I review a Kaiju film a day leading up to the new Godzilla film

Spacegodzilla looks cool and weird at the same time. He probably inherits the coolness from features borrowed from Godzilla.

Are you going to do the Godzilla VS. King Kong one?
 
Super Smash Misty said:
Spacegodzilla looks cool and weird at the same time. He probably inherits the coolness from features borrowed from Godzilla.

Are you going to do the Godzilla VS. King Kong one?
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That was one of the first ones I did.
 
i still say you should do pacific rim, if only so i can compare our reviewing styles

i don't know any of these films well enough to decide how well you're reviewing them
 
gp how come it seems like almost all of these kaiju movies suck

is it there there are only like 5 that are actually good and the rest are either "meh" or awful
 
No-Face said:
gp how come it seems like almost all of these kaiju movies suck

is it there there are only like 5 that are actually good and the rest are either "meh" or awful
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Most godzilla movies are terrible nabs
 
No-Face said:
gp how come it seems like almost all of these kaiju movies suck

is it there there are only like 5 that are actually good and the rest are either "meh" or awful
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We're in a bit of the low point right now.

I gave the original, KKvG, MvG, GTTHM, SoG, GvMG, ToM, GvB all very good reviews. As for the others, three out of five is still good.
 
Godzilla said:
We're in a bit of the low point right now.
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Really? I thought the low point was when Godzilla had nothing better to do than adopt a mini-Godzilla and teach it how to deal with bullies...
 
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Intro: And now we come to the last film in the Heisei saga, Godzilla vs. Destoroyah. How do you end it with a bang? With one of the greatest Godzilla movies. And yes Nabber, this one's good.

Plot: Via helicopter, Miki Saegusa discovers that Birth Island has been completely destroyed with no sign of Godzilla or Little Godzilla. However, Godzilla shows up in Hong Kong, glowing red and spitting out his spiral ray in place of his normal beam. G-Force is puzzled by this event and hires a college student who has been studying Godzilla for years. This student, Kenichi Yamane, is the grandson of Dr. Yamane from the first film. He, Dr. Fukuzawa from Godzilla vs. Mothra, General Aso, as well as a psychic named Meru and several other government officials decide what should be done. Kenichi theorizes that Godzilla is on the verge of explosion due to be overloaded with radiation. This explosion has enough power to destroy the planet.

Kenichi's sister, Yukari, is a TV news reporter. She interviews Dr. Ijuin about his new invention, Micro Oxygen, a subject that hits too close to home for a certain Emiko Yamane (Momoko Kōchi). Emiko summons her niece Yukari and tells her that Ijuin's micro oxygen is eerily similar to Dr. Serizawa's oxygen destroyer weapon. The situation is worsened when an accident occurs in the same area in Tokyo Bay where the oxygen destroyer was used back in 1954. Ijuin takes samples of the soil, and one of them begins showing signs of life. Whatever was in there escapes the lab and ends up in the aquarium. In the tanks, fish are stripped of their flesh and turned to bones. Kenichi and Yukari go to Ijuin and ask if he can create another oxygen destroyer, as it is the only way to stop Godzilla now. Any physical attack could trigger the explosion. However, the conversation is interrupted when Ijuin receives a phone call from the aquarium.

After analyzing the footage of the fish dying, he finds a small, microscopic lifeform eating away at the fish. It is a creature from the Precambrian era that was abnormally mutated by the oxygen destroyer. The next day, reports come in of strange, ten feet tall creatures in and around a Japanese warehouse. Special forces go in and they are ambushed by monstrous creatures that look like nothing else on the planet. They spit a strange micro oxygen beam that rips people apart as well as having spiked limbs that tear the soldiers to pieces. One manages to escape and nearly kill Yukari, but Ijuin saves her and the soldiers kill it with flamethrowers. Soon, the burning Godzilla emerges off the cost and heads towards the power plant. The Super X-III is sent in. This latest model is equipped with cadmium and freezer weapons. It manages to freeze Godzilla and lower his temperature for six hours. After those hours are up,, Godzilla begins to move again and he shifts his course eastwards. The nuclear power seems to have come under control.

