The Legendary Heroes

Pyro

Power Star
Hey, everybody! I'm PyroGuy6 and I am writing a story on Userpedia named The Legendary Heroes. This is the official thread for it, so put your comments on it here.

Userpedia link: http://userpedia.adriels.com/wiki/The_Legendary_Heroes

Credit to MCSoulja for editing and NSM for the soon-to-come new logo. :lakitu:

No sign ups! All spots are filled.

Current status: Chapter 9 done! Read now at http://userpedia.adriels.com/wiki/The_Legendary_Heroes/Part_9, or Stuffwell will be inclined to notice that you didn't.
 

Pyro

Power Star
Great news! *coughsarcasmcough* Chapter 8 is OUT! Featuring UltraMario3000!

http://userpedia.adriels.com/wiki/The_Legendary_Heroes/Part_8
 

Zero777

Middle Eastern Federation
I like it because it doesn't use a first person narrative, but I have to criticize that the personalities that each character have doesn't seem exact and the prophecies are too specific and dumb like the one from the Zelda CD-i, i.e. "It is written, only Link can defeat Ganon."
 

Yoshiwaker

Star Spirit
The only prophecies I like are ones that are really vague, but then somebody reveals the true meaning later in the story.
 

Zero777

Middle Eastern Federation
Pansage said:
The only prophecies I like are ones that are really vague, but then somebody reveals the true meaning later in the story.
Per, something like that, not something straight up front.
 

Yoshiwaker

Star Spirit
Ryōga Senba said:
Pansage said:
The only prophecies I like are ones that are really vague, but then somebody reveals the true meaning later in the story.
Per, something like that, not something straight up front.
leik:
Person 1:*tells prophecy*
Person 2:Cool, it's about me
That is no good.
 

Zero777

Middle Eastern Federation
Pansage said:
Ryōga Senba said:
Pansage said:
The only prophecies I like are ones that are really vague, but then somebody reveals the true meaning later in the story.
Per, something like that, not something straight up front.
leik:
Person 1:*tells prophecy*
Person 2:Cool, it's about me
That is no good.
OR soo obvious. Also I have to say in one of the first chapters it seems like your an idiot for not connecting logic and figuring out your one of the heroes.
 

Pyro

Power Star
Chapter 10 is finally out. Read at http://userpedia.adriels.com/The_Legendary_Heroes/Part_10!
 

Yoshiwaker

Star Spirit
Review time (and bump)

First off, the storyline. It's pretty cliche, with there being a prophecy and a quest for something. Then it takes a drop with this Void that comes out of nowhere and is already about to destroy the universe.
In short, it really needs some work.

Story-writing. I'd say it's okay, for the most part. Not really amazing or anything.

Other things. Now some things that really I think are stupid are
A. The numerous references to silly things that occurred before you even joined. They pop up way too often and it gets on my nerves.

B. Excessive 4th wall breakage. It's okay to do this occasionally, but you do this like, every other chapter!

C. Prophecies, clues, etc. These things can work out great if you use them well in your story... which you didn't. Prophecies, as I said earlier here, should not be extremely obvious. It's best when the hero finally realized what it meant in the end. The clues you had were so obvious that they might as well just have straight out told who was the next person. Even the characters in the story were able to immediately figure out who it was! The way clues like that should be is definitely not obvious, and not in just perfect places; they should have to be searched for.

In short, the story had potential at first, but is steadily going downhill in quality and makes me not really want to continue reading.
 

Pyro

Power Star
Yes it's canceled. And I thought this topic had made its nest in oblivion.
 
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