Five Red Stars

[Smg2daisy]

Blah

Thoughts can be discuss here. And I will improve the appearance of the main page later.

 

[Dr. Javelin]

it's definitely on the short side

and the grammar could use some improvement

EDIT: although i have to say that i am always happy to see someone else writing

 

[Walkazo]

Reminds me of the old days where most folks wrote about the Sysops and a few other popular users, only it's about the forum admins, rather than the wiki admins. The writing's a bit halting, but the concept seems interesting enough.

 

[Dr. Javelin]

The writing's a bit halting, but the concept seems interesting enough.

yeah, i must say i like the title

 

[Smg2daisy]

And sign ups are open for those have more than two forms

 

[Lakituthequick]

Bah, ignore the few writing errors, we all know her native language isn't English.

It looks fancy so far, keep it up!



Ninja'd.

And sign ups are open for those have more than two forms

More than two? Why is that?

 

[Nabber]

Definitely on the short side. There aren't any real paragraphs, just short statements one after the other. I'll forgive the grammar issues since English isn't your native language, but that definitely isn't an excuse for the lack of personality in any of the characters. There is little description, and you don't provide us with many of the thoughts of the characters - again leading to a lack of personality. The plot feels rushed.

For instance, what you could already have written about: What was Smasher's life like before he became a moderator? What is his work like now? What is daily life like in MarioWiki? Why does Smasher seem so stressed? What is Smasher's relationship with the other moderators, with the other users of MarioWiki?

And again, the chapters... they're extremely short. Chapter four was just a few sentences long.

This needs improvement.

 

[Toad Eightyfive]

at least you're actually writing stuff

 

[Dr. Javelin]

at least you're actually writing stuff

yay

hey, why don't you actually write your thing

...but that definitely isn't an excuse for the lack of personality in any of the characters. There is little description, and you don't provide us with many of the thoughts of the characters - again leading to a lack of personality. The plot feels rushed.

i can't really judge whether this is true or not, because there just isn't enough to judge

 

[Walkazo]

What was Smasher's life like before he became a moderator? ... What is daily life like in MarioWiki?

Who cares.

What is his work like now? Why does Smasher seem so stressed?

It's a mystery - that seems to be the point.


This isn't a long, sweeping narrative - again, it really strikes me as more like a sprite comic from the days of yore, but in words: it plunks you down at the beginning, then stuff happens, with a very minimalistic approach to exposition and whatnot. Not your typical prose style, but eh, it's not so bad for what it is, and I hope it continues.

 

[Nabber]

They're just suggestions. The fact of the matter is, it feels hard to judge where the story is going, because even though there are four chapters, it really feels more like one chapter - which is probably stretching it.

 

[Baby Mario Bloops]

What was Smasher's life like before he became a moderator?

What life?

I agree with Nabber and everyone else that it is a bit short, but like Toad said, at least you write. You could use a little bit of some filler, or else you're basically just giving us a summary of a story rather than writing a story.