Story: Mutiny on the Blargg


Koopa Troopa
A lightly equipped airship, damaged and smoldering, trudged through the air over the sea with jerky movements. The partially wrecked ship as well as the injured crew of bad guys spoke of the struggle which had occurred for the sake of the ship.

A rowdy crowd of Koopa troops, Shy Guys, Goombas, and various other baddies all hollered and celebrated their hard fought victory. Over the crowd, a single Magikoopa, himself also hurt, stood atop the poop deck, causing all the various villains to snicker while he addressed them.

“Friends in mayhem, we did it!” The Magikoopa clapped his hands, encouraging the rest of the motley crew to do so. “We escaped from the island prison AND we stole the guards’ only airship!” Another round of applause rang out, and a Micro Goomba began bouncing on the head of a regular Goomba. “And now, we’re going to take this ship, and take these cannons, and blow the Mushroom Kingdom to smithereens!”

The Magikoopa began clapping again, gaining a few allies among the crowd. A handful of the baddies looked to each other uneasily, however, and one of them shook his head. Sneegle, a red Snifit, pulled an empty soapbox to the center of the crowd and stood atop it.

“Seeing as how the prison break was my idea, I’d like to add a few words,” the Snifit said, and although the Magikoopa stuttered angrily, most of the assorted villains turned to listen. “Most of us have been beaten by good guys before. Several times, in fact. We have our own airship and can go anywhere we want; maybe we should try something new instead of attacking the same good guys again and again.”

The former members of the Koopa Troop murmured among themselves, a mixture of agreement and disagreement. The Magikoopa loomed over the crowd irately. “And what, pray tell, would we do other than attack the Mushroom Kingdom? We need a method of income, not your fantasies!”

“It’s not a fantasy,” the Snifit replied, causing everyone on the airship’s deck to strain their necks looking back and forth between the two speakers. “Most of us are good at stealing things, and breaking in to places. Why don’t we just start finding treasure and coins? Then we can use the coins to buy things - things that we like.”

When more of the escaped villains started nodding along to Sneegle’s words, the Magikoopa became visibly worried. “Sneegle loves good guys more than he loves bad guys!” the bespectacled baddie said to a round of gasps directed at both of them.

Sneegle ignored the slight and didn’t take the bait. “Alright, let’s put it to a vote. Who thinks we should use this airship to start a new life and avoid the Mushroom Kingdom altogether?”

“Aye!” said four of the escaped villains.

“And who says that bad guys are better than good guys?” said the Magikoopa, jumping up and down and waiving for more people to join him.

Only four raised their hands, leaving the overwhelming majority undecided: fifteen of the escapees hadn’t raised their hands at all. A reticent Ninji who wrought his wrists anxiously. “I don’t know I just don’t know,” the ninjitsu practitioner mumbled, speaking for the majority.

“A tie? That isn’t a great result,” Sneegle said. He hadn’t noticed the Magikoopa pulling a wand out.

Multicolored runes glowed in the air around the wand until the Magikoopa pointed the instrument at Sneegle. “I can fix that…who would follow a leader who can’t even move?”

Caught unaware, Sneegle turned just in time to see the blast of magic headed toward him. The bright glowing ball hit him and spread over his body, freezing him in place. He could see, he could hear, he could think, but he couldn’t move. His four loyalists began to poke and prod him, thinking it a joke until their own fellows turned on them.

“Heed my words and obey my command: throw those traitors overboard!” the Magikoopa yelled while swinging his wand menacingly.

In the heat of the moment, the greater portion of the bad guys listened and turned on the comparatively small group weakened by its leaders paralysis. Even the previously neutral villains swarmed around Sneegle and his supporters, ganging up on them three-to-one without the chance to fight back. Only Zoom-Zoom, the crowd’s Boom-Boom, stood back in uncertainty at the real, actual traitors.

“Friends, don’t!” protested a red Koopa who’d been Sneegle’s cellmate at the prison island, though his words were in vain.

