Mach Speed Mayhem (Superchao 'Shroom Section)

[Roserade]

You don't understand, Mister Mod! Spade will kill me if I don't vote him

Not if I shoot first

 

[Koops]

Uh oh I think I'm trapped guys

 

[Lakituthequick]

I did not think a simple 'who should I talk about' vote could turn into a death battle.

 

[Hooded Pitohui]

And really, are you going to sacrifice this sanctity for some silly clown?

My, my, Rose. It would seem as though it were you who has lost sight of your roots and values while in the grasp of conflict. After all, was it not you who taught me the rich history of the clown? And now, you would deign to insult such a noble performer? Were not the clowns of the European tradition seen once as innocent, as reflections of the precociousness and curiosity we experience as youths? Was that not their role upon the stage, to be discoverers and dreamers blessed with naivete? I can think of no act nobler on the stage than to make a fool of yourself so that you may return the people of a weary and often battered world to a time of peace and genuine fascination.

And, though clowns may have evolved, is that not what Spade still stands for? Does he not work to, even if only for a brief moment, add cheer and joy to the lives of his audience, to return them to a state of childhood wonder?

Yes, a clown indeed... Perhaps, were people more appreciative of clowns, they would see why voting for Spade is the right decision...

Uh oh I think I'm trapped guys

Worry not, my brave tactician! For Spade has aid to turn this Mexican Standoff you find yourself in from a one-on-one to a two-on-one. And, Rose should well remember one thing... Well, allow me to quote the words of a Miss Miranda Lambert:

His fist is big but my gun's bigger.
He'll find out when I pull the trigger.

I assure you. If there is anyone who can stand against Rose to offer you protection, it is I. Yet, I need no firearms or threats of violence to protect you, for we together have the words to convince anyone of Spade's importance.

 

[Roserade]

My my, Pitohui. You've grown a little subdued, haven't you? We must address your first statement quite carefully, and uncover the truth of what I really said.

By your admission, clowns are naive, innocent, and bring an audience back to a childlike wonder. This is all true, I know it all as such. However! All I ever said was that Spade is a silly clown, never a bad clown, and you'll find that, based upon your definition of clown, silly is a perfect descriptor to use.

You must understand. It's true, I am well-versed in the art of clown, and do understand the significance of its performance for an audience. The simple truth of the matter is so: a performing clown is important, but an eight year old prodigy? They have the ability to truly shape the future of society. Clowning can wait another day, when scientific advancement is upon us. Digi-Boy is calculated in every math and science, and has the ability to impact society for the better, for future generations to come.

Perhaps now you'll see what I mean. I never intended to shoot with a real gun. I intended to shoot with a Truth Bullet!

And this is the truth as we know it to be!

 

[London Parris]

Spade is off limits. So I say Jack Levin.

 

[Hooded Pitohui]

You must understand. It's true, I am well-versed in the art of clown, and do understand the significance of its performance for an audience. The simple truth of the matter is so: a performing clown is important, but an eight year old prodigy? They have the ability to truly shape the future of society. Clowning can wait another day, when scientific advancement is upon us. Digi-Boy is calculated in every math and science, and has the ability to impact society for the better, for future generations to come.

My, do we fancy a game?

Then a game, we shall have!

You would do well to remember, however... that as a grass type, you have five weaknesses, more with your poison-typing included. And I do believe I see one right away. For you, Rose, may be versed in the art of the clown, in the ways of the performer, but you forget that I am a scientist! And allow me to tell you, there are many faults to be had within myself and my colleagues. You advocate for Digi-Boy on the basis that he will shape society for the better, but how can we be certain of that? Brilliant though he may be, he is still only eight years of age. Scientists are all too often caught up in the questions of what is possible to do, and not enough on questions of what it is right to do.

Is it right that, owing to the Western world's view of emergency and elderly healthcare, many are left to survive without truly being able to live? Whether life dependent upon a machine or dependent upon others, that is a philosophical question that much be decided by any given individual. A doctor can promise to keep your body functioning - a doctor cannot promise you a life. You must decide for yourself what a life is worth. I could pull out the cliches, as well. How many scientists have been concerned primarily with possibility and were later horrified to find out about the military applications of their research? It is no fault of the scientist, mind you, those doing a great justice for society. But science - and this is the point I emphasize - does not occur in a vacuum. Even more benign matters require a understanding of human nature. Certainly, you can improve crops through genetic modification, but can you anticipate the backlash to doing so? Can you navigate fears and uncertainties to sell the public on the idea? Is it moral that companies such as Monsanto can patent the genetic code of life when they alter it, depriving farmers of the seeds produced by the plants they raise? We know that getting consumers to buy local and to buy a greater variety of products would reduce the carbon footprint of agriculture and reduce the practice of intense monoculture (improve soil health and food security), but, without an understanding of the public, we shall never be able to effectively communicate that. After all, the desire for low prices and - notably - uniformity of products' appearances, are powerful forces.

You advocate we rally behind Dig-Boy and push him to new heights at so tender an age by voting for him. But I think you do the young man a disservice. He needs more time to grow. He may be a whiz at science and mathematics, but can he truly think critically? Can he consider the implications of what he does and consider it outside of the context of a vacuum? After all, we are dealing with no spherical cows here! And the best way to develop the young man's critical thinking ability - nay, to develop the critical thinking ability of this section's entire audience - we must turn to the humanities and the arts. This, of course, includes the performing arts! Allow Spade to teach this young man about the fragility and wonder of human life!

Unless, of course, you want to sit with Digi-Boy some day in the far future, and bear witness to a terrible string of decisions that went hopelessly unconsidered. Yes, he may do great things, but if he cannot contextualize those great things, you may one day find yourself in this position...

 

[Roserade]

And the best way to develop the young man's critical thinking ability - nay, to develop the critical thinking ability of this section's entire audience - we must turn to the humanities and the arts. This, of course, includes the performing arts! Allow Spade to teach this young man about the fragility and wonder of human life!

Pitohui, please. If you're going to make claims about the participants of a debate, I'd expect you to at least learn something about each of them first.

Let's look to the F-Zero Wiki, for the definitive answer of why Spade should not be chosen for MSM this month:

However, his driving style is rather unusual and he has been known to pull off amazing techniques, though most considered extremely risky. Even more curious is how fickle in races he is, as he will often not take the race seriously or simply drop out. Because of this, he has yet to develop a very good name for himself.

"fragility and wonder of human life", indeed.

Must this be explained any further? When I've gone through my physical theatre training, which included clown, I was taught three golden rules: don't hurt yourself, don't hurt your ensemble, don't hurt the audience. This racer clearly demonstrates that he puts himself at risk, and potentially others, and regardless of that, he is not well-regarded within the F-Zero universe at all. And you want him to nurture the innocent mind of an intelligence youth? For all of your wisdom, this was a major oversight on your part. Spade is not just some refined clown, he is a menace to any racers on the track.

If Spade were to gain the spotlight of Mach Speed Mayhem this month, what kind of impression would that make for Digi-Boy — hell, the rest of the youth of our world? Do we really want to put a sporadic, dangerous man in the position of praise? Perhaps your ethics are different than my own, but I firmly believe that your argument is widely rebuffed by just about everyone else.

You mention that science can foster in an incorrect way, and this is not wrong. However, we must learn to give praise and attention to our youth, so that they can grow feeling loved and seen. This is why Digi-Boy should be chosen before Spade!

The Digi-Boy argument rests, Your Honor.