunting her mind for an eternity. Her ability is The star spin, which allows you to perform the Spin Dash, allowing you to go fast and solve puzzles. Her incident led her to strongly strive for peace, with unfortunately no prevail. While she is nice, she can be impolite and irresponsible to her duties when she is mad, and tends to freak out very easily, despite that, she's good to have around.

Block is a Blockbite who wasn't always one, as his robot body contains a soul. He is however actually the founder of Yesterdaycity, the city of nostalgia. He though was once the adoptive son of professor Valldo, who has made himself a robotic assistant slash adoptive daughter, Cybelle, who he considers his sister. His hard shell lets you sit on him as he tranports you over spikes, lava and such hazards. Knowing who he was prior to him turning into a robot, Block has done possibly anything, even almost killed himself if it meant getting back his old self. He is also caring and does not like to see people in pain, as it causes him pain. But he however also is aggressive sometimes when he judges people as "too mean". That's what we can assume is part of his nature.

Chillianna is a resident at the peaceful town of Gryztal Town. She lives there with her grandmother who is a fortune teller, making Chillianna want to work on her magic. Her ability is freeze. Use it to freeze parts of the overworld, as well as cool down items and such, actually freezing them in time. She is shy and more on the introverted side, and she speaks in a shaky tongue. Though so quiet, she is quite helpful and will get her way by using her own intelligence. She may look like a shrimp to you, but she's got more than one thing in her sleeves... gloves.

Mr, or sergeant, Blind is a warrior from Klein's army, who joined for personal reasons. He has removed his eyes for the same reason, pretty much why everyone calls him by that name! In the overworld, he uses high-texh gadgets, as well as his sensing qualities to render invisible objects or items visible. He is a good guy to have around, but he tends to get emotional at times, making him weird around others, but he will never stop to protect them, as he doesn't want the tragedy of losing his friends to happen just like what happened to his family, 60 years ago. He seems to have a deep secret, but he hides it (duh), because he doesn't want anyone to know about it, not even me or you readers.

Blurrgr is somewhat of the opposite of what the other partners. Instead of trying to save the world like the others, he's pretty much trying to save himself and his own money. Nevertheless, he still is a quite useful member of the team. He settled to live in Miiyoto to sell hot-dogs, but business was not really looking his way apparently, as his stats dived down literally. He has the ability to burn wood, paper and other flammable material, and can also start a campfire, which has its own purposes. Blurrgr is obviously not into the team, but his motivation to get a code star and sell it at high price makes him really a guy that wouldn't hesitate to go inside the danger. He is though quite greedy and has a very short fuse. If something gets in his way in the irritating moments, he is most likely to kill a whole civilization if not calmed. As he travels with the group, he begins to change and decided he wouldn’t be doing this for money.

Antonimus is an ant trooper and the sharpest tool in the shed, not counting optional partners. He is very strong and proud he would intimidate almost anyone! He used to live happily in Geldgypt, until he and his family got captured, and enslaved by the Broman Empire. After that, he followed Startacus on a journey to free all slaves, which unfortunately ended in the former's death, but should Mario not have intervened, all slaves would’ve died too. That plunged Antonimus into an eternal hatred towards the Bromans, who think they have power over anything. His overworld abilty is to push blocks too heavy for Mario to push. He can also lift them, which might allow different possible things to be done. He is a warrior-spirited person who would do anything to gain what he deserves, and he is fearless, but when desperate he will be extremely pessimistic. He has one goal, and that is being a hero! He is also pretty wise for a young lad, knowing the solution to the psychological problems of his friends. He is loved and acclaimed by people, and that is why nothing may get in his way!

Golitter is a Glitterfoot, and the last of his kind, as he, the burliest and most resistant, survived the heat the Gryztals produce. As the last Glitterfoot, he is more of a lonely guy and has kept his distances from any form of intelligent life, excluding his trusty Woodpecker companion. He has a pickaxe, allowing him to dig, as his big stubby arms are strong enough to swing it with full power. Being lonely, he has quite a lot of manners that he needs to work on, but tries his best to fit in, unfortunately not working that much, as he doesn't even know how to speak correctly. Nonetheless, he shows promise and total devotion to anyone who accepts his company, fearing that if he ever disappoints someone, he might lose them forever.

Cybelle is, from the point of view of many scientists, an immature pile of rust that does whatever goes over her tiny mechanical mind. While it is kind of true, thing is, Cybelle is actually a live being. No one knows how this was made possible, but her mechanical heart, completely engineered by men's hands, indeed shows signs of life. As such, she does unexplicable things a robot shouldn’t be able to do, like feel emotions, care about people, and all of that stuff, while still retaining her robotic capacities. She has the ability to alter the functioning of any mechanism, making things possible and opening otherwise sealed pathways. She is a curious-spirited robot, stopping at anything that looks out of place to investigate it. While knowing she is a robot, she likes to believe that she is a live being, something she doesn't know she actually is. She is very affective towards people, especially Block, and dearly trusts her loved ones at all times, believing they would never let her down. She might seem like a rusty pile of metal, but she's full of love inside.

Click here for the remade, and most likely final versions of the chapters.
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario idea. (Feedback needed)

Prologue
The Glitch Menace.

Here begins a new story, a story which you never heard before (or based on the fact that this chapter is being remade, you did hear it before). This is the story, of how, all of a sudden anything but order would take place. The story of how dozens of people’s fate were blown by the winds of change and kept most of them from horrible incomes.

This, is how it all begun.

"Hey Bro!"

These were the first words Mario heard today. He got out of bed and went to have breakfast, and here was his brother Luigi greeting him.

Luigi: Did ya sleep well tonight Bro?
Mario: Oh yeah!

Mario speaks of something though. Luigi seems to be listening carefully.

Luigi: What? You dreamt of the world coming to an end?
Mario: *nod*
Luigi: Well, it’s just a dream after all. A lot of people have dreams about all that kind of creepy stuff! Don’t worry, I don’t think the world’s ever gonna end while we’re in it!

Mario stares at him with a look that screams "You know what you’re right." Soon after though the TV program is interrupted by a quick message.

News reporter: We are now interrupting the show for a short period of time to announce you of what is saddening for me to say, but I am enforced to inform the entire Mushroom Kingdom that the lovable, kind and most particularly popular mayor of Toad Town, Mister Royal T, has suddenly and sadly passed away today morning and was found dead in his mansion. It is however unknown if his death was an intentional murder or just a simple natural heart failure. His funerals will be held today at 12 PM and the gates to The Castle are closed during the entire day. The normal broadcast will be resumed shortly after this message.
Luigi: Well that’s shocking. That’s a mayor I actually liked. And Bro, you sure slept in today, because it already is 11:30 AM now! If we want to make it to the funeral we better move NOW!

Sure enough, they both get out the front door, and Mario’s mysteriously already dressed up despite the fact that he just was in his pajamas. So they get out, but as soon as they get closer to the pipe that gets them to the sewers to Toad Town, the quickest but most dangerous way, two shadowy figures run by and SNATCH their hammers! (Had to say snatch with effect)

Luigi: Hey! Who are these guys? Ghosts?
Mario notices his hammer is gone.
Luigi: Oh no! They took our hammers! Let’s go after them, Big Bro!

The figures run through a nearby grassy area, the Litlue woods. Its trees are bizarrely light blue for some reason. Must be some sickness or something. But we don’t care about that, because our hammers are more important. I mean let’s be real for a second, Nintendo logic aside, you just wouldn’t think our heroes would carry the trees in this forest around instead of their hammers?

Anyway, deep into the woods, a bush seems to be calling out for Mayro and Weegi.

???: Hey! Psssssst!
Luigi: W-What? Who was that? Mario, did you hear something?
Mario: Oh Yeah!
???: Don’t worry, just a talking bush! You’ve probably come across Spike-shelled turtles, Ice-breathing Skeletons, Cybernetic Dragons, Thousand-year Demons, World-domination obsessed beans, and you’re afraid, OF A TALKING BUSH?!
Luigi: It’s just... we don’t see a lot of talking bushes around these parts.
???: So yer telling me that looking at a psycho-clown fused with a Mustachioed man is not as weird as a talking bush?
Luigi: No! Absolutely not!
???: Then come closer!

They get closer. Just as Luigi is about to embrace the bush, a Goomba springs out of it, startling our boy Luigi. The Goomba is Mustachioed himself, with a business suit, necktie, and beige fedora.

Goombeddy: Greetings, plumbers, I am Goombeddy, a Goomba, as you would never have guessed. But I can’t talk much now, we must move!
Luigi: Wait, how’re we supposed to trust you anyway?
Goombeddy: Look, I was sent your way because my master needs you. Yes, both of you. He says he knows you and would like of your service for something super important!
Luigi: So that guy in question knows us?
Goombeddy: Yes, but I’ll explain more later! For now we must get moving!

Goombeddy, the smart strong-headed Goomba, joins your party. With the help of his never-lying tablet, he can tattle enemies, tell you about the location in which you stand or share information about a certain character, just to name a few things.

Goombeddy: So these fiends that passed here earlier have your hammers? Then what’re you waiting for? Let’s bite at those big jerks!
Luigi: Biting wouldn’t exactly be accurate, but anyway, let’s go!

Just as the conversation ends, a group of Goombas approach the newly-formed trio.

Goomba: Hey guys! Look! It’s the plumbers!
ParaGoomba: No way! We gotta stop them from reaching Toad Town! Lord Bowser’s gonna get there anytime to kidnap the princess now!
Spiny Goomba: Let’s get’ em mah bros!
*Beginning of battle*
Goombeddy: Mario! Luigi! Work off those moves you have! We can overcome these pathetic slugs! Not saying Goombas aren’t tough, ya know, but still!

Luigi and Mario are shocked, they didn’t expect a battle this early in the game. They hop once together to express their surprise.

Goombeddy: Wait, you forgot how to fight! Well good thing I’m here! Without me, who knows how humiliating would it have been to losing to Goombas!
Luigi: Can you get to the teaching part already?
Goombeddy: Sure!

The battle options pop up.

Goombeddy: You see these? These are your attacking options! Here you choose how you attack your enemies! Just select either "Jump" or "Hammer" to attack an enemy! Do that to this first Goomba until it’s done! Except you don’t have a choice right now since you don’t have your hammer!

*Goomba’s dead*

Ok, good! Now see that one? With the wings? It’s a Paragoomba! And you can’t use your hammer to beat it because it’s flying! And you can’t really reach it with a small hammer, which you don’t even have at the moment. (Maybe having those trees instead of hammers wasn’t that bad after all!) But what will reach it? A jump! Jump on flying enemies to damage them!

*Paragoomba’s dead*

And now here’s a Spiny Goomba! Just attack it!

At this point you’re forced to jump on it, but that obviously hurts.

