Lord Bowser plays M&L: BIS - Part 2

[Lord Bowser]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

Spoiler: recovering from the breakdown last part

I like how they tried to be hip by calling it "Mario's Pad" instead of just "Mario's House" lol

why does a sword need teeth and eyes...?

oh that's why

wait my last name is smith... I have my own gang now? aw guys you shouldn't have <3

0 to 100 real quick

but... my nose isn't that big... is it...?

oh my god I'm hideous
don't look at me

wait wtf
how was he able to do that
he has no arms or legs
all he did was just rapidly open and close his mouth

bowser shaped the hill that his castle (or keep, as the game calls it) is on in the form of his head... and I thought people who take too many selfies were narcissists

oh my god it's that bitch toad from last time
what the fuck dude you're breaking and entering
now I really have an excuse to beat the shit out of you

two things, actually; I forgot to lock my door and I forgot to euthanize you

"this sword came down on bowser's castle keep and said I have my own gang. I put a hit out on you while I was there."

"it went like this"

...actually if the bridge is out bowser won't be able to attack by land anymore. for once, this little dickbag is right

...only to be a dumbass and snitch to this new chancellor. apparently we need to have open borders with the guys who constantly invade us

bitch watch where you're going

"you can waste my time."
"you can break into my house"
"you can even make me think homocidal thoughts."
"but you CANNOT mess with my HP level."
"you will pay for upsetting the great Super Mario."

ooh free stuff omg I love you let's be best friends forever <3

"of course I know how to eat stuff you little dipshit but I still love you <3"

"yeah sure thanks now gimme some more stuff BFF <3"

"what is it? did you buy me more stuff? <3?"

oh. cue soul-crushing disappointment again. </3

"why don't you try being independent for once instead of relying on me for everything? isn't that what they teach you in school?"

"oh wait you're too busy learning about mitochondria and sentence diagramming and SOHCAHTOA to learn about actually important, relevant things"

"I don’t, but I don’t want your help, so..."

"...yeah."

goombas bark now? ok

yeah I know you said that already...

I know... we agreed to that at my house like a minute ago...

"so you mean to tell me that you ran back here, made my HP drop, and brought with you some uncouth thug, just to tell me shit that I already know."

"get over here dickface. you're getting what's coming to you right now."

"oh no no no. nothing you give me will change-"

"Mr. Toad, will you make me the happiest man in the Mushroom Kingdom, and take my hand in marriage?"

 

[freakworld]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

You're actually doing it you madman

 

[DragonFreak]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

Man that roller coaster ride of emotions with that toad. Couldn't tear my eyes away.

 

[Lord Bowser]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

Spoiler: the moment you've all been waiting for

can't we go to mushroom boulevard or mushroom drive?

aw these guys aren't even paying attention to me, they're just running away

too bad. I must satisfy my sadistic side

yay my first EXP ^^

oh look an overweight paratroopa

...or "sky troopa". why does this game change the names of everything?

eh who cares. thanks for the coin bitch

I like how ? blocks look like treasure chests here lol

it seems like this goomba and toad are having a political discussion. I'll just step in

SUPER MARIO 2016
MAKE THE MUSHROOM KINGDOM GREAT AGAIN

these in-battle bonuses are a nice touch

bruh it was two goombas
and it looked like you were just on the losing end of a political debate
stop being a little bitch, little bitch

wait what the hell
what does this do
how do I use it

and he runs away without explaining. so helpful

yay I leveled up

this screen reminds me a lot of yoshi's island

in retrospect I feel like I should've went with the star bonus

there's a goomba spinning on a flower

I don’t know why, but I need this.

my flower, fuckface

oh no a paratroopa sky troopa took that same toad hostage... again

ok toad, please know that I only saved you because you still haven't explained to me what the fuck this honey syrup does

an explanation?

nope just another mystery item. and the douche ran away again. fml

...are those supposed to be spinies? ew

oh wait nope. the game calls them "spikeys". yay more arbitrary name changes

oh hi LTQ

oh shit

shit shit shit

shitshitshitshitshit

shitshitShitShitSHITSHIT SHIIIIIIIIIIT

NO NO STOP PLEASE AGH

OH GOD NOT HAMMER TIME

SIRNDKSNRKALAMWFNDKSLWFJD AHHHHHHHHHHHH

WAIT THAT ONLY DID 8 DAMAGE...

Wait what...

what the...

...

