Re: MSTing:Toa Waluigi's Fanfiction
While at it, I'm going to post a similar riff I did on the Userpedia forum. I couldn't find a lot of good lines for Chapter 2 so I left it at that, but hey, maybe the inspiration will come back.
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Legend of the Infinite Empire was an ultra-popular Mariowiki fanfiction written by Xzelion back when he was still called "Great Gonzo".
I remember loving it to death back when I was that grammatically-impaired guy who couldn't speaks one sentence without mentioning Gradius. For some reasons, I decided to read it again and well...
It's bad.
Really bad.
Painfully bad.
So bad that I feel the need to subject it to the same treatment than Jaller's 2 awful fanfiction. Wish me good luck.
The first few chapters are pretty inane, but not especially outlandish. It's from Chapter 4 and onward that the insanity start. They have all one thing in comon, though, and it's that they're pretty tl:dr.
Chapter One
Legend of the Infinite Empire
The first chapter has the same name as the story... very creative.
One day Plumber was drinking a tasty cup of Hoo Hoo blend at the star bean café after his long and hard day of work.
Little do he know he's soon going to be stuck in a mess of bad grammar and incoherent plotting.
[...] Suddenly there was bright flash of light and [a] roar of thunder. Plumber looked to see a glorious figure gleaming with light.
The gleaming figure replied, My name is Gonzales I am the Herald of Light,
Guess who wrote this story.
The figure was wearing white robes, and held tightly on his glowing blade.
So he's wearing more than one robe? ... Well, I guess I can't criticism one fashion sense.
Plumber smiled and took a sip of the Hoo Hoo Blend
"Ehehehe, I bet I can totally refill him that out-of-date shipment"
My name is Gonzales I am the Herald of Light, and I have come from the world of light, to save yours from darkness.
Herald of Light? Darkness? Wow man, that's starting to sound like a bad fanfiction!
... oh wait.
A story cant be so cliché in its first few lines!
Gonzales replied, Years ago the Sysops who had special powers did war the Lord of Darkness.
Sysops have special powers that are uh, special. Special is a special word since it allow the writer to get away without describing anything.
The Sysops split up vowing never to use there sacred powers for as much destruction as they once had. So they left each of them in hiding this moment.
So they left they're power in hiding instead, of well, hiding themselves. Won't be very convenient when the Prince of Darkness attack, uh?
Plumber chuckled, Me? Unite the sysops? Youre joking right?
Yeah, why send some random café manager on the menial task of saving the world instead of you know, alerting more than one person.
Gonzales face became emotionless
"Oh god, this story is tricking on longer than I thought"
Gonzales face came to life
"Yeeeeaahhhhh! I'm soon going to leave this story!"
First Heroic Plumber take your employees, Super Mario97 and Super Paper Luigi, then seek out Maxlover2, much knowledge does that one have.
"I could tell you everything you need to know, but my coffee break is in two minutes."
Plumber bring the Sysops to the ancient grove, there shall Darkness be defeated and fall forever!
♪And ever and ever and ever.♪
Plumber every last word that had to be said from Gonzales, his top two employees,
Writer words in the sentence, making nonsensical.
SPL and Mario97 were brothers in fact they were hard working never taking sick days
How does being brothers has anything to do with them never taking sick days?
they unclogged seemingly thousands of clogged tubes/pipes
Tubes/Pipes means the same/identical thing.
Plumber smiled and shouted SPL, Mario97 my office NOW!
"WHO PUT THAT FIRECRACKER ON MY CHAIR!?"
SPL headed towards Plumbers office, Mario97 followed Suit.
... Suit?
Plumber sitting in his nice reclining chair with a can of Mountain Dew he took a long sip of the Greenish Soda and smiled, Guys. Were going somewhere.
Mario97 spoke up, Were boss?
He didn't say anything about you two being boss, dumbass.
per Luigi chimed in, Yeah, Boss were?