Goombeddy: Wait. What just happened here? Oh yeah! You jumped on it! Come on Mario/Luigi, you fool! You really thought jumping on spikes is gonna get you somewhere? Use your hammers, darn it!
Luigi: But we don’t have them!
Goombeddy: Wait... oh yeah! That’s right! Don’t worry, there’s... NO WAY WE CAN BEAT THIS ONE RUN! There’s a run option in the "Tactics" category. Select it to run away from the battle. Not the bravest option there is, but we can’t do otherwise, remember?

Sure enough, you run away.

Spiny Goomba: Hey, no fun! C’mon guys, what’re we waiting for, after them! (The other Goombas were just dizzy the whole time, not dead)

Goombeddy: Ok, you two, be cautious. We can’t fight off Spiked enemies without your hammers! Just remember that and we’re alright! Now AFTER THE JERKS WHO TOOK YOUR HAMMERS!
Luigi: Geez no need to kill my eardrums like that! I am really capable of hearing!

Now each time a Spiny Goomba approaches, you’ll be prompted with an exclamation point above Goombeddy’s head. The shadowy figures are eventually seen at the end of the woods, and escape to the Darkreen Plains, a plain area with Dark Green grass. At least it’s not weird, but I think you get the pun now. The figures are seen running like crazy in it. What you must do? Catch them! They will jump from bush to bush, but with a pattern. Am"bush" them! Ok mayyyyyybe that wasn’t funny, but admit it, it’s a nice pun. Anyway, get them stuck, somehow.

???: Oh great, they got us cornered!
???2: Oh you think?
???: Well, yeah sure, what did I tell you, this wasn’t a good bush to hide in, Hector.
Hector: Look Victor, I can’t get us outta any situation. You gotta use that circle that sits between your shoulders too!
Victor: Well, still, you gotta admit it’s pretty bad we got cornered in a place with no walls!
Goombeddy: Look, are you two still gonna talk for long? Because these chaps want their hammers back and all, so if you would kindly hand them over?
Hector: Hey don’t think we took them to give them back! You gotta GET THEM back with those rusty boots you have!
Luigi: RUSTY?!
RUSTY?!
Do you know how high these boots make me jump?
Victor: Prove it, Fancyoveralls.
Luigi: Oh that’s where you cross the line! C’mon Bro, let’s show them if our boots are as "rusty" as they say!

PROLOGUE BOSS: HECTOR AND VICTOR.

Goombeddy: Ok, lads! Boss time! First, this fight can be tough, and it’s your hammers that are on the line, so it’s better if we make things more interesting with... ACTION COMMANDS! They’re easy to use! First, try to jump on either Hector or Victor!

In-game instructor: Just as you are about to land on an enemy, press the button that shows up on screen!

Goombeddy: Ok good! You racked up 2 damage instead of the regular 1! With two more hits like this, Hector should run out of HP! That reminds me, try using my tattle ability on bosses! It really helps a lot so that you can figure out the ways to beat them!

Tattle: That’s Hector, A Shadowy guy we just met. Based on what I can get on this tablet, he was spotted occasionally in this world and was noted to possess power over dark magic, but why would he need a flimsy hammer then? Max HP is 5, ATT is 2. He will attack using dark magic, shooting black orbs at you or make a black sword appear. Aside from his HP, he’s not all that powerful.

That’s Victor, who is, based on what we have so far, related to Hector in some way. I’d say they’re twins. Max HP is 7, ATT is 1. He will shield himself occasionally, which makes it that he can take 1 damage without getting hurt. But his attack power is weaker than Hector’s, so he’s not a very tough guy either.

After the fight.

Hector: What? How didja? Even without your hammers, you’re so powerful?
Victor: How could this happen? You’ll pay Mario! And Luigi! Or maybe I should’ve let Hector say it, so that it would sound more firm.
Hector: Nah it’s ok, but you be sure we won’t forget that Mario! And Luigi! And whoever that Goomba is!

They warp away thanks to Victor’s magic. Somehow the bros felt like this whole thing had something to do with Royal T’s death. But they had to hurry to the castle with their newly gained hammers, because after what the Goombas said, they knew the castle was gonna get invaded by Bowser’s troops.

Just moved the Prologue to here because the character limit curse managed to touch the OP.
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario thread. (Feedback needed)

Goombeddy has been added!
 

Roserade

"Write your way into his heart..."
Core 'Shroom Staff
Awards Committee
Poll Committee
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario thread. (Feedback needed)

Plot wise, I would say put the tutorial before the other encounters with the enemy Goombas, it just make sense.

I'm​ also thinking you should give Goombeddy some unique abilities, and I say this because his design is more complex than the simpler Goomba partners of the past, so making his abilities more complex would add to his character
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario thread. (Feedback needed)

I'll think of that.
However, problem is, the fact that there are 16 partners makes it hard, as a lot of abilities have already been used.
 

Roserade

"Write your way into his heart..."
Core 'Shroom Staff
Awards Committee
Poll Committee
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario thread. (Feedback needed)

It could be something as simple as an interview with an opponent rather than a simple tattle, and pressing at the right time will cause them to spill the beans on a weakness or something. It doesn't have to be much, but something to differentiate him as a unique Goomba
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario thread. (Feedback needed)

Okay. Soon, before noon, I'll work on the story of chapter 1.
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario thread. (Feedback needed)

Hey there! It's me again, and I'm here to present to you Chapter 1 of my fangame -to which I came up with a good name: Paper Mario: Plot Twisted.- so without further ado, let's get continued:

Mario and Luigi, after gaining back their hammers from Hector and Victor, head to Toad Town, the town were the castle sits. To get there, they use the quickest, but most dangerous way, they venture through the sewers, as they have to get to the castle as fast as possible. Here, they use their newly earned hammers to solve puzzles and battle more weak enemies, this time adding rusty ninjis to the mix. When they get out of the exit manhole, they arrive at Toad Town. However, they cannot go to the castle as the door was locked by the government, in honor to Royal T. , the mayor of the Town, who sadly passed away few days ago. The guard though tells them that the door may be opened for emergency causes. The bros and Goombeddy try to convince him that a tragedy is near, but the grumpy toad needs to witness to believe.
They now have nothing to do but to explore the town for a way out. While looking, you can go to Toad harbor, where Peach's statue can be seen. Just in front of it, is seen crying an ordinary Koopa Troopa, who says that he lost his daughter long ago in a fire, and believes she's dead. Why is this important? This will be something a LOT later in the game, somewhere in chapter 13, but let's not spoil. In Toad harbor though, you meet Toadsworth, who is pleased to meet you. Mario and Luigi tell him that they need to get to the castle, but Toadsworth quickly stops them, saying that it is useless to try to pass the door until the funerals are over, the next day. Though he also reports he has spotted some unusual behavior in the gardens of the Town, but says he dismissed it due to him being not able to handle the situation. Mario gives him a dirty look, saying to himself what was Toadsworth thinking, but Luigi then tells Mario that it is better to check. When they get there, they see the gardeners working except for one koopa girl, who turns out to be Royal T.'s adoptive daughter, and demoted herself to a farmer because of her sorrow. But when she stops talking, Hector and Victor suddenly appear, wanting their revenge from the bros, who have humiliated them by defeating them without their hammers. This time, they can attack together, dealing more damage but reducing the amount of moves per turn.
They are defeated again, though, but state that while they were fighting they sent a signal to their troops to invade the castle. Speaking of that, the guard runs towards them in panic telling the bros the castle is being raided, so he opens the door to the castle, so now the heros can proceed. Before they go to the castle, The joopa girl, who goes by the name Kooplea, begs them to let her join them, in order to save the kingdom in which she was raised, as a hommage to her deceased adoptive father. In the castle, they fight glitches and other new enemies and solve puzzles activated by security, until they reach the top, where Princess Peach is seen getting attacked by a group of glitches. Mario and his three partners defeat them, and Peach thanks them. Mario then tells her the news, to which the Princess is shocked, and says that "she" cannot let something like that happen, and decides to help them, as a thank you for all the times she was saved. But just, then, Bowser hops in and says he was planning a kidnapping. And seeing the bros are already there, he engages them in battle.

BOSS CHAPTER 1: BOWSER

Tattle:(Slight British accent) That, my dear friend, is Bowser, your arch nemesis and evil ruler of the koopa kingdom. Max HP is 20, ATT is 3. Bowser will charge at you, and with the big horns he has, you will take big damage. Bowser also Breathes fire, applying a "burn" status effect to whoever was hit. His shell power is most devastating, it deals up to 3 damage, which is overkill for the moment. But you've already beat him MANNNNNYYYY times, so you'll get him, right?

Eventually Bowser is KOed, but then Hector and Victor are seen attempting to kidnap the princess. While she manages to defend herself from Hector, Victor swoops behind and "grabs" her, steals a star with a frowning face while Hector puts a bomb on the ground and detonates it, as the shadowy brothers disappear. Bowser and Luigi are lying on the remainings of the castle, but Mario, Goombeddy and Kooplea are propelled to a mysterious Place called the "Champs-Eclypsées" (From Champs-Elysées, a well known street in Paris, and Eclypse.) a town in a french setting and an eternal moon, which will be your hubworld.
There, they meet Merlon, who now lives here, and receives them in his home. He then tells that Goombeddy is his assistant whom he sent to bring Mario here, as the situation was critical. He then says that the cave of functions is a place where the codes of the "game" are kept, and that without them, the whole world would be upside down and possessed by these ingame oddities. He tasks Mario into finding the 16 Code stars, which all contain chips, in which are contained codes. Each star has a sin, feeling or opinion that is key to giving "personality" to the game. Merlon then hands Mario the first of them, Indifference, which he then quickly places into the electronic cave.

That's a big block of text up here, It took an hour to write. Hope you enjoy! Later today, I'll draw Kooplea and introduce her.
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

I had a really tough time drawing Kooplea, but I love wow she turned out in the end. So here she is.



Now here's Kooplea, a Koopa Troopa girl whose childhood was very harsh. When she was young, she lost her father and eventually got adopted by the well-behaved mayor of Toad Town, Royal T., who unfortunately died recently. In the overworld, she can retreat into her shell and get it kicked ahead by Mario, sending her hitting out of reach switches or retrieve far away items. You can also hold her shell in place to time a right hit. In battle,
she has one point of defense, distinguishing her from other characters. She is shown to be a lovely lady and loves to make others happy, at a point she sometimes forgets about her own being.

I hope you like that sprite, because I spent a good time not knowing what to do, but with the help of tpg, who gave me tips on how to draw it, I managed to pull it off.

I'll see, or pretty much you'll see me Tomorrow before noon writing down Chapter 2, and later the same day the partner obtained in that chapter. And remember, if you have any comments to make, then say what you want, for I will try and enhance the quality of the game based on your feedback.
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

So, there's a thing I want to clear out of the way: I clearly have a lot left to learn about painting this stuff, which is why I'll add to it and now draw the boss of each chapter (obviously that wasn't necessary with Bowser). Something else, I'll draw notable things in that chapter (Not to hype you SPM fans, but skellobits will eventually come back with a cool redesign in chapter 5). So I guess it'll still be harder, but if you want anything to be drawn, I'll handle it.
Feel free to comment.
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

Owkay, so now I'm writing this, and I'm ready to write another big block of letters and words and phrases and garbage. So let's dive in, shall we?