...well. that was anti-climactic.

oh what
oh yeah... yeah that's cool...
("why the fuck was this boss hard for me before?!")

oh surely not from the unbelieveably anti-climactic hammer bros that were just here a few seconds ago

you JUST said it was a hammer what the fuck

well I mean it was theirs so that isn't very surprising.

can I whomp you with it then?

I guess this is as good a time as ever to do my link impression. dun-dun-da-DUNNNNNNNNNN

where did I store it...?

yeah yeah yeah hold your horses dude

 

[Lord Bowser]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

Spoiler: mario's glorious acting skills

ok time to head over here and snitch to the chancellor

ironically, toad town looks more modern here than in future games

OH MY GOD I CAN FINALLY STAND ON TOP OF CHARACTERS YAY

oh shit what-

SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH

yeah I stole it for drug money. gonna use it to buy me some gbatoad

this happens like every other week. not sure why this is so surprising to you

gotta go fast

oh

um

ok

you mean a lady who's too stupid to learn how to defend herself after getting kidnapped a thousand times? you have very low standards then

I'm sure everyone feels much safer after hearing this

let's go stroll around and see what's what

first stop, the

and here's our first relatable character, folks

ooh and our second

ok, next it's time for the-

no need to finish my sentences, game

who tf is frogfucius...?

ok enough tourism. let's go to the castle now

don't you think I know that

the less time I have to be with you, the better

yeah I know I'm amazing. hold your fangasms

...considering spores are what fungi use to reproduce, I REALLY didn't want to know about that...

again, does it look like I know

no it was wart this time

let me show you how it went down

"RAWR RAWR RAWRRAWR"

"ROOOOAAAARRRR"

"oh wah no help"

...stop fucking talking about your spores

actuallly, funny story...

"Yes! I, the great Super Mario, will bravely vanquish this monstrous heathen!"

ROOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooar...

"oh why thank you ever so much, great Super Mario! I knew I could count on a big, strong, sexy man like you!"

"Oh heavens! It seems I, the great Super Mario, have lost my balance! I'm falling!"

"The great Super Mario is perfectly fine, for no fall can possibly down him and all of his glory!"

"What is this sword that falls before the eyes of the great Super Mario?"

"Oh heavens! The sword has destroyed the bridge to Bowser's Keep! Well, it's time for the great Super Mario to save the day once again!"

according to mr. sword thingy, it's my own gang

alright fine. another average tuesday it seems

also, I'm looking for any constructive feedback regarding my LP so far. anything you guys really like, want to see more/less of, and what you want me to change? thanks in advance

 

[DragonFreak]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

I think it's good so far ^^

Although rip you 100% the game by getting all the hidden chests. There very first one was hidden in a way where you had one chance to get it and will never allow you the opportunity to get it again.

 

[Lin Beifong]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

I'd say maybe dial down the irateness a bit, as hypocritical as that may sound coming from me.

What I mean is: reserve being angry for when the game actually makes you angry. Like, your outburst towards Toad seemed kind of forced to me. Snarking back when characters give you lip is fine and entertaining, but I didn't really understand what the guy did to set you off that much, to the point where you keep calling him a bitch, a whore, and so on.

 

[Lord Bowser]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

I'd say maybe dial down the irateness a bit, as hypocritical as that may sound coming from me.

What I mean is: reserve being angry for when the game actually makes you angry. Like, your outburst towards Toad seemed kind of forced to me. Snarking back when characters give you lip is fine and entertaining, but I didn't really understand what the guy did to set you off that much, to the point where you keep calling him a bitch, a whore, and so on.

he didn't set me off very much at all
I was more just trying to portray mario as having anger issues or being triggered easily, but if you think I'm overdoing it I can dial it down a bit. thanks!

 

[Lord Bowser]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

Spoiler: we meet the overemotional flasher

alright, let's get out there and make a difference! SUPER MARIO, AWA-

ugh what

forgot you needed to drop another line about your spores?

oh ok, this is actually useful for me. thanks bro

anyway, as I was saying, SUPER MARIO, AWA-

oh my god

and why did you think that that was important enough to interrupt my dramatic exit?

ok whatever you say mr. spore man

ugh what now?!

oh nvm. that's a fabulous-looking dinosaur

omg it's the adorable flasher! <3

I wonder what he wants the dinosaur for

ooh ouch

somehow I can just tell he's fighting really hard to hold back tears

why is he using reptile as an insult? I mean, he's literally a reptile, so he shouldn't get offended by it... that's like saying "ugh, DF, she's such a dragon"

oh yup I was right

um how about keep looking for the dinosaur...?

wow ok. tantrum of the century right here

ok, time to play counselor I guess...

but first let me stand on your adorable little head <3

that's what she said

you're way too sensitive and have short-term memory loss?

