Dearest Four,
I am writing to inform you of a scandal. Recently I was approved for the Yellow Face Silver Standard Gold Credit Card. It's very valuable--saves me a lot of money. Anyway, the bottom line here is...
ONE OF THESE PILLARY YOCKELS STOLE MY CARD.
NO EXCUSE CAN BE REASONED.
THE CULPRIT HAS AN EVIL HEART AND NEEDS TO BE DEALT WITH BY YOU POSTHASTE.