Hello all! It's BPK497 again with my one and only Userpedia award of the night! And that award is Favorite User Design!!! And let me just tell you that there is a major upset. And now... Onto the results!! In third place, is Beanbean! With 14 votes! That's 16%!
In second place... Walkazo, or as I like to call her, stupid Super Sysop Girl. With 18 votes! That's 21%!
And, in first place is... Edofenrir! With 26 votes! That's 30%!
Congrats to all the winners! For a full list see below, and see you next time!
Hopefully, he meant nothing rude with it and just meant to be funny. But still, things like that shouldn't be said (and considering the fact that Walkazo is a very intelligent young adult, I'd like to say that it is a very inaccurate assessment on his part as well).
Xpk: Heh, funny. I never noticed that.
(Drunk off his ass) Uniju: Noticed wat?
Xpk: That-wait, have you been drinking? I didnt even know you could drink. How do you eat anyway, arent you a robot?
Uniju: I dont know! Now teel me wats so funy!
(After that, he grabbed me by the neck and started to strangle me, after that he left. Funny, he doesnt have fingers. And we didnt even have alcohol backstage. Oh well.)
Xpk: What was that all about?
Tabuu: Hey Xpike, come over here!
I went where he was, painting the set. Poor bastard, forced community work for illegal drug possession. I guess its better than 1 and a half year in jail. Come to think about it, I know where Uniju got it.
Xpike: Hey Tabuu, whats-
Tabuu: Im not Tabuu dammit, Im Paint It, Black! Yknow, like the song!
Xpike: Whatever. So what was that you wanted to talk about?
PIB: Can you lend me your PSP and Peace Walker? I really want to play it.
Xpike: Sorry, it isnt here. Well, bye.
And so I left without making eye contact, thinking how stupid Paint It Black sounds as a name.
Just then, I had to present U2 (get it?), the best user rename, so I went on stage and read the results. Shocking and stupid results that the poo-flingling monkey predicted.
Favorite Rename of a User [82 votes] Paint It Black 22 (27%) D 17 (24%)
Katana 14 (17%)
Marcelagus - 13 (15%)
My Bloody Valentine - 8 (9.7%)
Just then, I knew it. I knew the world was fucking crazy. And even if Paint It Black is a stupid name, how come My Bloody Valentine came in 5th WHEN THEYRE BOTH MUSICAL REFERENCES. I was shocked. So I lend my PSP to Tabuu for some beer and drank it all in one sip. (Dont ask me how) And that is my story for this years anniversary. One filled with sorrow and laziness. And now if you excuse me, Im going to be in the bathroom throwing up.
It was a bright, sunny day in the Super Mario Wiki. And like on all bright sunny days, Uniju was fast asleep with his face down on his desk, as his computer beeped and flashed trying to notify him that all his pirated media had finished downloading while he slept. However, he was not to wake up for another nine or ten hours lest he be awakened by some guise of outsider who had broken into his house.
In fact, that was exactly what happened next. On the tap of his shoulder, Uniju immediately flew up from his seet screaming certain partially unintelligible words that are best left out of any sort of transcription of the events. "Uniju, calm down! It's just me, your friend!" responded a completely unfamiliar voice from behind, as Uniju grabbed around for his glasses before realizing he had decided that glasses were part of a corporate optometrist conspiracy. That was close too, he had nearly fallen into their trap.
However, he was still completely unable to visually identify the individual who had awoken him, and as such could not figure out whether he was to respond with anger be it most anyone, or with a slight degree of polite displeasantry had his old maid finally realized that he was the only individual or organization that would hire her for any services she was willing to provide. However, it took only a few more "Hey Uniju, don't you recognize me?"s and a few sips of a nearby vintage Coca-Cola bottle that he had filled with a sickly mix of Coffee, Green Tea and Red Bull to figure out that the voice was clearly coming from a male, and as such he found anger to be the obvious appropriate response.
