I review a Kaiju film a day leading up to the new Godzilla film

King_Kong_Escapes_1967.jpg


Intro: Sorry, I missed yesterday. I have quite a few conflicts so the release of the reviews may be a bit odd. I hope to have it sorted out by Monday though. back on topic, here's a look at an obscure Toho film, King Kong Escapes.

Plot: The sinister Dr. Who has constructed a robot King Kong named Mechani-Kong. He is using it to big out a rare and powerful radioactive material called Element X. He is doing this for a lady named Madame Piranha (Mie Hama), who represents a mysterious country (implied to maybe be North Korea). However, the robot fails in retrieving the element. Piranha is ready to back out of the deal, but Dr. Who insists he can obtain the element for her.

Meanwhile, a United Nations sub makes a brief stop on Mondo Island. The commander, Carl Nelson, tells his two other crew members Jiro Nomura (Akira Takarada) and Susan Watson, that the island is said to be home to the legendary King Kong. The three explore the island a bit, and a native warns them not to explore because they are trespassing on Kong's home. Carl and Jiro go further while Susan stays back. She is soon attacked by the massive dinosaur Gorosaurus. Kong awakens and takes a romantic interest in Susan. Seeing she is in danger, Kong decides to fight Gorosaurus, who proves to be a deadly opponent. Kong manages to defeat the beast and the three escape back to their submarine and have a run in with a ginat sea serpent that Kong deals with easily. The crew decodes to report their story to the United Nations Council.

Dr. Who arrives on Mondo island with the intention of stealing Kong and bringing him to mine Element X. They use ether to put him to sleep and transport him away. The doctor also shoots the islander who says they must not take Kong away. The crew comes back to Mondo to research Kong, but find that he is gone. Back at Who's lab, hypnosis is being used to command Kong to dig out the radioactive material. Kong eventually breaks free of the control and attempts to escape, but Who keeps him locked up in the gave. Carl, suspecting Who has something to do with Kong's disappearance, arrives at Who's lab, who has been expecting them. They are taken to a jail cell but Carl is summoned by Piranha, who tries to seduce him and lure him over to their side. he refuses, angering Who. Carl is taken to another room and Who freezes the cell that Jiro and Susan are in, hoping to kill them. While Carl is missing, Who comes to the cell to kill them both unless they tell him how to get Kong under control. while he is threatening, Kong starts throwing a tantrum and nearly destroys the complex. This allows Jiro and Susan to escape the cell as Who and his henchmen try to handle the situation.

The three meet up and Madame Piranha tries to offer her kindness, but Who captures them again. Kong flees from the base (which is at the North Pole) and swims towards Japan. Dr. Who goes after him on his boat with Mechani-Kong and our heroes in toe. Piranha brakes them out again and the three jump off the boat when it arrives in Tokyo bay and swim to the mainland. Kong, who is already loose in Tokyo, is soon confronted by Mechani-Kong. The two seem evenly matched. The real Kong is faster, but the robot will not tire out. Mechani-Kong grabs Susan and begins to climb up Tokyo Tower. Kong climbs up after him. While this is going down, Madame Piranha confronts Dr. who, prepared to kill the mad scientist. The doctor easily disarms her and shoots her in the arm. Kong and Mechani-Kong arrive at the top and both try to push each other off. The robot drops Susan but Kong catches her and places her on a safe platform. Piranha makes one last attempt to thwart Dr. Who and tries to destroy the control device, but who shoots her twice in the chest, killing her. However, her interference plus Kong's strength causes the robot to fall and shatter.

Dr. Who attempts to escape, but Kong follows his boat in hot pursuit. He manages to crush the boat, kill Dr. Who, and finally end the conflict. he then swims back home to Mondo Island.

Reflection: Let me address the elephant in the room. Yes, the villain's name is Dr. Who. However, he has no connection to the time lord what so ever. Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about the characters. It is interesting to note that two of our leads are American actors. they don;t have much to them. Even veteran series actor Akira Takarada doesn't offer much to the film. Where the film really shines though are the villains. If you like old school James Bond, you'll love Dr. Who. He's a stereotypical mad scientist hell-bent on taking over the world and he is so much fun to watch. Mie Hama does a great job as the seductive and mysterious Madame Piranha (Madame X in the dub).

