ITT: Post bad Gamefaqs reviews

Glowsquid

Glowsquid

Shine Sprite
Retired Forum Mod
Retired Wiki Staff
'Shroom Consultant
Gamefaqs is not a bastion of quality, erm, anything, but I can't help but have minor nostalgia for its user reviews back when it focused more of them. Thanks to the average reviewer's questionable litteracy, penchant for insane statements, and complete inability to describe the game in a meaningful way, they can make for some great point and laugh entertainement. What are your favourites?

Super Mario RPG

http://www.gamefaqs.com/snes/588739-super-mario-rpg-legend-of-the-seven-stars/reviews/review-17510

this game sounds kiddy said:
When I first saw screenshots of this game, it seemed like a rather kiddy game, and lo and behold it turned out to be much more kiddier than I would have ever expected. Everything about the graphics scream kidiness, from the backgrounds to the enemy designs to the character designs, everything in the game is so kiddy, it is rather disturbing. I don't recall disliking the graphics in any Super Nintendo role playing game as much as I hate the graphics in this game. They are good, sure, but they are just way too kiddy for my tastes, especially the colorful background designs.
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King's Field

http://www.gamefaqs.com/ps/197725-kings-field/reviews/review-2452
My review to the playstation-game King's Field. All scores are compared to all other kinda games, Dreamcast-games, Snes-games, everything.
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the attack you use is uncool said:
Grafic: Grafic is bad. And compared to other playstation-games it is worthless. The enemies are ugly, the attacks you use is uncool, the mazes are just painted the same way all the time, yeah grafic is really bad. The backgrounds is also uncool. Even if it is in 3D, the grafic is bad.
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Mobile Suit Gundam: Journey to Jaburo

http://www.gamefaqs.com/ps2/479797-mobile-suit-gundam-journey-to-jaburo/reviews/review-21905

The third problem is the shortness of the game. If you were barely trying, I would expect you to complete the game in less then a game. It took me 2 days on the first try but it's only because I had a air conditioner broken.
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Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island

this entire thing. it's magical.

It does try some rather innovative ideas, I do admit, but this is definitely one of the worst Super Nintendo games I have ever played, in my eyes. I could not think of a single good quality of this terrible game, as it is just absolutely horrid.
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Graphically, this is one of the best looking Super Nintendo games yet. Mode 7 effects about in this game, and the backgrounds in the game are simply amazing and very colorful. The enemy designs in the game are some of the most unique I have ever seen in a video game, and the wide variety of enemy designs in the game is definitely a welcome sign in my eyes.
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Thank you for making this.
 
Damn, that first guy has it in for teh kiddies. (It's even in his long-ass YI review too.)

The gramars that other guy use is bad and uncool like a broken airconditioner.
 
Oh man, the guy who wrote that King's Field reviews has 74 others.

Robocop vs Terminator

http://www.gamefaqs.com/GEN/586429-robocop-versus-the-terminator/reviews/review-15929

Maybe the ”worst” side of Robocop VS Terminator, even if the control is good. ”Then how can you say it’s the worst side of the game?”-you might say. Well, it’s because the other things are so good in this game! The control is definitely not bad, it’s nice and smooth. While playing the game, you’ll learn the controls pretty fast and when you get it, it’s plain and simple to use. The only reason why the control doesn’t get top score is because of that Robocop himself is quite big(not giant, but quite big) so it’s not so easy to dodge bullets. But maybe that’s done just to increase the diffcultness. Oh well, the weopons and items make the control even better, you can move around as you like, walk to the right and left, jump, duck, run upwards/downwards ladders, climb lines, shoot in any direction you want, etc.
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Whoa, is this for Genesis? Just look at the backgrounds and the awesome weopons! Really, the backgrounds are nice done, the details are smooth and the coulors are great. The characters and enemies/bosses you face are also very nice done, with varying coulors and size, some are small, others are big. Each time you kill an enemy blood splats and fall down on the ground, in a natural way where the graphic looks realistic. You’ll face living and robotic enemies, both of them can die, but they do it in different ways. The mankind gets fried and blood splashes out on the floor, meanwhile the robots break down, with explosions.
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"The mankind gets fried and blood splashes out on the floor, " fucking poetry

weopon
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Spore Review said:
You get to make boats and aircraft and tanks, all of which will look like a mass of guns. No joke, attack power is determined by how many guns you have on your vehicle, so logically, a tube covered in thirty different kinds of randomly assigned weapons will work the best. Like your creatures, if what you make looks good, you're working on a pathetic piece of technology, if it looks like a munitions dump on wheels; you're set.
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No, power is determined by a percentage: a 33% Power, 33% Health, and a 33% Speed vehicle operates in very much the same manner as a 1% Power, 1% Health, and 1% Speed vehicle.

And it's not the game's fault that your creations look like *bleep*, it's rather your fault for being a *bleep*ty creator. You can make speedy vehicles and make them look good. Use your imagination.
 
http://www.gamefaqs.com/gamecube/447244-metroid-prime/reviews/review-46649

You would think that the remixes are good since they come from Super Metroid correct? Wrong.
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Were... were we listening to the same OST? Magmoor was a bad Lower Norfair arrangement?

They only sound I suggest you try to dodge is when Samus falls into lava. When you fall into lava, you are greeted with one of the most annoying sounds in any game ever made.
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Navi? Baby Mario crying?

This game is not worth the $50 dollars. I suggest renting it in a rental place that lets you keep the game for 4 to 5 days because Metroid Prime doesn't even last 3 days.
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It took me about a year to finish my first playthrough. I guess I just suck at vidya games.
 
Not only does Mega Man 2 come packed with thrills, chills, and innovative gameplay, it also has great visuals, especially for the time (1988). Whether it's the shiny, eye-catching blue surroundings of Flash Man's level, the nicely drawn and well animated characters of the game, or the metal contraptions of Metal Man's world that make you feel like you're inside a life-sized clock, there's always something nice to look at. Some of the graphical effects were just amazing. In a certain pitch dark area, there are a few enemies whose heads are made of glowing fire that literally light up the room. The second you destroy one of these hotheaded adversaries, the room darkens until it's pitch dark once again (neat!).
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It's almost as if the reviewer never touched any other game except 2.
 
Pyro said:
It's almost as if the reviewer never touched any other game except 2.
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i have seen people state that all megamans after the first two are cash grab and they suck

and they havent even played them either
 
I enjoy 4 more than I enjoy 2 and I have both. Cooler power ups and cooler levels. And 4 has the Charge Shot and Sliding when 2 doesn't.
 
http://www.gamefaqs.com/wii-u/761332-sonic-boom-rise-of-lyric/reviews/review-159585

Graphics
This is one of the most beautiful Sonic games I have played. The character models are great, and the expanse environments are something I got immersed in. I particularly liked the lighting effects. My only complaint in this category is that some characters looked like strange puppets when they opened their mouths, namely Amy and the secondary characters.
Graphics: 9/10
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Uh I can get over the fact you enjoyed the game (I really do) but the graphics in the game are awful especially for a Wii U title
 
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