Natalie J.

Natalie J.

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I have no mouth, but I must traffic. 22 From King Boo's Mansion
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  • Natalie J.
    I'm thinking I want to take another social media break for a while since I've noticed myself becoming too chronically online lately. I've also just been generally uninterested in anything going on here lately so I think it's a good chance to take some time off. I'll still be hanging around on Discord just so I don't have to be totally isolated so feel free to send me a friend request on there if you want.
    Natalie J.
    I feel like I haven't been able to fit in here at all. In my mind, there's two groups of people: the people who were here in 2011 and before who all seem to be friends with each other and the people who joined relatively recently that are all a few years younger than me and are all roleplayers. I fall into this weird middle area, having joined in 2013, where I'm not veteran enough to be part of the friend group of OGs but I'm also not new/young enough to fit in with the generation of roleplayers. It's been making it hard for me to be interested in staying around when I almost feel like I'll just be the odd one out of both groups.
    View previous comments…
    Bob Craples
    Bob Craples
    I would never turn anyone down unless they're racist or something. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there and try to make friends. I know it's generic advise, but it's true.
    Pink Cat
    Pink Cat
    Remember, the first step to make a friend is to talk to them, there is no guarantee they'll like you but if they don't, it was probably not meant to be, better to have a few friends who love you for you are then a lot who barely know you
    Natalie J.
    Natalie J.
    I'm really glad you all are willing to help me open up. I spent today being really anxious about all the comments to the point that it affected my blood pressure, but like I've said to other people before, I've been trying to get over my unreasonable fear of people relentlessly bullying me for saying anything at all. Especially with generalized anxiety, I freak out about basically everything, but I'm going to try to overcome that at some point.

    Thank you all again. I'm not at home at the moment but I'll probably shoot off some DMs when I get back. I really want to be more involved in the community and I think this will be a good way to start.
    Natalie J.
    I can't decide if I want my first name to be Mia or Cristina. What do you all think?

    My middle name is still going to be Ghost and I'll go by that primarily but I want to have a female first name.
    Natalie J.
    Maybe I am actually a girl.

    Yeah, I'm actually a girl.

    It was just hard to accept because of my mom's transphobia but being a trans girl gives me euphoria.
    LeftyGreenMario
    LeftyGreenMario
    Abusive parents can f*ck with your head suuuuper seriously and absolutely destroy your sense of judgement and self-worth. Even today, as a recovering person, I'm constantly second-guessing and seeking validation. Don't feel pressure on any sort of identity, go with what makes you happy, though that's not going to be as easy as it sounds. I hope you build more and more confidence, and those second-guessing, self-hating things that plague your mind like a disease are more manageable as soon as the circumstances allow you to heal.
    Natalie J.
    Natalie J.
    I've been spending as little time with her as I possibly can lately and I'm going to cut her out of my life entirely come July/August when I move away. My dad is actually supportive of me no matter what I identify as or how I present, and I'm sure it will be even easier to feel more confident when I'm living in Illinois with my boyfriend, I can get on HRT, and I can at least try to meet some other trans people at school and be friends with them. Until then, I'm just going to avoid my mom as much as possible so I don't have to feel so obligated to bend to her will all the time.
    Bob Craples
    Bob Craples
    Your mom sounds like bitch.
    Natalie J.
    Every time I see something about some kind of behavior quirk autistic people have that also applies to me, all I can think of is that time my mom decided on my behalf that I didn't have autism. My mom is already an ableist asshole but it's like someone who didn't even finish college shouldn't have the authority to decide if I have a neurological disorder or something.
    LeftyGreenMario
    LeftyGreenMario
    Oh your mom is an autism denier?

    Your mom is so smart! She is sooooo smart! Everybody's jealous of how smart she is! How did she figure that out!? How did she get that because most people, what they would do is they would go with the preponderance of evidence? Most people would trust the unanimous consensus of all credible medical professionals, but she didn't!!! She figured it out all on her own! She's soooo smart!

    Her talents are wasted talking to you like this! She should go out there! Start cracking some cold cases! If bet if she looked in to it, she could figure out who Jack the Ripper was, cuz she's soo smart!