The monsters are pretty hit or miss. Kong himself has a pretty bad suit design. Very unconvincing and ugly looking. On the other hand, Mechani-Kong is a cool villain monster. The suit looks good and his belt of grenades is just plain awesome. He also serves as the inspiration for a certain metallic foe we'll be seeing soon. Gorosaurus, while having a small part, is really cool. He has a unique roar and one of the most bizarre attacks. He does a kangaroo style kick by standing on his tail and thrusting his feat forward. It's a unique and quirky power that separates him from the other kaiju.

Ifukube's music is present again, but nothing really too ground breaking or memorable, though one of the songs sound vaguely like Rodan's theme.

This one is kinda meh. You get some enjoyable villains, both in the human and monster department, but the main characters just aren't that interesting and are pretty bland. Not to mention the hideous Kong design. I don;t really recommend this one unless you're a huge kaiju fan.

Final Score: 2.5/5
 
Destroy_All_Monsters_1968.jpg


Intro: What's better than four monsters? ELEVEN! Or is it? This classic is famous for bringing together eleven of Toho's monsters, but how does it hold up? Let's find out in Toho's battle royale, Destroy all Monsters.

Plot: In the distant year of 1999, all of Earth's monsters have been rounded up and relocated to Monsterland, also known as Monster Island. The residents include Godzilla, Anguirus, Rodan, Varan, Mothra, Manda, Baragon, Kumonga, Minya, and Gorosaurus. They live here in peace and can't escape due to the forcefield system in place. However, one day all contact with the Monster Island base is lost. Dr. Yoshida orders Captain Yamabe to leave the base on the moon and take his rocket, the Moonlight SY-3. He and his crew take their ship to Monster island and find that the entire team there is gone. They come across Kyoko and Dr. Otani who are acting like they are hypnotized. They take the crew to meet a group a feminine aliens named the Kilaaks. They demand that the people of Earth surrender or else they will face total annihilation.

True to their word, the kaiju begin attacking major cities across the globe. Godzilla in New York, Rodan in Moscow, Mothra in Beijing, Gorosaurus in Paris, and Manda in London. Otani and Kyoko, who are being mind controlled by the Kilaaks, explain that all the monsters are under remote control. They say that if humanity surrenders, they will call off the monsters. The SY-3 crew refuses and a gunfight ensues between the crew and the Monster Island research team. The Kilaaks and Kyoko disappear and the crew takes Otani prisoner.

Otani is questioned by Yamabe and Yoshida. He does not respond to any questions. Suddenly, he jumps from the window and kills himself. When the two go to inspect the body, Kyoko and other people possesed by the Kilaaks stop them and try to take the body, but they are stopped by the INTERPOL agents who had been watching. They intervene and the Kilaaks escape. When Otani's body is examine at the hospital, they find a small metal sphere inserted into his skin beneath his ear. Similar, albeit larger objects are being found all over the world. It is deduced that this is how the Kilaaks are controlling people and the monsters. The government now has an easy way to identify the people who are mind controlled by the small incision underneath their ear where the object was placed.

Kyoko however can't be discovered because the mind control device lies not underneath her ear, but in her earnings. She passes through all security guards who stop to inspect her as she gets off her train in Tokyo. However, shit begins to go down in Tokyo. Rodan arrives and begins attacking the city. He is soon joined by Godzilla, Manda, and Mothra. The military tries to retaliate, but the monsters reduce Tokyo to rubble easily and Kyoko escapes to the hidden Kilaak base under Mt. Fuji. Meanwhile, the humans have figured out how to reverse the Kilaak's control, but they need to destroy their moon base before they can. Kyoko shows up at the United Nations headquarters, again requesting humanity to surrender. While there, Yamabe rips off her earnings, breaking the mind control. They ask if she has any information, but she has no memory of being controlled.

Yamabe takes the rocket to the moonbase and infiltrates the base. They kill the Kilaaks, who need extremely high temperatures to survive. However, the mind control device is still functional. They manage to cut it down with their laser technology. the humans take control of the monsters and direct them to the Kilaak base on Earth to destroy it. However, the Kilaaks send out their own monster to battle the Earth monsters, King Ghidorah! The Earth's monsters all team up and manage to kill the golden hydra once and for all. However, the aliens seem to have one more monster in their arsenal. The lightning fast fire dragon! The SY-3 goes after the flying monster who the discover to be a flaming UFO. They manage to take it down as Godzilla tramples the Kilaak base, ending the threat once and for all.

