You are hired as the official defense advisor for the mushroom Kingdom.

[Princess Mint]

Your job is to analyze the Kingdom's geography and resources and review Bowser's previous schemes to implement a plan to prevent the princess from getting kidnapped all the time. What would your suggestions be?

 

[Hooded Pitohui]

Proposal One:

Rather than continually spending considerable sums to repair and secure the castle after routine Bowser invasions, use those sums to build and staff multiple "decoy castles". Hire impersonators for the royal family (primarily Princess Peach) and top ministers - preferably Duplighosts, with pro-Kingdom members of the species documented to exist, but perhaps Beanbean Tanoombas if necessary - and disperse them throughout the decoy castles. Shuttle the Princess and co. between the castles irregularly.

Benefits:

-Koopa Kingdom adversaries must either spread their forces thin across multiple castles in hopes of locating their targets, or concentrate their forces on a castle that is potentially useless to them.

-To a certain point, decoy castles that are damaged or destroyed do not need repair, reducing costs post-invasion.

-Potentially reduces damage to Toad Town.

-If decoys are successful, allows time for forces to group and complete their primary objective of alerting the Mario Bros.

-Anticipated quicker responses by the Mario Bros. forces withdrawal of Koopa Kingdom forces before they can inflict widespread disruption to the kingdom and its operations

Drawbacks:

-High upfront costs and ongoing staffing costs

-Plausible that the Koopa Kingdom will consolidate forces and target the Mario Bros. Pad to bypass the entire project, leaving forces in disarray

-It is known that some in the Koopa Kingdom (e.g., Kammy Koopa) are able to dispel shapeshifting magic, potentially compromising the impersonators.

-Movement of head of state and governing officials will incur costs and minor disruptions to kingdom operations

-Localities may object to the construction of castles for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is the security risks it invites

 

[Xiahou Ba]

Defense is easier to build around than offense, especially if you know your territory and the enemy doesn't know it too well, plus we have increased morale from our troops to defend our own home against the aggressor. Mushroom Kingdom's inhabitants need to take time to learn the land and its natural barriers, knowing and predicting the weather, take advantage of natural phenomenon to build garrisons at strategic locations, and places where Bowser's troops can be funneled for easy ambushes and using wide-ranging attacks to quickly destroy his army while he cannot retreat. The use of separate pincer attacks to attack from the front and the back should be used to confuse and surround his troops as often as possible.

It also helps to get an understanding of Bowser's psyche and his forces. For example, we know Bowser cares a lot for his son, Bowser Jr. Managing to capture Bowser Jr. instead of executing him is a great idea, and we could take great care of him so he becomes amiable to our purposes (this guy is just a kid, giving him candy and exactly what he wants will pacify him), and would be more willing to spill information to us. Meanwhile, as we learn more and more from Bowser Jr., including studying how he writes and how he's like even more, especially towards Bowser, we can forge letters from him (and from Bowser) to great effect, baiting Bowser to attack particular locations. This would work great with the decoy castle idea Hooded Pitohui proposed, but these decoy castles would be positioned in areas specifically designed to trap Bowser's troops, such as in valleys and other narrow passageways.

Decoys can't be too obvious however, because Bowser would know it's a trap, especially if it's not fortified. We should still put up a sustainable defense to it so Bowser doesn't realize it's a decoy until it's too late. Of course, you can make the real castle look too obvious to be a decoy too, so Bowser wouldn't attack it, knowing it's a trap, but this is after Bowser takes the bait for the first castle and learns that it's a trap, which will really screw with his head. Fake orders and bribery from within can work too, and this can work with the help of double agents within Bowser's forces. These fake orders can also help direct and split Bowser's troops towards these decoy locations where their army can also be annihilated without Bowser even knowing he directed them towards there until it's too late. This will also make Bowser suspect that his own commanders are mutining against him, and he'll get rid of valuable commanders on the basis of these fake notes.