    (paraphrase from a ThoughtSlime video on ADHD, the end of it)
    Natalie J.
    Natalie J.
    She's not even an autism denier, per se, but she just decided when I was 3 that I didn't have autism based on...some completely backwards logic, I'm sure. Knowing her background, she probably thought it meant she was a failure of a parent if I had autism. I say she's a failure of a parent because she's a narcissistic asshole but she would never believe that herself.
    Natalie J.
    The second dream I had just now was literally the biggest downgrade compared to the first one. Bring back the Mall of Dreams from the first one and the actually fun TV show I got to host in it.
    Natalie J.
    I got to see the pictures I took of myself as a Shy Boy again and just got the biggest wave of euphoria.
    Natalie J.
    It feels a lot better now that I don't have to stress out about my classes.
    LeftyGreenMario
    LeftyGreenMario
    Is Luigi your teacher now
    Natalie J.
    Natalie J.
    I fucking wish. Since I can't have that, I took the next best option for me right now and started working on dropping out for this semester.
    Natalie J.
    Welcome to episode number 49318 of "Ghost Gets the Song From Super Probably Level Stuck in His Head."
    Natalie J.
    It's funny to me how I still play Mii games a lot more than I play GD, but I just find it more interesting to talk about GD on here and on Twitter.
    Natalie J.
    Would people be disappointed in me for dropping out of school because of my mental health? I would go back as soon as I could but I just can't handle it right now.
    View previous comments…
    Peachette
    Peachette
    By school do you mean HS or College?
    Assuming you're in the US or somewhere that operates similarly enough,
    Be aware HS would be extraordinarily difficult to re-enroll, the more likely to happen would be getting a GED, which is O-KAY. There's nothing wrong with a GED, and it is good enough to get into a college.
    For college, well, re-enrolling is variable based on the college and the circumstance of each student, I would ask your college advisors on all the departments you're involved with on how achievable taking time off would be.
    Natalie J.
    Natalie J.
    @Hooded Pitohui I realized later that when I said "would people be disappointed" I really meant "would my parents be disappointed." My mom is just a narcissistic asshole, but my dad has been absolutely horrible at dealing with anything related to my mental health. With him, he acts like I'm failing if I'm not getting things done at a good pace. I'm also really worried he'll pull out his financial support for me moving away if I drop out of college, even just for a semester. It would definitely be best for me if I took a break from college for now so I can get back on my antidepressant, get away from my mom, and things like that but I just don't think my dad would be happy with me if I did that.
    Natalie J.
    Natalie J.
    @Gayle I'm in college, graduated high school in 2019. I also wouldn't be re-enrolling in the same college I'm in, since I'm moving cross country soon and transferring into a university. I'm probably going to email my advisor at the school I'm in now and see if he has any suggestions.
    Natalie J.
    I got a new Elgato.

    It doesn't work.
    • Like
    Reactions: Peachette
    Hooded Pitohui
    Hooded Pitohui
    I've been parsing this as a strange way of writing "el gato" for the sake of a joke and I've spenty twenty minutes trying to figure out what the punchline could be in a joke about a cat not working.
    Natalie J.
    Natalie J.
    20 minutes? You have more dedication to coming up with jokes than I ever would.
    Natalie J.
    School has broken me. I feel so disappointed in myself for it but I might have to completely drop out this semester so that over the summer, I can go see my psychiatrist, get some neurological tests done so I can verify my autism, and just generally reevaluate what kinds of programs I want to go into.
    Natalie J.
    I hate my English class so much that I came up with my own structure for an English class that I would teach.
    Natalie J.
    Is there anyone in the world who actually likes long division?
    View previous comments…
    Movie Bowser
    Movie Bowser
    You're talking about college algebra, right?
    Natalie J.
    Natalie J.
    Yeah, I never did algebra division in high school.
    Meta Knight
    Meta Knight
    I used to think this way during college but I decided to relearn it recently on a whim and it's not too bad honestly. It doesn't have much of a practical use I'm aware of though. However I completely understand people looking at something like this and wanting nothing to do with it.

    IMG_20220404_122944.jpg
    Natalie J.
    You know what, I was going to stay on break for a little while longer but I think I'm about ready to come back. With my boyfriend getting a job, me being a ton more secure in my new identity, and just how little else I have going on, I'm going to say my break is over.
    Natalie J.
    Just dropping by again to come out as nonbinary. I also have a new preferred name; I won't mind if you use Dylan but I'd rather be called Ghost. I figure my friends can use Ghost for me since it's an unconventional, completely genderless, and just a really damn cool name.

    Anyway, I'm going to go disappear again. I've been sticking to just Discord so that's where you're most likely to find me if you want to talk to me.
    Natalie J.
    Just dropping in to change themes before I forget to. Hope you're all doing well.
    Natalie J.
    Natalie J.
    By the way, if anyone can find where to credit this fanart, I would appreciate it a lot.
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