The monsters return home to live out the rest of their days in peace.

Reflection: Let's get something out of the way. This movie was made in 1968. Back then, everyone assumed 1999 would be futuristic and advanced. So yeah, the movie is a little dated.

Now for the characters. There's nothing inherently bad about them, but they're pretty bland and don't offer much to the plot. Kenji Sahara has his obligatory role. the Kilaak aliens are very creepy, but they aren't as compelling as the Xians from Astro Monster.

The monsters are really where this film shines, there are eleven of them in the movie. Or at least, eleven of them appear. A couple of them really only have cameos and don't offer much. I'll go through all the monsters.

Godzilla has the most screen time. He gets cool destruction scenes as well as being a big part in the fight with Ghidorah and bein g the one to kill the Kilaaks by destroying their base. The new Godzilla suit is really good and is a personal favorite of mine. Anguirus appears for the first time since 1955's Godzilla Raids Again. Anguirus has never looked better. The suit used for him is fantastic and it's great to see him back. There's a memorable scene during the fight with Ghidorah where he bites down on one of the dragon's necks and Ghidorah flies through the air with Anguirus still attached. Rodan is back as well. He gets two destruction scenes. However, he does not participate much in the fight with Ghidorah. he does manage to get his ass kicked by the Fire Dragon though. varan is the film for about a total of five seconds. I'm not exaggerating. For those wondering, Varan starred in his own kaiju film back in 1968. I don't own it, so that's why I didn't review it. But yeah, you could've removed him and the film would not be any different.

Mothra also appears, though only in caterpillar form. Her inclusion on Monster Island is strange because she is a kind monster who already lived on Infant island and posed no threat to humanity. anyway, she gets two destruction scenes and only fights Ghidorah by spraying him with some web from a distance. Manda gets a destruction scene. He also starred in a film I don't own, Atragon. Baragon also suffers from the same problem as Varan. he is only in the movie for a few seconds. He was planned to have bigger part, but the suit was in bad shape and his role of destroying Paris was given to Gorosaurus. Kumonga appears in the movie as well, but only to spray some web at ghidorah with Mothra towards the end. Minya is also in the movie and actually helps a little bit in the fight with Ghidorah. He fires a smoke ring that actually strangles his middle head. The final earth monster is Gorosaurus. he surprisingly plays a big part. He smashes Paris to rubble and actually manage to knock down the mighty Ghidorah with his powerful kangaroo kick.

Then there's Ghidorah himself. It's always cool to see him. He unfortunately gets his ass handed to him by all the monsters ganging up against him. He doesn't feel as threatening as he used to.

This film is notworthy for being the last film that the dream team of Ishiro Honda, Tomyuki Tanaka, Eiji Tsuburaya, and Akira Ifukube working together. Honda and Ifukube took a short break and Tsuburaya died shortly after this movie. Tanaka was the only one who stayed in his role for every movie until 1995. On the subject of Ifukube, his music is excellent as always. All his staples are in here and his military theme for this movie is quite memorable.

Does this movie have problems? Yes it does/ Can it drag at times? Yes. However, the parts that are good are really good. The novelty of seeing some of these creatures interact is great.

Final Score: 3/5
 
Godzilla%27s_Revenge_1969.jpg


Intro: This next film is widly regarded in the fanbase to be the absolute worst Godzilla film. Is it really as bad as they say? Let's take a look at All Monsters Attack

Plot: Ichiro is a young kid living in Tokyo. His parents always work late and are rarely home. He is very shy and at school he is pushed around by a grip of bullies lead by Gabara. He usually stays with his neighbor, a toy maker named Shinpei, who lives in the apartment room across from them. Ichiro is obsessed with the kaiju of Monster Island. To escape his real life, he day dreams about going to Monster Island. While there in his dreams, he watches Godzilla battle three Kamacuras and the giant lobster Ebirah (from a movie I don't own). He also looks at the other island residents, including Anguirus, Manda, and Gorosaurus. While there, he also meets up with a human sized Minya, who can talk! He makes friends with the young kaiju, who is also being bullied by a giant monster named Gabara.

