The ShadeMaster-- No More Sign-ups necessary (but you can still sign up!)

Your killing me with all the point of view switching.

Who is this "I" and "Me" you mention a couple times through chapters 1-3.

Story is okay so far. I'm not a fan of the completely worthless main character but i guess i'll wait to see how he ends up. There wasn't really too much setting description. Also i don't understand the point of the hospital scene.

Props on the name of "The League" though, i chuckled a bit.
 
I'm going to start the 4th chapter.
 
I'll read it when I get back on my phone. :)
 
One, the plot is advancing way too quickly. Still a boring writing style - you say things very bluntly and make no real attempt at figurative language. Characters have no distinctive personality besides all being childish, unsophisticated, and obvious in every way. This story is practically starved of creativity, you're still making grammatical errors, and for crying out loud, you used an emoticon in a story. To top it all out, the chapter just ended in the middle of a paragraph.
 
Nabber said:
One, the plot is advancing way too quickly. Still a boring writing style - you say things very bluntly and make no real attempt at figurative language. Characters have no distinctive personality besides all being childish, unsophisticated, and obvious in every way. This story is practically starved of creativity, you're still making grammatical errors, and for crying out loud, you used an emoticon in a story. To top it all out, the chapter just ended in the middle of a paragraph.
Click to expand...
For once I agree with all of these.

Also you repeated half the chapter again and left it off there.

I'd say 4/10
 
Acres measure area

EDIT: Which would mean that a room with dimensions of acres by acres would have to be IN THE 4TH DIMENSION WHOOOAAA (or maybe in the 6th, if you think about it)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back