Meanwhile, in Hector and Victor lair, Hackula is seen evillaughtering(?) as he says:
Great work my fine minions! I see you correctly fulfilled your duty.
Victor: So anyway, what do we do with her master? We didn't steal her for nothing!
Hackula: Patience, underling! You'll see soon what great power this soul yields! You'll see how she will be coming in handy to my plan!
Hector: If you don't tell us your plan however, how are we supposed to know why we're doing this?
Peach: WHAT?! YOU KIDNAPPED ME WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT WAS IT FOR???
Victor (really soft and nervous voice activate): I'm sorry, he was too scary to ignore!
Hector: Shut. Up. You imbecile, you're adding to the humiliation!
Hackula: Silence!!! Tranport the princess to her cell this instant!

Peach is put in her cell, and overhears their conversation, revealing they have located a code star in the green city, located in Timberland. She spots a pen, so she decides to write down this location on a holo-peach, which she keeps with her on emergencies. She then sends the hologram to look for Mario (it is some kind of a high-tech gadget, it flies and has a built in sensor, don't ask me where I got that from).

Now with Mario.

Mario and co. are seen researching what could the location of the next star be. Just then, the holo-peach lands into Merlon's house, and Mario opens it, and so knows now where to go, but not what direction. After that happens, a weird creature in a lab coat, comes running towards Merlon:
The Strange guy: Mister Merlon! Mister Merlon! I did it!!!
Merlon: Did what?
Same guy again: I created a pixl that can snese the stars!
Merlon: That's great news, young one! Mario, this is professor Maji-mi, my student. He's been working on a way to save the world. So, Majimi, show me the pixl.

The professor gets his hand out of his pocket, showing a little pixl in the shape of a dog's nose.

Majimi: His name is Snifle. If you successfully activate his powers, he'll tell you exactly where the star is located! So you want Timberland, right? Then Timberland you get!

Then some kind of minigame begins where you have to do the action commands shown onscreen, in order for Snifle to show you the road.

Snifle: That way! *points to some direction*
Kooplea: This better work!
Goombeddy: Do not worry! I know the professor, and he knows what he's doing! So let's the way the little chap is telling us to go.

So then, you get to Timberland, a massive forest with trees so high you don't see where they end. On the way, bug-like enemies appear, such as Bzzaps. You eventually find yourself in front of a door, the door to green city, but it is sealed by 5 mystical leaves. The door then starts to talk.

Door: So you want to get to Green City? Well you can't! Hahahahahhah!!
Goombeddy: hilaaarious, but not hilarious, because, as you don't know, wood pile, the fate of the world relies on us!! Sooooooooo,can we get through?
Door: Fate of the world ......?? I don't see tragic stuff here!
Goombeddy, why am I getting the bizzarest feeling of déjà vu? Our door gets locked, and when we manage to get through, a catastrophy prevents us from doing what we needed to do.
Door: You know, you sound pretty serious to me, so I'll tell you what: get the 5 mystical leaves from 5 mystical trees. The door will then, let's say, think of it.

You go to find 5 trees, all different from the others which are:
-A Super Bell tree.
-A Chrismas tree.
-A Whispy Woods like tree.
-A SMW Forest of illusion tree.
-A Tree with Wario's face (which scares Mario unintentionally upon awakening).

The lock on the door then breaks. But the door says:

Door: Wait! Don't think about going through yet! You still have to do something!
Kooplea: What? We gor your precious leaves! Just let us in, trust us!
Door: Don't worry, young lady, for I will be nice: I'll let you through if you correctly answer five questions.
Goombeddy: Just say it so we get this over with!

The door proceeds to ask you a couple of questions. If you correctly answer everything, the door opens. If you don't you get enemy encounters, which become harder with each wrong answers.

They finally get to Green city, where they are greeted by the president's secretary, Kathy the Kaktus. After hearing their story:

Kathy: Oh my! Then you must be that Mario they were talking about!
Goombeddy: They?
Kathy: Yes! Monsters here came looking for the star as well, and they said that they had to find it before Mario does! Let me guide you to the president's office.

They step in the office, to find out the president, Squeezee the Crayzee Dayzee, was hoghly injured, unconscious, he wakes up in horror, screaming: BEEEEEESSS!!!!
Kathy: Sir, are you all right?
Squeezee: Bees stole mah precis steuff, including the staa'h and mah ja'r e pickles!
Kathy: What?? They took the star?
Goombeddy: definitely saw that coming.
Kathy: Mario, those bees are the people of the neighboring kingdom, and I'll tell you, they're not exactly tolerate. They are called the binks, and their stings are poisonous. They must now have the star in their territory, Hondon.
Kooplea: How exactly do we get there?
Kathy: Let me think a second........ AHA!
Goombeddy: What? Do you have a plan?
Kathy: Long ago, This city and that kingdom were connected by a train that goes from there to there, but it's been abandonned. I do believe the train is still functionnal. So go and run that train!

Kathy gives you a map of the city, then you go to the subway station, find that train and activate it.On the other side, you are now in Hondon, a Kingdom of bees based off of London(Get it? London => HONdon, hon as for honey. :) Ok whatever.)

Contrarily as Kathy said, the citizen were all nice to Mario, also recognizing him and telling how big of fans they are. Mario then goes to Buckinkham palace, to see the king. They tell him the story and the king says:

King Pen: Oh, I see!
Goombeddy: So, then the president woke up and said a bink stole it.
King Pen: This must be a misunderstanding, my dear guest, because this kingdom was founded on honesty. A crime this big could ruin its reputation! But if you still have concerns, then you may look around the kingdom, I won't mind that.

As they go out, they meet the king's advisor, a female bink in the name of Penny. Before they go, bee tells them that if there is a place that could be a secret hideout for the thief it would be the Sinister sitadel, the previous king's castle. Then Penny comes closer to Mario, telling that she is a huge fan of him, and asks him if he'd allow her to join him. You can say yes or, if you have the heart to say it, no. In either case, Penny says that she can't watch her favorite hero having to save the world without her if he were to meet her. So PENNY JOINS YOUR PARTY!!! And has the gliding ability, which you make use of in the citadel. At the end of the citadel, you find a magical crown, which gives its wearer incredible powers (Any Magolor reference?). On the crown, it is written: "Take the Power, then you will rise. Give the power, then watch your opponent grow in size". On the back of the crown, a code star is drawn, so they bring it to the palace to study it.

Penny: I get it!
Kooplea: Then tell us!
Penny: In order for this crown to work, the code star is required, and without it, it doesn't work. As for the words written on it, it means that if you don't wear the crown, someone eventually will,, and will use it against you! And that's not all! The same words are written on this!

She opens a drawer from the desk, and gets out a honey jar.

Goombeddy: This ain't snack time, Penny! We should focus!
Penny: No! Read these words!
Goombeddy: Seriously I don't see anything. What even IS this language? It says "Akte teh worpe neth uyo lwil sire. Ivge teh worpe neth tawch uyor ponopnet wrog in eszi"
Penny: And don't you notice anything?
Goombeddy: Absolutely not!
Kooplea: Oh! I get it! The words here are all anagrams of the english language, which they say the same thing! So that thing and the crown must be connected!

The jar is then opened. But to their surprise, a monstruous bee come out of it, and takes the crown, and says: So you didn't take it? Hmmm? Then watch me grow in size!
Penny: Wait, are you....
The monster: Yes I am!!! I am King Honster IV, the king that once took the crown and ruled the kingdom! And now that I am free, I shall rule it again!
A random soldier: Ha!!! Yes, it worked. My plan worked!
Penny: Wait, you did this, Gerald?
Gerald??: It's Harry! I planned years for this moment! Everything was over for me when the citizen trapped the old King, as we were allies, and we planned the takeover of the world!
Penny: Do whatever you want but Mario's here to stop you. Besides, your ally is weak without the code star.
Harry: You mean this?

He shows the party the code star, revealing he was the one who stole it from Green City.

Penny: So you're that thief!
Goombeddy: People, we cannot let him use it!
Honster IV: Then you fools are too late, for it is time for my reign to rise AGAIN!!!
Harry: Me too majesty, right?
Honster IV: We'll speak of it later.

BOSS CHAPTER 2: HONSTER IV AND HARRY.

Tattle: That is King Honster the IVth, previous ruler of Hondon and now he's out for revenge. His people trapped him in a jar for what I understand, because it says on my tablet that Honster was a tyrant and his people were mad. Max HP is 30 and ATT is 3. He'll occasionally call a swarm of bees to protect him from attacks, and look out for his antennaes that are poisonous. And the worst part is, he can absorb power from his crown to deal 6 DAMAGE on the next turn, and that's devastating. Truth to be told, he seems like he is going to put us to an end! But we shall not give up.

Tattle 2: That is Harry, a simple soldier from the army, the mastermind of Honster's "unjarring". Max HP is 15 and ATT is 1. He is pretty weak and won't really cause you problems, so you better focus on Honster. His spear does look rather threatening though.

Honster is defeated, and Harry flees, leaving the second code star, Alliance behind.

Whew, That's big stuff, so enjoy! That's all I can say. Feel free to comment and tell me what you didn't like about the chapter, if any flaws of course. Later today, Penny is drawn. One more thing, I think I made mistakes there, so I apologize for that.
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

Hey guys!
I'm almost finished with the King Honster sprite, so can anyone tell me some kind of way to upload my art without having to have users from around the world posting dirty comments, because the beginner I am is having this kind of problem. Please?

Edit: Problem solved.
 

Ice Cream Man

And It Don't Stop
Core 'Shroom Staff
Poll Committee
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

If you upload the images to Imgur, you don't have to make it public. Once the image is uploaded, you can just copy the image address without sharing it.

That aside, I'm impressed with what you've done so far, keep it up!
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

You guys, you may still answer my question, though here's King Honster, or at least a link leading to his sprite.


So apparently Penny... I don't know if I can make it today, but I'll try my best.

E: The image itself is here, no links anymore.
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

Chef Kawasaki said:
If you upload the images to Imgur, you don't have to make it public. Once the image is uploaded, you can just copy the image address without sharing it.

That aside, I'm impressed with what you've done so far, keep it up!
Thanks! I'll fix Honster's Image!
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

I impress myself. I finished this sprite quickly, less than an hour. So there's pen bee.



Penny's the happy bink secretary of the king of the Kingdom of Hondon. She kept her job from when Honster was still the ruler, and is one of the people that trapped him in a honey jar. Her ability is to hold on to Mario and can him glide over large gaps. She can also make him stay hovering in place if the ground is not to be touched. She is seen as a helpful person, always doing her job the best she can, but mostly messes up, something she wants to confront.

Simplest design yet, and it's only getting better after, since they're as simple as that, except for maybe one or two partners. Tomorrow, we'll go back in time to chapter 3, and we'll unveil a new partner.