On a peaceful beach, another monster appears, though this one is harmless. The little Godzilla, mutated to half of Godzilla's height and now looks much more like his father. Miki is overwhelmed with joy to see the little one alive, who has been renamed Godzilla Jr. However, news on Godzilla is not as good. His temperature is rising and is now at 900 degrees Celsius. A new theory is developed. When Godzilla's temperature reaches 1200 degrees Celsius, he will meltdown and destroy the planet. Due to the rate of temperature increasing, Godzilla will meltdown in about a week. Back in Tokyo, it is discovered that the odd creatures' weaknesses are low temperatures. As the strange beasts appear again, the freezer weapons are used. Everything seems to be going well until all the creatures merge into one large one. A living oxygen destroyer. Destoroyah.

It is decided that the only way to stop the meltdown is to have Destoroyah kill Godzilla. Much to Miki's dismay, Godzilla Jr. is used as bait to lure Godzilla to Tokyo. Junior battles Destoroyah, who is shown to also have a flying form. Junior manages to have the upper hand until Destroyah injects Junior with micro oxygen, nearly killing him. However, Junior is able to incapacitate Destroyah with his own atomic ray. Godzilla arrives in Tokyo to reunite with Junior. However, Destoroyah returns in his monstrous final form. It knocks Godzilla down and picks up Junior. The creature flies up high and drops Junior into a building from extreme height. Destoroyah blasts him apart with his micro oxygen ray and knocks Miki's and Meru's helicopter out of the air. The two barely survive and run over to the dying Godzilla Junior. Miki breaks down in tears. Godzilla too, begins crying over the loss of his son. However, Destoroyah allows no time for grieving as it attacks Godzilla. Enraged, Godzilla battle his hardest against Destoroyah. Both monsters are extremely powerful and are even blow for blow. The enraged Godzilla manages to blow Destoroyah's chest apart in a gruesome display. However, Destoryah's laser horn manages to cut Godzilla up badly.

Destoroyah splits up into several smaller aggregates, but Godzilla manages to fend them off. Godzilla walks over to his son. He tries to breath radioactive life into him, but Junior is too weakened and dies in front of Godzilla. Godzilla is consumed by rage and grief. His temperature begins reaching dangerous levels. The Super X-III is sent in to deal with Godzilla when he melts down to minimize the damage. Destoroyah reassembles in his final form to fight his last battle with Godzilla. The two monsters battle it out once again. Godzilla's temperature reaches 1190 degrees and his spines begin to melt. Godzilla's atomic ray and nuclear pulse are boosted to extraordinary levels and Destoroyah is hurt just by being near the monster. It tries to flee, but the Super X-III shoots it down with its freezer weapons. This assault, combined with its earlier injuries called by Godzilla, cause the monster to fall to the ground and explode into nothing.

The victory is short lived as the meltdown begins. The freezer tanks and the Super X-III bombard the melting monster with their freezing weapons. Godzilla dies as the military watch in silence and even sadness. as the fog settles, the destruction was minimized, but Tokyo is uninhabitable. However, the radiation levels begin falling rapidly and something stirs in the fog. A shadow is seen. An adult Godzilla Junior, revived by the nuclear energy, lets out a mighty roar...

Reflection: To end the Heisei series, Toho really went out with a bang. Several reoccurring hesei characters appear for one final time like Miki, Aso, and Fukazawa. The actors all do a good job here. Miki is great in her last appearance. her character arc ends here as Godzilla dies. But it's not just callbacks to the Heisei series. There are several tie ins with the first film. This sense of continuity is really cool and well done. It;s great to see Emiko back and the flashbacks with Serizawa really capture that sense of torment he had in the first film. The connections to the oxygen destroyer are a fitting way to create Godzilla's final enemy.

The monsters are all great this time around. Godzilla has a new look for this film. Burning Godzilla is one of the most badass things ever. A super charged, pissed off Godziilla that could destroy a planet? Awesome. But one thing that really makes Godzilla stand out in this movie is his character. unlike other giant monsters, Godzilla is a character. He has a personality, he can feel emotions. We actually see Godzilla shed a tear in this movie. Godzilla Junior looks fantastic. He finally resembles his father! This adolescent Godzilla also has an atomic ray. Junior's suit is really good and could easily be used as a Godzilla suit if the spines were bigger. His death scene is quite tragic and you feel yourself becoming sad along with Miki and Godzilla.

