MCD's Even More Bored Than Dippy Oregon Trail Let's Play

Nathan Fielder

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Dippy's attempt at a HeartGold LP got me interested in kittens, but that's a different story! Welcome to my Let's Play of the Oregon Trail! Everyone on IRC wants me to do this! And by that, I mean:

[13:59] RandomYoshi why not
So, let's get started on the...


Oh, of course, I've got to answer some shit first. They all sound pretty interesting...but I went with option 4, as that sounded the most interesting one.

However, that sent me back to the above screen. Disappointed, I chose option 1 instead.


So much choice...but...which one should I be?
Be a banker.
Okay, enough people voted banker (a few more on chat), so what should the names of the five people in my party be?
1. Yasuhiro Hagakure
2. Kiyotaka Ishimaru
3. Peko Pekoyama
4. Hiyoko Saionji
5. Smasher

I chose Smasher to be the leader of this wagonwreck. Smasher definitely looked like the natural born leader of five mishaps who were most likely going to die a horrible death.


I chose Yasuhiro Hagakure to go on the trip, shortening his name to "Hagakure". It's not his first name. I am a rebel.

Crocodile Dippy chose Gareth Gobelcoque. Because there's no way in hell I'm going to be able to spell that, he'll just be called "Gareth".

Nabber chose Gabe Newell. It was after trial and error we decided we'd need another wagon to bring Gaben along. Eventually, we just decided to strap him to the roof.

Finally, Bop chose Peko Pekoyama to join. I think that's the one from Dangan Ronpa 2 who likes swords. I like swords. Did I mention that?

Finally, the preparations were complete. These five brave(?) people were ready to be sent to their death.

Well, not yet. They had the wagon, but, alas, they were in the middle of a busy road in Boston, in 2012. So we sent them back to whenever the hell this takes place.


They had finally made it back to 1848, after quite a colourful loading screen.


I decided to set them off in June, the month of my birthday, from the most imaginatively named town in Missouri (which is odd, because I thought we were in Boston?). Saying goodbye to these people would be a fantastic birthday gift. They were only allowed meager portions, and the cart went at a gruelling pace.

But before they left, they had to visit Wal-Matt!

(or matt's general store if you're a boring asshole)


Matt was very high when we went into his store, so the party just took what they needed and left. Smasher, being nice, decided to leave the kind elderly stoner a tip, of just over half of the money they took with them.

And with that, they were ready to go...
(yes, peko is the swordswoman)

Smasher's P.O.V.

So we were on our way to Oregon!

It didn't take us long to eventually reach...


The Kansas River. A garbled mess of pixels and ear-bleedingly painful music.

With absolutely no regard for the safety of my crew, I decided to caulk the wagon across.


After we had been travelling for about a minute, something happened...


Well, no surprises there. And with Gaben's daily exhaustion came...


Goddamnit, Gaben! Sadly, I had to give up my only spare wheel to fix the one that Gaben broke, because he was just too heavy.

Soon enough, we reached the Big Blue F-Zero track River Crossing. Without looking around, I caulked the wagon again and floated it across, which, again, yielded no problems.

It was 119 miles to Fort Kearney, which was located near Fort Jimbo and Fort Dolph. Many bullies went on a pilgrimage there.

While we were nearing Fort Kearney, we came to a very somber was a gravesite.


Going up closer to the site, we saw...


It was the grave of legendary traveller andy, with an inscription of his famously deep last words, "peperony and chease". It was a very touching moment. Gaben almost sat up. I shed a tear. Peko, Yasuhiro and Gareth were upset too, but I can't think of any more words.

We had made it to Fort Kearney, where we rested for a few days...
It was 250 miles to Chimney Rock. Suddenly, we lost the trail, and spent 3 days being completely lost, but eventually got there.


Nothing special happened. At all. Soon enough, we were on our way to Fort Laramie, but...


Peko broke her arm, in some bizzare accident which I'm guessing involved swords. I like swords.

A message told me to flip a disk to side 2, which is totally unrealistic. It's 1848, disks hadn't even been created. This game is historically inaccurate!


Wait a minute, weren't we already at Independence?

Our health had become poor, one of the oxen was injured and the grass around here was not 'good shit', so we decided to rest a while.

But soon enough...



I also couldn't fix this one, as I was Smasher, so we had to lose another spare.

I went on a THRILLING HUNT, and killed some poor wild animals. We got 75 pounds of meat...

But, sadly, I found I had accidentally shot one of the oxen.


No, not Billy!

(we turned billymc into an oxen for this because why not)

Then, Yasuhiro got exhaustion, 'right?

We finally reached Independence Rock, and didn't stick around long. Next, we had to go to South Park I mean Pass. The background changed back to that weird-ass desert with the purple mountains.



As we stopped at South Pass to rest, I looked at my map.


It looked like we were nearing the halfway point of the Oregon Trail, and yet, no sign of the dreadful "d" word...

At least, yet...
We were prepared to leave for the Green River crossing, when...


Hagakure got bit by a snake! I knew that cardboard box was suspicious!


Bad water?! There's a whole river over there, how can all of that be bad water?!


We tried again to caulk across the river, and...




The sorrow was unimaginable. Gaben sunk like an anchor in the water, and Peko was weighed down by many swords.

R.I.P. Pekoyama, R.I.P. Gaben.

With just Gareth and Hagakure left, we continued our journey...

We got back up, and tried getting to Soda Springs without further injury. The shock of losing two of our friends had made us take the wrong trail, but we only lost a day. After having too much water, we suddenly had very little water.


Gareth was bitten by Snake too. Hagakure had exaustion. The grass tasted terrible, though I don't think we were supposed to eat it.

We rested at Soda Springs for a week, and our health was upgraded from very poor to poor, which is excellent. :D

Next up was Fort Hall:



We stopped at the Hall-Mart in Fort Hall, to restock our spare parts, and buy way more oxen than we actually needed. We now had about 20.

Yeah, so I accidentally lost all my data in the game, so I guess this is where I'll have to end it. Let's just say the guy at the Hall-Mart killed everyone and rode to Oregon himself for now...

You can blame the backspace button, and the page TVTropes has when you click an external link!
Aw, that sucks.
Not today, but maybe some other time, if I have time.