Edit: Fixed Penny, added her wings.
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

Hey..... Today's chapter getting released earlier than the others. So let's see what this "going back in time" nonsense is all about.

Back at Fort Hackula:

WHAAAATTT?? He got it?
Random glitch: Yes sir, sorry sir, we'll make sure this doesn't happen again sir, roger sir, sirry sirry sir sir.
Hackula: Gaaaaah! And to think you didn't even show up in front of him (sigh) My army is THAT pathetic.
Same glitch: Sir, we have some... good news though.
Hackula: SPEAK!!!
Glitch: We have discovered that not only do those stars protect the universe from being glitched, but they also grant unspeakable powers to the user. We learned that by watching that Mario fight some monster using that star, and it was simply glorious.
Hackula: Well that's something else.... IF WE HAD A STAR!!!
Victor, intervenes: Actually, you need to take a look at this.
He shows that star with the frowning face that was stolen in Chapter 1 by him, remember?

Hackula: Holy moddies! You had that star?
Hector: Since our raid on The princess's castle.
Hackula: Haha! This is great! This is only our first step (on post-chapter 2) to hacking the WORLD!!!

Meanwhile, Peach in her room, is asking herself where could Mario be at the moment. Just then, the door opens and Victor appears, holding something:
Victor: Uhhh, hey Princess, I think this.... thing..... belongs to you.
Peach approaches him, saying "thank you" and going back to her seat.
Victor: Y'know, the master says you may wander around the fort unless you try to escape. So go ahead.
He lets the path open to Peach. You get to control her, until you find a piece of paper lying on the floor, next to some pile of books in the library.

Peach stares at it for 5 minutes, there are some words written in the ancient language of the mushroom kingdom, so she decrypts it, revealing the Bobley Kingdom (so many kingoms) was protecting a code star, Honor, in order to then, hand it to a chosen hero. Peach runs to her cell and writes another Holo-Peach.

Now back at Green city, President Squeezee is seen congratulating Mario and his party, and says that they missjudged Hondon and its citizen, and apologizes for that to Penny.

They go back to Champs-Eclypsées. To find Merlon is waiting with another Holo-Peach in his hand. He says he read it and that the next Star is in Bobley Kingdom. How to get there exactly, Snifle says that the Kingdom is located in the past, protected from all of the present evil forces to get there. So you basically need to find a way to go back in time, and I'm not going through that stuff, not to get too spoiley (Gotta figure that out by yourself).

So you arrive to Champs-Eclypsées 600 years ago, Where the Middle Ages were close to coming to an end. You ask directions to medieval people and eventually reach The Bobley Kingdom, ruled by none other than the infamous King Bobthur, a proud and valiant, rather solid Bob-omb (who also has arms), or at least that is what he once was. You go in his castle, which has many puzzles and new enemies such as Koopatrols and bob-ombs, also a new one called the ghalt (a ghost guard enemy).

When you get to the top of the castle, you find yourself in front of the star table. All the knights, including Bobthur are present, and don't seen to notice you.

King Bobthur: My fellow knights, you may all know the reason why I summoned you here, but what you may not know is what we are about to do.
A knight (All Bob-ombs): Yes, your highness, we know that we are planning an expedition to find some cool "ancient" artifact, but what are we doing now?
Bobthur: Shut it Percybomb, we are doing this because you didn't get it when it was in front of you!
Another Knight: What is that "it" exactly again, your majestic majesty.
Bobthur: That, my son, is the one and only... the Master Chalice.
Other knight: Your respectfulness, we already have the master sword, do we still need a vulgar chalice?
Bobthur: That chalice is no vulgar, for it grants god powers for the ones that drink from it!
Same knight: Why should we.....
Bobthur: Yoouuu....
Same knight: Ok. Why should YOU be a god, your honor?
Bobthur: Because why not?
Same knight: don't get it.
Bobthur: doesn't matter, I will now have to pick the kinghts that should accompany me on that quest... Ahem..... *Clears throat*
Kooplea: Umm, sorry to interrupt, but, we would need to speak two words, if you'd allow us.
Bobthur, Jump-scared: AHHHH!! Intruders, get them, my knights!

The knights all hesitate, but then charge at Mario and his group. There are Six of them. Once the fight is over, Bobthur finally realizes you're not bad guys and apologizes for attacking recklessly.

Bobthur: Oh my, I'm sorry for this move, guests, but tell me, who are you young people?
Goombeddy: Name's Goombeddy, and this, is Mario, legendary hero from the 21st century.
Bobthur: You must be out, my friend, it's the 15th century here.
Penny: No it's true, we came back in time to get here.
Percybomb: Your Strengh-iness, they have weird clothes and devices with them, they must be telling the truth.
Bobthur: Then you know what, I like you, because I like the future, and you're in it! What brings you here?
Goombeddy: We are looking for the code star that's in this castle, we need it for an emergency.
Bobthur, speaking to himself: Oh, that thing I accidentally threw out the window the other day.
Goombeddy: You WHAT?!
Bobthur: No, of course not, I just lent it to.. someone, yeah.
Kooplea: who is that someone now?
Bobthur: Please wait, I'm thinkinf of it (speaking to himself) remember what happened. You can't show a bad image of you in front of future people. AHA! Yes, that someone is The Hunter!
Penny: Hunter?
Goombeddy: Yes, Penny, Hunter. He is, in Bobthur's story, the guardian of the master chalice. If he has the star, then we should go to his castle.

What happens then is he chooses his best knight, Lancebob, your new party Member and Percybomb, only for the shiny weapon he has. Then, you start an expedition to go to the Hunter's castle, and get the code star, but the door is obviously locked for security reasons. You settle out to find the key, hidden in the field. Once you open the door, a voice greets you.

Voice: Well, Well, look who is back to try and steal my treasure!
Bobthur: Hunter!
Hunter Voice: You have unlocked the door, but only a good knight will pass those trials. Courtesy, Courage, and Glory are needed, and most importantly, Honor. Pass these trials, and both the star and the master chalice will be yours.
Bobthur: So you have the star too? *Goombeddy gives him a dirty look* I mean.... Challenge accepted!
Goombeddy: You're lucky he has it, punk!
Hunter Voice: Good luck!

You get past trials that reflects a knight's qualities. You succeed, however, in the last trial:

Bobthur: Oh, my, God! Is this what I think it is? The Master Chalice, it is finally mine! *He jumps towards it*
Lancebob: Your bravery, NOO! This must be a trap! We still have one trial.
But too late, the foolish king grabs the chalice, which turns out to be a fake.

Hunter: I knew it, you are unworthy of owning my chalice, now may the sky fall on your heads!

A Triforce like symbol in the shape of a star (looks a little like a pentagram) appears on the placement of the fake chalice. As the room starts to collapse. They escape out of the castle, but with no loot.

Goombeddy: NOOOO!!! Gaaaahhh!! I'll kill you, you dastardly old man!!!
Bobthur: Geez, calm down.
Lancebob: Sir Goombeddy, don't! The king did not want this to happen!
Percybomb: Hey, your non-clumsiness, at least we got out with this.

Percybomb hands out the Master Chalice. Bobthur is left speechless and admires the dumbest of his knights having managed to accomplish his mission.

Lancebob: Mario, we must get back in and find the code star. You said the world depends on it!
Goombeddy: That is correct, but that loser ruined it for us!
Penny: C'mon Goombeddy don't take it so bad we'll find a way.
Lancebob: Indeed. Yes we will, for I have already ventured on this field on my own before, and I know a secret passage.
Kooplea: Then that's great! Shall we go in?

The party goes back to the castle, this time taking the secret passage, which requires a bomb to be unlocked.
They thus go behind the castle walls, where reside many spirits and mainly Rat funks. At the end of the path, they find themselves in the room that collapsed, with the code star -which definitely wasn't there before- on a pedestal. Hunter comes in and says:

Hunter: I see you don't give, ruffians with no sense of honor!
Lancebob: Hunter! You must understand! The world is in danger! And this fellow here in the blue overalls is the chosen hero to prevent the apocalypse!
Hunter: Then you must prove it, by beating me on a head to ..... heads(?) combats.

CHAPTER 3 BOSS: HUNTER.

Tattle: This fellow with the trident and spear merge, thingy.... is Hunter, Guardian of the Master Chalice. Max HP is 45, ATT is 3 and defense is 1. He is quite a good fighter, has mastered the art of manipulating spears and tridents and uses his weapons with hreat balance. His attack pattern is pretty predictable, as he strikes poses before attacking. Each attack has its own pose, so be sure to memorize them. Look out however for these weapons, as they can create a rip in your body. That's about everything you should worry about.

The battle ends when his HP drops to 5 or lower. His weapon is destroyed, and he demands grace, and Lancebob recalls he learned while training that a good knight must never kill an unarmed opponent who does so. So he leans towards Hunter's half dead body and helps him get up.

The guardian is grateful and offers Mario the code star, Honor.

That was a little messed up, but still a good chapter. Next chapter won't be a kingdom, I promise, and is also one my favorite chapters out of the 16. Lancebob will get drawn in the afternoon. As of Hunter, his design is reallly complex and realistic, but I'll eventually draw him. As always, any form of feedback is highly appreciated, so don't forget to comment!
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

Lancebob was A LOT easier to draw than Penny, I'm really getting the hang of it. Only difficulty was painting the sprite, which also wasn't hard.



Lancebob is King Bobthur's best knight, and apparently his favorite. He is also the trustiest of all of them. He has the Bomb ability: whenever (insert button) is pressed, Mario will put Lancebob in front of him, as the Bob-omb starts walking a few steps and explode. This can be used to blow up craked walls or rocks, or activate a switch that triggers a specific event for a limited time. Lancebob would never disobey to orders given to him by his allies and never fails people. His problem is, however, sometimes, if he believes his mission is failed, he becomes extremely annoying and becomes very sad, but calms down when he finds a way out of the situation.

So here you have him. Tomorrow, we'll have some fun with chapter 4, and I'll draw a "stunning" partner, both in the physical meaning and..... the other meaning.
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

Hey guys, I'm now writing chapter 4, and let me tell you, I'm excited because this, is one my favourite chapters in this game and my favourite chapter so far. There's just nothing you can hate or complain about here: everything's perfect: the setting, the boss, the plotline, and the new partner (who is from a new species). With that said, let's get this "fun" chapter started.

At fort Hackula:

Victor: You know bro, I don't know if this'll work, so if at the end, it doesn't, don't expect me to get the blame.
Hector: There's NO WAY I'm getting it, simply because it will work!
Victor: I'm not [italic]entirely[/italic] sure, see, he doesn't have a face of someone that gets fooled easily.
Hector: Trust me! Besides, don't want it to happen?
Victor: Sure, but that just brings a little motivation!
Hackula: What are you clowns blabbering about?
Hector: Nothing......?
Victor: WE WERE PLANNING AN ENCOUNTER WITH MARIO!
Hackula: Then fine! *he leaves*
Hector: What in the dark world were you thinking?
Victor: Hey, I had to say something!

Mysterious......