Then there's Destoroyah. It has a a lot of similarities to Hedorah in terms of powers and form changing. The juvenile Destoroyahs attacking the soldiers is a very creepy scene. The suits look good here, though there are a couple shots that stick out like a sore thumb. The final form is where Destoroyah really shines. The suit's a little bulky, but goddamn is he intimidating. Just the whole concept of a living oxygen destroyer is awesome and thematically fitting. It also has some cool powers like his oxygen destroyer beam and its laser horn (the most OP attack in the Godzilla Unleashed video game). Destoroyah is easily one of Godzilla's most powerful foes, yet its death is anti-climactic. This is one big problem I have with the movie. I feel like Godzilla should've been the one to kill Destoroyah. Having the freezer weapons be the thing that ultimately takes it down really robs Godzilla of his revenge. It's a small thing but it really bothers me.

Godzilla's death is one of the most well done scenes in the series. As a kid, everyone has that really emotional film moment. For some, it was Bambi's Mom. For others, it was Mufasa falling into the stampede. For me, it was this scene. Godzilla's death really upset me as a kid. Watching it again for the review, I got a little misty eyed. You're watching a huge part of your childhood die right in front of you. Ifukube's music also contributes greatly.

Ifukube returns for his final score and by God, it's some of his best. The Godzilla theme has never sounded better. Destroyah's theme is hectic and menacing though isn;t too memorable. The track "Hong Kong destruction" is a great bombastic theme that perfectly fits with Godzilla destroying the city. Godzilla Junior's theme returns from Mechagodzilla II. Remember how I said it sounded sad in that review? Well it comes back here and plays as Junior is dying. It's a very emotional scene. Then there's the track "Requiem". This is some of Ifukube's finest music. It's sad and powerful and is the perfect music for Godzilla's death. This may be one of my favorite Ifukube scores. He really hit it out of the park for this last one.

Maybe it's just because I'm sentimental, but I greatly enjoy this film. It's the perfect way to bring an end to the Heisei series. I recommend it, but only if you've seen the Heisei series and are a fan. Even without that, it's still a damn good kaiju movie.

Final Score: 4/5
 
No-Face said:
gp how come it seems like almost all of these kaiju movies suck

is it there there are only like 5 that are actually good and the rest are either "meh" or awful
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and gp wonders why people have such a negative opinion of godzilla movies
 
Guys, a three out of five is still a good score. You act like anything that's not a four or five is bad.
 
we live in a day and age where "average" is the new bad, because we're swamped with so many good movies

like, look at stuff like man of steel, thor, and star wars episode one. all of these are at worst decent movies in their own right, but they're constantly reviled because people like other stuff in the same genre way, way more. average movies, by today's standards, are bad, and movies that are just "good" are the new average.

it's a weird consequence of us having so many awesome movies today
 
"Average" is a strange situation, as while they're still good movies, they tend to be overshadowed by so-bad-it's-good MST3K-worthy films.
 
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Intro: How do you follow up a spectacular Godzilla movie? With a shitty Mothra movie. Here's Rebirth of Mothra.

Plot: A construction company is cutting down several trees to clear land. They stumble across a strange rock formation that looks to be a shrine of some sorts. Mr. Goto is the head of this project and removes a strange medallion from the shrine and give it to his daughter, Wakaba, as a gift. In the night, she is confronted by a tiny woman named Belvera on a strange looking dragon like creature. The girl is possessed by the tiny lady and she even violently attacks her brother Taiki. However, the Shobijin intervene, riding a small Mothra called Fairy. A battle ensues between the Shobijin and Belevera, trashing the house. Belvera flees and the Shobijin check in on the two kids. The fairies reveal their names to be Moll and Lora. Belvera goes to Hokkaido, where she awakens and ancient evil, Desghidorah. The three headed beast begins sucking the life out of all the plant life, growing stronger with all the enrgy he amasses.

