The Ballad of Detective Luigi

Hot Cocoa

You forget a thousand things everyday…
Awards Committee
Poll Committee
Pronouns
She/They
MarioWiki
Cosmic Cowboy
Chapter 1: Aftermath

It had been a little over a month since Luigi's failed investigation of Waluigi Time Cereal Factory, and yet he had already found his life in the gutter. He had sold his New Wikisburg apartment in order to gain some extra money in order to move back into his old, now slightly run-down house in Boo Woods. It wasn't much, but at least he had a roof over his head. He also managed to secure a job, thanks to his connection with the renowned Professor Elvin Gadd. Unfortunately for Luigi, his job was as a Paranormal Exterminator. Luigi despised anything paranormal. Ghosts, ghouls, zombies, mummies, anything undead. Oh well. At least it would pay the bills.

Luigi sat in his easy chair, beer in hand, as he was busy wandering in self-reflection. His job in New Wikisburg was doing detective work. Again, not the most glamorous job, but it gave Luigi a sense of pride within himself, one that he had not felt even when he was helping his brother Mario take down the diabolical would-be tyrant Bowser. But it all came crashing down once Luigi let the pride get to his head. One day, a fellow detective Shmaluigi rose to near-celebrity status, which meant that, once again, Luigi was left in somebody's shadow. Eager to prove his worth, Luigi gained information that a mafia was set to attack the Waluigi Time Cereal Factory, so Luigi secured a spot on the first-ever tour of the factory, hoping to take the mafia down.

However, life for Luigi never goes as expected. When it seemed that the investigation was going well, Luigi was attacked by a man who proclaimed himself to be a king. Luigi was bound and gagged and hastily shoved into a closet, losing consciousness. When Luigi finally woke up, he found that he had been tossed outside like yesterday's garbage. Luigi briefly tried to regain entry into the factory, but something quickly clicked inside of his head.

This was the way things were meant to be. He would never make a difference in the world.

And so, with his head low, Luigi vowed to leave the city life behind and accept his fate, forever being stuck in somebody else's shadow.

As Luigi gradually lost himself in self-pity, his phone lit up with the face of his only friend in the world: an AI named Yuri.

"Sir, may I remind you that you've had 6 cans of beer tonight?" She asked him.

"I told you not to call me 'Sir' anymore," Luigi instantly snapped back, "I'm not your boss."

"...my apologies. I'm just...worried about you. I've never seen you so down before...It's so surreal, in contrast to your usually chipper self."

Luigi sighed and tossed the now-empty beer can in the general direction of the trash can, missing horribly.

"You know what, Yuri?" Luigi declared, "Things could always be worse. What if we didn't have a roof over our head? What if we had no food to eat?"

"True, sir...but you know I don't need to eat…"

"You get what I'm trying to say, right, Yuri?"

"I...guess so…"

Luigi groaned as he got up from his chair. Yuri was right, he did have too much to drink. He picked up his phone and hobbled to his bedroom, placing his phone on a side table.

"I have my first day of work tomorrow," Luigi slurred, "Gotta get well-rested."

"Goodnight, Si-um...Luigi." Yuri nervously said.

"G'night."

Without any more delay, Luigi flopped onto his bed, almost instantly drifting off to sleep.

Another day of worthlessness over with, He thought to himself.
 
Last edited:
Chapter 2: Hangover

Luigi slowly awoke to the sound of his buzzing alarm clock. Grumbling, he strained to hit the snooze button as he slowly arose from his bed. He had gotten a splitting headache from the night before. Yuri was right, maybe he shouldn't have had so many beers...

Luigi dragged himself into the bathroom and dropped a tablet into a half-drank water bottle, watching it fizz as he had nothing better to do at the moment. When the tablet completely dissolved, Luigi took a big swig of the water, hoping that it would do something to cure his whopper headache.

"Yuriii...whaaat time is it?" Luigi slurred out, barely loud enough for his personal assistant to hear.

"It's currently 7:03, Sir- uhm, I mean, Luigi. Oop, 7:04."

"Agh," Luigi grumbled, "I gotta get ready."

Luigi stumbled over to his closet, opening it to reveal hangers upon hangers of the same green shirt and muted purple overalls. Luigi pulled one of each off of their hangers and struggled to put them on in his hungover state.

"L-Luigi? Do you need any help?" Yuri stammered out.

"How could you possibly help me with this?!" Luigi snapped, before realizing how harsh he sounded, "O-Oh, Y-Yuri! I...I didn't mean it like that...I'm just..."

"No, no! I get it, I'm stuck inside a phone."

Luigi sighed as he placed his iconic green cap on his head.

"C'mon, Yuri. Time to get to work." Luigi said as he picked up his phone off of his sidetable.

Luigi opened his front door, ready to travel to work, right when it started pouring down rain.

"Typical." Luigi groaned.
 
Back