Absolute Best Lines In Cartoon History

I first saw that a year or two ago and the joke flew right over me. It could've flew over the censors.
 
According to Wikipedia's article on Animaniacs, a lot of content was marketed toward adults (I'm guessing as a throwback to the early twentieth century, when now-classic cartoons originated as adult entertainment in movie theaters).
 
Homer: Simpson, Homer Simpson, he's the greatest guy in history. From the town of Springfield, and he's about to hit a chestnut tree. Ahh! *hits the tree*
 
Squidward: Why must every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery?!

Squidward: Does THIS look unsure to you?!

Mr. Krabs: It'll only open if I say "open".
 
TMNT 2k3

*Humorous ones*

Raphael: Leo, tell me you have a Plan C. I'm reeeally hoping you've got a Plan C... Uh fellas, Plan C? NOW?

April O'Neil: *sigh of relief* Donnie! I could just kiss you!
Donatello: Really? Uh... I mean...

Raphael: Aw, but I like it when they go "POP"!

Michelangelo: Okay, did Shredder, like, just wake up one morning and say, "Here's an idea! Mutant clones of me! Really ugly ones!"

Donatello: Warning: the stunts you are about to witness are done by professional maniacs.

Adam Mckay: Sheesh, are they always this way to each other?
Donatello(I think): No, usually they're a lot more annoying.

Michelangelo: Who's there? Where are you? Where am I?
Computer: Error. You are here.

Hun: Aw, crud.

Raphael: Yo April, April! Can you whap Mikey upside the head for me? I can't reach.

Ancient One: Leonardo! Kumquat, you must go!
Leonardo: Master, what?
Ancient One: You must leave. Go home. Bye bye.

*And now we go from funny ones, to epic ones*

Leonardo: In this life, we only have each other. If one of us goes down, we all go down, so focus.

Kluh: Do it. Finish me.
Michelangelo: I don't think so. My father taught me better than that. Besides, you're already finished.

Leonardo: I'm sorry. I did the best I could! I DID THE BEST I COULD! THERE WASN'T ANY MORE I COULD HAVE DONE! Huh?
The Ancient One: If there was nothing more you could have done, why do you punish yourself so?

Leonardo: The odds are overwhelming but we have no choice. It's now, or never. And thus the final battle begins. And the word "final" never sounded so terrifying.
 
Omi: Not to worry my fellow monks, my keen instincts will lead us straight to the Mind Reader Conch.
Raimundo's Mind: Yeah, you're instincts are keen all right, except for when it comes to haircuts.
Omi: You are all over the line my friend! Your garbage talking about my haircut is most unappreciated.
Kimiko's Thoughts: I wonder why boys are born without brains.
Clay: If I was born without a brain little missy, how come I'm the one who figured out this is the Mind Reader Conch.
Jack's Thoughts: Kimiko has the conch, this'll be easy, no uppper boddy strength.
Kimiko: We got unwanted company. AND I'LL SHOW YOU UPPER BODY STRENGTH!!!

Jack: I know your every thought and I do not need a breath mint.
Omi: I have a plan. If our own petty insults can distract disciplined warriors such as ourselves...
Kimiko: Then imagine what they'll do to a Mama's Boy like Jack.
Jack: Hey! Who you calling a Mama's Boy?!
Kimiko: Maybe if he worked out once in a while, he wouldn't look like a scrawny old lady.
Jack: I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A SCRAWNY OLD LADY!
Omi: For someone who calls himself an evil genius, Jack Spicer does not play with a deck of cards that has been properly counted.
Jack: That's playing with a full deck.
 
Octopus: I've seen more alert people in a retirement home.
Squidward: Which way to the "living without a brain" seminar? Don't be late!
Octopus: I've heard better comebacks from a turkey sandwich. Get a life!
Squidward: :mad:... :) I like this place already.

Spongebob: Man your stations! Red alert! Red alert! Take cover!
Plankton: Take cover from what?
Fish: Some say he crawled from the lowest trench in the ocean.
Pearl: He's the saltiest of all the sea dogs.
Spongebob: He's the most hated creature in Bikini Bottom!
Mr. Krabs: And he's finally got a krabby patty! ARHARHARHARHAR!
Plankton: Krabs?! What the barnacle is going on here?!
Spongebob: It's your arch competitor, Krabs! His goal in life is to steal a krabby patty and ruin our good restaurant.

King Neptune: And just between you and me, my hair is kind of thinning.
Spongebob: Oh your highness, I'm sure its not that noticeaba-ld, bald, bald!
Fish: BALD BALD BALD!
One fish: MY EYES!
*later*
Mindy: Need I remind you of your "special problem"? *removes the paper bag*
Fish: BALD BALD BALD!
One fish: MY EYES!
King Neptune: As for you, be back with my crown in exactly 10 days.
Patrick: He can do it in 9!
King Neptune: 8.
Patrick: 7.
King Neptune: 6.
Spongebob and Mr. Krabs: PATRICK! *They beat up Patrick*
King Neptune: 6 it is then.
Patrick: *while being strangled by Mr. Krabs* 5?
Spongebob: Patrick, sush.
 