Desperate, the Shobijin summon Mothra, who is very old and dying. She tries to fight Desghidorah but the hydra is just too strong for her. Faraway on Infant island, Mothra's egg hatches and a new Mothra larva emerges. This Mothra is a male named Mothra Leo. The larva swims to the mainland and fights Desghidorah alongside his mother while Taiki, Wakaba, and their parents try to avoid the fighting going on. Leo demonstrates unusual powers like an electric web spray, a chest beam, and the ability to turn invisible. However, Desghidorah easily wades through his arsenal and nearly kills Leo. Mothra grabs her son and tries to fly him away from the battle. However, the weakened Mothra crashes into the ocean. Leo is fine, but Mothra slowly dies in front of him and sinks beneath the waves. Leo, overcome by grief, swims to an nearby island in order to transform into an adult.

The family of four barely escaped the fight and are in the hospital along with several other victims. Due to the lack of plant life, oxygen is becoming scarce. Moll and Lora sing their song as Leo spins a cocoon around himself. Leo soon awakens and flies off to confront Desghidorah. The two monsters meet up and battle it out. Mothra Leo is much stronger than his mother and manages to destroy the dragon with his various energy blasts. Moll and Lora confront Belvera and scold her for trying to kill the humans. Belevera snaps back and tells them that humans cannot be trusted. The Shobijin meet back up with the two kids and tell them about how Belvera is their older sister and that despite her evil ways, they still love her. Taiki and Wakaba hitch a ride on Leo as he restores life to all the plantlife.

Reflection: Why was that summary so short? Because nothing ever happens in this movie. Most of the scenes are unbearably long and tedious. The actors are all bland and the fact that I only own the English version doesn't help. The kids are so goddamn annoying. All they do is whine, act spoiled, and show little to no emotion whatsoever. You'd think that giving the Shobijin names and giving them a bigger role would be great right? Wrong. They have a bigger part sure, but they still mostly just exist to summon Mothra and comment on the fights. The concept of an evil Shobijin is nice, but again the villain is so stock and forgettable that its a waste.

The monsters are pretty lackluster. Mothra retains her plushy look from her last film. She also serves very little point. She show sup and gets killed. That's about it. Leo is a step up. The design is still a little to soft and plushy, but the prop itself is better. The idea of a male Mothra is something we've never seen before. However, Leo is one of the most OP kaiju. He has a bajillion different laser beams and somehow managed to wipe the floor with Desghidorah in this movie. Desghidorah on the other hand is this film's saving grace. Goddamn is it a good suit. He looks like a cross between King Ghidorah and Destoroyah, two of my favorite Godzilla villains. The choice to make him four legged was odd, but it really makes Desghidorah looks massive and intimidating. My one gripe with him, other than how easily he was killed, is his roar. It sounds like an elephant, which just doesn't seem fitting.

No Ifukube. They manage to get the Mothra song in there, which is nice. But this versions sounds a little bit off. None of the new music in this film is memorable and the other Mothra song in the film is nowhere near as good as the original.

Yeah, this one is bad. Aside from the villain, there's nothing noteworthy here. Just a cheesy plot, phoned in message, and some pretty bad effects shots.

Final Score: 1.5/5
 
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Intro: Goddammit Toho.

Plot: Off the coast of Japan, strange, monstrous starfish known as Barem are appearing. They are attacking people and making the water impossible to enter. On an island near Japan, a young girl named Shiori, along with two boys, Kohei and Yoji, find a strange furry creature named Ghogo. Belvera attacks them, trying to steal Ghogo, but she is interrupted by the Shobijin Moll and Lora. Belvera retreats and the twin fairies explain to the kids about the ancient civilization of Ninai Kanai. The people of this civilization created a monster named Dagahra. They say that due to the outbreak or Barem, the monsters return inevitable and only Mothra Leo can stop it. But in order to do so, they need help from the treasure of the ancient city. Meanwhile, Belvera manipulates two fishermen to capture the kids and steal the treasure.

The kids take a raft out into the ocean. They come across a massive underwater temple that begins to rise up as Ghogo enters it. This draws the attention of the fishermen and Belvera, who head that way as well. However, as they enter, Dagahra awakens and rampages through a nearby island. The Shobijin summon Mothra Leo to their aid. The two kaiju battle it out and Leo has the upper hand until Dagahra shifts the battle into the water, where Leo is clearly out of his element. A wild goose chase ensues inside the massive temple as the fisherman chase the kids around the temple, trying to capture them and take Ghogo. Leo weakly emerges from the water and crashes on top of the temple. He is covered in the parasitic Barem. Meanwhile, Dagahra remains underwater, resting and regaining his strength. The fishermen finally confront the kids and the Shobijin, riding on Fairy, stop them from doing so. Belevera attacks the fairies in return and soon a passageway is opened to the treasure room.

