Project 132 (old)

Re: Project 132

i read your introduction and it seems to me that

i can already predict ~75% of how it's going to go, and even a lot of the underlying motives

while i didn't really have any problems with your writing style, it seems to me that your content would be much better if you weren't telegraphing a pretty boring-seeming plot based almost entirely off overused jrpg tropes
 
Re: Project 132

Monobear said:
i read your introduction and it seems to me that

i can already predict ~75% of how it's going to go, and even a lot of the underlying motives
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Oh please, give me your predictions.

Go ahead and tell me how my own story is going to pan out, why don't you.

The only reason this Intro sequence exists is because this fight has been in every previous version of 132, but it's only been mentioned, not actually depicted.

I thought that actually showing it for once- as an Introduction, no less- would be a good idea.

Monobear said:
while i didn't really have any problems with your writing style, it seems to me that your content would be much better if you weren't telegraphing a pretty boring-seeming plot based almost entirely off overused jrpg tropes
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The only JRPG-based thing I've ever written is Typical Tragedy.

You're making some really fucking early judgements for somebody that never reads anything I write.
 
Re: Project 132

i'm not even talking about your overall writing or anything like that?

but anyway, it's obvious that the race of beasts or whatever they were is going to have some major role, and i'm willing to bet that there's going to be some sort of plot involving the atrocities of war/abuse between one side or the other, there's probably going to be some sort of underlying theme of "we're humans we can do this!" running throughout the thing, and then there's probably going to be family estrangement backstory interspersed here and there

so yeah, that seems an awful lot like a bunch of predictable jrpg tropes to me

also, since i've never read any of your other things, how would i know typical tragedy was jrpg-based anyway? all i'm doing is pointing out something i've noticed about the introduction that i thought wasn't very good
 
Re: Project 132

Monobear said:
but anyway, it's obvious that the race of beasts or whatever they were is going to have some major role, and i'm willing to bet that there's going to be some sort of plot involving the atrocities of war/abuse between one side or the other, there's probably going to be some sort of underlying theme of "we're humans we can do this!" running throughout the thing, and then there's probably going to be family estrangement backstory interspersed here and there
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There is literally only one thing in that that was correct.

The scythes are going to be used as living weapons over the course of the story.

But everything else- literally everything else- was dead wrong.
 
Re: Project 132

well then, maybe i just started to think "if i were a final fantasy director, how would i finish this" after the first few paragraphs, and that influenced my thinking a bit

but if that's not what you're going for, then good for you. i'm glad you've realized how boring that would be.
 
Re: Project 132

Dude, I always realized that.

I'm no amateur.

However, I do hope you stay around while I write this. I think you'd be a really good critic for a guy to have.
 
Re: Project 132

Honestly I got bored of 132 in Typical Tragedy.
 
Re: Project 132

It was still inspired by 133, and this inspired by TT.
I'll give it a thorough reading when I get power.
 
Re: Project 132

Monobear said:
but anyway, it's obvious that the race of beasts or whatever they were is going to have some major role, and i'm willing to bet that there's going to be some sort of plot involving the atrocities of war/abuse between one side or the other, there's probably going to be some sort of underlying theme of "we're humans we can do this!" running throughout the thing, and then there's probably going to be family estrangement backstory interspersed here and there

so yeah, that seems an awful lot like a bunch of predictable jrpg tropes to me
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I get where you're coming from, and it does look pretty obvious and predictable, but Tabuu's always managed to surprise me with plot twist even when I thought he was writing himself into a corner.

If not for personal experience though I would look at this story and go "well we definitely don't know how this is going to turn out". I don't know, I think [WARNING: Javelin very likely being hypercritical] it was the presence of exposition in the intro, what with the beast council or whatever. One of the coolest things about Resolutions was the intro that just drew you in. I guess this one isn't mysterious enough? idk