Princess Peach decides to go look for clues, as she knows that trying to escape would make the glitch vampire lose his "trust". She goes around the fortress, but no clue. She then hears rumor about an unusual cloud heading to North-east of Champs-Eclypsées, a place which's sky is normally clear. They say a circus is located there, a circus alimented by some sort of power source that keeps it happy, but it seems the power is too strong it is becoming uncontrollable. Peach quickly notes it and sends it as a Holo-Peach.

Back at the Bobley Kingdom. Bobthur is seen standing on the star table, telling fake stories about himself, while Hunter is seen with Mario, telling him that if he ever needs protection, he knows who to call. Lancebob then informs everyone that he is leaving to accompany Mario and save the world. He bids farewell to the knights and the king, as Mario and co leave.

Lancebob: So Mario, tell me, what is our next step.

Mario emits a random noise, telling him they should go to Champs-Eclypsées to place the code star into the cave of functions. They all head back to the time machine that lead them here.

Lancebob: Well, Well! Fine piece of machinery you got there. *Time Travel* So this is what the 21st century looks like? How fascinating!! I'm in the future!!
Goombeddy: let's not get excited yet, we still have a lot of code stars to collect!
Lancebob: consider me at your entire disposal.

Merlon greets them, a new holo-Peach in his hand. It says that there is something suspicious going on at the circus at Northeast of the town.

Mario and co quickly head there, welcomed by a sinister house. The door to the circus is locked (yeah, again) so they go in the house. The ceiling and walls are all full of cracks. The portaits seem to be following strangers. They fight Ghost enemies (Boos, Stretches, even invisighouls, you name it.) until they successfully go upstairs. There is seen sleeping an old koopa troopa, on a balancing chair.

He is woken up, and asked what is he doing:

The old guy: Ahhhh! You just almost gave me a literal heart attack!! What are you lads doing here?
Penny: What are YOU doing here? This place is inhabitable, how can you stay relaxed?
The old guy: This is me home! I haven't got up that chair since that nasty cloud came and ruined everything! This job was the only thing I had!
Kooplea: Wait, you work here?
The old guy: Well, yes! First, let me introduce myself: Name's Koopister, and I am the old man guy that opens you the door to the circus!
Kooplea: Then could you please open up the door for us? We need to get there!
Koopister: Me sorry, my little children, but we ain't opening to anyone, even the royals! That cloud is a pesky problem. All the staff is working to get it out! But me, I have to keep the door shut!
Kooplea: Come on! Between Koopa! Whatever that problem is, we can fix right guys?
Mario does his "Oh Yeah" sound effect.
Koopister: All righty then, but can't say I didn't warn you!

The door is opened. You have your first sight at the circus. You see the dark cloud, as stated by the old man, and people trying to get it out. You meet the manager in front of the circus, he's a small-sized clown with a flower in his hat. He tells you your are not welcomed, and tries to make you leave.

Goombeddy: Listen, funny face, we are not looking for any problems, but we are looking for something very important, the world as we know it could end if we don't collect it!
The manager: I see! So that's why the circus was going crazy! But what's this cloud doing here then?
Lancebob: All of that we will investigate, sir, but you just need to let us stay there!
The manager: Then ok, I'll let you stay and investigate, but in return, you will have to get rid of that cloud for us!
A clown douplighost: Mister Giggles, the cloud is getting larger! And we don't seem to find anything that can stop it!
Giggles: Well that's a bummer! Seems like we got an angry cloud above our heads!
Dooplay (That's his name): So, anyway, who are these kids?
Giggles: Strangers that want to investigate the cloud and the source of why the circus is going crazy. They might be the solutions to our problem! *he leaves*
Dooplay: Hey, you, the 'stache man!
Mario is confused, he's like "Who me?".
Dooplay: you want to look for something suspicious? Go to Giggles' office! I think he's up to no good!
Goombeddy: You really sure? Shouldn't we begin with the obvious places, like the pit of the circus?
Dooplay: I... Guess you're right. (He throws his keys for you to catch) Welcome to the Happy Dome.

Without any more words, they go to the pit. There, despite the lack of audience, the performers and doing their job. As parctice for when visitors come. They notice Mario and recognize him, all being previous members of the koopa troop, and recall old memories they had while they were trying to protect their king.

Goombeddy: Why are you all here though? What seems to having brought you to this place?
A Hammer Bro: Well, see, I was tired of hurling hammers now and then, and I realized that no matter how annoying of an enemy I was to bypass, Mario could still go through my hammer barrage, so all that was useless. I decided to use my hammers for something I actually loved doing, and that's juggling. However, this place is not as happy as they say, because I once snuk into Dooplay's float, that dooplighost who's the right hand to the manager Giggles, and saw documents in his drawer indicating that people with electric powers were kidnapped, for reasons that are yet to be known. That's all I can tell ya'. I'll try to help you the best I can!
Penny: So, you mean that Dooplighost might be the reason that cloud is here?
Hammer Bro: Don't know, could be anyone. By the way, the name is Hearl.

So the party plans up:

Lancebob: I don't know, that turtle looked rather serious, but the dooplighost did not seem suspicious either. Should we go to Giggles'?
Penny: Well, it IS our best bet. Besides, Dooplay did mention him having secrets in his office.
Goombeddy: I'd go to Giggles' office if it were my decision.
Kooplea: Yeah, Goombeddy's right.

You head to Giggle's office, and look for clues. But once they get in the office, they find Hector and Victor going through files, hoping to find something about the code star. The shadow bros soon spot Mario.

Victor: Ahhhhh! He's here!!
Hector: Who's he...... AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! He's here!!
Victor: So Mario! Heyyyyyyy! How's the wife? Oh, don't have one? Well that sucks. Lookin' for the star too? Good, good. Why won't you help us and SURPRISE ATTACK!!!!!

A battle is begun, and is over, with Mario's victory, again.

Hector and Victor flee, swearing they'll get Mario next time.

Mario and his party look around the office, but find nothing.

Goombeddy: You know, i feel that this was an attempt from the ghost to try and hide his plans, we better check him.

They decide then to look in Dooplay's float, getting coat by the latter in the process.

Dooplay: Whaaa?? What're you guys doing here?
Lancebob: We're sorry, dear friend, but we need to investigate.
Dooplay: In my float?? Ya kidding me?? Outta here! All of you!

They are chased out of the float, and Dooplay shuts the door behind.

Mario suddenly notices an odd sparkle in the creepy woods, so they all decide to go there, battling more ghost enemies along the way, also Dead piranha plants. They eventually come across something that looks like the dead body of a whale. With things getting stranger, they ask themselves:

Penny: Okay, this creeps me out, that's number one. Second, how are there sparkles coming out of it? Like this is supposed to be a whale??
Kooplea: This doesn't make any sense. There's DEFINITELY something going on than just the cloud and circus hyperactivity.
Goombeddy: Dooplay also looks suspicious now, he's refusing to let us investigate his float. Is he hiding something?
Lancebob: Well, whatever it is, we have to find it out!

They return to the circus, the cloud has grown larger. Worse, yet, staff members are disappearing, bringing in a creepy atmosphere, in a happy circus.

Giggles: There you are, investigators, I was getting worried! Have you found something yet?
Lancebob: We've seen oddities in the woods. There's a dead whale there with sparkles around it. This case is not close to being cracked.
Goombeddy: We do have concerns with Dooplay though, he seems to be hiding things from us!
Giggles: I'm happy you guys are doing it though. This circus, and apparently as well as the world, depends on you! Keep up the good work.

Hearl: Mario! Mario! I found something! I saw an old shack in the woods! And it is connected to the circus by a cable!
Penny: Now that sounds interesting!
Hearl: The door is locked, but I'm pretty sure you'll find a way to get through. After all, I've seen you years penetrate Bowser's castle, so go on!

At the back of the circus, a cable can be seen coming from inside the circus. Mario and co follow it. They find a shack, which is locked. They venture to the woods again to find the key. When they find it though, when they get back to the shack, two electric eels that have each of their body parts pieces of puzzle that are connected to each other. This is the Puzzeele species.

Puzzeele 1: Aw man, it's locked!
Puzzeele 2: You sure this is the right place?
Puzzeele 1: Yeah, I feel it! This IS the right place!
Puzzeele 2: Then that means we got to look for the key.
Kooplea: Wait, so you want to get in there?
Puzzeele 1: Hey who are you?
Puzzeele 2: Oh my goooooood! It's Mario, the hero of the mushroom kingdom!
Puzzeele 1: Oh him! What's he doing here?
Puzzeele 2: He surely wants something from the shack.
Puzzeele 1: Or Unless he wants something that we're looking for!! Electric powers mode, ACTIVATE!!!

A battle is started with the Puzzeele, who is beaten by Mario.

Puzzeele: Gahhhh!!!! This is so annoying! Why do heroes have to win and the non-heroes have to lose?
And runs away.

Puzzeele 2: Sorry, he's kinda crazy about the gal, anyway, BYE MARIO, I LOVE YOU! I'M THE PRESIDENT OF YOUR FANCLUB.
Penny: There's a girl, now?
Goombeddy: Only one way to find out!

The door is opened. Before the party stands a humongous machine that seems to be the circus' power source, the one that makes it happy.

Kooplea: Why do I hear.... Heartbeats??
Lancebob: MARIO!! This must be related to the kidnapping electric people thing! That means these people are used to power the circus with the use of this machine. AND IT MEANS WHOEVER IS IN THERE IS DYING!!!!! QUICK, WE NEED TO RESCUE THEM!

Mario's Hammer doesn't work. Someone stronger must be called break the machine open. Remember when Hunter offered you his service? You must go to him, and bring him here.

Hunter: So where's the machine?
Lancebob: Right in that shack.

Lancebob: No the machine, not the shack!
Hunter: Oh!

The machine is broken open, and a powerful light emerges from the metal pile. The light blinds everyone, as a beautiful female puzzeele with a slim body a long light blue hair is seen freeing herself from it, but passing out shortly afterwards. Penny leans towards the eel.

Penny: So that's the gal they he was talking about!
Hunter: Is she dead already?
Goombeddy come closer to her: No, we're just in time, she's breathing.

Soon enough, the young girl regains consciousness.