Precious golden jewels are placed in statues all around the room. The fishermen and Belvera eagerly start grabbing them, but an apparition of the queen of Ninai Kanai appears and attacks one of the fishermen with a lightning attack. The Shobijin plead their case that they need the treasure to help Leo and that the kids are here to help. However, Belvera tries to tell her that humans are evil creatures and Dagahra should destroy them all. The queen agrees with the Shobijin and explains that Ghogo is the treasure and that he can help Mothra Leo. However, the temple begins to collapse as Dagahra returns to attack it. The fishermen, now good guys, attempt to escape with the kids and Shobijin and Belvera even helps them along the way.

They emerge near the top of the temple. Ghogo flies up to Leo and merges his energy with his. Leo is revitalized as Rainbow Mothra. this powered up Leo easily overcomes Dagarha and parts the ocean so the group can run back to the mainland. Dagahra retreats back into the water, but Leo pursues by transforming into his Aqua form. Underwater, leo splits into several thousand tiny moths and enters the beast's stomach. They begin attacking from the inside. After doing their damage, the moths exit and reform as Rainbow Mothra. Leo destroys Dagahra and the temple sinks back into the ocean.

Reflection: Did we really need another Mothra film? Did the other one really warrant a sequel? Regardless, we have some annoying kid characters again. These obnoxious brats are even more annoying than the two from the last film. They have little to no personality and are not likable in the slightest. the two fishermen are incompetent yet surprisingly dark. they threaten to even kill the kids at one point! The Shobijin are actually given a smaller role, which is kind of odd, but they aren't developed much so it doesn't really matter. Belvera is also given the shaft. She barely does anything except bark orders at Dagahra. Which is odd because he is never under her control. Desghidorah actually was controlled, but here it's just odd.

The monsters aren't anything special. Leo still looks too fluffy. His Rainbow form improves this a little bit, but not by much. Aqua Mothra has a pretty unique design and isn't that bad. The prop is a little stiff, but the design itself is cool. Then there's Dagahra. I'm torn on this guy. He's not bad. The suit is pretty good in most scenes. But he's just really generic and doesn't stand out. The Barem are a unique concept, but I wish they did more with it. And of course we have Ghogo. It's fucking ugly and creepy. It pees on people and that heals them. I really question why it was even in this movie.

The sets are actually decent. The inside of the temple is pretty vast and feels like a throwback to stuff like Temple of Doom. the actual temple itself is a pretty good miniature. Sadly, it seems their entire budget went towards these sets considering most of the effects in this film are pretty lackluster.

The Mothra Song gets played, but other than that, there is nothing noteworthy here music wise.

This is probably one of the worst ones I've reviewed. Even as a kaiju fan, I find this film dreadful.

Final Score: 1/5
 
Ulp, here comes the big one.
 
There are bigger problems with 98 Godzilla than his leg thickness.
 
I think the biggest problem with Zilla is that it's not at all what was advertised. It's more like the T-Rex from Jurassic Park then Godzilla.
 
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Intro: Well guys, this is it. The big one. The piece of shit film that still haunts the fanbase to this day. Now I can already hear you whining. "But GP, it can't be that bad". Shut up and listen as I rant about Godzilla (1998).

Plot: In the south pacific, a Japanese boat is sunk by an unknown force. Only one survivor is found. He is interrogated by the French Secret Service, who ask him what he saw. The old man replies "Gojira", confusing them. Meanwhile, in Chernobyl, Dr. Nick Tatopoulos (Matthew Broderick) is studying the mutated Earth worms in the area. He is soon relocated to Tahiti (it's a magical place), where is told to study the large therapod footprints that have been discovered as well as the massive wrecked ship. While he is investigating, he is watched by the frenchman I mentioned earlier (Jean Reno). Back in New York, Nick's ex-girlfriend Audrey works at a news station. She wants to be a reporter, but she mostly just serves as the assistant to anchor Charles Caiman (Harry Shearer). She goes out to lunch with two of her co-workers, Lucy and Victor (Hank Azaria). Audrey sees Nick on the news and she recollects their time together.