One by one, the four supporters were tossed overboard, falling from the airship like helpless ragdolls and plummeting toward the sea. They screamed, for there was nothing else they could do, and they fell into a massive whirlpool which had opened up beneath the airship. Sneegle was last, and all he could do was watch as the people who he’d helped escape from prison turned on him.

“Oh, how it pains me to do this!” the Magikoopa said sarcastically while directing the rowdy crowd to lift Sneegle up in the air like the worst crowdsurf ever.

Sneegle’s stomach tingled due to both the end of the paralysis spell and the sudden fall he took. He was more scared than he’d ever been in his life, and he flapped his arms ineffectually as he followed his friends down to the whirlpool. He screamed as they had, unable to accept his unfair doom even when he plunged into the sea. The whirlpool began to glow with a strange magical light, swallowing him up and dragging him and his friends to a place they never would have suspected.


Koopa Troopa
Bolts of strange magic shocked the water as a portal opened beneath the surface. Fish scattered as five bodies were pushed through as if in a current, and all of them began flailing in their disorientation. Sneegle broke to the surface first.

"You rat finks!" the Snifit yelled at an empty sky; the airship was nowhere to be seen. Fear of the open water took over, and he spun around until he saw the shore. "Swim like your lives depend on it!" he shouted to his four supporters.

The other baddies all broke through the surface and began swimming after him, for they were just as afraid after being tossed so far into the sea. Two Shy Guys and a Spike overtook Sneegle, and before he reached the shallows, he turned back to see the Koopa with a red shell struggling. "Hurry!" he yelled until he saw the shark fin protruding above the surface.

"Save yourselves!" the Koopa yelled just before falling beneath the waves. The shark took him, and Sneegle tumbled to the shallows before falling to his knees.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" he called out, but the Koopa was already dead, and his three other supporters were gagging and spitting up salt water on the shore. He dragged himself out of the sea and pulled his mask away for a second to let water seep out. He panted heavily. "That coward, that Magikoopa knew he couldn't fight fairly! I'm going to fix this, fellas. You'll see." He didn't even believe his own words, but he had to put up a front to keep them from falling apart.

Sharif, the more talkative of the two Shy Guys, pushed himself up on shaking arms. "We're with you," he said in a voice lacking confidence.

The group had little time to recuperate, however. The beach shrubbery behind them rustled, and Sneegle turned around to find a mottled Moblin the height of a wooly mammoth looming over them. "There you are," the giant porcine monster said as if it knew them.

"What the heck is that!" Sharif yelled while flailing his arms.

Long arms reached down to knock Sneegle into the beach sand. He hit the ground hard, and by the time he'd stood back up, he found the Moblin stuffing his three followers into a big burlap bag. "No, I've lost too much today!" the Snifit said defiantly. Making his last stand, he began to shoot bullets at the giant manpig monster through his mouth tube.

"Ow! Ow! Ouch! Ow!" the Moblin said as bullets hit it and even broke its skin. "Quit it, you poopy head!"

Sneegle lost his sense of reason and began shooting the Moblin with reckless abandon. The jailbreak, the betrayal, the fall overboard, the loss of his friend to the shark, and now this; it was all too much for him. He didn’t even pause to wonder why the Moblin wasn’t fighting back, even when his bullets drew blood.

“Not you!” the big pig monster said, and finally it gave Sneegle a swift kick which sent him back into the shallows like a punted football. “The master doesn’t need you!”

Losing his sense of balance, the Snifit faltered. He thrashed in the water, tumbling over rocks and sharp shells and bruising himself sorely. His red robes tore at the bottom, revealing his stick-like right leg connecting to his thick blue shoes.

All three of Sneegle’s followers were now inside the bag, unable to see and falling onto each other. As if things couldn't get any worse, the Spike farted. "Oh, you have to be kidding me, Gus!" Sharif said.

"Sorry," the embarrassed Spike replied.

Dazed and confused, Sneegle fell multiple times while crawling ashore, scrambling frantically to find his friends. The Moblin had much longer legs than him and took long strides, but its large footprints and droplets of blood left an easy trail to follow behind all the rustling palm fronds and ferns. He sped off to catch up with them.

“Your master will need an aspirin and some band-aids after I’m through! Worst day ever!”