Project 132 (beta)

How was the latest update? If you just plain didn't like it, leave me a review below.

  • Eh, neutral.

    Votes: 1 50.0%

  • I liked it.

    Votes: 1 50.0%

  • It was awesome!

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Total voters
    2
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

Chiaki Nanami said:
The first thing I'm going to comment on is the fake IRC logs. I like them, keep them coming. I'll elaborate more on the chapter when I'm on my laptop and I'm not feeling like I'm dying of being tired.
Click to expand...
I eagerly await your feedback.
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

I think it's one of your better openings.
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

Now that I've read it through, I know exactly what the main issue with this is: the short paragraphs. Seriously, if you could make the paragraphs a bit more connected (for instance, not having a bunch of short, one-sentence-long paragraphs), then there would be a better flow (yay for situational puns!) in the story.

But nonetheless, I really enjoyed the opening. Because stuff actually happens, as opposed to Typical Tragedy in which nothing happened in the opening.

I'm also eager to see what you'll make with my character, if I am even in, that is.
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

yeah ok i'll sign up

I read the first chapter and actually can say I enjoyed it. I think it is a good start and that it introduces the first few characters well (especially Kat), and I also enjoyed the brief description of Trine. You laid out the basics for the story's environment, haven't gone into anything over the top yet... I approve. May this go somewhere interesting.

I do kind of agree with Pi about some of the numerous minimal paragraphs. Massive paragraphs aren't the answer, but a middle ground would make reading a bit easier, if achievable, I think.
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

Agreed; scrolling down is a detriment to suspension of disbelief.

Not that it's a big thing, but hey, it'll help.

(also was i the only one who noticed that it was like artemis fowl, i mean kat was like "heal" and then he was healed)
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

I knew I had read that somewhere before, but I figured it had been another 132.
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

Updated.

also, my character's surname has been retconned to "Lockheart"
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

Tabuu, stuff is happening and that is good. However, you've still got to decrease the quantity of the really small paragraphs everywhere. Don't make them too long, but don't make them too short either; finding the perfect balance should take some experimentation, but once you get it down it will read much, much better.
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

I'm conflicted there, though. The last time I got description and exposition heavy, Typical Tragedy happened and I found writing that very exhausting and unpleasant after awhile.

I'm a fan of heavy dialogue, too, but I don't want to break it up with a bunch of description before, after and during every line.

I really don't know what to do. I tried stopping everything from coming in single lines like last time, but...
 
Re: Project 132 - Introducing a reboot of three other reboots - Sign-ups are open!

I'll figure something out.

Also, I added a key for character names to the user names in the main post.