 

[Salmancer]

Its established that Toads as a whole aren't much for fighting, and Bowser has an absurd amount of military might. Actually fending off his regular attacks seems hopeless. I believe the best approach is designing escape routes that get Peach out of harms way as soon as an kidnapping attempt is detected. There are lots of potential transportation devices, from Warp Boxes to Rocket Flowers to cannons that can be hidden beneath the throne. Once Peach is out of the castle Bowser's forces will be forced to pursue her, leaving the castle alone and buying time for the Mario Bros. to intervene. The drawback is that these transportation have to be tamper proof, likely through some kind of DNA scanner such that only humans and Toads can operate the devices. Otherwise, as shown by the Fun Fair incident, Bowser and his minions can co-opt these kinds of mechanisms to their own sinister ends. It is also important to change the transportation devices available to Peach frequently and randomly, as if Bowser can determine which ones are usable at a given time he would likely prepare countermeasures for them.

(Really though, the Mushroom Kingdom has been bested by plans as weak as an unauthorized cake delivery serving as a Trojan horse. That's not a failure of the defense department, that's a failure of common sense. The defense department can't fix that. Additionally, Kamek's Peach disguise is apparently flawless, so any plan that reacts to an invasion instead of preventing it has to account for the possibility of Kamek swapping places with Peach during the conflict. This again, is nigh impossible to account for.)

 

[Xiahou Ba]

Its established that Toads as a whole aren't much for fighting, and Bowser has an absurd amount of military might. Actually fending off his regular attacks seems hopeless. I believe the best approach is designing escape routes that get Peach out of harms way as soon as an kidnapping attempt is detected. There are lots of potential transportation devices, from Warp Boxes to Rocket Flowers to cannons that can be hidden beneath the throne. Once Peach is out of the castle Bowser's forces will be forced to pursue her, leaving the castle alone and buying time for the Mario Bros. to intervene. The drawback is that these transportation have to be tamper proof, likely through some kind of DNA scanner such that only humans and Toads can operate the devices. Otherwise, as shown by the Fun Fair incident, Bowser and his minions can co-opt these kinds of mechanisms to their own sinister ends. It is also important to change the transportation devices available to Peach frequently and randomly, as if Bowser can determine which ones are usable at a given time he would likely prepare countermeasures for them.

(Really though, the Mushroom Kingdom has been bested by plans as weak as an unauthorized cake delivery serving as a Trojan horse. That's not a failure of the defense department, that's a failure of common sense. The defense department can't fix that. Additionally, Kamek's Peach disguise is apparently flawless, so any plan that reacts to an invasion instead of preventing it has to account for the possibility of Kamek swapping places with Peach during the conflict. This again, is nigh impossible to account for.)

Just because our forces are weak doesn't mean we can't rely on deception and trickery to eliminate them from within, especially since we aren't completely powerless, we have a lot of assets in our side that we can take advantage of. Many historical battles have small forces pitted against a massive, powerful opponent. Being a Romance of Three Kingdoms fan that I am, I'll direct you to the The Battle of Guandu and especially The Battle of Chibi. Both of them feature impossibly small and weak forces against a huge, powerful army, yet both of them are victories for the small, weak forces. Both of these battles involve a massive amount of hubris and arrogance from the big army's leaders as well as incompetent strategists on their side that weren't listened to that led to their defeat. Bowser himself is filled with a lot of hubris and his commanders aren't exactly competent. In Guandu, the small army defeated the huge one by destroying the huge one's supply depot. In Chibi, the small army set fire to the chained ships, taking advantage of the lack of experience the other side had in naval combat.

(Really though, the Mushroom Kingdom has been bested by plans as weak as an unauthorized cake delivery serving as a Trojan horse. That's not a failure of the defense department, that's a failure of common sense. The defense department can't fix that. Additionally, Kamek's Peach disguise is apparently flawless, so any plan that reacts to an invasion instead of preventing it has to account for the possibility of Kamek swapping places with Peach during the conflict. This again, is nigh impossible to account for.)

Bowser himself has been foiled by simple brainwashing from within. We can do the same thing to Bowser, but we don't even need special powers to accomplish that, just a bit of psychological peddling.