Trouble begins to brew in the city of New York. An old man fishes on the dock and he gets a bite. And by bite, I mean a massive mutated iguana. The old man runs away slowly as the dock is destroyed behind yet never manages to catch up with him *coughcoughBULLSHITcoughcough*. The massive reptile emerges from the water and begins rampaging through the city, interrupting Mayor Ebert's speech. Victor manages to capture some video of the monster and narrowly escapes being crushed by conveniently standing between the monster's toes when his foot comes down. *coughcoughBULLSHITcoughcough*. After a couple minutes of destruction, the monster somehow disappears without a trace. Once again, *coughcoughBULLSHITcoughcough*. Nick comes up with the idea of using a lot of fish to lure the monster out, seeing as how the beast has an affinity for it. The massive trap is used and Nick, along with soldier O'Neil uncover the manholes so the smell can reach underground. Sure enough, the massive Tyrannosaur like beast emerges and begins feasting on the fish. The military opens fire, causing the monster to retreat.*coughcoughBULLSHITcoughcough*. Fighter helicopters are deployed to hunt him down, but the speedy and agile monster avoids them and even dodges there heat seeking missiles, which instead hit the Chrysler Building. He soon destroys the choppers and once again disappears without a trace. After the attack, Nick meets up with Audrey and the two catch up. They both head back to his tent where Nick conducts some tests on the blood samples of the monster. He deduces that the beast is pregnant. *coughcoughGODDAMNMOTHERFUCKINGBULLSHITcoughcough*. As Nick goes to report this to his superiors, Audrey takes one of the classified video tapes to use in a news story, hoping to have it be her big break.

Audrey films her broadcast with the footage and gives it to the tech guy. She watches as her news story comes up, but finds that Caiman has taken credit for the information and has removed all traces of Audrey from the broadcast. He also mistranslates the name Gojira, giving the creature the name "Godzilla". And I use that term lightly. While Nick tries to explain his theory about there being a nest of eggs, the military watches the news report and become furious, think Nick leaked the footage to the press. He denies, but is kicked off the project. Audrey tries to apologize, but Nick is still angry and dismisses her. As he takes a taxi, he finds that the taxi driver is taking him to a warehouse instead. Inside, the French Secret Service as set up shop. The group is lead by Philippe Roache, the french man from before. He believes Nick;s theory on the eggs and wishes to help. They disguise themselves as American soldiers and they sneak into the subway system where Godzilla is believed to be. The military once again uses the fish trap. Godzilla comes back out, but does not fall for the bait again. He begins to leave, but the army attacks. Godzilla retreats into the Hudon River, where two submarines are prepared to intercept. They manage to seemingly kill Godzilla with two of their missiles and the military thinks their mission a success.

Nick and the French continue to explore the underground, eventually ending up in Madison Square Garden, where they find 200 eggs that were laid by Godzilla. Audrey and Victor are not to far behind them, following secretly. The eggs begin to hatch and the ravenous 9 foot tall babies kill most of the French soldiers Jurassic Park style. Nick and Philippe meet up with Audrey and Victor and the four go to the broadcast room in order to get a message about the babies out. They manage to do son and they are given six minutes before the building is blown up. They manage to escape with a couple seconds remaining. The four think that they are safe, until Godzilla returns and bursts forth from the ruined MSG. *coughcoughBULLSHITcoughcough*. The group run away as Godzilla pursues them. They hop in a cab and get cornered in Park Avenue Tunnel. Nick radios the military and they plan to lure him out to the Brooklyn Bridge. The cab barely makes it out and Godzilla is brought to the bridge where he gets stuck in the suspension wires. The F-18s circle and manage to kill Godzilla with 12 missiles. *coughcoughGODDAMNMOTHERFUCKINGBULLSHITcoughcough*. As Godzilla lays dead, Nick and Audrey rekindle their relationship, udrey quits her job, and Philippe thanks them for their help. However, inside the Garden, one more egg remains that hatches into another baby. *coughcoughBULLSHITcoughcough*.

