I really don't know how they wanted me to feel about the episode, because it was a really good episode, but at the same time, I just felt like they were holding up a mirror the entire time. Like, embarrassing yourself in front of a massive audience and having others do something that you thought you did and it was just so hard to watch. Well, I mean, I cringed real hard when Spike sang the Cloudsdale anthem because it was just so hard to watch him humiliate himself. Of course, I laughed real hard when Pinkie cried out "Nailed it!"
But then the lesson came in, and...ugh, that lesson was just so...I really don't even know what to say. It was just so personal, and I literally felt like they slapped me in surprise at it. Because then it made me self-reflect, because that lesson is one that I hear all the time, but I can never fulfill for myself. I literally look at myself in the mirror, and I always try to convince myself "You are awesome, you are amazing", and yet, I just cannot. I note all the flaws in my life, I note all the problems, the mistakes I've made. It's so hard to impress myself by what I do. I should feel accomplished for stuff I've done; I wrote an actual composition, I made it to a school of Music on my Flute, and yet, I can't. I know that there are so much more I can do, so much more potential I have, and knowing that there are others I see every day that are so much better than me. It's so hard walking into my Flute Studio at my college and knowing that everyone has played this piece or that piece that has all these hard stuff that you probably couldn't play for another two years. And it's so hard when you know that you could be way better, but you know that you don't put enough time into it, and that you feel like you should but you just have trouble with it. I literally sit there in bed a few nights, knowing that I basically can never be satisfied with myself, that even though others see what I do and tell me I did a great job, I cannot tell myself that I did a great job, or that I can truly be proud of what I did. The worse is whether or not I'm good enough for my friends.
Sorry for getting really personal there, but that episode brought up a lot of things that the lesson in that episode touched on, and I know that it was just really tough watching the episode because of it. It was a really good episode, but I don't think I could watch it again, because of the lesson. It just brings up too much personal stuff in me that I need to learn to face, and now is just not the time for me.
