Nysic's Mail Tales

Nysice said:
Sorry I'm a bit late with this, but here it is anyway:

I can't believe I had to come all the way to Hoenn just to deliver some lousy package. I've been flying for 7.8 hours, and there's too much water here, so I can't even land for a break! At least I can see where I need to go now; Route 69.

I landed in some grass in front of a tree. Where's the house? It should be right here. I looked around for a bit before seeing a small door in the tree, just big enough for me to fit inside. Who is this guy, a Keebler elf? I took a step to investigate, but instantly found myself being teleported to some grass stadium, where a Pidgey sat on a platform not far away from me. Ugh. Stupid Pokemon. I flew off the platform. "GOT AWAY SAFELY!" I screamed. Why did I say that? I don't even...

I flew up to the door in the tree and knocked.

"What's the password?" I heard from the other side of the door.

"Uhhh... 'password'?" There was a moment of silence before suddenly the door swung open.

"Nex?" I said as I saw the black Pokemon before me.

"Nysic?" He said. "Man, what are you doing here? Don't you live in the Mushroom Kingdom?"

I sighed. "Yeah, but my lousy boss made me fly all the way here to deliver you this package." I held the box out in my hand. "Hasn't he ever heard of airmail?"

"Thanks, but this isn't mine." He said.

I felt something in my head snap. "You're telling me I came all the way here to deliver some STUPID PACKAGE just to find out IT'S NOT EVEN FOR YOU?!"

Nex took a few steps back. "Dude, calm down, it's for Shy Guy!" He turned around. "Shy Guy, there's a package for you!" He called out.

A few moments later I saw Shy Guy run in from the kitchen. "Oh boy oh boy!" He exclaimed.

"Shy Guy?" I asked. "You live with Nex?"

"Yep. I got kicked out of my apartment in Rustboro City because I was 'too loud and obnoxious'" Shy Guy said.

"I took him in after I found out. He's just crashing here for a while until he can find a new place." Nex continued.

"Yeah, I'm looking at some new places in Mossdeep City. They're really nice."

I blinked. This was a lot to take in. "Anyway, what's so important about this package that makes it that I have to drag all the way across the ocean to deliver it?" I asked.

"It's my new *bleep*poster 7000©!" Shy Guy beamed. "It's very expensive. It cost me nearly $6900. It does all the work so I don't have to!"

I facepalmed. Deep breathing, Nysic. "Well, I should probably get back to the Mushroom Kingdom. Nice seeing you, Nex."

I stepped out into the grass and the next thing I knew, I was in that stupid grass stadium thing again. "GODAMMIT!" I yelled. I flew away but turned around just in time to see that this particular Pokemon was glimmering in the sun. "Holy *bleep*!" I exclaimed. I reached into my mailbag. I felt my heart shatter.

"NO POKEBALLS!"
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Also that title. That title.

I rate it
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, well done.
 
I was legitimately scared as I approached the massive castle that layed before me. I crept to the door and knocked, sweating like crazy. Would he be mad that I left the Koopa Troop? Would he punish me? Kill me?

The door slowly opened, and Bowser appeared in front of me. I saluted.

"Uh..." He said, scratching his head. "At ease?"

Thank Poochy. He doesn't remember me. "Afternoon, Mr. Koopa. I have a package for you." I said. As I held out the package for him, I heard a loud crash coming from inside the castle.

Bowser turned around. "DAMN IT LEMMY, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY WITH BALLS IN THE CASTLE?!" He screamed. He turned around to face me again, looking embarrassed. "Sorry about that. Kids, ya know?" He took the package and immediately ripped it to shreds. A few moments later, all that was left was a big, shiny axe.

"May I ask what the axe is for?" I said.

He rolled his eyes. "To put at the end of a rope bridge suspended above lava. Duh."

"Uh, that seems a bit dangerous, Mr. Koopa." I said, confused.

"Of course it is. How else is Mario going to defeat me?" He replied calmly.

I did a double take. "You want Mario to defeat you?"

"No, but they do." He said as he stared blankly into the hills behind me.

I turned around. Nothing was there. I waved my hand in front of Bowser's face. "Hello, Mr. Koopa?"

He shook his head. "Oh, sorry. It's nothing. You should... probably go." He said, looking nervous.

"No problem here. I'm thoroughly creeped out." I took off. As I was flying away, I heard more screaming from inside the castle.

"JUNIOR, NO! DON'T TOUCH THE CLOWN CAR! I JUST HAD IT PAINTED!"
 
It was 1988. Far below me, the Koopa Troop was marching towards Princess Peach's Castle. Well, not really marching, considering there was no beat to it. It was more just walking.

"Alright Nysic, what can you see? Over." I heard from my walkie talkie. I quickly scanned the area, and saw nothing but grass and a statue of Mario. "Nothing. We're clear to go. Over." I replied. It's quiet. Too quiet.

They kept mar- er- walking. Suddenly, I heard a noise from below. I looked down to see the statue had somehow transformed into the actual Mario! And for some reason, he had some sort of raccoon costume on. It was this strange fact that made me forget to alert the Troop below of the incoming attack.

Mario ran straight into the Troop. I heard yells from below. "EVERYONE, WALK AT HIM!
" Unfortunately, that plan didn't work out for them. Mario swiped at a Koopa and took his shell. "WA-HOO!" He cried as he threw the shell, knocking out every soldier in one fell swoop. Maybe they shouldn't have been standing in a single-file line.

"Welp, I better get going before someone blames me." I thought, flying away. "This job is kinda stupid anyway. I'd rather work at the freakin Mushroom Postal Service than here."
 
Sorry I haven't been updating, I'll try to get a new episode out sometime early next week.
 
I'm now delivering my first package since vacation. My boss said that he didn't actually remember making me fly all the way to Hoenn. BS. Either way, he let me take some time off for it. It feels weird delivering, even though it's only been a month or so.

Once I had reached my destination, I landed in front of the door. Hung on it was a sign saying "Home of the Great Anton". The door opened and I was greeted with a pair of eyes that... were... reaaaaaally handsome. Wowo. I dropped the package, and it opened, revealing that it was empty. But it doesn't matter. Anton is all that matters.

"Yay! My servant is here!" Anton said. "Come in, come in!"

I stepped inside automatically. Anything to please the great Anton.

"So you're the one who's boss I hypnotized to force you to fly to Hoenn." He snickered. "Heh, that was great."

"Hmm. What should I do first?" He said, scratching his handsome fingers on his handsome head. "I know! Servant, go get me some Chex Mix from the item shop!"

"What flavor, great one?" I asked.

"Chocolate and peanut butter." He replied. I dashed off the very moment he finished his sentence. I flew straight up, scanning for the store the great one spoke of. I spotted one to the south, and dived for it, crashing through the door. I flew up and down the aisles until I saw the Chex Mix the great one desired. I grabbed all of the bags on the shelves and flew out the now-demolished door, heading back to Anton's house. I burst through the open d