Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Cancelled

Do you think i should start writing this again

  • Yes

    Votes: 5 62.5%

  • No

    Votes: 1 12.5%

  • I don't care

    Votes: 2 25.0%
  • Total voters
    8
  • Poll closed .
Status
Not open for further replies.
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

Okay. Well, suddenly the tense switches to past tense. This doesn't make sense and basically implies that this is a flashback. There isn't a whole lot of description:
Uniju went to the address left on the note and found himself at an old house that looked like it had been abandoned years ago. Upon entering the house, he was surprised to find the other rejected heroes there as well.
Click to expand...
How did Uniju get there? What did the house look like: did it have rotten planks, peeling paint? Where in the house were the rejects, and which ones were they? These are things you need to describe as an author.
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) Second chapter has been released

But that's not a good team
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) fourth chapter has been released

Indeed what did you think of the rest of it
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) fourth chapter has been released

The first part was okay, the last paragraph tied it up neatly, but the middle part was incredibly lame; This part is a crappy version of some mystery story. The villain gave in too quickly even though more common sense things can be used in order to steer the gang away from suspicion of him. The scene seems unrealistic and the motive was incredibly dumb. The scene of the death of The Premium Yoshi and the mourning of him didn't quite match up. Usually when describing the death of a character that the protagonist(s) cared about (in any sense) the description is not going to be just one measly small sentence (TPY's death went by too quickly and randomly), it's going to be vividly described with [full] emotions of one of the characters like if it's happening in slow motion. Now if that was implemented, the mourning scene will match-up real nicely. You worked on the appearance of the story, but now you'll have to work on the grammar and description of the story.

2.7/5


Also pseudo-off-topic, would you like your reviews out of 10 or 5 or possibly any other reasonable number?
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) fourth chapter has been released

You do know this is a tribute to silver age comics right the villain giving in for no reason is supposed to happen and Jack has every right to just give up because as he himself pointed out there was no reason for him to worry nobody would believe the heroes if it weren't for the tape recorder. So if you want a better example of what i'm doing watch the 1960's batman show than you will understand what i'm doing
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) fourth chapter has been released

Just posting "Silver age comics" would made me change my mind.

4.1/5

And what about the rating?
 
Re: Suicide League (Superhero fan story) fourth chapter has been released

It's pretty irrelevant because a low score looks better on a 10 scale but a higher score looks better on a 5 scale so it doesn't matter. Also thanks for understanding this isn't a serious mystery novel.