Shinpei wakes up Ichiro to tell him about when his mother is coming back from work, but Ichiro is angry that he was woken up, saying that Minya was gonna take him to go see Godzilla. He tries to go back to sleep but can't. Instead, he sneaks out and decides to go play in an old abandoned warehouse. In the same warehouse, two bank robbers are hiding out from the police. When they see Ichiro, they quickly hide, but one drops his driver's license. Ichiro finds it and decides to take it back home. The more competent of the two robbers tells the other to follow Ichiro.

Ichiro goes back to sleep at home and dreams about going back to the island. While there, he watches Godzilla do battle with Kumonga and some fighter jets, as well as see Minya run away in fear from Gabara. Minya then grows to his regular size and meets up with Godzilla, who tries to teach him how to fire his atomic ray. However, Minya can only blow smoke rings unless Godzilla steps on his tail. His dream is interrupted when the robbers grab him and take him back to their hideout as hostage. The criminals also decide to steal Shinpei's car to escape. While at the hideout, Ichiro falls asleep again. In his dream he concvinces Minya to stand up for himself and fight Gabara. He manages to fight back and defeat Gabara. Godzilla comes to congratulate him, but Gabara gets up and tries to fight Godzilla himself. He is no challenge and Godzilla easily does away with him.

In the real world, Ichiro wakes up and goes all Home Alone on the kidnappers. He outsmarts them, beats them up with traps, and escapes, using the lessons he learned from Minya. Shinpei is already outside the hotel because he found his stolen car filled with the robbed money. He had called the police and they arrive shortly and arrest the two crooks. The next day, Ichiro is confronted by the real life Gabara. Ichiro finally stands up for himself and kocks Gabara on his ass, showing that he won't get pushed around anymore. Gabara now respects him and the two become friends.

Reflection: Where do I begin with this movie? It's very weird and bizarre, but is it really that bad?

This was the first Godzilla film made to be a children's movie. As such, the lead is a young boy. As with a lot of child actors, he can be painfully bad and annoying at times. Kenji Sahara cameos as Ichiro's father. Outside of him though, no one really stands out. Shinpei is a goffy character and can be enjoyable. Oddly enough, he's played by the same actor who played Dr. Who in King Kong Escapes.

The monsters are very lacking. Why? BECAUSE ALL THE MONSTER SCENES ARE JUST STOCK FOOTAGE. That's right, all the fight scenes are recycled footage from older Godzilla movies. As such, the continuity is a mess because the Godzilla suit is constantly changing between scenes. there are a few new scenes, but those are just with Godzilla, Minya, and Gabara. Now let's talk about Gabara. Good lord what a hideous design. It looks like a cross between a human, a cat, and a toad. He's got bumpy, warty skin and shoots electricity from his fingers. Oh well, he's unique I guess.

And then there's Minya. AND HE FUCKING TALKS! I get it's trying to be a goofy kid's movie, but hearing that voice coming out of Minya is just unsettling. Kaiju should never be allowed to talk, period. Also, Minya can now change his size at will. It seems really odd and out of place here.

With everything I'm saying, you probably think this is a horrible piece of shit movie. Now, let me defend it a bit. There's an actual reason why it's all stock footage, and why Minya can change size. Because in this movie, Godzilla is not real. This movie is about a shy kid who finds comfort in watching Godzilla movies. That's why all the scenes are reused. He's remembering all the movies he's seen. It's a very different and unique take on Godzilla.

Is this a good film? Probably not. Is it a good Godzilal movie? I wouldn't call it that at all. But, if you look at this as a different, yet harmless kid's film, it's passable. Minya's cute I guess and it has a good message for kids. Would I recommend it? No, not at all. If you ever have kids some day, this could be a good film to show them if you want them to get into Godzilla.

Final Score: 2/5
 
Nick Fury said:
I don't know, how many times has New York been destroyed?
Click to expand...
you can't destroy all of new york, it's too big. you'd need at least a dozen nukes

oh, and i completed my terminator 2 review. it puts your review to shame because no one can reply tl;dr to it
 
Nick Fury said:
Dr. Javelin said:
Nick Fury said:
I don't know, how many times has New York been destroyed?
Click to expand...
you can't destroy all of new york, it's too big. you'd need at least a dozen nukes
Click to expand...
......


Just how dense are you?
Click to expand...
: )

perhaps i should have created a clearly joking reply so someone as dense as you can understand it, so here goes

you can't destroy new york because
The-Murica-Figure-united-states-of-america-35286133-500-437.jpg