The Puzzeele: W..Where am I?
She looks around.
The Puzzeele: Oh no... It's still that place! But how? How did I get out?
Mario approaches the confused puzzeele, telling her they did.
Same Puzzeele: Oh Thank You! Thank You Sooooo Much! *blows a kiss on Mario's cheek*
Hunter: Uhhhhhh.... I did that, I broke the machine thing, right?
Same Puzzeele: Let me introduce myself. I am Lucifer, and I was in there from when I was a lot younger! And Who are you?
Mario says his name. Lucifer's eyes grow big of surprise.
Lucifer: Wait, THE Mario? I can't believe it, I was saved by a celebrity! But tell me, what is such a famed plumber like you doing in a place like this?
Goombeddy: We are looking for something called the code star. With all the time you soent here, you should know one or two things about this thing.
Lucifer: I've heard.... The guy that trapped me here talk about it not long ago. He says it was a good way to power up the circus. But he was also planning to take over the world with it.
Penny: Do you remember who it was?
Lucifer: I.. I... YES I DO!! It's the manager!
Dooplay opens the door: see I told you it was him.
Kooplea: So Giggles is our guy?
Dooplay: Yes! I discovered a secret passage in his office the other day, and found these files about his plans. I hid them from you because I did not want you to look up my private stuff, that's as simple as that!
Lancebob: Then what are we waiting for? Let's go confront him!
Lucifer: Wait! You saved my life in here! I can't let you go without me by your side! I owe you sooo much!
And Lucifer, that one Puzzeele that was the "stunning" partner the whole time joins your party!!! Yayyyy!!! She has the ability of electricity, which makes her power up machines or light up areas in the dark.
Dooplay accompanies you to Giggles' office and reveals the secret passage.
You are now in his secret lair.
At the end of the dungeon, Giggles is met once again.
Giggles: Well, I see you cracked the case, Mister Mario.
Dooplay: You won't get away with this you fiend!
Giggles: Oh, I'm scared because I don't have A WHALE'S HEART THAT'S THE HEART OF THE CIRCUS TO PROTECT ME!!
He pulls down a giant handkerchief, unveiling a giant active heart.
Kooplea: Ahh! Disgusting! So that's the dead whale we saw earlier.
Penny: But the sparkles...
Giggles: Carry acid with them and was used to kill the whale without destroying its heart.
Lucifer: So the thing I was giving energy for was...
Giggles: Exactly!! The heart! And.... Oh... I see someone freed you. But it doesn't matter, for I am UNSTOPPABLE!!!
Lancebob: Mario, let's do this!

BOSS CHAPTER 4: GIGGLES AND HEART OF THE CIRCUS.

Tattle: This is Mister Giggles, Manager of the Happy Dome which turns out to be not that happy. He planned to conquer the world with that big heart he has... not inside of him at least. Max HP is 25, ATT is 2. He's not tough, all he can do is squirt water at you with his water gun, making you all soggy, and can also use the heart as a living shield. But he will also heal the heart's HP occassionnally. So consider taking him out too.

This is The Heart of the circus, that got its power from the lovely eel lady we've got with us. Max HP is 40 and ATT is 4. The heart can protect Giggles from being damaged, so you have more chance of damaging it than the clown, but it occasionally gets healed. By the Latter. And other problem, the heart might shoot a laser at you with the powers of the code star inside of it, which is causing the circus' craze.

Giggles is eventually defeated.

Giggles: How did you?.... you meanies *He runs away crying, dat loser*

The heart gets destroyed, and the code star lands on the ground.

Lucifer: Yeesh! Gross! But it was nice watching that dweeb cry.
Kooplea: You said it.

Mario grabs it and ends the chapter.

So, the big guy's unleashed. Tell me if you too loved this chapter, with the athmosphere and all.
I'll try to finish drawing Hunter as soon as possible, as well as Lucifer, the "stunning" ally. Giggles will also get drawn eventually.
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

And before I stop here, I have some issues with the wifi and all, so I might not post anything. These issues will persist I guess until Tuesday.
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

Another quick update: I cannot use the internet until this Tuesday, except some exceptions I guess. So I won't uploading sprite until said date. Sorry for the delay and thanks for understanding.
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

Hey, Guys!! Guess what!!
My internet connection is finally restored, and am I happy, because I'll now be able to showcase three artworks.
Bad news, though, I'm back to school, so uploads will be less frequent.

So, first things first, I present a colorless version of Hunter, the third Chapter Boss. Why Colorless? Well, I didn't finish him in one go, so he was put on the background layer, which makes it really hard to color him.


Then, The next Chapter's Boss, Giggles. Not exactly the best design, but it's still there.


But, however, none of those two match the beauty hiding down in that spoiler. Ladies and Gentlemen, I proudly give you, what you were all waiting for, LUCIFER!!!!!!!! Before I put her, I want to tell you that not only do I love the way she turned out, but I personally think it is my best sprite yet. And the fact that she is already that cool-looking helps a LOT! She also comes down as one of my favorite partners in the whole game, so I took my time drawing her. Seeing how you guys liked those other drawings, then you'll just love the eel girl.



Lucifer's a beautiful Puzzeele girl that is always cautious. This cautiousness was spawned by the fact that she had been kidnapped by the circus manager Giggles to power his circus, but taking away half of her childhood. After such a tragedy, she does not even remember her father, Sataneel and family, the Puzzeele people, to which she is a princess. Her overworld ability is to produce electricity, able to power on machines and glow in the dark. Since the moment she sees her own beauty, she tends to overestimate herself and look at other people from above. However, when she is surrounded by nice people, she turns into the sweetest softy there exists, and will act as a very caring friend, which is why the people who know her love her.

So here you finally have her... And the other two of course ;) ;) ;) ;), now about Lucifer, well, her backstory isn't full yet, but we will soon discover her true identity in another chapter.

What do you think? What should I improve with the sprites or story? Are they good? Or bad? Or can be better? That feedback can come in handy in the future.

Until next time, possibly tomorrow, we die waiting for Chapter 5. Don't forget to comment!

See ya! ;D
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

Hello again! I'm happy everything is turning out great! And in the meantime, I've been thinking chapter 5's plot, so let's get into this s***!

After defeating Giggles, Dooplay tells Mario that he stills needs to find the missing staff. And they still haven't discovered why the cloud is here. They eventually find the dissappeared people, including Hearl, who says he and the others were trapped here because they found out about the dirty clown's plans. He also says that the cloud was all just something that menaced people that wanted to come, so that Giggles' project wouldn't be revealed.

Kooplea: Wow... he planned all of that! He must be a smart guy!
Hearl: I know, but thanks to you Mario, and your group of friends over there that this circus can go back to its glory days!
Goombeddy: I am glad we could've helped you!
Lucifer: So Mario? What do we do with the code star you were all telling me about?
Mario nods, as an alternate way to say they should go to Champs-Eclypsées to install the fourth star, Shock, into the cave of functions.

Once that done, Merlon comes to them and says he hasn't received a holo-Peach telling them where the next star is, making him worry about the princess.

Lancebob: Well that is unexpected! What should we do now?
Merlon: I frankly don't know, but I have received a message from Merlee, my granddaughter, telling me she has developped some kind of magic spell. She says it will be helpful. She lives in the house that located in the valley over there. It is isolated, so you won't have trouble finding it.

You eventually find the house, and Merlee inside it:
Merlee: Oh my! Oh dear! Is this Mario I hear?
Penny: You guessed! It is Mario... and co I guess.
Merlee: Of course! Now sit down! I hear you took down an evil clown?
Wonderful! And you're just in time! For my spell here is as ready as a... Green Lime? Looks like I'm out of rime!
Goombeddy: Someone needs a break here! But what exactly is that "spell"?
Merlee: Now Patience, You'll see! This spell is made by me, Merlee!
It will help you find the stars, it will be as easy as opening a....... Pickle jar???
Now enough talking, enough useless words! Finish these rimes, drink this potion, and watch yourself penetrate narrow worlds!

Mario drinks the potion, and Merlee explains him:
Merlee: Yippee! Hourray! This is your best day!
Now press the [insert button] button, and you'll become paper-thin!
Mario tries his new ability, but shortly afterwards, he falls asleep.

Merlon: We cannot wake him up! We need to wait until he gets up on his own!
Lucifer: What??? But we need him to save the world! Come on people, we can't do it if we don't have anyone to lead us!
Goombeddy: We can't do anything now! But if there is a way...
Lucifer: Oh! You mean I should be the leader, right?
Goombeddy: No! You didn't let me finish.... Wait, I don't even have a plan!
Penny: Okay we're doomed! If Goombeddy can't get us out of this, then no one can! It would take a miracle to find a solution!

Suddenly, a familiar voice seems to be calling Mario, and is coming to Merlon's house.
The guy: Hmmmm... Maybe I could get something about him here?

The guy knocks the door. Merlon opens it. The guy then lets out a strong shout and runs toward Mario's sleeping body.
Goombeddy: ...........Lu.......Luigi?
Luigi: Mario! Wake up! The princess needs you!
Merlon: It's useless trying to wake him up! He's in some sort of coma.
Luigi: What???? Goombeddy, Kooplea?? What're you doing here?
Kooplea: Well, see? Mario has got a new ability but apparently some side-effect caused him to lose consciousness!
Penny: LUIGI??!! Like, Mario's brother?
Lancebob: They do look like each other.
Lucifer: Luigi! Thank goodness you're here! (She hugs him, Luigi doesn't seem to be all excited though). We need someone to guide us! Will you do it? For us? For me? The world? Prove you're as sweet as Mario is!
Merlon: Eel lady, let's not get too cheesy, would you? But it is, however, a brilliant idea! Luigi, why wouldn't you accompany Mario's partners to their journey? To find the code stars!
Luigi: The WHAT Stars?

Everything is explained to Luigi, who agrees to help the party. They consult Snifle, who tells them the next star is in Dried-out valley, a place where Nature itself looks dead, and signs of life are very weak. A colony of undead skeleton beings known as the SKELLOBITS (Yes, they're in the game!) have set foot there, and are building some sort of society there. They are really laid back though, and so they live like we were living in the stone age. Snifle points the direction to the valley.

Luigi and his new partners travel a long distance, battling croombas and bald clefts along the way. Luigi's stats are not quite the same as Mario. His level is the same, but due to him jumping higher, his jump attack is stronger than Mario's. But in return, his hammer is weaker.

When they reach the valley, they attend a sad scene: dead corpse of animals, no lively body, and no activity. Just silence, a sound death makes.

Lancebob: How sad of a scenery, Sir Luigi! It is like an apocalypse happened here!
Penny: So where exactly are we supposed to look?
Luigi: I don't know, but I feel like we are pretty close from this code star.
Kooplea: So what do you think we should do?
Goombeddy (scared): I... think we should defend ourselves from these monsters!

They are surrounded by five skinny skeletons. Brown, holding spears, equipped with a square head. The skellobits. They speak a weird language, and some of the words even sound like noise.

Skellobit 1: (unspeakable language)
Goombeddy: I know what he's saying! They think we are intruders! Let ME handle this!

He gets closer to the skeleton, and talks in his language, but the skellobit takes it as he is defying him and attacks him. The group of five skellobits is battled by Luigi and the five partners.

Lucifer: Phew!!!! These guys were really not happy to have us here! So what do you say, sweetie? What do we do now?
Luigi: We.... Explore??

The partners stare at him for a few seconds, with Lucifer giving him an encouragement look. They agree.

Now, you can see many cracks in many rocks. Use Lancebob to create a passage or discover items. However, the only thing you can do to progress in the story is to find the skellobits' village. No one is there though, all except for one wizard, who is apparently the leader of those skellobits.

