ITT: Tabuu makes a ripoff of "Still Alive"

Tabuuownsall132x2

also I hang out here, I guess
This was a triumph
I'm making a note here:
Huge Success
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction

MarioWiki Forums

We post what we want, because we can
For the good of all of us
Except the ones who are banned

But there's no sense crying over every little spelling/grammar mistake
You just keep on editing til there's no more to make

And your ego increases in size
And you start to die inside

Like the people who are, still online

Believe me, I am
Still online
I'm making shitposts and I'm
Still online
While you're disconnected I'll be
Still online
Still online
Still online


(I got no rhythm- sorry if this sucked really badly.)
 

Fujiwara no Sai

Searching for the Divine Move
Chat Administrator
Core 'Shroom Staff
Awards Committee
Retired Wiki Staff
Don't Fear said:
And you start to die inside
So true. ^-^



Anyway, the lyrics are nice, but as you said yourself, the rhythm is really off in places. You might want to read up on how to properly utilize the meter (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meter_%28poetry%29). Informing yourself about poetry can be helpful too. One of the most basic things would be trying to preserve the same number of syllables in a line.

Yeah, that's all I can think of now.
 

Dr. Javelin

Nathan Latsk
Well actually, the Portal version done by GLaDos always seemed off meter too me, so actually this one would be fine if you're emulating Portal.

Course, it could be that my sense of meter is off and GLaDos's Still Alive was fine...
 

Nabber

Artisanal Cheese Taster
Dr. Javelin said:
Course, it could be that my sense of meter is off and GLaDos's Still Alive was fine...
I'm pretty sure I would have caught something like that.
Anyway, yeah it's kind of short and not changed enough, but what I did see was funny. I rate it seven apertures out of ten.
 
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