NO. THAT IS AS MUCH A CROCODILE AS YOU ARE A FROG. IT IS A DINOSAUR.

he must be one of sonic's relatives then

I don't know how this is relevant to the current situation but sure. anything to show off my sex appeal

all I did was jump...

thanks?

wait what

=

?!

I dunno... I'm kinda thrown off by you saying you're a frog...

yeah sorry I don’t see this working out...

my mind is made up.

jesus you're persistent

NO

well neither did edo

oh great another tantrum

look who's talking...

nope. you aren’t guilt-tripping me bro

oh my god...

mallow. please know I'm only doing this because the kingdom will flood if your tantrum goes on any longer.

see even the game agrees with me

 

[Lord Bowser]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

Spoiler: fffffffffff

before we go to the cellar in the-

YES THANK YOU GAME

anyway this toad wants us for something

do tell, good man

maybe specify who he is first

see if mario is able to transform into various characters at will here, why doesn't he just transform into a big-ass dragon, torch bowser and that sword thingy, and rescue peach already? that would definitely save us a lot of time.

the resemblance is uncanny

ok I actually laughed out loud here lmao

mallow take a joke sheesh

who's the one saying that actually? I haven't seen them yet

which is ironic since toad was the fastest character in SMB2 and SM3DW

ok ok say it don't spray it

again I'm sure a lot of people feel reassured by this

ok let's go down here

um, excuse me, but only one person does the ordering around here, and that's me, Super Mario

stop trying to be the dominant one

oh hello

(this must've been what DF mentioned earlier. but looking for invisible blocks? thanks, but... no)

ok thanks grandma

finally we get to leave toad town

hey there fabulous dinosaur crocodile dinosaur (it looks like a dinosaur to me, therefore it is)

oh shit croco be spittin straight fire yo
I'm sorry

oh great a chase scene. fun...

ok it's time to debut mallow's battle skills

lol his arms

these two just ripping off of ness
his peace sign is the best

bitch, this is Super Mario you're talking to. I can jump ahead of you in my sleep.

yeah, run away you coward

let's go jump after this fool-

...and I missed and got in a fight with some coked-out kremlings. yay

alright mallow, flash these druggies!

good work my man

aw you even got me to level up <3

ooh I wonder what this does

ok enough fun. we need to chase after that flamboyant dino

and he said I couldn't jump. haha

OMG A BRITISH SWEAR WORD THIS GAME MUST BE RATED M I CAN'T TAKE IT

yay mallow leveled up too

I wonder how rainfall restores HP...

get back here, you fabulous evil-doer!

he seems to be infatuated by the treasure chest

it is for me though

ok so after this, I got into a battle with some more coked-out kremlings. let's just say...

it, uh...

it didn't go very well.

so I have to redo all of what just happened. fuck this game

 

[DragonFreak]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

Wow I'm such a dragon (good update)

And yes that's what I meant about the hidden treasures. There's 100 of them and it's so darn hard to get them all. Not to mention that you couldn't get them all at this point even if you wanted to because you missed one of them already that cannot be retried.

I do recommend after you're done playing this game to look up a video of all the hidden treasure chests and witness the BS of them.

Edit: There's actually only 39. Huh.

 

[Lord Bowser]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

Wow I'm such a dragon (good update)

And yes that's what I meant about the hidden treasures. There's 100 of them and it's so darn hard to get them all. Not to mention that you couldn't get them all at this point even if you wanted to because you missed one of them already that cannot be retried.

I do recommend after you're done playing this game to look up a video of all the hidden treasure chests and witness the BS of them.

lol I'll be sure to
where was the one I missed, and what did it have?

 

[Lin Beifong]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

you're way too sensitive and have short-term memory loss?

To be fair, you just bonked him in the head with your shoes when you jumped on him.

 

[Lord Bowser]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

you're way too sensitive and have short-term memory loss?

To be fair, you just bonked him in the head with your shoes when you jumped on him.

Super Mario denies all claims.