Big McIntosh said:
Mr. Krabs: It'll only open if I say "open".
Click to expand...
I noticed a flaw, because he say open twice there, but the machine only responded to the second open.

Why didn't it respond to the first open?
 
Pokédex: A Forest Pokémon, Ratatta. It likes cheese, nuts, fruits and berries. It also comes out in open fields to steal food from stupid travelers.
Ash: Hey, I'm not stupid!

(are you sure ash, recently in the newer seasons you iq went down by a lot)
 
Zim: I'm going to attempt to lock you into duty mode with this behavioral modulator.
(GIR giggles)
Zim: What?
GIR: Doody.
 
Radagast the Brown said:
Big McIntosh said:
Mr. Krabs: It'll only open if I say "open".
Click to expand...
I noticed a flaw, because he say open twice there, but the machine only responded to the second open.

Why didn't it respond to the first open?
Click to expand...
I noticed that too.

I'm guessing Mr. Krabs put emphasis on the second "open" and the first "open" wasn't loud enough for the machine to hear?
 
Master Splinter *after the turtles argue over who should be leader* I must meditate long and hard on this matter. *goes to his room and closes the door, immediately opens the door* It's Leonardo. *closes door again*

Mikey: Snakeweed is really powerful!
Leo: Snakeweed?
Mikey: His name was Snake, and now he's a weed.
Raph: We get it!
*next episode*
Mikey: Spider Bytez is really powerful!
Don: Spider Bytez?
Mikey: He's a spider and he bites.
Leo: We get it!

Leo: Prepare to dish out the mighty wrath of justice!
Don: Seriously, just yell "Get him!".

Leo: Relax, the four of us can handle him.
Don: This may not be the best time to point this out, but you sent one of the four of us home.
Mikey: And right now, I wish it were me.

Raph: Spike, chew on your leaf if you understand me.
Spike: *takes a bite out of his leaf*
Splinter: Sounds like you need to hear a story.
Raph: I don't wanna hear a story.
Splinter: Spike, chew on your leaf if you want to hear the story.
Spike: *takes another bite out of his leaf*
 
South Park: "Super Fun Time" (2008) Season 12, Episode 7

Eric Cartman, to Butters:

"Life goes by pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, and do whatever you want all the time, you could miss it."

This is a Cartmanised quote from the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)

Ferris: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
 
Pheenix said:
South Park: "Super Fun Time" (2008) Season 12, Episode 7

Eric Cartman, to Butters:

"Life goes by pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, and do whatever you want all the time, you could miss it."

This is a Cartmanised quote from the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)

Ferris: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
Click to expand...

Cartoon history has neither aired South Park nor Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
 
Max: Congratulations, May! Your Torchic evolved into Combusken!
May: Who are you kidding?! Do you think I'm some kind of idiot?! What have you 2 done with my Torchic?!

Swampy: Just call me "Swampy" or "Old Man Swamp".
Ash: Old Man Swamp. Been in these here parts a long time, eh, Swampy? Old Man Swamp.
May, Max, Brock, and Pikachu: -_-
Swampy: Hey kid, you don't know me that well.

Cassidy: Prepare for trouble, it's a brand new day!
James: But we're making it double anyway!
Cassidy: Let's see if I can remember my line! An evil as old as the galaxy!
James: Sent here to fulfill our destiny!
Cassidy: To denounce the goodness of truth and love.
James: To extend our reach to the stars above.
Cassidy: Whenever there's a piece of pie in the universe.
James: Of pie?
Cassidy: I goofed it, so what?!

Jessie: Prepare for trouble, we've shuffled the deck!
Biff: It's not my thing, but what the heck!
Jessie: An evil as old as the galaxy!
Biff: I'm doing this all from memory!
Jessie: To denounce the evils of truth and love!
Biff: To extend my arm with a big white glove!
Jessie: Jessie...
Biff: Uh, Butch...
Jessie: Look, do it right, or don't do it at all!
Brock: It's Jessie!
Ash: And Ponch!
Biff: Stop! You twerps just love torturing me with that don't you?!
 
Squidward: No one gives a care about the fate of labor as long as they can get their instant gratification.
 
Arthur: D.W. smashed my glasses.
David and Jane: D.W.!
D.W. But he's lying.
Jane: Older sisters have to be nice to younger brothers, especially when they're broken.
Arthur: I wanna go see "Sloopy Bloopy"!
David: No Arthur, you're too little. D.W., take him to the movies!
Jane: And buy him some new glasses while you're at it.
 
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