The world, characters, music, even the sound effects of the Mario video games are among the most iconic entertainment creations of the 20th century. So naturally if you made a Mario movie, youd want to abandon everything that people liked and recognized about them, and then just in case people were still willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, throw in The Happening star John Leguizamo.
Lets say you went to the cinema hoping to see your favorite character from Mario 3, the red carnivorous fish Big Bertha. Ignoring the fact that you are a moron for your favorite character not being the King of Ice World when hes been transformed into a seal, you might be disappointed to to learn that in the movie, Big Bertha is instead a large, violent woman with prodigious cleavage who wears S & M-esque garb. (Or maybe youre into that. In that case, youre probably not welcome in many of the theaters that were showing Super Mario Bros.)
So Big Bertha isnt a fish, the goombas arent tiny, stompable, sentient mushrooms, and theres nary a Tanooki suit to be found. No big deal, as long as the Mario Brothers are still brothers, right? Whats that? For no apparent reason Luigi is the adopted ward of Mario? Well, maybe it could still work as long as the movie isnt an incoherent, hideous mess full of shouting and chaos and cheap sets and
Why are you shaking your head sadly?
Strap on your Kuribos shoes and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill up on Jugems Cloud for riffing on the best live action Mario property that doesnt contain Captain Lou Albano.