Youre?
Plumber turned toward SPL, Many though that but if Gonzo is right, The Fate of Mariowiki rest in our hands. Super Mario turned toward Plumber,
He didn't call himself Gonzo...
How are we suppose to do that?
Yeah, especially when one of the heroes can't even be bothered to conjugate "suppose" correctly...
... And when the main hero himself can't speaks correctly, either.
Plumber and Duo of his best employees began a long trip to see Max2,
Wait, where's SPL and SM67? And who's this "Duo of his best employees" guy you speaks off?
Max2 was the same race as Tumble, and some claimed he was.
Some claims Max2 is the same race as Tumble because he is the same race as Tumble... Seems pretty logical.
Plumber and the Bros. were standing face-to-face with a ferocious Chain Chomp. Plumber leaped high above the Chain Chomp to were he was behind it,
Plumber h4x jumping skills allow him to exist in two places at the same time.
Maxlover2 was watching the sunset, while eating a large bowl of vanilla Ice Cream.
he was too cheap to buy a fireplace, see.
When suddenly the door was kicked in, a plumber dressed in Purple and Black, followed by another plumber dressed in White and Green clothing, White and Blue.
White and Green or White and Blue?
Plumber smiled, My name is Plumber
And please dont throw Whiskered Eggplants at me.
..?
Plumber replied, I need to know where the Sysops are. Max turned his cubed head, Im sorry, I cannot give you the location of HK-47, I swore a vow not to do so.
He didn't mention HK 47, dumbass.
Plumber, SPL and Mario97 awoke in a prison cell, each of them
Imprisoned because of crimes against basic grammar.
Plumber
why have you come here? Plumber chuckled, The Prince of Darkness is ready to appear he will wreak havoc upon our world, unless the Sysops defeat him as once did to the King of Evil.
... King of Evil? I thought he was called Lord of Darkness.
Like that?
Give me all your coins replied HK. Mario97 without a doubt pulled out his wallet which was full of 999 coins and handed it to HK, SPL followed suit. Plumber took a moment, then pulled out his huge sack of 999,999,999,999
Either Plumber is the richest guy on the planet, or the economy of the wiki is in really, really, really bad shape.
Alright lets do this, but first, HK handed them their wallets back, The test was how modest you were.
So modesty is apparently now the act of giving all of your money to a complete stranger based on his whims. Um... okay?
While Max2 joined the Trio of Plumbers on their quest to reunited the Sysops.
Reunited? That means it's already over,
YES! YES!
Theyre Drybones everywhere,
Yeah, too bad they can't change their species depending on the place
.
each throw large pieces of bone or rocks.
... And that's the only thing they can do for the rest of their life. Sad.
I am Drybones leader of my fellow kind. Surrender now and you will not be harmed.
Ok, Drybones leader of my fellow kind!
Plumber stood ready to block the attack, but he realized he was no longer in the heat of battle. He realized he was standing face-to-face the Sysop, Salty. Hello the Sysop spoke, a great tone of power in his voice. Plumber turned to see his allies eating potato chips.
... Erm, so while they were attacked, everyone except Plumber was eating Potato Chips? waaaaaaa
Plumber ran his finger threw his stache,
That must have been painful.
he turned and Drybones stood there dwarfing the Plumber in size, his mouth opened, and fire exploded in the Plumbers face, ARGH Plumber screamed.
ARGH
The rest of the chapter is a really inane battle between Dry Bones and TEH PRINCE OF DARKNESS that is too boring to mock.
What will become of Plumber?
What will Drybones do now that the Prince of Darkness has betrayed him?
And did you notice Drybones only defeated 11 hammer Bros.?
1: Saved by some contrived plot device, most certainly.
2: He will buy himself a cozy beach resort and never be involved in this mess of a story again!... Well, that's what
should happen.
3: Hm-hm Too bad that that Hammer Bros will never appear again.