The Leader: Who goes unannounced in my village?
Luigi: Wait, you speak our language?
The leader: Of course! I am a knowledgeable old sage. Now answer my question!
Lancebob: Fear not, we come here in peace, and are not looking for trouble! But what seems to be the reason your village is uninhabited?
Leader: I will introduce myslef and declare my name is Skiller, and I am a bound hunter and leader of this village. I am also a pretty skilled magician. My people are simply assisting to some kind of ritual. Now tell me. What brings you to the village?
Luigi: Well we're here because of something they call the code star! The world needs it! Do you know anything about it?
Skiller: code star, you say? I have heard legend of it, but no evidence of its existence.
Lucifer: But it's true! We, or pretty much the other ones have found 4 of them. Is there any possibility it is somewhere here?
Skiller: Hmmmm.... I do not know, but if that is your reason for coming here, then I welcome you! Make yourselves at home and look for this star!
Goombeddy:Wait! Before you go, what is this ritual you mentioned earlier?
Skiller: Oh yes! It is an execution! Since a very long time, a monster terrorized this village. A rock that was invincible not the strongest spear could come closer to killing it. A hero, one day, managed however to kill it with the help of the silex spear, but left its spirit wander in the valley. The spirit then hid in a giant rock so strong it can bring a whole mountain to the depths of the planet! A rock that we called Eewakk. Since then, no one dared to step inside the cave. Until very recently, however Eewakk was spotted in the valley outside the cave, not knowing where he was. One soldier saw this as an occasion to show off his bravery, and successfully captured the supposed beast. It is now the moment where it is being finished, but why was it weak was anyone's guess. I realized it wasn't Eewakk and tried to convince the people to stop the ceremony, but they wouldn't even listen! They were after their own good and safety, and so wanted to proceed in the killing. I cannot stop my people, for I must protect them. You can stop it though, I sense you have the power, Master Luigi (He blinks, while Luigi is confused because he doesn't know how Skiller knows his name). Don't look at me like that, of course I know you!

They see a tower-like. They enter it and see a crowd of skellobits all repeating the word "RAKUKKA". Don't ask how I came up with the word, but it means Sacrifice. At the top of a pedestal is seen a Rocky (the rock enemy from the Kirby series) with a red head band, crying desperately for someone to hear him and save him.

Rocky: HELP! HELP!! PLEASE!! ANYONE!!! I'L DO EVERYTHING!!!! I'LL BUY YOU AN ICE CREAM, BRING YOU KIRBY DEAD OR ALIVE, I'LL GIVE YOU A SHINY TERRARI, I'LL SHAVE THE FACIAL HAIR I DON'T HAVE! I'L MARY YOU!!! ANYTHING BUT PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!
Kooplea: He seems desperate, and not evil. I think these guys don't know who they are accusing.
Rocky: STOP!! YOU'RE MAKING A TERRIBLE MISTAKE! I'M NOT THAT EEWAKK YOU GUYS ARE TALKING ABOUT!! I DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM!! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!! PLEASE LET ME GO!!!
Luigi: I think we should.

This is the mandatory "make your way by hitting npcs" section. Whack the present skellobits to open yourself a path, knock the executor out and free the rocky, who had his eyes closed and was still panicked.

Rocky: PLEASE!! I'LL CLEAN YOUR MUSTACHE, SHELL, OVERALLS, HAT, SWORD, HAIR (those all belong to Luigi and his party)!! JUST HELP ME ALREADY!!
Lucifer: Wowwow... No need to yell anymore big guy. You're safe!
Rocky: Oh! Your hair is already clean!
Luigi: What's your name little one? And how did you end up here? Or do you live here?
Rocky: 'F course not! I wouldn't have been in such a situation. My name's Rockbert! I am so grateful to you. I'm just a tourist see, I am from Dreamland!
Penny: Myeah, that figures. So they thought you were this Eewakk.
Kooplea: Penny, dear, everyone noticed that.

Meanwhile, a scream can be heard outside. A scream that can barely be heard, it sounds like death. The skellobits village is being attacked. They go outside, to find a giant rock creating shockwaves as it stomps the ground continuously. The team assumes it's Eewakk.

Rockbert: Oh no! That must be Eewakk! You need to stop him! Before he destroys the village!
Goombeddy: I don't get it. You get condemned to death but you don't want them to.... die?
Rockbert: It's not their fault or mine I look like him! In either case, this place is a laid back civilization! What if it prospers and grows in a different way humans did? Wouldn't that be cool? I wanted to come here to study this culture! And you know what? I want to save these people! Whoever you are, green guy with the overalls, I want to help you.

Rockbert is the Chapter 5 partner. You can use him as a platform to climb on high surfaces you can't normally reach.

You need this ability to reach Eewakk, who is standing on the highest point of the village.

Eewakk: What?? Who are you beings? How dare you defy me?? You will pay!!!!

Eewakk is invincible for now, the only way is to run away. Eewakk too leaves, saying he will come back later.

Skiller: Master Luigi! I am pleased you managed to rescue the poor unfairly accused rock. But our village has been attacked by the monster!
Rockbert: We know, but he's invincible to our attacks!
Skiller: I see.. You need to get the silex spear, the instrument that previously killed the beast. It is in Eewakk's cave! Go there, and stop this madness!
Lucifer: Eewakk's cave? He's invincible, remember? You don't seem to understand this, but we can't get it if the brute's guarding it, duh!
Skiller: You are right, beautiful young one, which is why I give you this.

He raise his arms and makes a Super Hammer appear.

Skiller: Take this, it'll be useful on your quest.

You got the super hammer! It lets you break blocks you couldn't break before!

They go into the cave, solving puzzles and fighting buzzy beetles, spike tops and traitor skellobits that work for Eewakk. They find the silex spear, but not Eewakk, when suddenly, they are telepathically called by Skiller, who tells them to come quick.

Goombeddy: Something seems to be going on! We should hurry!
Rockbert: Come on, guys! They sounded in danger.

They indeed are in danger. Once they get back to the village, it is surrounded by fire. Eewakk is seen creating stronger shockwaves.

Eewakk: Well, Well, Well! It's the shrimps that challenged me earlier! So you want a rematch, don't you? What a sore loser! I'll show you my true power!
Rockbert: Quick, Luigi! The spear!

Luigi gets the spear out of his magical pocket that carries his hammer, badges and items. A light beams out of it and flashes on Eewakk's eyes, breaking his power and weakening him. Now the true boss battle begins.

BOSS CHAPTER 5: EEWAKK.

Tattle: This is Eewakk, or at least this is the rock's name. The spirit animiating it is unknown to us. Max HP is 50, ATT is 5 and DEF is 2. His shockwaves deal heavy damage, and have a big probability of making you crumpled. That not all! He can raise a wall from underground to protect himself. His weakness is the silex spear! Use it regularly, it hurts him a lot! Though you can only reuse it each 2 turns. So use it wisely!

At the end of the battle, Eewakk is free from the soul inside it.

Lucifer: So, dear? Who is the shrimp NOW? That's it, go run away, go cry to your mommy!
The soul: This is not the end! You will see! Once I gain back my true form, I will destroy you, Green plumber! You and your brother! You hear me? I'll get my revenge!!!

He vanishes.

Skiller: Master Luigi, I, as the leader of these skellobits, thank you for saving our dear rock, Eewakk. Here, take this, we found it inside him. I believe it is the thing you were looking for.

He hands out the fifth code star, Justice, to Luigi. End of Chapter.

That does it for Chapter 5. Tell me in any form of text what are your current impressions on this fanmade project. Next time, I'll post in this thread Rockbert and Eewakk.
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

Hello, fellow earthlings! Before I release these artworks now, just want to say I am sorry for my recent inactivity on this thread. I just don't find enough time to use my computer because of homework and other school stuff.

Now that I've cleared that out, let's get started. First, I give you Eewakk, the sentient rock possessed by a malevolent spirit.

Up next, here's Rockbert, the rocky partner.

Here's Rockbert, a rocky that left Dreamland to come and study the dried-out valley's skellobits' culture. He was unfortunately accused from being the monster that terrorized the village, and then he freaked out "a little". His ability on the map is to let Mario climb on him, allowing him to jump to high platforms he normally can't reach. He is always forgiving to others, even if he is put in serious danger. In cases he IS in serious danger, he starts to panic and shows his more cowardly side. He's made of rock, but his heart is as soft as a marshmallow (not literally).

And remember when I said skellobits where getting a new redesign? Well, here it is. Not that glorious, but you can say it looks better than in Super Paper Mario. Or not.

That does it for now. Remember to comment if anything bothers you, and please give me feedback, which is highly appreciated. (One day, it will sound like I'm begging for feedback).
 

Fiora

Koops, King of cowards.
Re: Koops' Fanmade Paper Mario: plot twisted thread. (Feedback needed)

Hi again, and today, I'll write I guess part of Chapter 6, because I'm starting at 8:00 PM exactly so I don't think I'll have time to entirely write it. So anyway, enough chit-chat, let's start already.

While The skellobits are throwing a party to thank Luigi for saving Eewakk, something seems to be happening at fort Hackula... 's front door.

Hector: Okay, we're here. Remember, we gotta keep it cool, don't look all stressed. It's all that matters.
Victor: Hey, we can tell him this is an important instrument we're bringing. Right?
Hector: Whatever! Just keep it cool!

Victor was actually carrying something in his bag. What could THAT possibly be? As soon as they enter, they find Princess Peach attacked by the same puzzeele that Mario fought in Chapter 4. Do you remember him?

The Puzzeele: Come on, queen of mushies. You tell where it is THIS INSTANT!
The other Puzzeele, the one that claims he's the president of the Mario fanclub: Err.. Asmodeus? Do you really think SHE would know? Like it's princess peach, she's certainly not involved in the story!
Peach: Don't get any wrong ideas! I don't know what you are talking about!
Asmodeus the Puzzeele: Oh! Oh! Oh! I see! You want me to punch the words out of you! So you want to tell me the stuff the hard way! IT'S ON!

Here begins the very first battle as Peach. Her attacks are lower than Mario or Luigi's but they all pierce through defense. Asmodeus is defeated, as just like Lucifer, he kinda looks at people from above. Speaking of Lucifer, She and Asmodeus are from the same species. Am ah rahight? Anyways, back in the story.

Asmodeus: Ah! Dude! This is getting ridiculous! Why do I keep losing? I'm tough, and strong, and particularly handsome, but most importantly a passionate guy. Looks like my lust is someday going to best me!
The other Puzzeele: Well, she is defending herself, you can't really complain about that. And you can't even feel weak because apparently the princess too is tough. Great job on taking the damage though.
Asmodeus: You know what? We're outta here! But if you ever find it, Princess, you split the beans on it! Understood? King Sataneel does not like to wait! He has a code star that makes him super-powerful, so if he ever gets mad or something, we're sooo dead!

They both swim away (in thin air) and Asmodeus promises to come back.

Victor: Princess! You ok?
Hector: Don't sound like you care about her. Remember? We need her for our plan!
Victor: I know! That's why I'm worried!
Hector: So, that eel just mentioned some king has the next code star?
Victor: Yeah, but we won't be going after that one yet. We still have SOMETHING to take care of.
Hector: Oh yeah! Almost forgot!
Victor: What're we waiting for?

