Mastermind Troll vs. Everyone

I want to be in.
 
The scene that say something like "for the first time, Mason felt fear overcome him" didn't sound believable, but I let that pass. The last scene with Mastermind trembling in fear of Godzilla's roar and turning into you and saying fight's over was a big turn off.

Most of the story felt too much like Dragon Ball Z and at the end where Mason dies, it felt too much like saw and Dead Space.

EDIT: But, good choice of words and arranging them.
 
Sophie Wood said:
The scene that say something like "for the first time, Mason felt fear overcome him" didn't sound believable, but I let that pass. The last scene with Mastermind trembling in fear of Godzilla's roar and turning into you and saying fight's over was a big turn off.

Most of the story felt too much like Dragon Ball Z and at the end where Mason dies, it felt too much like saw and Dead Space.

EDIT: But, good choice of words and arranging them.
Click to expand...

Now that I looked over it again, it does remind me of Dragon Ball Z. I'll try to make Part 2 soon people!
 
Once again, sorry for duble posting, but I need to tell you that part two is out and Mastermind Troll vs. Everyone is finished! :D Please give me feedback!
 
Yay I died.

In all seriousness, I thought it was pretty good.
 
It had the most unnecessary described violence of probably all of the fanfics of Userpedia (that's a good thing). But I found myself dragging myself to keep reading the story, but it's not bad. Now since that project is over with, I guess you can focus back with Super Wiki Story?
 
I'm not a fanfiction expert, and this is not because of the awesome lines you made up for my character, or the powers, but I loved it
Although the violence on there may hunt me forever, it was freaking awesome how everyone killed Mastermind Troll
Just something, it was sad that one of the characters from our side died at my hands, but as some character from some series said "We may be good but we're not saints"
 
DHalliwell said:
Although the violence on there may hunt me forever
Click to expand...

That's the goal! :D jk.

Anyway thanks for the feedback. I will try to work on Super Wiki Story. I'm almost to a creepy plot twist in the story!
 
GalacticPetey said:
DHalliwell said:
Although the violence on there may hunt me forever
Click to expand...
That's the goal! :D jk.

Anyway thanks for the feedback. I will try to work on Super Wiki Story. I'm almost to a creepy plot twist in the story!
Click to expand...
Alright...
 
Originally, there was going to be a scene where Sh1ny EL3ctr0de was going to become a Super Saiyan and confront Mastermind in an air battle in Dragon Ball Z style. But the story length was getting out of hand so I had to scrap that part.
 
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