"What are you doing in my house?! Who are you?!" Uniju began to scream, before being quickly cut off by the rather talkative guest. "It's me, Ralphfan! I'm here to talk about the MarioWiki Anniversary Awards!". Uniju found it difficult to piece together how Ralphfan partained to such matters, but soon remembered that after he had driven Wayoshi to insanity whilst presenting at last year's awards ceremony, Wayoshi decided never to return to the Super Mario Wiki for anything no matter how important. And so, the position of awards host was given to whoever still actually cared about them, and the first one to run was Ralphfan. Directly afterwards, anyone who thought they would run saw that Ralphfan was the most favored candidate and as such lost complete interest in the awards, leading to Ralphfan's victory.
Uniju was still a bit confused, though. "The awards? Do they have anything to do with me?" he asked still sloppily attempting to act as if he was completely awake despite hardly being able to hold his head from again falling to his desk. "What are you talking about, Uniju?! You signed up for the presentations, they're due tomorrow!". Uniju was instantly awoken fully by this statement, remembering that he had in fact signed up to present three awards, and when asked to present four accidentally signed up for five so he had to sign off one! But none of that mattered anymore, because he hadn't put any work whatever into them because he had all but forgot that the awards ceremony even still existed.
"I'll think of something".
That's what I had stated and somehow convinced Ralphfan of at the time, but now that I'm standing on the stage in front of an actually relatively small number of people but still too many to bother counting, I really don't have anything I can do or say. I've just wasted quite a bit of my space in this script summing up something that had taken place over the course of about a minute, so I've begun to doubt my ability to sum up anything of interest, especially something that takes place over a long enough period to be called a presentation in any reasonable amount of words. Needless to say however, I must at least make some funny comments about the positions of the candidates.
"Well, everyone I don't have much time, so I'm going to get right to it. I should keep it short and sweet, right? That's what people like these days." Without saying much more than that, I grabbed a small envelope titled clearly and boldly "WORST LOSER" off the podium. Without taking all that much time thinking about how whoever wrote the title forgot what a capital R looks like on the first half but had remember by the second, I cut ripped the envelope open and pulled out a small credit-card sized piece of paper that could have just as easily fit into my wallet instead of the full-sized envelope and read it the single, short line it that was written on it. "Some stupid site that got last place anyway, so you guys probably don't even care about it! On to the next one..." was what I said, of course because the card read out "Uniju.com", which was needless to say my own website and I didn't want people to think I'm some kind of loser.
I looked where the envelope that held that sad truth once was, and I found not an envelope that said something along the lines of "Second to worst loser", but one that said rather longly "All of the ones that are not the worst or best place". Finding it a bit like they were trying to taunt me by not simply having "1st Place" and "Runner Ups" envelopes, I opened this second envelope and simply read it aloud to the audience. "LinkJorge.net in sixth with seven votes, Animal Crossing Wiki in fifth with thirteen votes, UnMario Wiki in fourth with fifteen votes, Fantendo in third with sixteen votes, Userpedia in second with 16 votes...". The audience all seemed to have about the same response as me, thinking things along the lines of "What's even on any of those sites anymore?". However, I realized something terrible once I had finished reciting that list.
I began to tremble as I slowly reached for the last envelope, and as I picked it up and read the title "Most Best Winner Ever", I realized there was absolutely nothing that could possibly be inside it than what I thought was inside it. I tore the envelope open and read it's contents aloud with a stutter brought on by my rage and sadness, "Th-th-the Xeph... Xephyr Board.". That's right, my website, a database of what I could perceive as nothing short of genius parody and the comedy that defined our times had come in last, but a message board so shallow and closed-minded that they had banned me from ever even viewing the site again for something that was not even against the rules had come in first place. As I fell to the floor, hardly noticing even the immense applause from the audience, I heard only Stooben Rooben's laughter coming from the center of the second-to-front row, no matter how soft it was in comparison to the great roars of the rest of the crowd. I realized at that moment that no matter what they called it, the ceremony really was nothing more than a popularity contest, a horrible mutant that once embodied the great democratic system, a slave to the shallow and unintelligent masses that made up our society.
Lost in my own one-sided tribal feud with Stooben Rooben and those who did not hate him as I did, I silently swore to myself that I would do anything within my capabilities to use my next three award presentations to ruin the entire ceremony.