Spoiler: let's go burn a dinosaur alive!

while heading back to where I died, I stumbled across one of the hidden treasures

I got a kerokero cola, which restores everyone’s HP fully. pretty good find

also I found out that the chest that the flashy dino was eyeing had a star inside it... which I could've used to zoom past all of the coked-out kremlings... haha...

YOU ALL MUST PAY FOR YOUR CRIMES

we finally caught up with the sassy bastard

oh please no

great. I actually need to sneak up behind the guy and start a conversation, all while he's running around everywhere. thanks to the not so great controls on my emulator, this took a lot longer than expected.

pumpkins are immobile...

I would just stop trying to look for you after 10 minutes. 100 years? fuck that

mario just had to stop and think to himself a bit here.

"what am I doing with my life? I'm teamed up with a crybaby marshmallow cloud cotton ball thing, who claims he's a frog, trying to catch this weird but admittedly fabulous-looking klepto dinosaur, which everyone else claims is a crocodile, all just to get back some stupid coin. I should have just stayed a plumber..."

oh yes 50 years is much more reasonable

it got old before it even started. it's prehistoric now.

Mallow: "ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT"

finally. thank you

...

ooh yay we get to beat this guy up now

good a time as ever to debut fire orb

BURN BITCH BURN

...

ahem.

croco doesn’t respond much to mallow flashing him. maybe he low-key likes it...?

oh shit he's bombing us now

three minutes of battle later...

sounds like rochelle from everybody hates chris

why not hearts, diamonds, or clubs?

hooray...

mallow's link impression. meh, mine's way better

surprised this guy didn't give us more coins, considering he's a thief and all

aw sweet more gbatoad money. tonight gon be littttt afff
I'm sorry... again

I'll go if it's a pawn shop

and suddenly, a spring JUMPS out of nowhere!

ha! get it?!

cause... cause it's a spring!... and it jumped!...

...

yeah...

let's just go to the kingdom...

 

[Lord Bowser]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

Spoiler: SHIZAHHH

time to go back to hell- I mean my most favorite place ever

what the fuck...?

ok well it seems shy guys on pogo-sticks have taken over the town. this was definitely not inspired by earthbound

oh I'm sorry; they're called shizers shysters, not shy guys. another arbitrary name change...

you know what? no. I like shizer better than shyster. as of now, they are called shizers.

anyway, shizers have annoyingly high defense (mallow legit only does 2 damage to them), and have an attack called drain that for some reason is really hard for me to block.

at least these shizers had the decency to level me up

honestly I don’t think you should keep standing watch. I mean, it seems like the shizers all invaded while you were supposedly watching the town, so you don't seem all that reliable...

hopefully your letter of resignation

oh ok that works too

no need to cower in fear, citizen. it is only the bravest and noblest of them all, the great Super Mario.

no thanks I'll just take all your shit

it's called capitalism.

"no thanks I'll just take all your shit"

I saved another toad from the hands of an evil shizer.

of course. it was only the great Super Mario's heroic duty.

aw hell no

that's MY drug money you bastard

no u

they forgot the accent in "José"

(you know if all he wants is the physical wallet, then I can just take the money and run...)

ok sure dude here's your wallet back!

aw thanks babe

inside the nearby house...

the shizer battles got old fast... and I had to do this like 20 times

let's go check the inn, need a rest anyways

um ok
good luck I guess

my response;

this toad is my absolute favorite character in the game, possibly even the whole series

so it looks like all of the shizers are coming from the castle. let's go inside and investigate

oh look a cliché scooby-doo chase scene

I walked into what looks like a gangbang between two shizers and a toad...

that means no one is guarding the vault right now, right?

time for me to make a steal

HALLELUJAH

ok now let's save the guard

wow and I thought I was the greedy one

oh, just dumping your trash off on me? I am not taking any of your crap-

oh hello

oh yeah yeah of course not...

look a wannabe KKK meeting. again, totally not inspired by earthbound

most are just cowering indoors

ahem

how about I beat all of you guys up instead?

that's Mr. Pal to you, pal.

no. I'm the only one who gets to jump on people's heads, bitch.

get on my level

...is that a floating toad cap? creepy

oh look it's mr sword guy's little brother

Mack is such a weird name in general, let alone for a sword. lol

guys? mario is the only one visible...

alright guys settle down, you'll all each get your turn to be spanked

YOU DARE CALL MY MUSTACHE UGLY?!

