FictionPress Story: The Challenges of Prescott High School (Chapter 1 out)

S

Soundless Voice

Star Spirit
Banned User
I said yesterday I was writing a story on FictionPress. Well, I FINALLY got Chapter 1 up. If the link doesn't work, try again in a few hours. It said it could take 4-8 hours to make publically avalible.

So, it's just a normal High School story, minus the clichés of the popular girls being bitches and etc.

Characters that are in Chapter 1:
Alexis White: One of the popular girls who is captain of almost every sport she's in.
Hana Yamada: The girl of the Japanese twins who just moved from Japan; Very hyper and talkative but can get aggressive
Haru Yamada: The boy of the Japanese twins who just moved from Japan; Shy and quiet, at first he doesn't talk much. He will stand up for what he believes in, but will not fight.
Lolita "Lola" Green: Captain of the cheerleading team, she's very friendly, and will help anyone who needs it.

Characters that will come in no matter what in Chapter 2 or later:
Mason Grey: The bully; He is a bad boy and can get just about any girl he wants, but he will beat up his enemies. (Sorry Mason. That's how I'm making you.) The animal lover
Lily Winston: The cute and popular British girl; She's sweet and kind, but you're in deep doo-doo if you get on her bad side.
Michael Grey: Mason's younger brother; He's very friendly and acts sexy. He is friendly but if you get on his bad side it'll be very tough.
Samuel Wilson: Developing personality
Ralph Wilson: Samuel's brother; Developing personality.
Matthew Adams: Developing personality
Angie Anderson: Developing personality

I am in the process of more characters but that's all I can think of.

Anywho, Chapter 1 is up!
The Challenges of Prescott High School by Angie Kagamine

I want constructive criticism, but please don't flame me.
 
Re: FictionPress Story: The Challenges of Prescott High School (No signups please)

It's ok, I guess. I don't read much, and I'm too lazy to do a review, although I do have one question.
How did the guy break his leg by trying to dance? It doesn't sound too realistic to me.
Otherwise, I didn't find too much interesting, it was kinda boring, but hopefully you can make it better in the next few chapters.

One more thing:
Mason Grey: The bully; He is a bad boy and can get just about any girl he wants, but he will beat up his enemies.
Click to expand...

Do you really think of Mason as a bully?
 
Re: FictionPress Story: The Challenges of Prescott High School (No signups please)

Epic Nitwit said:
It's ok, I guess. I don't read much, and I'm too lazy to do a review, although I do have one question.
How did the guy break his leg by trying to dance? It doesn't sound too realistic to me.
Otherwise, I didn't find too much interesting, it was kinda boring, but hopefully you can make it better in the next few chapters.

One more thing:
Mason Grey: The bully; He is a bad boy and can get just about any girl he wants, but he will beat up his enemies.
Click to expand...

Do you really think of Mason as a bully?
Click to expand...
1. People can't dance
2. No, I just needed a character to be one
 
That was a joke, Queen Boo.

Mason is just a toucan-lover.
 
Miracle Matter said:
That was a joke, Queen Boo.

Mason is just a toucan-lover.
Click to expand...
Yeah. I know, I just need SOMEONE to be a bully. I haven't had him written in. I could change him to the animal lover.
 
Re: FictionPress Story: The Challenges of Prescott High School (No signups please)

Rin Kagamine said:
Epic Nitwit said:
How did the guy break his leg by trying to dance? It doesn't sound too realistic to me.
Click to expand...
1. People can't dance
Click to expand...

I can't dance, I know I haven't broken a leg.

Rin Kagamine said:
Miracle Matter said:
That was a joke, Queen Boo.

Mason is just a toucan-lover.
Click to expand...
Yeah. I know, I just need SOMEONE to be a bully. I haven't had him written in. I could change him to the animal lover.
Click to expand...

that would be a better idea.
 
I've known someone who breaks their leg. It's just natural. My girl character did the same thing in a RP that it was supposed to be based on.

But yeah. Who's gonna be the bully?