Of what, I hear from those who care enough to ask? Of this!
There's a Star Wars-style opening blurb that would be impractical to screenshot so I'll transcribe it here.
Now you know as much about the plot as I do!
Then we get a cutscene that looks like this:
(I caught that last one between the screen starting to fade out and him adding a bwah hah hah hah. Screenshot LPing is hard.)
So anyway, shock of all shocks! Dark Matter's up to no good! Let's start the actual game and kick his rump!
So press start at the title screen and WHOA MORE STORY
Zelda? Is that you? Specifically the one from ALttP?
And then we meet our heroine, known as Asha.
And then we set the scene.
And then we return to Asha, along with her asshole father figure.
Yeah, Asha is one of those protagonists who talks, but doesn't talk.
Hey screw you asshole.
He said the next part too quickly for me to catch it, but it was "Oh well, if you really want to follow your dreams, I won't hold you back." Well then maybe you shouldn't be belittling me and putting me down!
And with that, we gain control of our character. You start the game wandering through the village, where as one might expect you can just walk into everyone's house.
There are NPCs you can talk to, and apparently this one is my mother. She gave a long-winded speech before I could screenshot a word of it, and then that chest appeared next to her. What's inside, I wonder?
In this world, you open chests by shaking your #butt in front of them. This one's an elixir! Unlike, say, a Zelda game, you aren't told what it does, but presumably it's a health item.
The only words you missed here are "So you're finally going". Well... I guess I am now.
Moo to you too.
As the NPC to my left explains, stone statues are where you heal in this game. Just pray in front of it, and your spirit becomes calm.
Here it is, the grand farewell. Everyone's come to say their goodbyes, including bearded asshole!
Aw, that's sweet.
My name's Asha, but thanks anyway. Also, names tend to start with capital letters.
You too.
There's like a zillion of you and one of me. I'm sure you'll be fine.
Now that I'm finally going, bearded asshole is trying to backtrack on his verbal abuse and claim he's always supported me. Go heck yourself, bearded asshole. He then tells us we need the "Gall Crystal", but I'm not sure if that's something in the village I missed or something I get later. Oh well.
yeah sure
whoa hold on i never agreed to this what's going on here
Finally, there's one last person to talk to. I bet they'll have something bland to say like the rest.
oh
oh (note that she won't say this automatically; you have to speak to her again)
So after traversing the wasteland surrounding this village and talking to a few cows, you meet this guy.
After a a brief laughing/coughing fit, this guy explains that he's the save game man. After he's done explaining, he mentions the Gall Crystal, and tells me to make sure I have it before I "embark". This means I've missed it, doesn't it.
But that's it for now. I've reached a save point, and that's how I'll tell myself "time to wrap up this particular session". I hope you enjoyed this so far and if so I hope I have the attention span to continue.
There's a Star Wars-style opening blurb that would be impractical to screenshot so I'll transcribe it here.
Then we get a cutscene that looks like this:
So anyway, shock of all shocks! Dark Matter's up to no good! Let's start the actual game and kick his rump!
So press start at the title screen and WHOA MORE STORY
And then we meet our heroine, known as Asha.
And then we set the scene.
And then we return to Asha, along with her asshole father figure.
Yeah, Asha is one of those protagonists who talks, but doesn't talk.
Hey screw you asshole.
He said the next part too quickly for me to catch it, but it was "Oh well, if you really want to follow your dreams, I won't hold you back." Well then maybe you shouldn't be belittling me and putting me down!
And with that, we gain control of our character. You start the game wandering through the village, where as one might expect you can just walk into everyone's house.
There are NPCs you can talk to, and apparently this one is my mother. She gave a long-winded speech before I could screenshot a word of it, and then that chest appeared next to her. What's inside, I wonder?
In this world, you open chests by shaking your #butt in front of them. This one's an elixir! Unlike, say, a Zelda game, you aren't told what it does, but presumably it's a health item.
The only words you missed here are "So you're finally going". Well... I guess I am now.
Moo to you too.
As the NPC to my left explains, stone statues are where you heal in this game. Just pray in front of it, and your spirit becomes calm.
Here it is, the grand farewell. Everyone's come to say their goodbyes, including bearded asshole!
Aw, that's sweet.
My name's Asha, but thanks anyway. Also, names tend to start with capital letters.
You too.
There's like a zillion of you and one of me. I'm sure you'll be fine.
Now that I'm finally going, bearded asshole is trying to backtrack on his verbal abuse and claim he's always supported me. Go heck yourself, bearded asshole. He then tells us we need the "Gall Crystal", but I'm not sure if that's something in the village I missed or something I get later. Oh well.
yeah sure
whoa hold on i never agreed to this what's going on here
Finally, there's one last person to talk to. I bet they'll have something bland to say like the rest.
oh
oh (note that she won't say this automatically; you have to speak to her again)
So after traversing the wasteland surrounding this village and talking to a few cows, you meet this guy.
After a a brief laughing/coughing fit, this guy explains that he's the save game man. After he's done explaining, he mentions the Gall Crystal, and tells me to make sure I have it before I "embark". This means I've missed it, doesn't it.
But that's it for now. I've reached a save point, and that's how I'll tell myself "time to wrap up this particular session". I hope you enjoyed this so far and if so I hope I have the attention span to continue.