OH, IT'S ON, BITCH!

also am I correct to assume that mack is our first legit boss, not a miniboss like croco and the hammer bros?

 

[Magikrazy]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

yes, mack is the first proper boss

 

[Lord Bowser]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

yes, mack is the first proper boss

oh goody

I might do something special and record the fight (you'll all get to hear my voice too)

 

[Lord Bowser]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

Spoiler: sorry I took so long

 

[DragonFreak]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

And I will never look at Mallow's moves the same way again.

 

[Xandalf]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

This is really cool! I'll definitely be keeping up-to-date with this. Your commentary is hilarious.

Also

see if mario is able to transform into various characters at will here, why doesn't he just transform into a big-ass dragon, torch bowser and that sword thingy, and rescue peach already? that would definitely save us a lot of time.

sigged

 

[Lord Bowser]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

This is really cool! I'll definitely be keeping up-to-date with this. Your commentary is hilarious.

Also

see if mario is able to transform into various characters at will here, why doesn't he just transform into a big-ass dragon, torch bowser and that sword thingy, and rescue peach already? that would definitely save us a lot of time.

sigged

I was heavily inspired by Edo's playthrough of SPM, so if you liked this, you'll love that.

 

[Lord Bowser]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

Spoiler: trying to fight off mallow's advances

now that mack is dead, let's check up on that toad

btw it took me longer than I'd like to admit to realize that he was cowering in the corner, not floating in the air like I thought...

yes yes I know I'm awesome and all that, no need to thank me, the great Super Mario...

...

oh who am I kidding go on <3

beats me. all I did was give them a funny nickname

you really do. I accept cash, credit, checks, or money orders.

yeah it must suck not having someone to tell more spore jokes to

I swear if you tell me you lost the coin...

I barely met you, why are you introducing me to your fam-

oh my god he wants me to date him

that's... actually a good question. who are you and why are you here, mallow?

just stop playing the frog thing. no one believes you.

; who said we were friends?

; We could be even more than friends if you wanted, Mario.

; please no

I wonder what would happen if toadstool gets kidnapped while I'm in the hospital or on vacation or something then...

not with that attitude I won't. don't bite the hand that feeds you, spore man.

again, I accept cash, credit, checks, or money orders.

mallow stop I don’t want to date you

because the game developers wanted you to. don't question their reasoning.

you just did, boy. keep up.

it arose from behind the throne after he was defeated, so the logical response is that WALUIGI IS BEHIND ALL OF IT

WAAAAAAAAA

if I was any good at photoshop, I'd put a blunt in between mario's fingers

now I'm really tempted to let everyone down

so I never actually went in here while the shizers were invading

let's go check it out

inside we find... toadstool's room

PANTY RAID TIME

oh wait a toad is here. ugh

I know. it sucks for me cause now he has to rebound all of his spore jokes off of me instead of her. ;-;

I love how the bed is so bouncy lol

ok enough fun. need to get serious.

; You really mean it, Mario? You're ready for a committed relationship?

; ...just get away from me you creep

; I love it when you play hard to get.

; well I guess this is the price I gotta pay for being so damn sexy

heading back to the store, to tell the shop owner we found the coin

believe me man I am way more worried than you were

; for real dude, don't lose this again or I will ditch you immediately

; Oh yes, daddy.

; please don't

wtf
we risked our lives for that goddamn coin and all we get in return is a cricket pie?!

oh yay...

ooh fancy new map

gee that sounds real safe...

wait what

I have to go down into a dark sewer with someone who's obsessed with me...?

oh dear god

well...

I have no other choice it seems...

*gulp*

super mario... away...

*disclaimer - I'm not trying to be homophobic with my portrayal of mallow in this part. I just found it funny and would have still done it regardless of his gender. I'm bi myself too; it's only something I thought would be funny, and not an attack on anyone in the LGBT community.

 

[Magikrazy]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

he wants to take you to meet his grand dad

tadpole pond confirmed to be in bedrock

 

[Lord Bowser]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (mostly blind - lots of pics)

he wants to take you to meet his grand dad

tadpole pond confirmed to be in bedrock

thanks for the new sig

 

[Lord Bowser]

Re: Let's Play SMRPG (cancelled)

update on the LP

I'm gonna have to cancel this completely, mostly because I've lost motivation to play, since this game is honestly really boring. I might restart this later if a lot of people want me to, but for now, consider this dead.

thanks for the support, and it was fun while it lasted.