Reflection: yeah, not a fan of this one if you couldn't tell. All the characters are bland and stereotypical. Nick is your generic nerdy scientist that we;ve seen a million times before. Broderick is really hit or miss for me. I like him in stuff like Ferris Bueller and The Lion King. But even there, he's not perfect. In this film, he's at his worst. Some of his line delivery is just absolutely painful. Audrey is a blonde haired, ditsy, oblivious, New York girl who likes a nerdy scientist. Now why does that sound familiar? Sounds awfully similar to another Audrey I've heard of. Hank Azaria is at least somewhat enjoyable. However, his incredibly forced heavy New York accent is pretty bad and gets distracting. The side characters are all either annoying or just plain forgettable. The only really enjoyable character is Jean Reno as the French guy. He's actually kind of badass.

Now it's time for the monsters. I have one word. BULLSHIT. The interpretation of Godzilla in this movie is down right insulting. Let me put this into perspective. Imagine they make a Superman movie. They decide to make him a girl, give him a Hispanic accent and a bright green suit. And while were at it, get rid of his ability to fly because flight isn't realistic. See the problem? For whatever reason, Godzilla looks nothing like himself in this movie. So much so that you could consider him his own monster, which Toho does. This beast is officially known as Zilla. But back to Zilla, the creators have gone on record saying that the original design was not that good so they felt the need to update it. That's horseshit. Making him look like a generic T-Rex is just insulting. Part of what made Godzilla so unique was his design. Here, he looks like generic Hollywood garbage. They also removed his atomic ray. Why the fuck would you do that? Oh right, they wanted to be realistic. Bullshit. Being realistic does not make it good. You're taking away a core element of a character. It's like Superman without flight, Harry Potter without magic, or Spider-Man without webs. It's jst stupid to remove, especially for the reason given. Then they make him reproduce asexually and lay 200 eggs. Just why? Why do we need that. It was fine the way it is. All right, so we've talked about the re imagining itself, how is the presentation? Godawful. Even by 1998 standards, the CGI look atrocious. The Godzilla suits from the 80s looked more convincing than this computer generated bullshit. Hell, I'd argue the 60s films were more convincing. Wonder why it's raining all the time in this movie? So they can hide him, which doesn't help. Not to mention the CGI is inconsistent and Godzilla's size seems to be constantly changing.

Then there's how they kill him. Godzilla should not be killed with conventional, or even nuclear weapons, ever. The whole point of Godzilla is that he's an destructible force of nature that cannot be stopped. But nope, that's just too un-fucking-realistic. Instead, we get a generic ending that just sucks the American military's dick by having them save the day once again. Give me a break. I mean Jesus Christ, between this and Independence Day, Roland Emmerich must have an obsession with 'Murica greater than Jav's. So yeah, Godzilla going out like a pussy in this movie in just unacceptable.

Then there's the Velocirapt-I mean Baby Zillas. Dear God Emmerich wasn;t even trying. These are literally the Jurassic Park raptors shamelessly ripped off. In some shots, the babies are done in suitmation, and they look decent there. But the CGI for these things is horrible, even worse than the adult.

The music is actually not that bad. The opening tune that plays over the credits is actually really good and the music fits in the other scenes. Though the credits do have an annoying Puff Daddy song that plays. Not my cup of tea.

The worst part of this movie though is how it has changed the fandom. When people think Godzilla, they think of this film, which greatly irritates me. Do you think of the movie Batman and Robin when you hear Batman? Do you think of Spider-Man 3 when you hear Spider-Man, or the live action Airbender film when you think of the series? Of course not, so why should it be the same here? The shear amount who think of this when they hear Godzilla is mindblowing. Do they not know about any of the Japanese films at all. Ugh, it infuriates me,

In conclusion, this film is awful. If you don;t look at it as a Godzilla movie, it's a forgettable monster flick that can be skipped. But since it calls itself Godzilla, I need to adress it as such. In that case, this is the absolyute worst way to represent Godzilla. Even Megalon was more enjoyable than this. to put it in perspective once again, think of it like Shayamalan's The Last Airbender, but for Godzilla.

Final Score: 1/5
 
I had the remote control Godzilla figure. That thing was awesome.
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