Bad wishes aren't always bad wishes

Granted but it causes a paradox of you needing to exist to make the wish and the universe gets rid of your wish to stop the paradox

I wish I was Flat Stanley
 
Granted, but you learn how it feels to fly by being a kite.

I wish I was stomped on like a goomba.
 
Granted, but you're a Spiny.
I wish I was captured by a Pokemon Trainer.
 
Granted, but then you realise you were in Minecraft and you respawn.

I wish I was trapped in a room with this (it's my biggest fear)
eyes-dark-19640375.jpg

And there was no door.
 
Granted but the people are nice and lead you out through a secret ventilation pipe.

I wish that I had never seen the sun.
 
Granted but you never were a Lakitu to begin with so nothing changed.

I wish I lost my sense of taste.
 
Granted but you never had a tongue. (Impossible like what you said to mine.)

I wish all my Lakitu brethren became extinct.
 
Granted, but it turns out they were all out to get you, so this is good.

I wish I could get punched in the face.
 
Granted, but you become a huge thing on the internet because of it.

I wish that no one will ever like me.
 
But afterwards you look much more handsome

I wish that the worst thing possible happened, and that there is no good side to it
 
Granted, but other people become unhappy too, because you ruined this game.

I wish that Video Games became illegal.
 
Granted, but
You must learn how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Pick a nice day and try it. The first part is easy. All it requires is the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight and the willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt. That is, it's going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground. If you are really trying properly, the likelihood is that you will fail to miss the ground fairly hard.

One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won't. You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else then you're halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it's going to hurt if you fail to miss it.

It is notoriously difficult to prise your attention away from these three things during the split second you have at your disposal. Hence most people's failure, and their eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and spectacular sport.

If, however, you are lucky enough to have your attention momentarily distracted at the crucial moment by, say, a gorgeous pair of legs (tentacles, pseudopodia, according to phyllum and/or personal inclination), or a bomb going off in your vicinity, or by suddenly spotting an extremely rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig, then in your astonishment you will miss the ground completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above the ground in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner.

This is the moment for superb and delicate concentration.

Bob and float. Float and bob.

Ignore all considerations of your own weight and simply let yourself waft higher.

Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful.

They are most likely to say something along the lines of "Good God, man, you can't possibly be flying!" It is vitally important not to believe them or they will suddenly be right.

Waft higher and higher. Try a few swoops, gentle ones at first, then drift above the treetops, breathing regularly.
You do that.

I wish that I was racist.
 
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