EXPERIMENT OVER ~Thanks for participating!~

[OJ Toad]

Re: A great story

EVERYONE! Don't accuse this guy of all this stuff your saying just because he wants to write a story. Maybe he has feelings. What if you posted a story and people started saying "Oh, this is crap" and "WTF is this junk?" I wouldn't like it, and you probally would'nt either.


@Nintendobsessed

One tip. Write Neater!

 

[Dr. Javelin]

Re: A great story

It's not because we're trying to hurt him.

It's because we're trying to find out why he/she?'s posting this.

 

[Toad Eightyfive]

Re: A great story

1- This needs better grammar.
2- Why are you posting this here, and not somewhere like Userpedia or Fictionpress?
3- Did you come here just to post this?

I don't want to sound like a jerk or anything, but this is how I feel about your story right now.

 

[Nabber]

Re: A great story

EVERYONE! Don't accuse this guy of all this stuff your saying just because he wants to write a story. Maybe he has feelings. What if you posted a story and people started saying "Oh, this is crap" and "WTF is this junk?" I wouldn't like it, and you probally would'nt either.


@Nintendobsessed

One tip. Write Neater!

Well, if you publish something on the Internet, you have to expect critique. And this is bad.

 

[Nintendoobsessed]

Re: A great story

I don't want to insult you...

BUT THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF GREAT.

IT'S BAD.

Are you really Andy? I can acept your opinon.


STOKAL
Based on a true life story

Part 5
By Nintendoobsessed

It was soft. The ground I mean. I looked around. I was DEEP under the ground. It was dark. But I saw something moving! It was a man. He looked tired. Someone new? He said. Who are you? I asked. My name is...wait your a MCP spy arent you? No. I tried to stop him but... Hmph! he smirked. He mutterd something about "Physihly invincible. "How would you know that?" I said. "I helped create him". What? "You heard me" he said. Me and um, leader built him. But...what are you doing here then? I said. Its a long story. Tell me, I said. Okey, I was forced to help him. We made a deal that if he didnt- Wait, your a kid. Dont, misjudge me, I growled. Fine, -kill me for information, he would be able to kill me beacause I would know more. So I helped HER, He said. Her? I thought. "So I built it for her and her system threw me down here" he sighed. Look kid, you cant stop them. There are so many. The robots, Commander Computer, MCP, MCPs security hard drive, and leader.

The claw grabbed James and started pulling him. He grabbed the handel again, dropping to the floor.

"Fine, youe convinced me. Mario said. "Here, I cant get out of here, but you can. He handed me a strange lokking sword. This sword contains bugs and Errors that kills computers". He said. A strange sound came from the sky. It was a monsterous claw. It grabbed Mario and took him up. Goodbye he yelled. Use the sword to stop-! "What"? I yelled. But he was too high. I sighed.

Jonah was yelling. You cant get away with this! He yelled at the MPC. Is this all you humans say? Said the MPC. A strange man was pulled up by a claw. NOW!!! said the MPC. You will tell me where the master is, or you will be skinned. I will nerver tell you what happened to- 'SLAP'! It was a child. My original group. Go and kill the child. The jumped into the hole.

Next Time: Look for Part 6. And NEW character.

To be continued...

 

[Dr. Javelin]

Re: A great story

Sorry but this is not mario related

Mario will be in the next chapter.

Well, someone named Mario was in the chapter...

It still has nothing to do with Mario.

I don't want to insult you...

BUT THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF GREAT.

IT'S BAD.

Are you really Andy? I can acept your opinon.

Actually, that would be FireKirby. He decided to take Hussie's name because Hussie is pretty funny.

 

[Yoshiwaker]

Re: A great story

2- Why are you posting this here, and not somewhere like Userpedia or Fictionpress?
3- Did you come here just to post this?

2- Because he already has an account here
3- if you couldn't tell, he has over 100 posts.

 

[Nabber]

Re: A great story

I don't want to insult you...

BUT THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF GREAT.

IT'S BAD.

Are you really Andy? I can acept your opinion.

So. You accept his opinion because you think it's someone you know, whereas you won't accept any of our opinions.
That's very biased.

 

[Mariorules25]

Re: A great story

Even if it has ''Mario'' its quite bad.

 

[Koopayoshi]

Re: A great story

I'm so sorry, but if you say it's a great story, people might think it's kinda bad.

 

[Nabber]

Re: A great story

I don't even know what STOKAL means.
Something interesting: his earlier posted stories didn' have this horrible writing. What happened?