FictionPress Story: The Challenges of Prescott High School (Chapter 1 out)

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Star Spirit
Banned User
I said yesterday I was writing a story on FictionPress. Well, I FINALLY got Chapter 1 up. If the link doesn't work, try again in a few hours. It said it could take 4-8 hours to make publically avalible.

So, it's just a normal High School story, minus the clichés of the popular girls being bitches and etc.

Characters that are in Chapter 1:
Alexis White: One of the popular girls who is captain of almost every sport she's in.
Hana Yamada: The girl of the Japanese twins who just moved from Japan; Very hyper and talkative but can get aggressive
Haru Yamada: The boy of the Japanese twins who just moved from Japan; Shy and quiet, at first he doesn't talk much. He will stand up for what he believes in, but will not fight.
Lolita "Lola" Green: Captain of the cheerleading team, she's very friendly, and will help anyone who needs it.

Characters that will come in no matter what in Chapter 2 or later:
Mason Grey: The bully; He is a bad boy and can get just about any girl he wants, but he will beat up his enemies. (Sorry Mason. That's how I'm making you.) The animal lover
Lily Winston: The cute and popular British girl; She's sweet and kind, but you're in deep doo-doo if you get on her bad side.
Michael Grey: Mason's younger brother; He's very friendly and acts sexy. He is friendly but if you get on his bad side it'll be very tough.
Samuel Wilson: Developing personality
Ralph Wilson: Samuel's brother; Developing personality.
Matthew Adams: Developing personality
Angie Anderson: Developing personality

I am in the process of more characters but that's all I can think of.

Anywho, Chapter 1 is up!
The Challenges of Prescott High School by Angie Kagamine

I want constructive criticism, but please don't flame me.
 

Vera Misham

Ace Artist
Re: FictionPress Story: The Challenges of Prescott High School (No signups please)

It's ok, I guess. I don't read much, and I'm too lazy to do a review, although I do have one question.
How did the guy break his leg by trying to dance? It doesn't sound too realistic to me.
Otherwise, I didn't find too much interesting, it was kinda boring, but hopefully you can make it better in the next few chapters.

One more thing:
Mason Grey: The bully; He is a bad boy and can get just about any girl he wants, but he will beat up his enemies.
Do you really think of Mason as a bully?
 

Soundless Voice

Star Spirit
Banned User
Re: FictionPress Story: The Challenges of Prescott High School (No signups please)

Epic Nitwit said:
It's ok, I guess. I don't read much, and I'm too lazy to do a review, although I do have one question.
How did the guy break his leg by trying to dance? It doesn't sound too realistic to me.
Otherwise, I didn't find too much interesting, it was kinda boring, but hopefully you can make it better in the next few chapters.

One more thing:
Mason Grey: The bully; He is a bad boy and can get just about any girl he wants, but he will beat up his enemies.
Do you really think of Mason as a bully?
1. People can't dance
2. No, I just needed a character to be one
 

IceShadow1199

NOPE, THE PARASOL ISN'T A KIRBY IDEA I SWEAR
Banned User
That was a joke, Queen Boo.

Mason is just a toucan-lover.
 

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Star Spirit
Banned User
Miracle Matter said:
That was a joke, Queen Boo.

Mason is just a toucan-lover.
Yeah. I know, I just need SOMEONE to be a bully. I haven't had him written in. I could change him to the animal lover.
 

Vera Misham

Ace Artist
Re: FictionPress Story: The Challenges of Prescott High School (No signups please)

Rin Kagamine said:
Epic Nitwit said:
How did the guy break his leg by trying to dance? It doesn't sound too realistic to me.
1. People can't dance
I can't dance, I know I haven't broken a leg.

Rin Kagamine said:
Miracle Matter said:
That was a joke, Queen Boo.

Mason is just a toucan-lover.
Yeah. I know, I just need SOMEONE to be a bully. I haven't had him written in. I could change him to the animal lover.
that would be a better idea.
 

Soundless Voice

Star Spirit
Banned User
I've known someone who breaks their leg. It's just natural. My girl character did the same thing in a RP that it was supposed to be based on.

But yeah. Who's gonna be the bully?
 

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Star Spirit
Banned User

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Star Spirit
Banned User

Nabber

Artisanal Cheese Taster
(that's too reminiscent of Fairly Odd Parents, I wouldn't go with it if I were you)
 

Soundless Voice

Star Spirit
Banned User
Nabber said:
(that's too reminiscent of Fairly Odd Parents, I wouldn't go with it if I were you)
Yeah. I've never seen it though.

I was originally gonna go with Terrance. Kind of a tough guy name.
 

Soundless Voice

Star Spirit
Banned User
Okay. I still haven't written Chapter 2 (don't hurt me!) but a few updates and things about the characters.

Mason- I haven't decided exactly when he'll come in but he will come in in or before Chapter 3. He's going to have a pet toucan. (Mason, you can name him)

Lily- She will also come in, but I think she can come in in Chapter 2. (Lily, do you want her to be a cheerleader?)

Michael- He will come in the same time Mason will.

Samuel- Well Neptune, you said you wanted him to be an outcast. My compromise for pairing you wity Lily is:
So, Samuel will have a crush on Lily, and unintentionally makes it really obvious, Lily eventually notices and starts to fall for him.

Ralph- I hope that you don't mind but you're gonna be Samuel's brother.

Angie- My character, I really don't want to give much about her. I guess I'll pair her with Haru. That's all I'll say, and that's the only way I could get an idea.

Charlie- The british boy that's almost as popular as Lily. He plays football. (Soccer)
more updates on the way.
 

Soundless Voice

Star Spirit
Banned User
Charlie Mulgrew said:
Thanks for making me popular haha
You're welcome! :)
 

Soundless Voice

Star Spirit
Banned User
Yeah. I'm not popular either.

Okay, I'm writing chapter 2. I'm leaving out a joke from a Roleplay which you guys may not find funny.

I'm too lazy to edit the OP, so here's some characters you should expect (and yes, I know the school is overrun by girls!):
Lindsey Reed- The girl who loves nature (Hey, we need a nature lover), she is very sympathetic.

Maria "Jack" Wilson- Hispanic. She helps other students by beating up students that bother them.

Abigale "Abby" Lewis- She has a lot in common with Mason; Bird and animal lover, not very popular, etc. (That's who I'mma pair you with Mason! :))

Tyler Richardson: The bully (Here's thr bully); He loves pain, yet he can get just about any girl he wants.

Brian Richardson: Tyler's younger brother. He's the "Geek" of the school. He ends up getting beat up by Tyler.

And more.
 

User4042

Celestial Guide
add me as the popular kid who has a fan club consisting of 93 girls


name: Joe Redd
personality: just walks down hallways with 93 girls following me between every period. no personality mentioned. everyone else always says something like"oh god the mob is coming" whenever im in a hallway
 

Soundless Voice

Star Spirit
Banned User
Well, okay.


Gah! I'm out of ideas! >:[
 

Soundless Voice

Star Spirit
Banned User
Nabber said:
You formed a story with only one chapter worth of ideas?
Y'see I have a bit of a problem with not writing ahead. I started, but it got erased. I'll get it done eventually.
 
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