They both disappear.

Peach: I got to tell Mario about this, but how? I'm out of holo-peaches!

She thinks a second, and then she has an idea.

Back at the skellobit village, Luigi and his partners seem to be waving goodbye to the citizens, but Skiller stops them.

Skiller: Don't you leave yet. There's something Eewakk wants to tell you!

Eewakk is transported to Luigi. He speaks words inaudible by them, but Skiller understands them.

Skiller: He thanks you for freeing him from that evil spirit. He also says that there exists another code star in Boned city, a city located in a giant inanimate Dry Bones deeper in Dried-out valley.

A familiar voice: Luigiiiii!

Omigod! It's actually Mario! He seems awake and redeemed from the coma.

Lancebob: Sir Mario, bless god you are here! We thought you wouldn't wake up in a lot of time!
Lucifer: Oh Mario! You're back! You know, Luigi is soooooo nice! Almost as nice as you are Mario, he found a code star!
Mario's eyes look surprised, and he stares at Luigi, as a way to say he is proud of him.
Luigi: So Mario! We just heard there is a code star in some place called bone city! It's in here! What do you say, big bro? Do we dive in?
Mario nods "Oh yeah".
Rockbert: So you're Mario! Pleased to meet you sir. I'm your new partner. My name is Rockbert.
I'm coming with you!
Skiller: Go there, but beware! The city's full of thieves and empire troopers! Not the best place to pick for a touristic tour.

You advance more in the valley, using Mario's paper ability he gained before Luigi came. Oh, and now, you can choose to play as Mario or Luigi, just like in Chapter 1.

Goombeddy: This must be it, Boned city, city of thievery! Shall we enter?

The group enters the mouth of a giant Dry Bones, and find out there's a whole city in it! The city's buildings all look old, and the city seems inactive. Lots of poors are sitting down in the streets, lots of bandits are seen stealing, and also getting their stuff stolen. That's regular life in the city.

Kooplea: So the code star is somewhere there. But where to start already?

A toad that has been slightly munched on the hat, which is held together with patches appears behind her, jump-scaring her in the process.

Tacky T: Oh, sorry I scared you. You shouldn't have come here. Go back to your homes! Go back to where you belong, while you still can!
Penny: Who are you exactly supposed to be?
Tacky T: My name is Tacky T., and I'm a poor toad, poor just like everyone here. But if you stay here any longer, you'll be cursed to stay here until you find it!

The Dry Bones' mouth closes behind the party.

Tacky T: Oh no! It's too late! Now you can't get out until you find it!
Rockbert: Find what?
Tacky T: The code star! It is heavily guardedby the empire! Many city folks ended up in jail trying to get it!
Rockbert: Then what should we do to get it?
Tacky T: Didn't I just tell you? You can't! It's too risky! But if you guys help the city, maybe they'll let you through!
Rockbert: That's no problem for Mario! Right Mario? (Or Luigi).
Tacky T: All right then! Go to the trouble center over there! Here, people post their troubles so that someone could get it and help them, in order to get a reward. Good luck with that!

Without any word, he leaves.

Lancebob: So we now have to help people, hmmm? This quest is getting more and more easy in my opinion.
Goombeddy: We still need to stay vigilant, however! Seeing the city is of thieves, then there could be a lot of those who post troubles who are looking forward to fool us!
Kooplea: Good call!

You go to the trouble center, which looks like it did in Paper Mario TTYD: with the hidden guy behind the counter and the papers hanging on a board. You are supposed to grab a paper, and do what it says. Meet these people, get their rewards and their appreciation. Some of those troubles requires the ultra boots, which is one of the rewards. And sorry I forgot to mention it, but the super boots are obtained in chapter 3, in one of Hunter's castle's rooms.

Some of those troubles also require the use of the paper ability and not being spotted by empire koopatrols or hammer bros. You should also be careful traveling through the city, as lots of Poor guys and bandits can attack you and steal some belongings. Some of them even steal important stuff, so hunt them down and get your important item back.

One of the troubles you eventually come across though is anonymous, and is signed "???". It tells you to go to the darkest ally, which is very narrow. Once there, a silhouette that can almost not be seen runs by, and takes Mario's money and most of his worthy belongings.

Lucifer: What the??? Who was that? Who does this guy thinks he is? Like come on, to steal your stuff Mario!
Luigi: Mario!! Wake up! Your money, your badges! They're gone! Don't you notice?
Mario just realized it. What's wrong with that guy?

The thief is spotted several times, but any glimpse on about his or her identity is barely visible. That's because he/she wears a hood. The thief is then trapped in a dead-end.

Goombeddy: Surrender, ruffian! We got you cornered!
Hooded thief: Oh! So I see you caught me! Guess I don't have any other option! I'll show you who I am!

The thief then wears "her" hood off, revealing a blond ninji with a ripped outfit and bruises everywhere (the fact that this is a blond ninji makes her familiar, right?).

Female ninji: The name is Ying, but others call me Nina. I'm a thief, as you have guessed, so good for you you found me, problem is, I can't let you stop me so, sorry sweetheart, but I'll have to end you here.

She engages you in battle. She can make herself invisible thanks to her ninja skills, and she also uses a sword. When she is defeated, this happens:

Ying: So you got skills. Here, take back what's yours!

Suddenly, Empire troopers are heard marching in your direction. Ying quickly turns you invisible with her powers.

Empire Koopatrol: So YOU're the one everyone's talking about! Hmm! Can you believe it, Chuck? We finally have the legendary thief!
Hammer Bro: No, I can't believe it! Oh the glory! Wait till the emperor hears of this! We'll be his successors one day!
Ying: What.... will you do with me..... ?
Koopatrol: We prepared a "special" cell for you in jail! Now you're coming with us!

The two take Ying away. Mario and co turn visible again.

Rockbert: She actually... saved us? But how come?
Penny: Let's not care about that now! We still have a world to save guys!

On your way back to the trouble center, many people are seen discussing what just happened.

Flameron: Have you heard it? Nina's got caught by soldiers! She's in jail now?
Tacky T: No way! Not her, man! Not cool! She was our only hope, aside from some plumbers I met earlier!
Flameron: What're we gonna do now? The city's doomed wothout her! She was our protector, a legend! She stole stuff from the rich ones, but instead of taking her loot to herslef, she just hands it out to the other poors!
Tacky T: Yeah, tell me about it! I remember that one time everyone was desperate and neededd a lot of money, and then everyone took everything she got, there wasn't anything left for her!
Flameron: Yup! That's a thoughtful spirit! If only anyone could help her!
Kooplea: Mario, Luigi! Do you hear that? This girl is tristed by the citizens! We can't leave her behind!

You go to the prison. You navigate through the building, and even see skeleton remains in some cells... creepy.

You eventually reach Ying's cell.

Koopatrol: So tell us now! Where-is-it?
Ying: I told you! I don't know and I never stole it, the black flower! Just leave me alone!
Hammer Bro (Chuck): Yeah right! We know you know you have it! So you speak, or you will be thrown down the trapezian cliff tomorrow! So do you choose your loot or your life?
Ying: Ok, I admit! I stole the broman symbol of honor and broke it in pieces! I tore apart the Declaration of Independence of the broman senate, but I didn't even look at the Black Flower!
Koopatrol: How pathetic! You think we will believe you? After all these times you lied about these broman belongings not being stolen? We know who you are, Ying aka Nina the legendary thief!
Ying: I'm telling the truth! You must understand! I am completely innocent this time! Please! I beg you! (This is kinda similar to what happened with Rockbert).

You should beat the two troopers. They flee. The metallic door is opened and Ying is seen crying.

Rockbert: There! There! It's ok! We're here to rescue you!
Ying: Y..Yo..You? But.... I stole your stuff..... You shouldn't have.... Aww... I feel terrible now...(Sobbing).....Thank you!
Goombeddy: Your welcome! These people really cared about you, so y'know!
Lucifer: Say? What is that black flower these two cowards were talking about?
Ying: The black flower.... It is the ultimate source of power for the broman army... without it, they're nothing. When it went missing, they went crazy over it and looked everywhere! They knew our city was the city of thieves, so they thought that it would obviously be here! Then they heard about me, the legendary thief, and immediately suspected I was the culprit!
Lucifer: Oookayyy. That's some really arbitrary judgement over there!
Ying: So, Mustache Man! You're Mario, right? Nice to meet you! Allow to join your nice group of friends here! Call me Nina, partners!

Ying, or Nina, the optimistic ninji has joined your party. You should now go solve all the other troubles, with Mario and Luigi becoming more and more acclaimed as they are helping the city AND they saved Nina.

At the end, you go to the vault, while Nina makes herself invisible not to let the guard think she and Mario and Luigi are accomplices.

Guard: Hmmmm.... So you've been helping people, weren't you? And tell me, are you the one that gathers the code stars?
Mario shows him the star "chips", the thing that lets him use the star's power in-battle, to the guard.
Guard: Then you need the code stars. Guess I'll have to let you through, for the best I guess.
He opens the door, but the star is nowhere to be found.
Guard: WHAAAAAAAT??????? It was right there! Someone stole it! Go after that thief!

You are now supposed to look for that thief. You eventually see a familiar silhouette that is jumping from roof to roof. You chase it, while fighting ninjis. At the end of the chase:

Victor: Haha! I got it! The code star!
Hector: That's great! With it, and this bad boy, we're pretty much unstoppable!
Nina: The black flower! STOP RIGHT THERE, YOU THIEVES, like...me? BECAUSE OF YOU, I ALMOST GOT EXECUTED FOR NO REASON!!!!!
Hector: Oh no! Mario's here! And his goons are growing in numbers! What's the big idea Mario?
Victor: That doesn't matter! We have both the code star and the black flower, you won't be sure to continue your games!

BOSS CHAPTER 6: HECTOR AND VICTOR+BLACK FLOWER.

Tattle: That's Hector, the evident leader of the two shadow bros. Max HP is 30, ATT is 4. He knows a lot about dark magic, and will use it against you. Otherwise, he's the same Hactor you fought before.

That's Victor, the other but more solid shadow bro. Max HP is 35, ATT is 2. He's not so strong, but he can defend himself and his brother, so take him out first or winning this battle would be a pain in the neck!

That's the black flower. Max HP is 20, and ATT boost is 3. It doesn't attack you, and it's weak in HP, but it can boost the shadow bros attack by 3. So don't take it by size!

Hector and Victor are defeated, but Nina is spotted with Mario by Chuck the hammer bro, who reports it to the empire. Meanwhile, Mario and Luigi grab the sixth code star, Brotherhood.

HOLY (Bleep)!!! God bless ya! This page actually reloaded when I didn't save my changes to the chapter when I was at the END! I had to rewrite everything. But I thankfully pulled it off. And sorry if it's a little messed up. Some commentary for this chapter is definitely needed tho. Please feel free to do so.
 
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