 

[Hint Toad]

Hello, fellow advisers. I, General Washingtoad, have graced you with my presents.

What you're really asking is how to put the Mario bros. out of business, right?

Alright... Jokes aside... Please lend me your ears if you are willing.

Some of you have mentioned that the citizens of these great states... seem pretty cowardice. It could be because we are in fact quite small. I have a solution to this problem and that is using some of our resources to spark courage in the hearts of our guards and army men.

We've already maximized growth on all sorts of these so-called "power ups". But only the ones that grow natively. Others must be imported from more remote regions of the world. We cannot buy many at a time and who knows for how long. So I would like to present the idea of growing these imported ones locally.

The "Ice Flower", cold to the touch, can only grow in cold climates and therefore must be grown and cultivated in the Winter months, or can also be grown in refrigerated incubators year round. The "Cape Feather", only found on an exotic bird dubbed the "Cape Bird" which in turn only lives in the far off island, Dinoland. We would need to raise these creatures ourselves which would be quite easy because its primary diet consists of fruit, that of which grows abundantly in these great states. The most useful of these that would help us a great deal is the "One-Up Mushroom". These actually do grow locally here but are very very rare. The current practice is to go out hunting for them in the wee hours of the day, because our citizens like to do the same and gobble them up upon discovery. And also, there have been reports of some of our men nibbling or even swallowing them whole after a search party comes back with spoils. So the idea is to grow them internally and keep carful watch over them, with well trained and disciplined guards so as not to sneak a nibble.

Hopefully, with the might of our men, we can finally defeat that awful King Koopa, and instill a new era of freedom!

Long live the quee–

I mean...

Give us Koopa, or give us death!

 

[Salmancer]

Bowser's airship fleet is a large source of his power. It has the scale and weaponry of a navy while being as flexible as an air force. Those ships have been the centerpieces of several invasions of the Mushroom Kingdom. If we are to ensure the kingdom's and Peach's continued safety, we must determine a way to repel Bowser's airships.

Forming our own airship fleet is only the first part. The princess having a personal airship is a start, but we need more of them. The allied Cap Kingdom specializes in airship production, though admittedly not in making them suitable for combat. We already have a working relationship with them due Mario chasing out the Broodals and rescuing one of its civilians, so hopefully they would be willing to provide some of their airships. They would then have to be modified to add weaponry. Thankfully, we would not have to ask Cap Kingdom inhabitants to teach our armies how to fly airships, as Mario already happens to be a skilled pilot of airships originating from the Cap Kingdom. While the airships of the Cap Kingdom are known to require large amounts of Power Moons to achieve their full flight capability, this fleet would likely only need to be deployed around the Mushroom Kingdom due to Mario's and Luigi's established skill in traversing environments when other areas of the world are in times of need. (And in rescuing the princess…) Therefore, very few Power Moons would need to be requisitioned for this project.

There are a number of tools we could use to weaken Bowser's airships. Universal Anchors can hold an airship in place, but they are too rare to have as the sole means of defense. They are better used for catching a fleeing airship in times of crisis than slowing down one airship's arrival when several are approaching the kingdom. I propose building several tall towers, on a much grander scale than the current towers. Each of these towers would have large windows. Large fans would be stored within the towers. The tallest towers of Peach's castle should be updated to follow the same plan. When Bowser's airships approach, the fans can all be activated simultaneously and the resulting wind directed out through the windows. This will create a network of air currents that will make it more difficult for Bowser to navigate the Mushroom Kingdom. Sure, he could just fly above the towers, but Bowser is bull headed enough that he'll try to charge straight through the wind the first few times. Once he cottons on, that still means he's losing time to routing over the towers. It would be possible for Bowser to employ magic to negate the fans, send in an earlier ground assault to disable the fans, or improve his airship engineering to resist the output of consumer grade fans. These possibilities are hard to account for. We can cross the bridge of "inspiring Bowser to make stronger airships" when we get there, but I'm flummoxed as to what to do about the former two problems.