Bad wishes aren't always bad wishes

[Madikoopa]

Granted, the lightning stimulates a hidden pressure point and somehow grants you superpowers.

I wish I never moved or talked again.

 

[A Paragoomba and the Koopa Bros.]

Granted, but the doctor gives you something that makes you move and talk again.

I wish Koopas never existed

 

[Mike Wheeler]

But Metacritic hates Koopas, so Nintendo gets better scores.
I wish I died and went to hell.

 

[Fawfulthegreat64]

Granted, you die, have 99 more lives, and go to a shopping mall called Hell, wondering why it rarely gets much business. I wish Mario Kart 8 had a boring cast.

 

[Fazer]

Granted, but the game has really awesome karts.

I wish I got a F on every exam.

 

[Duskull]

Granted, but it turns out F stands for Fantastic.

I wish I was in jail.

 

[Fazer]

Granted, you only visit the jail with your class.

I wish a bird attacked me.

 

[Mike Wheeler]

You go to the hospital and miss a lot of school.

I wish my head got cut off.

 

[Fazer]

Granted, but it turns out that you're a zombie so you can put your head back.

I wish I got stuck under a big boulder.

 

[DragonFreak]

Granted, but it stops you from bleeding to death and your saved perfectly fine!

I wish I was homeless.

 

[SonicMario]

Granted, You find much success as a traveling man

I wish I was teleported to the middle of the ocean.

 

[Fazer]

Granted, the water isn't deep at all, making you able to walk on the ground and you see an island nearby.

I wish I was crushed by a piano.