The Power of Pokemon: Team Rocket's Revenge

Ghost Nappa said:
Nabber said:
That was one of the worst stories I've ever read.
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Worse than Super Wiki Story?
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The page is deleted, so I don't know


EDIT: I'm the actual character Red, and in R/G/B/Y/FR/LG, he's 11, so tack 10 years onto that, and he's 21
 
Ghost Nappa said:
Nabber said:
That was one of the worst stories I've ever read.
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Worse than Super Wiki Story?
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I don't remember SWS that well, so can't really make a good comparison. I remember you wrote a lot more, but this has relatively good grammar, so can't tell you.
 
Chapter 1

Everyone in Overgreen town knew Rin. Rin was one of the best breeders around. Her mom worked at the Overgreen Town Pokemon Center, so she knew exactly how to treat any Pokemon that came into her care.

Rin's house was somewhat small, but behind her house was complete wild land, so several Pokemon wandered into her "backyard," having making Rin know several different Pokemon.

Since Rin was so good at breeding, she had several of the Eeveeulotions. Her Glaceon was top shot, and her Jolteon was the fastest one around. Since she had such good Pokemon, she knew many Trainers.

Today, Rin was helping a Trainer's Elekid. As she said "here you go, in perfect health" and handed the Elekid to its Trainer, she heard a "hey, Rin!" She turned her head to the road in front of her home. It was her friend Jaden, a boy a bit younger than she was. "Hey Jaden, what's up?" She asked. "There were some people in the downtown area," Jaden replied. "They had some outfits with huge red R's on them. I think they might be Team Rocket!" "Team Rocket?" Rin snorted. "They were defeated years ago." "Yeah, but one of the people had a really tough Weezing. I battled him. The dang thing beat Butterfree in one move!" "Alright," said Rin as she stood up. "Let's go check it out."
 
You made me a breeder! :D

Anyways, it's really good, just a bit short.

Aside from shortness it has really good granmar

I give it 9.99999/10
 
I have a question - did you even pay attention to what I said?
Blastoise said:
why exactly is this called a chapter

it's more like a page or two of one book, depending on the text size
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what no pages are longer than this
 
depends on the text size, some books have big font whereas some have small font

It also depends on the page size, so

also look at some of the pages in the Inheritance series - they can get pretty long. longer than this i believe.
 
Blastoise said:
depends on the text size, some books have big font whereas some have small font

It also depends on the page size, so

also look at some of the pages in the Inheritance series - they can get pretty long. longer than this i believe.
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he uses the font size from the hungry hungry caterpillar (jk)
 
Pokémon Trainer Rin Kagamine said:
You made me a breeder! :D

Anyways, it's really good, just a bit short.

Aside from shortness it has really good granmar

I give it 9.99999/10
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Knowing you have the Eeveeulotions, I amused you would like to be a Breeder.

And thanks!
 
Nabber said:
Yup, seems like you're ignoring me. Reminds me of Shoey.
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No, I'm just not posting my frustration, that would be a waste of time.
 
Yeah, its way to short and just needs more. Granted, you are nine years old, but it is still pretty bad.
2/10
 
Chapter 2

"Dang, you're right," Rin whispered, "it IS Team Rocket!" Several men and women were surrounding the mayor of Overgreen. "Hand over your Pokemon!" Said one Team Rocket member. To his side were a Hypno and a Weezing. "Never!" The mayor replied, his Pigdeotto pecking at the Team Rocket member. "Well then," the Team Rocket member smirked, "we'll have to take your Pokemon by force." "Never!" Rin yelled, Jaden by her side. "Well well, what do we have here? How amusing, you trying to get rid of Team Rocket." "We'll show you! Go, Glaceon!" Rin threw up a Pokeball. A Glaceon appeared in a flash of light. "Go, Butterfree!" Said Jaden. He threw up a Pokeball, a Butterfree appearing.

"Butterfree, Shadow Ball!" Jaden commanded. Butterfree shot a ball of black at Hypno. "Hypno, jump!" The Team Rocket member yelled. "Now, Hypno, Pound!" Hypno slammed into Butterfree, making Butterfree go sailing into the ground. "Oh no you don't! Glaceon, Ice Beam!" Glaceon shot a beam of ice at Hypno. "Hypno, use Ice Punch and use the Ice Beam to power it!" Hypno's fist became surrounded by ice, then even more ice appeared when the Ice Beam hit its target. "Weezing, Tackle! Hypno, Ice Punch!" The two Pokemon charged at Glaceon. "Butterfree, protect Glaceon with Bug Buzz!" Jaden said. Butterfree sent the Weezing and Hypno sprawling. "Err, Weezing, Hypno, return!" The Team Rocket member said. The two Pokemon returned to their Pokeballs. "We'll be back!" Said the Team Rocket member. An Alakazam appeared with a flash of light. "Alakazam, Teleport!" And with that, Team Rocket disappeared.
 
Good job. You made it longer.

The grammar is really good as well as far as I can tell.

10/10!
 
Pokémon Trainer Rin Kagamine said:
Good job. You made it longer.

The grammar is really good as well as far as I can tell.

10/10!
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You gave this a 10 and LT:AA a 7.9? If you say so.'
Still dull, boring and way too short, the opening to my Spirit Tracks mafia was longer than this (I think)
2/10
 
Phantom L said:
Pokémon Trainer Rin Kagamine said:
Good job. You made it longer.

The grammar is really good as well as far as I can tell.

10/10!
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You gave this a 10 and LT:AA a 7.9? If you say so.'
Still dull, boring and way too short, the opening to my Spirit Tracks mafia was longer than this (I think)
2/10
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I gave that too low a rating
 
Pokémon Trainer Rin Kagamine said:
Good job. You made it longer.

The grammar is really good as well as far as I can tell.

10/10!
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are you for real
can you actually rate this a 10/10?
Have you even read a book?
Have you tried reading one of Tabuu's stories?
Maybe Guise?
Try Javelin's, I haven't read much of it but it was pretty good from what I read.
 
Nabber said:
Pokémon Trainer Rin Kagamine said:
Good job. You made it longer.

The grammar is really good as well as far as I can tell.

10/10!
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are you for real
can you actually rate this a 10/10?
Have you even read a book?
Have you tried reading one of Tabuu's stories?
Maybe Guise?
Try Javelin's, I haven't read much of it but it was pretty good from what I read.
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2 things.

1. I'm behind in grammar, so idk too much
2. It's called sugarcoating it.
 
There's more to a story than grammar, you know.

And you're not supposed to sugarcoat stories. You don't improve with sugarcoating.

(but seriously read Guise or Project Aviate, they're great)
 
Nabber said:
There's more to a story than grammar, you know.

And you're not supposed to sugarcoat stories. You don't improve with sugarcoating.

(but seriously read Guise or Project Aviate, they're great)
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Well it's a bit harsh to say it was horrible.

It wasn't horrible though. It just wasn't the greatest.
 
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