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Re: The ShadeMaster

Well, it is not like I couldn't use more people if they signed up. So I'll add PTR.
 
Re: The ShadeMaster

Sorry for double posting but I'm working on chapter one. This could be done soon and I'm making the grammar better and the deatails more accurate.
 
Icanhasgoomba said:
Okay I made the next section. Hopefully it's better, and it is definitely longer. Here's the link http://userpedia.adriels.com/wiki/ShadeMaster#Chapters
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Good. The grammar was better.

I had a hard time reading because the paragraphs were HUGE blocks of text. My mom said the average paragraph is 8-10 sentences, depending on how big the sentences are.

Overall 8.99999/10
 
Sorry the paragraphs were so big, I just didn't want to go over my head with bunches of small paragraphs, if you know what I mean, I didn't want there to be a crazy amount of paragraphs.
 
Icanhasgoomba said:
Sorry the paragraphs were so big, I just didn't want to go over my head with bunches of small paragraphs, if you know what I mean, I didn't want there to be a crazy amount of paragraphs.
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Small paragraphs are good.
Sometimes when I write, my paragraphs are two lines.
The key to tell is that when it's another person coming in/talking/whatever is when you want to switch paragraphs. Or before it gets too long.
 
I give this first chapter an 8/10. It has bettter writing and grammar and it made more sense than the prologue.Keep on writing Icanhasgoomba.
 
Ok, I have just one question:

In some parts of the story, it has "I" in it, refering to a person. Who is this person? Is it Gary? If it is, then you have terrible consistency.
 
Icanhasgoomba said:
Whoops. I tried to fix that, so I guess I missed it. Sorry :-[ . I will fix it in the next part.
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It's okay.

And thanks for putting Cassidy in. I like her! :D
 
Well, I knew I had to add at least someone new in the first chapters, and I found it convenient to add her at that very point. She also served a good purpose of adding a cliffhanger! :D
 
That's good! :D
 
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