IcicleRain
best ice user
it's not a fanfic or userfic and it's really rather personal but I just wanted to post it and get some feedback
It all starts on the first day.
Of course it does, thats what first days are for, new beginnings and clean breaks and fresh starts.
Shes standing at the edge of the room, knowing nobody, hand pushed against the walls, when she sees her.
Shes the brightest light in the hall, talking to the terrifyingly tall girls and laughing and shes everything the other girl wants.
But thats not really when it starts.
It starts again a few months later, when its January to the start in September.
The dull dreariness of geography class next to Laura, fun, sociable Laura whos probably more trouble than shes worth but shes something-not liked, not really, but solid.
Stable.
Sorry, can I sit here?
But thats still not really when it starts.
It really starts even more months later, when shes sitting there, bored on Saturday in the middle of July with no school to worry about, no forced socialising.
It hits her- this is love.
But is that really start?
Too soon, its September-which is a good month for starts.
They arent really friends yet but she sits as close to her as she can without seeming needy.
She feigns interest in talk about drums and rock bands and struggles to get to safer ground, the video games and comic books she knows.
Its nice, and it stays nice.
But its not enough to really call a start.
Then its December, Christmas and snow and really when you start to feel that school is almost done and its the holidays.
The Christmas concert.
She was too nervous to say yes, even when Mr Kerr had insisted her violin should be played.
But shes up there, playing her drums with her band.
All she can do is watch.
And it really might be a start.
Things dont change until the next year.
September, 2014- September gets mentioned a lot here, doesnt it?
They get all the seats together.
Are the teachers trying to tell them something or is it just blind luck they get the seats each time?
Laura is long gone from geography now, and they sit and laugh and chat to the teacher.
Its not enough for her, but its all shes able to manage.
It really is close to the start.
Then its Christmas again, the exams long ago finished with.
The concert again.
She still didnt say yes.
But shes there. Not just playing the drums, but shes singing.
Its too loud to make out the lyrics but her voice is there.
And then she comes back off stage and stands next to her.
And really, she almost starts it.
The mock exams.
Terrifying for some, but she doesnt have a problem.
Shes calm and cool and collected.
She comes over at lunch and they laugh about the exams and she pretends to be worried about how she did to seem normal.
The cover probably doesnt work but she tries.
Then on Friday theyre laughing about drawings and maths and suddenly theyre alone in the form room, everyone else finished with their lockers long ago.
And mother is outside and she should go but-
But she doesnt want to.
She really doesnt want to, but she cant start it.
And sometimes it feels like she really never will.
Of course it does, thats what first days are for, new beginnings and clean breaks and fresh starts.
Shes standing at the edge of the room, knowing nobody, hand pushed against the walls, when she sees her.
Shes the brightest light in the hall, talking to the terrifyingly tall girls and laughing and shes everything the other girl wants.
But thats not really when it starts.
It starts again a few months later, when its January to the start in September.
The dull dreariness of geography class next to Laura, fun, sociable Laura whos probably more trouble than shes worth but shes something-not liked, not really, but solid.
Stable.
Sorry, can I sit here?
But thats still not really when it starts.
It really starts even more months later, when shes sitting there, bored on Saturday in the middle of July with no school to worry about, no forced socialising.
It hits her- this is love.
But is that really start?
Too soon, its September-which is a good month for starts.
They arent really friends yet but she sits as close to her as she can without seeming needy.
She feigns interest in talk about drums and rock bands and struggles to get to safer ground, the video games and comic books she knows.
Its nice, and it stays nice.
But its not enough to really call a start.
Then its December, Christmas and snow and really when you start to feel that school is almost done and its the holidays.
The Christmas concert.
She was too nervous to say yes, even when Mr Kerr had insisted her violin should be played.
But shes up there, playing her drums with her band.
All she can do is watch.
And it really might be a start.
Things dont change until the next year.
September, 2014- September gets mentioned a lot here, doesnt it?
They get all the seats together.
Are the teachers trying to tell them something or is it just blind luck they get the seats each time?
Laura is long gone from geography now, and they sit and laugh and chat to the teacher.
Its not enough for her, but its all shes able to manage.
It really is close to the start.
Then its Christmas again, the exams long ago finished with.
The concert again.
She still didnt say yes.
But shes there. Not just playing the drums, but shes singing.
Its too loud to make out the lyrics but her voice is there.
And then she comes back off stage and stands next to her.
And really, she almost starts it.
The mock exams.
Terrifying for some, but she doesnt have a problem.
Shes calm and cool and collected.
She comes over at lunch and they laugh about the exams and she pretends to be worried about how she did to seem normal.
The cover probably doesnt work but she tries.
Then on Friday theyre laughing about drawings and maths and suddenly theyre alone in the form room, everyone else finished with their lockers long ago.
And mother is outside and she should go but-
But she doesnt want to.
She really doesnt want to, but she cant start it.
And sometimes it feels like she really never will.
